Cinga okanye ungacingi ngenye ibhinqa elingama-45 ubudala, ngubani onomntu, kodwa kungekho bantwana?
Ibhinqa elingafuni ngamabomu ukuba nabantwana abangamashumi amahlanu okanye kwiminyaka engamashumi amabini edlulileyo liphendukele ngokugqithiseleyo. Kwaye, inyaniso, ukuxinzelelwa kutshanje kwabanxulumani kuye kwaphoqeleka abaninzi abantu besetyhini, bengathandabuzeki ngokukwazi ukuvalelwa ngumama ukuba baphenduke kubomama abangonwabileyo.
Ngethuba lethu, lo xinzelelo aluzange luphele, kodwa luya kuba lucala. Umama uqala ukubonakala ngathi ukhetho lwabafazi bonke, kungekhona umsebenzi wakhe ongcwele. Inani elincinci labasetyhini abagqibayo ukuba bangabantwana abasayi kubhekana nokugwetywa kwanjengaphambili kwaye kwiimeko ezininzi banokuthembela kuncedo. Igama elibi "elingenamntwana" litshintshwa ngokuthe ngcembe ngokuthi "likhululekile kubantwana". Le ngcaciso ichanekile ngakumbi kunokuba abafazi baxhomekeke njani kwindlela abaphila ngayo.
Abasetyhini bazisombulula njani ingxaki yobomi bentombi xa bekhulile?
Iingcali zengqondo ezazixoxwa ngabasetyhini abahlala bengabantwana zifumanise ukuba abaninzi babo babalungile kubantwana kwaye bayabathanda, kodwa bayazixabisa ezinye iinkalo zobomi ngokubanzi kwimisebenzi yabo okanye ukuthetha kunye nabahlobo nabahlobo. La maphathi adlala indima ebalulekileyo ebomini babo. Abafazi abanjalo baxabisa ubudlelwane obulinganayo kwaye besaba ukuba ngoku kuza kwaba bantwana oku kuza kupheliswa. Baphinde baxabise inkululeko yabo, kwaye loo ndlela yobomi iya kubavumela ukuba benze izigqibo ngokukhawuleza, ithuba lokubandakanya ubuchule. Bakholelwa ukuba abanakuphumelela kwenye indawo yobomi. Ngokukodwa, ezinye iimvavanyo zibonise ukuba abafazi abangenawo abantwana bahlala befundiswa kakuhle kwaye babonisa umdla omkhulu kumsebenzi wabo. Bafumana impumelelo enkulu kuyo kwaye bakholelwa ukuba unina awunako ukwaneliseka okunjalo. Abasetyhini abaninzi bakholelwa ukuba umsebenzi awuhambisani nabantwana, ukuba nangomtshato ofanayo, abantwana baya kuhlala bexanduva lwabesetyhini.
Hlola-nokuba indawo kwindawo yokuzimelela yowesifazane kwisicatshulwa sakho isetyenziswe.
Ingcali yezengqondo iza kukunceda ekwenzeni isigqibo ngesigqibo. Ngokukodwa, ukuba unobungakanani beengxabano ezingaphendululwanga, kwaye ungacingi ngokwaneleyo ukuba yintoni ukubeleka. Inxalenye yabasetyhini inengcamango engafanelekanga yokuba inkqubo yokukhulisa nokunyamekela ibonisa ukubuyiselwa kwayo yonke into kwaye ayifumani nto ngokubuyisela. Enye inxalenye yokwesaba inkqubo yokuzala. Phakathi kwabo kukho abo babesemncinci bamele banakekele oodade abancinane kunye nabazalwana babo, okanye izihlobo ezigulayo, kwaye ngoku bacinga ukuba baya kukwanela. Kubuhlungu gqitha ukuba unqumle ukungabi nomntwana owamkelayo phantsi kwefuthe leengxaki zokugula kwengqondo. Kwimeko xa ungaqapheli kwesi sizathu, kunokukuphulaphula, ukuba akusiyo yonke into, ibe yingxenye ebalulekileyo yobomi. Amantombazana amancinci ayanyanzelekile ukuba athatyathwe ngumntu oye walahlwa ngumntwana, ngoku sele ekhulile, azinokuzithiba. Ukujongana neengxaki zolu hlobo ziya kunceda inkqubo yokonyango. Nangona ungatshintshi isigqibo sakho, kuya kuba nokulinganisela ngakumbi kunye nokuqonda.
Bandezeleka ngesigqibo ukuya kwiminyaka engamashumi amathathu
Inzalo kufuneka ihlehliswe kwiminyaka engamashumi amathathu, ukuze ukuba ngokukhawuleza ufuna ukuba nomntwana angalimi izilwanyana zakho. Akuqhelekanga ukuba izigqibo ezenziweyo malunga nokuba iminyaka engamashumi amabini emva koko ziqala ukubonakala zingalunganga kuwe. Kuyavuma, kuya kuba nzima kakhulu ukuba ungabonakali ubuncinane kuwe "inkunzi emhlophe" kwisibhambathiso sabasetyhini abanabantwana, kwaye abanye abanalo. Kwaye akusibo kuphela abahlobo besikolo, kodwa nabo basebenzisana nabo emsebenzini, kwaye nje isangqa soqhagamshelwano lwakho. Ngokwalo, le ntliziyo inokuthelekiswa nemeko apho wonke umntu ejikeleze emtshatweni, kwaye wena wedwa njengomnwe. Kwaye makube ngcono ngakumbi kwaye ukhululeke ukuhlala, kodwa sisona sizive sihlaziyekile xa siqala ukuphuma kwipakethi.