Akunabani na owaziyo impendulo ngqo kumbuzo malunga nemfundo yomntwana okhethekileyo. Inyaniso kukuba akukho nto "ayikho" impendulo. Umzali ngamnye uvakalelwa ekhaya ukuba angenza njani kule nto okanye kuloo meko. Kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu ukuqonda ngokuchanekileyo imeko yomntwana wakho, ukulandelela iimpawu, ukuqaphela ukuphucula kwimeko. Oku kufuna ulwazi. Ukunxibelelana nezinye iindwendwe ezithobayo kwimeko efanayo, nazo, aziyi kuba ngongqonge. Emva koko, kulula ukufunda oko kufuneke kuqondwe, isigqibo esingenasigqibo. Kodwa, kunjalo, into ephambili kukuba ufunde ukuqonda nokuthanda umntwana. Oku kunako kwaye kufuneka kufundwe bonke ubomi bam. Eli nqaku libonisa i-diary yokungena kootitshala nabazali, ukutyhilwa kwabafundi kunye nokucinga kweengcali, kubandakanywa nezo sayensi engakwazi ukunikela ngayo iimpendulo. Makhe sithethe ngesihloko esinzima - umntwana okhethekileyo: ukukhuliswa kwabantwana abaneziphene zophuhliso.
Umntu ongenakukhunjulwa kukuba umntwana kufuneka ancedwe kakhulu kusasa. Ngoku sele kukwaziwa ukuba ukunakekela umntwana kuqala ngaphambi kokuzalwa kwakhe. Kubalulekile kwaye ukondla kakuhle komama, kunye nemvakalelo yakhe emihle, kunye nomoya wokhuseleko kunye nokuzithemba kwikamva. Xa utshata, wonke umntu uphupha uthando. Kodwa umtshato uphinde uxanduva olukhulu kuluntu nakuzo. Emtshatweni, ubomi besithathu buzalwa, obuncike kakhulu ekuqondeni kwabazali uxanduva kunye nokwazi ukuzakhela kakuhle ukuziphatha kwabo.
... Umntwana wazalwa. Wabonisa ukuphambuka. Kakade ke, sidinga ukubonisana ngokufanelekileyo nogqirha, utitshala, intlanganiso kunye nabazali abanomntwana ofanayo. Kubalulekile ukuba ungalahlekanga kwaye ungayifaki imilinganiselo yonke yomthwalo wempilo yengane kwabanye. Uncedo lwabazali lukhulu kakhulu, kuba ligcina umntwana, lichitha ixesha elininzi kunye naye. Oku kukuvumela ukwazi nokugcina oko iingcali ezingenazo ziyimpumelelo.
Ukusuka kwinto eshiwo, isiluleko sokuqala silandelayo: qaphela umntwana, hlalutye kwaye uqaphele oko akuthandayo, kwaye zeziphi izizathu ezililayo, ukukhusela, ukukhanyela. Yiba nomntwana ngokubanzi: yiva kwaye uqonde. Ngamanye amaxesha abazali banokuxelela ugqirha kunye notitshala kunokuba baxelele abazali babo. Sifanele sikholwe kuthi, qaphela umsebenzi wethu kwaye ulandele ngokungcwele. Ngamanye amaxesha umama uyazi ngakumbi ugqirha, utsho uY.Korchak encwadini ethi "Indlela Yokuthanda Umntwana." Umama akazange alethe umntwana oneminyaka emibili enesikhalazo sokuba wayekhala, udla ngokuvuswa ebusuku. Ugqirha wahlola umntwana kabini, kodwa akafumananga nantoni na. Kuthatyathwa izifo ezahlukahlukeneyo: umqala wesisu, stomatitis. Kwaye umama uthi: "Umntwana unokuthile emlonyeni wakhe." Ugqirha wahlola umntwana okwesithathu waza wafumana imbewu encane eyayibambelele kwi-gum. Yabaleka kwinqanawa ye-canary yaza yabangela intlungu xa isela esifubeni sayo. Lo mzekelo uqinisekisa ukuba unina unako ukwazi ngakumbi ngomntwana wakhe kunengcali ukuba uyafuna kwaye unako ukuphulaphula umntwana. Kodwa lo mgwebo awunakuphikiswa, njengoko zonke iinkcazo zokufundisa zingenakuphikiswa.
Umgaqo wesibini ubonakala ulula kwaye unzima ngexesha elifanayo. Umntwana kufuneka afakwe ekusebenzisaneni, okokuthi fumana impendulo kuye.
Ukunyusela okungekho kwendabuko kuyakuncedo, ukusetyenziswa kwezixhobo ezixubileyo phantsi kolawulo lweengcali, ukutshintsha isikhundla sezandla, imilenze, i-trunk, i-stroking, i-rubbing, i-massage ingxenye yomzimba ngamnye. Abazali kwizenzo zabo bavumelana, baqhubeka. Ba "khokela" umntwana, baphinda ngokuphindaphindiweyo izenzo, ngokungazange baphelelwe ithemba lokuba kwakhona baya kuphawula utshintsho oluncinane.
Umbuzo uvela malunga nokuba ungabandakanyeka njani ekusebenzisaneni nomntwana ongenamdla, nangona kuthathwe amanyathelo. Unokuphinda, ukukopisha izenzo zezingane ukuze azibone. Abanye bakuthola kulula ukuphawula oko ungenayo, ungayifumani, okanye ngokuchaseneyo, qaphela oko uphumelele kuyo. Umntwana wabanjwa ngcamango yento eyenzekayo - oku kukunqoba. Wayebona iindawo ezikuzo, nangona engazange azibone ngaphambili. Imizekelo ebalulekileyo yezenzo ezichanekileyo, izenzo ezidibeneyo, ukuqeqeshwa kokusebenza, ngokuthe ngcembe kube nzima ngakumbi, kuphuculwa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Kwezinye iimeko, izenzo ezisebenzayo zabadala (abazali) xa umntwana engabandakaliyo kufuneka, okubizwa ngokuba yi-stimulation. Impembelelo yokuvuselela i-polar isetyenziswe: kubanda kwaye kushushu, kutywekile kwaye kuyamnandi, kunzima kwaye kuyithambile, njl njl, ukuvusa izitho zengqondo (iinkqubo zengqondo zomntwana).
Ulwalamano olungahambelani nomntwana luphazamisa, luphazamisa inkqubo yokuphendula ngokuqhelekileyo, ukhubaza umphefumlo. Ngaloo ndlela kulandela iingcebiso zemihla ngemihla: kuba nomntwana ozolile, osigulane, ozinzileyo kwimeko apho. Ukuba kukho into engayisebenzeli yona, jonga imbangela ngokuyinhloko kuwe: ngaba kukho naziphi na iimpazamo kwiindawo zakho, ukungaqondani, ukungafani kweempembelelo zabazali kunye nokubonakalisa. Nangona umntu omdala unenkxalabo xa ulindelo lwakhe oluvuyayo luvela kwizinto ezibuhlungu. Kodwa kuyingozi nakakhulu kumntwana. Ubomi abukhathaleli kwaye akukho-mbambano, ngoko kunzima ukuzola kunye nokulinganisela. Nangona kunjalo, oku kufuna umzali.
Abazali bahlala behlala befuna ukukwazi ukuba umntwana wabo uya kukhula njani. Impendulo echanileyo kukuba yonke into ingatshintsha kwaye ishintshe ukuba ibe ngcono. Inkqubo yesantya yomntwana yiplastiki, i-supple. Asazi zonke iimeko zomzimba womntu. Ngethemba, khangela iindlela zokunceda ulinde. Eyaziwayo ayikho imeko enye, xa inyaniso iguqula izigqibo ezigunyazisileyo zengcali eziqulunqa "umhla wosuku lomntwana." Umso wakhe uxhomekeke kwisicwangciso esilungileyo sengqondo kunye nesicwangciso sobuchule kunye nemisebenzi yabazali ekuphunyezweni kwayo. Isikhundla "Lindela ulinde, ungenzi nto" ayiphutha. Ufuna isikhundla "Zama, yenza, nethemba uze ulinde, ziqinisekise okokuqala: ukuba akunjalo wena, ngubani na?" Umntwana oneengxaki ze-psychophysical "akahlulwanga" kuphela izifo, kodwa nezifo zempilo. "
Kukhona omnye umbuzo onzima: ukushiya umntwana kwintsapho okanye ukuyithumela kwiziko lokunakekela abantwana lohlobo olufanelekileyo? Imindeni eyahlukileyo, kunye nabaqeqeshi basebenza nabantwana, nabo. Ukusetyenziswa kwabazali, ndifuna ukuthi: "Musa ukuzigweba, kodwa aniyi kugwetywa." Kodwa apha malunga nomntwana kunokwenzeka ukuba uthethe ngokungathandabuzekiyo: kufuneka ukhuliswe kwintsapho. Intsapho inceda, iqinisa, igcine amandla nakwiimeko xa ukuphulaphulwa kubonakala kungenakulungiswa (kungekho phantsi kokulungiswa). Ngona esikolweni esona sikhulu sebhodi umntwana uyagula. Ufuna i-caress, inkxaso, ingqiqo yemfuno yakhe, incedo, ukhuseleko, ekuqheleni ukuba umntu uyamthanda kwaye uyamkhathalela. Yingakho iimbono zokufunda ezidibeneyo zazingqina. Kwiimeko zoqeqesho oludibeneyo kunye neontanga eziphilileyo, umntwana okhethekileyo uhlala kwintsapho kwaye adibana nabanye abantwana. Intsapho inika olo lwazi kunye neendlela zokwenza umsebenzi ongeke ukuthotyelwa kwiiseshoni zoqeqesho. Umntwana onokukhubazeka ufana nomntwana oqhelekileyo.
Kwimeko yokwenkqiswa okukhulu kwengqondo, xa abazali befumanisa ngokuphulwa komntwana, xa ukulindela kwabo kulindeleke ukuba baqalane nokunyaniseka, baqala ukuthembela kuncedo lugqirha. Bacinga ukuba kuyafaneleka ukudibana neengcali ezifanelekileyo, kwaye uya kukwazi ukutshintsha yonke into. Kukho inkolelo emmangalisweni, kwimeko yoko, ukutshintsha kungenzeka ngokukhawuleza, ngaphandle kokuthatha inxaxheba kwabazali. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ngokukhawuleza ukuba kukho iminyaka emininzi ngaphambi kokulwa nokuphulwa, ukulungisa okanye ukunciphisa, oko kukuthi, ukulungiswa. Abazali badinga ukunyamezela, ubuqili bomoya kunye nomsebenzi omkhulu wansuku zonke, umsebenzi ongenakwenzeka. Impumelelo ingaba yinto encinci, kodwa intuition yabazali inceda ukuphawula oko abanye abangaboniyo: ukubukeka komntwana okhathalelayo, ukukhwela kancinci komnwe, ukukrazwa okungenakuqonda. Ndacacile kwimiba yam enye imeko kwaye ndibuyela kuye ngengqondo rhoqo.
Kwamkeleko kumgqirha kwafika umama onothando, onothando onomfana. Wayesele afunyaniswa: ukungabikho, okokuthi. uhlobo olubi lokulinda kwengqondo. Ngama-70s ekhulwini lokugqibela, ukuxilongwa kwabhalwa kwisicatshulwa ngqo, abazali abazange basindiswe. Le nkwenkwe yayingathethi kwaye ingaqhagamshelani. Kodwa ekwamukelweni ugqirha wambona amehlo akhe. Wayejonga ngolu hlobo kumbuzo. Kwacaca ukuba ubona inkukhu, itywina, intshontsho. Ugqirha wakhawuleza walahla ukuxilongwa kwaye watshela umntwana ngengqondo malunga nalokhu, owathi: "Uyazi kakuhle ingxaki yengqondo yomntwana, uhlolisise kakuhle, ndiyakwazi ukuphosakela." Iminyaka emininzi yomsebenzi yaqala. Ngoku ngoku kudlula iminyaka engaphezu kwe-40, kwaye inkwenkwe ibe ngumntu ohloniphekileyo, esebenzayo kunye nokuzuza ubomi obuhle, umntu unokutsho ngokufanelekileyo ukuba uhlawula yonke into kunina. Wayemfundisa imihla ngemihla, ngeyure, elandela ingcebiso yesazi, kodwa wazakhela ezininzi. Baqokelele kwaye bazisa kwizifundo zemifuno yemithi, iinkozo zeevenkile ezahlukeneyo, okusanhlamvu kunye nesobho. Umntwana wabona, wazama, wabaphatha. Akazange amdinge ukuba athethe ngoko nangoko kwaye ngokukhawuleza. Into eyona nto kukuba umntwana waba nomdla, waqonda, wayenomdla, wayenentlungwini, wayeziva. Uncedo olufunekayo yonke iminyaka yokufunda esikolweni sesibini. Unxibelelwano nomama luye lwaqina, lukhuni. Kwaye ngoku unako ukugcina ubudlelwane babo obunenkathalo, ukubonakaliswa kothando lomama kunye nolwabantwana, ukuthandana. Inyaniso yokuba wayengumntu onobuqili, ohloniphekileyo, osebenza nzima, onenkathalo nohloniphekileyo-ngokungathandabuzekiyo. Yaye inyaniso yokuba uyayikweleta loo nto kunina.
Iphutha eliqhelekileyo ukuphelelwa lithemba, ukulahlekelwa yedwa kwintsapho. Ngokuqhelekileyo ibhinqa liyabuhlungu. Indoda ayisoloko iphakama kwaye ishiya intsapho. Umntwana, kungakhathaliseki ukuba uneminyaka engakanani ubudala, unemvakalelo, iingcamango, iiminqweno zomama. Ihlabathi liyeka ukuhlala kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo zokubonakaliswa kwayo. Umama ukhubazekile njengomntu. Ndicinga ukuba akuyi kulahlekelwa ngumntu, njengokuba umntu ubaluleke kakhulu, kodwa ngaphandle kokunceda kunzima. Oku kunokwenzeka, apha uncedo lwentsapho eneengxaki ezifanayo ziya kusebenza. Abazali beentsapho ezinjalo babambene nemibutho yoluntu, ukuqonda ngokuvisisana, ubudlelwane bemiphefumlo, evela ebusweni bekhethekileyo, kungekhona umntwana oqondakalayo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, abo bazali abadala amaqela, imibutho, imibutho yoluntu yenza into enhle. Iintlanganiso, iintlanganiso ziphulaphulwa ngamabhunga, zabelwana ngamava, zixubusha kakhulu, ziphinde zithokoze, ziphumle, zithi zincoma, zithokoze ngemini yokuzalwa, iholide, ufunde ukuphawula kuwo wonke umntu obalaseleyo. Kwintsapho kubalulekile ukudala imosi yokuzonwabisa, ukuze izinto ezincinci ezintle zikhanyise ubomi obuthile.
Ukukhulisa umntwana okhethekileyo kufuna amandla okucinga, umlingiswa nokunyamezela. Umntwana kwimeko yokungavumeleki unokuba yintlanzi, umtyholi. Abazali kufuneka bakwazi ukuthetha ukuba "akunakwenzeka", ukunyanzelisa izithintelo kwizenzo ezingamkelekanga. Kufuneka kube "inceba", ukuqonda ukuba ukuqaliswa kweenqandezelo, ukugcinwa, ukudibanisa ubuhlungu (ngokuqinisekileyo, kungekhona ngesohlwayo somzimba) ifake indlela efanelekileyo yokuziphatha komntwana.
Abazali kufuneka bafunde. Emva koko, "ootitshala" abanezona zikwazi kakhulu ngabazali. Bayaqaphela ukuba umntwana uye wabulala ulwimi lwakhe ngokuzivocavoca ngokweqile, ukuze afikelele emlonyeni ophezulu ngolwimi lwakhe, aze afike ekhaleni. Bonke abazali bathetha ngokudibanisa ukuba bathanda "i-defectology", kukhangeleka kwaye kulula. Ngamanye amaxesha iingcali zithatha ukubaluleka nokusetyenziswa kakubi ngokwezakhono: "Umntwana wakho unentlupheko yophuhliso, unomdaka, une-dyslalia (alalia), ukuchazwa kwesigxina, isigmatism esecaleni", njl njl. Oku, akunjalo, akunakulungiswa. Ugqirha obalaseleyo uya kuhlala echazela oko kuphunyezwe ngulo okanye lo msebenzi, kutheni kuphakanyiswa iindlela ezithile zomsebenzi. Abazali, ukuvavanya iindlela zokulungiswa (ukulungiswa) kumntwana, qiniseka ukuba bafumana kwaye bafeze umsebenzi ofunekayo ekhaya. Ngaphandle koluncedo lwabazali, kunzima ukuphumelela impumelelo.
Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kubazali malunga nabantwana abaneempawu zophuhliso:
Into ephambili kukuba ufunde ukuqonda nokuthanda umntwana. Imfundo yomntwana iqala ngolunye usuku lokuzalwa nangaphambi kokuzalwa kwakhe. Abazali bayigcina umntwana, bahlaziye izenzo zakhe. Bayazi iziganeko neemfuno zomntwana ezingcono kunabanye.
Umntwana ujoyina ekusebenzisaneni. Uzenza izenzo ngokubambisana, kumzekelo, kwi-show, xa unikezela ngoncedo olupheleleyo.
Umntwana unikezwa iimvakalelo ezintle. Abazali benza iimpazamo: bawela kukuphelelwa lithemba, bangaqiniseki, bazilahleke ngokwabo. Kubalulekile ukuba nethemba, wenze kwaye ulinde.