Ubume "bobawo bobabini", njengomthetho, umntwana uhambelana nomxholo "wolunye uhlanga". Ubuncinane, okokuqala. Kwaye umntwana omdala, kunzima kuba ngowomama ongumama ukuba adibanise naye. Ngokukodwa xa abantwana beqhubeka behlala nobudlelwane kunye noyise wabo wangempela, bathande kwaye bafumane ukuhlukana kwabo kunye nonina. Ngoko, utata omtsha okanye umyeni wendoda - ingcamango engabonakaliyo yomntwana-makhe sixoxe ngoku kunye.
Utata onokuthi unothando, unomdla kwaye unomusa, kodwa emehlweni omntwana ufana nomntu ozama ukuphazamisa uyise. Ngokuqinisekileyo, oku akunakukuvavanya lula umntu othanda unina kwaye ufuna ukuhlala naye. Kufuneka enze umzamo we-titanic ukuzama ukukholisa umntwana ukuba nguye ngokwenene yena uya kuvuya kunye naye. Ngokuqhelekileyo, kuya kuba nezilingo ezininzi kunye neziphene, kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba kufuneka uzinikezele kwaye ungazami ukutshintsha nantoni na engcono. Iimpawu ezibalulekileyo eziza kubonakaliswa ngu-stepfather kwinkqubo yokuthetha nomntwana kukuqonda, umonde nokunyamezela. Oku kuya kuba yinkqubo eyinkimbinkimbi kunye nexesha elide, kungekho kanye umntu uya kuqonda ukuba yini ebangela ukuba umntwana angabonakali. Kodwa into ephambili akuyikuyeka nokuqhubeka nokuqhagamshelana nomntwana, ngokumthanda ngokunyanisekileyo yena nonina. Abantwana kwinqanaba elincincileyo baziva ubuxoki, ubuxoki nokunyaniseka. Awuyi kuba nako ukuwakhohlisa, bayakubona ngawe. Ngako oko, kunomdla wakho ukungena kwisimo "sootata omtsha", kwaye ungasayi kuhlala kwindawo yokuqala "yindoda kamama."
Okwangoku, imitshato emininzi iyahlukana, kwaye inani elinyukayo labasetyhini nabantwana lidala iintsapho ezintsha. Kwaye nabantwana apha bezona zixhoba. Bahlala ngcamango kunye nenkolelo yokuba abazali bakhe baya kuthandana kunye naye ngonaphakade, ngoko ukubonakala kootata wesibini ebomini bomntwana kukuxinzeleleka kwaye kudibanisa. Ukuba umntwana wakhula engenalo uyise ekuqaleni kwaye sele sele esamkela into yokuba intsapho yakhe ayiyi kuzaliseka, ngoko umtshato wesibini, umona, ukungaqiniseki nokuba nomsindo kumntu "unina" uya kuqala. Kwaye nawuphi na umzamo wokuba nguyise wesibini ukufikelela entliziyweni yomntwana iya kufana nokugqitywa kunye nodonga olusenakunqandwa. Kulo mzuzwana, yonke into eyenziwa ngumntu ulinde kwaye iqhubeke nokuzama ukumisa uqhagamshelwano. Kwaye indawo ebaluleke kakhulu kunina. Umele abe nomthande kunye nokunyamekela nomyeni wakhe omtsha, kodwa angamthinteli umntwana wothando. Awukwazi ukubeka umntwana osezantsi ebaluleke ngaphezu kwendoda ethandekayo. Kodwa kufuneka kwakhona sitshintshe ingcamango engabonakaliyo yomntwana ukuba abe nesimo esihle kwaye enesidima.
Imbopheleleko yesitatatini ayimfuneko ukuba ingagcini. Kukho izinto afuna ukuzenza nomntwana, kungekhona ngenxa yokuba kufuneka akwenze. Ewe, ukuba sele uqalile ukwakha ubudlelwane kunye nalo mfazi, uzithatha uxanduva lokunyamekela abantwana bakhe, ukubancedisa, ukuhlonela kunye nokuhlakulela ubuntu boqobo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba kwaye ngaphantsi kweziphi iimeko umama noyise bahlukana ngexesha elifanelekileyo - kuzo zonke iimeko umntwana uyisisulu sokungaqondani kwakhe, kwaye oku kuphazamiseka nakwiinkqubo zokukhula nokukhula kwengqondo.
Uyise wesibini akufanele abe ngumgxeki ombi kabawo we-biological, nokuba ngubani yena ngokwenene. Kumele acinge ngqalelo ukuba umntwana wakhula ngaphandle kobukho balo mzekelo - uyise - ebomini bakhe kunye nawo onke amazwi angabangela ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo xa ungacingi kakuhle. Kwaye umfazi makamncedise umthandi wakhe ukuba angaboni phantsi kweendleko ezifana nalezi: "Ewe, uyihlo sele sele esela ..." okanye "Ewe uyayifuna, njani ..." njalo njalo. Ungamvumeli umyeni wakho omtsha ukuthuka umntwana wengane wakhe wangempela phantsi kweemeko. Ngoko kuya kuba nzima, umntwana uya kuqala ukuzonda uyise oyise.
Uyise wesibini akafanele aphikisana nomama womntwana kwaye uqaphele ukuba ungakhulisi ilizwi kumntwana okanye, ngokungekho mkelekanga, umemele. Uyise wesibini makabe ngumzekelo omhle kumntwana. Akufanele abonise ukutshaya, ukusetyenziswa ngokugqithiseleyo kotywala okanye, ngokukodwa, iziyobisi. Kwaye ukuba umfazi uyazi malunga nobubuthakathaka kunye nobuthathaka kumntu, kufuneka acinge ngamakhulu amawaka ngaphambi kokuba akhe ubuhlobo obunzulu naye. Lo akuyena mntu wokugqibela ehlabathini, kwaye ungonakalisa ulwalamano lwakho nomntwana wakho kanye nonke.
Utata onokuthobela kufuneka agcine imigaqo yokuziphatha ekhutshwe ngumama, kwaye uyithathe ingqalelo kwinkqubo yemfundo kunye nokukhuliswa. Musa ukukhawuleza ukuzama ukufundisa umntwana, nokuba ngaba ngumlingiswa wakhe nokuziphatha kwakhe, into ayifanelekanga. Uyise wesibini makahlonele impilo yabucala bomntwana. Wonke umntwana, ngokukodwa ebusheni, udinga ubomi obuthile kunye nendawo yakhe. Umama akalula kulo xesha, akwanele "isandla esinamandla sabantu". Kodwa nangona kunjalo isandla, okokuba, ubaba omtsha, enyanzelekileyo ukuba abekwe ngumntwana, naye akayi kusebenza. Kunoko, ngokuchasene noko, kuya kumnciphisa umntwana kuwe kwaye ngokugqithiseleyo angonakalise igunya lakho, njengabazali, emehlweni akhe. Kule minyaka, inkululeko enkulu ayifumanayo, ukuzithemba ngakumbi kuya kuba nabazali bakhe bayamthanda baze bamthembe. Makube nomnye wabo-uyise-kwaye akaveli.
Utata onokuthobela kufuneka alwele ukuchitha ixesha kunye nomntwana kwaye enze ukuba azive ehle. Bonisa ukuba akayena nje umyeni wam umama, kodwa ukuba akanandaba nokuba yintoni eyamenza. Uncedo ekwenzeni umsebenzi wesikolo, ukuya kwimicimbi yezemidlalo kunye nokulungiselela imibhiyozo kunye kunye neziganeko ziya kubonisa umntwana ukuba uyise wesibini uxhasa imizamo yakhe.
Ukuba indoda ingumama wesibini wabantwana abaningana, akufanele enze ukucaca okucacileyo phakathi kwabo. Isimo sakhe sengqondo esifanele kubo sifanele sibe nokulinganisela kunye nokufanayo. Utata oyimfesane kufuneka afake umntwana kwimisebenzi yakhe, abuze umbono wakhe aze acele uncedo. Ukuloba, ibhola lebhola okanye uhamba ngebhayisikili inokuyilungisa indoda kunye nabantwana, kubangele ukuzithemba. Ukuba kunokwenzeka, kulungile ukuba ibhinqa ithathe inxaxheba kwimibhiyozo kunye kunye neziganeko. Kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu ukuvumela umntu ukuba axhumane nabantwana ngasese. Ukuba bahlakulela ubudlelwane obusondeleyo kunye bokuthembela - unina unganokuthi uphumule, ukushiya abantwana ekunyamekeleni uyise oyise. Iimbopheleleko zangaphakathi ziza kunika amathuba amaninzi okudibanisa. Baya kubonisa ukuba yonke intsapho ixanduva lokuzaliseka kwayo, kungekhona nje umama omnye. Ukongeza, izinto eziqhelekileyo ziya kuvumela umama ukuba achithe ixesha elithile yedwa kwaye aziqwalasele.
Owesibini uyise kufuneka axubushe nomama zonke izigqibo malunga nomntwana. Inkampu yeSikolo, ukuqeqeshwa, ukuthengwa kunye nezipho - unina kufuneka aqonde yonke into, kungakhathaliseki ukuba yeyiphi inqanaba lolwalamano phakathi komntwana kunye nomyeni omtsha. Kwakhona kufakwe kule mibuzo "jikelele" ukusetyenziswa kwekhompyutha, iTV kunye ne-stereo. Okubaluleke ngakumbi, yonke intsapho kufuneka yakhe imigangatho yayo kwaye idibanise ngaphandle kokunye.
Owesibini uyise kufuneka azive enxalenye yeqela. Oku kuthetha ukuba kufuneka afunde ukwamukela iimpawu ezizodwa zamalungu ayo, ukulinganiselwa kunye nokuqonda. Kuya kuba nexesha elihle kwaye mhlawumbi elibi. Kwaye ixesha ngalinye indoda iya kujamelana neengxaki ezibonakala zingenasiphelo, kodwa uya kufuna ukufumana amandla okujamelana nale nto. Emva koko umfazi othandekayo kufuneka abe inkxaso kunye nenkxaso yakhe, ekuncediseni ukuqhagamshelana nomntwana.
Utata ongathandanga akufanele abonise ingqumbo okanye ukucaphuka xa iinzame zakhe zingaphumeleli. Umntwana ufuna ixesha lokuphendula ngononophelo kunye nokunyamekela. Unina kufuneka ancede umyeni omtsha ukujamelana nale meko, kunye nomntwana-ukuba amkele ilungu elitsha lentsapho. Ngaloo ndlela kuphela umyeni omtsha okanye umama uya kunqoba ukunikwa kwengcamango kwengane kwaye enze yena nonina bajabule ngokwenene.
Kukho iingcebiso ezininzi kumntwana oyise ukuba afune indlela eya entliziyweni yomntwana wakhe omtsha. Kodwa into ebaluleke kakhulu kuye kukuba ube nguwe. Izingane ziziva zihanahanisi. Ingxoxo engenangqiqo okanye umdlalo omfutshane awuyi kushiya abantwana abangabandakanyekanga kwaye kuya kunceda ekusekeni ubudlelwane ngokukhawuleza kunezibhengezo ezisemthethweni ezingabikho mntu azifunayo. Bonke abanye baya kwenza ixesha kunye nesimo sengqondo esilungileyo - kwaye kwiintshaba okanye "utata womnye" ungaguqulela ube ngumhlobo oyinyaniso.