Ungamnceda njani umntu ukuba ashiye intsapho?

I-sexologists ithi abantu isithembu. Akuxhomekeke kubulili babo. Ngoko ke, kubonakala ngathi, kwiintsuku zethu ukunyaniseka akuyona into engaqhelekanga. Nangona ixesha elilodwa "lishiya ngakwesobunxele" kunye nolwalamano olusisigxina kunye nolunye ulingane luye lwahluke ngokupheleleyo.

Izibalo zibonisa ukuba namhlanje ama-50 ekhulwini lamadoda aseRashiya anentombi. Ulwalamano luhlala lude lude kube lixesha apho amaqabane anomdla omnye komnye, kunye ngeli xesha lobudlelwane bunengqondo kubalingani. Nangona ulwalamano lunokupheliswa ngumlingane omnye. Ngomnye wabo ngexesha elithile liyeka ukunomdla kwiqabane lawo. Ukuba ulwalamano luhlala iminyaka emininzi, ngoko kukufanelekile ukuba sicinge ukuba kulungile ukuphula uxhulumano olunjalo. Kodwa, ukuba isigqibo senziwe kwaye le nyathelo ithatyathwa ngokucophelela, kukho iingcebiso kumadoda enenjongo yokushiya intsapho. Ngokukodwa xa umntu ethatha isigqibo sokuya kumfazi omtsha, uya kukwenza. Nantsi kuyimfuneko yokwenza ngokukhawuleza njengoko kunokwenzeka. Makhe sithethe ngendlela yokunceda umntu ukuba ashiye intsapho?

Njengoko sele kuthethwe ngaye, ukuba umtshato wawuhlala iminyaka emininzi kwaye uthathwa njengonwabileyo, ungazami ukuphula ngokukhawuleza ubudlelwane ngenxa yenkosikazi. Okokuqala unokuzama ukulondoloza unxulumano lweentsapho. Ngokuqinisekileyo, umthandi wayengumoya ocolileyo womoya omtsha, zonke iintlanganiso kunye nomfazi omncinci kunye nomfazi onomdla yiyona holide yangempela yomphefumlo nomzimba. Cinga, ukuba iholide enjalo iphela iya kuhlala kwinyanga enye ukuya kwiinyanga ezininzi, iholide iya kuphela. Yiza ngeveki. Nokuba inkosikazi enhle kwihlabathi iya kuphazamiseka ngokukhawuleza. Emva kweeholide, nje ufuna ukuphumla, induduzo yasekhaya kunye nekomityi yetiyi eshushu.

Amadoda kwaye uya kuhlala ezingca. Ukugqithisileyo kunye nokwaneliseka komnqweno wakho kunye nenkanuko. Ngoko kufana noko kuya kwenzeka kumfazi nabantwana. Ngethamsanqa, amaninzi amadoda asakhathalele intsapho kunye nekamva. Bafuna ukugcina intsapho yabo kunye nosapho. Ngoko ke, ukucwangcisa umtshato kunye nomtshato omtsha, kuyafaneleka ukuba ucinge ukuba ungaphi na amandla kunye nemali kumfazi omtsha omtsha.

Ndiyazibuza ukuba umntu uba njani umthandi? Kukho izizathu ezininzi zezi. Nangona zonke izi ngxabano zibhokoxa phantsi kwelokuba kwimeko ethile indoda idinga inkxaso. Njengomthetho, inkosikazi incinci, kwaye indoda iyavavanya ubuhlobo bothando kunye naye njengethuba lokubuyisela elahlekileyo. Ufuna ukuqinisekisa ukuba uye wagcina umtsalane wakhe kwaye uyamtsalane ngoku, unako ukunyenga isini esahlukileyo. Ubudlelwane bukhula ngokukhawuleza, kwaye ke yonke into iba yingozi kakhulu kwaye umntu sele efuna ukushiya intsapho. Emva koko, uxhulumaniso olutsha luzisa ebomini amadoda anesimo esitsha kunye ne-drive, eye yalahleka ixesha elide. Ikakhulukazi ukuba inkosikazi imvumela ukuba enze konke umfazi onqabelayo.

Ngaphambi kokuba umtshato uqhawule umtshato, umntu uya kufumana ingxaki. Ubukho ebomini bamadoda amabini abalingani bezesondo bathi indoda iyindoda eqinileyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ukhathalela kuthathwa njengento eqhelekileyo. Nangona kudlulayo kwexesha, ukuthanda komntu kushiya, kodwa inkosikazi ayifuni. Yilapho ivela ingxaki - intsapho okanye yakhe. Isisombululo esihle kukuba ulwalamano nomfazi otshatileyo. Emva koko indoda enothando ayifanele isombulule ingxaki, iqhawule umtshato okanye ayikho. Inkosikazi engatshatanga izayo okanye kamva ifake imeko.

Ngokubanzi, ngaba kuyimfuneko ukunceda indoda ukuba ishiye intsapho? Ukuqala umcimbi, akunakwenzeka ukuba amadoda aceba ukuqhawula umtshato kwikamva. Nangona umntu ekhetha ukuhamba, uya kulungisa enye i-aerodrome kwangaphambili. Amadoda ahambe naphi na. Okokuqala uya kufumana umfazi onokukwazi 'ukumkhusela'. Amadoda anamhlanje adibanisa kwicala nje ngokuba lifashini namhlanje.

Enye into xa umntu eqala ukutshintsha kuphela ngenxa yomnqweno wokuziphindezela umfazi. Umzekelo, ngenxa yokungcatshiswa kwakhe okanye ukungalindelekanga kuye. Ngako oko, umyeni uzama ukwandisa ukuzithemba kwakhe, esebenzisa inkosikazi. Amaxesha adlulileyo xa umgangatho wokuziphatha nelokuziphatha le ngxaki yaziswa enkundleni yoluntu. Ayikho ikomiti yeqela, kwaye inkundla namhlanje inquma imiba yomtshato. Amaqela nje kufuneka alandele imithetho ethile yomdlalo. Ukuba umntu unqume ukushiya intsapho, kungcono ukuba uzame ukuqala ukuxoxa "elunxwemeni." Umele achazele umfazi ukuba kungcono ukusabalalisa imvume yokuzithandela. Ngubani ofuna ukuxabana okungapheliyo kunye neentlungu okanye iintlungu ezihamba kunye neinyembezi. Kubalulekile ukuqinisekisa loo ntokazi ukuba akayi kuyidinga isicwangciso semali. Ngokuqhelekileyo isisombululo sokuqhawula umtshato singaba ngumnqweno womfazi ukuba abe nomntwana, kodwa kungekhona bonke abantu abakhulayo kunye nabantwana babo. Ukuba indoda ifuna ukuhamba, kunele ukuba uthethe ukuba akafuni ukuba nguyise. Ibhinqa alikwazi ukuyeka umama. Ukuba umntu uxelele umfazi ukuba engakakulungeli ukuba nguyise, lona wesifazane uya kuqalisa umtshato.

Umgaqo oyintloko wokulondoloza intsapho kukugcina yonke into efihlakeleyo ngasese. Ngoko, ukuba indoda ifuna ukushiya intsapho, kufuneka yenze okokuba umfazi wakhe ufunde ukukhohlakele. Kungenzeka ukuba umfazi uya kuxolela umyeni wengxaki yokuqala. Nangona kunjalo, ingqondo yengqondo yowesifazane iyacwangciswa kangangokuthi iya kuzama ukukrazula zonke iinkcukacha zeenkcukacha. Ngaphandle kokungathandabuzeki, ukutshatyalaliswa komyeni kumlingane kuya kuba mnandi kwaye ugula. Abasetyhini bajonga kwisiqingatha sabo sesibini, njengokungathi ipropati. Kukho amaxesha apho, ngokufunda ngokungcatsha komyeni wakhe, umfazi ngokwayo wenza isigqibo - ukuqhawula umtshato.

Ukuba ufuna ukuba indoda ihambe kwintsapho, kufuneka inqume ukuba ngaba ulungele ukushiya abantwana bakhe ngoku. Kulula ukuphula kunye nomfazi wakhe, ohlala naye iminyaka emininzi, kodwa abantwana abanakuqonda ngokucacileyo ukungcatsha kukayise. Kamva kuya kuba nzima ukucela uxolo lwabo kunye nokuseka ubudlelwane. Nangona kukho ukukrexeza, kuqala kufuneka uzame ukugcina umtshato. Ungasebenzisa iinkonzo ze-psychotherapist. Kwezinye iintsapho, ukungcatshiswa komnye wabalingani, kunceda, ukuzitshintsha okunjalo kwenza ukuba batshintshe ukuziphatha kwabo kwintsapho kwaye bahlalisane ngakumbi. Ubomi bentsapho akufanele buguquke ibe yingqungquthela. Omnye wabalingani uqala unxibelelwano ngecala, ukuze 'angagxinyi' kule ngqungquthela. Ngoko ke, okwesithathu elubudlelwaneni buzisa ukutsha. Mhlawumbi ukwahlukanisa akuyona indlela efanelekileyo ekubonakaleni kweekhonkco kwicala.