Kodwa yintoni ekhokelwa ngumfazi xa ukhetha indoda kunye nendlela yokuqonda ukuba indoda ifanelekile kumfazi?
Xa ukhetha owakhethiweyo, abasetyhini bahlala beqaphele kwaye baqaphele. Wonke umfazi ufuna ukuba nendoda enokuhlala ethembele kuye, ngubani ongathembela, ecaleni kwakhe ukuba uya kuziva ekhuselwe kwaye ethandwa. Abasetyhini bathanda ukunyamekela, ukunyamekela, ukunyamekela amadoda, kwaye abanako ukuhlala bengacabangi, ukuhlambalaza kunye nokuzingca. Kwakhona isibonakaliso esibalulekileyo yimalini yendoda leyo, indlela aziphatha ngayo, oko akutshoyo.
Okokuqala kwaye ngokubalulekileyo, lona wesifazane ngumama kunye nomgcini wekhaya, ngenxa yoko, ngokugqithiseleyo kwelo bhinqa, indoda ayikho enye ngaphandle kokuqhubeka kwentsapho, ngenxa yoko, ukhetho lomntu luhlala lwenziwa kwinqanaba elincinci. Oku kukuchaphazela ezininzi izinto ezinxulumene nobomi bowesifazane kunye namava akhe angaphambili. Abafazi bahlala besithi bathanda uhlobo oluthile lwamadoda. Oku kuthetha ukuba lolu hlobo lwamadoda alubona olona lufanelekile ukuqhubekeka kohlobo lwakhe. Abanye besetyhini bacinga ukuba amadoda angamahle kakhulu afanelekileyo kule nxaxheba, abanye bahlakaniphile, abanye bavuyisa kakhulu, njl. Nangona kunjalo, ngamanye amaxesha ukhetho lomlingani wezobomi kuphela kwizinga lezinto eziphilayo aluphumelele ngokupheleleyo kwaye luhlala lukhokelela ekuphumeni ubudlelwane, ngenxa yokubaluleka okukhulu ziimpawu eziqhelekileyo, iimfuno, ukuziphatha ngokubambisana kwexesha, njl. Emva kokukhetha okungaphumelelanga kwintsebenziswano yezinto eziphilayo, umfazi "uvula amehlo akhe", udlula loo mvakalelo wothando kwaye uyaqonda ukuba le ndoda yayiphelile ezinjalo njengoko waba "bazobe", yaye loo mnqweno kumgangatho ienjini ayikho enye kwingongoma kuphela ukhetho.
Amantombazana amaninzi afaka umbuzo ofanayo: "Ndingayiqonda njani ukuba indoda ifanelekileyo kumfazi"? Kufuneka kuqatshelwe ukuba iimvavanyo zengqondo kule ngxubusho zixhomekeke kwiinkqubo zentlalo-yengqondo, kuba kubonga kubo omnye unokuqonda ukuba umntu ufanelekile kumfazi. Ukuba sithetha malunga nenqobo yezenhlalakahle, kuthetha ukuzimela ngokwezimali kwamadoda, isimo sezenhlalakahle, injongo ebomini, imbono yehlabathi, isimo sengqondo kwintsapho. Ngokubhekiselele kwiinkqubo zengqondo, kuhambelana kwinqanaba lomzwelo, inhlonipho, ukunakekela, ukuqonda. Ngoko ke, kubaluleke kakhulu ubudlelwane bokuthi indoda ifanelwe ibhinqa kunye neendlela zokuhlala zentlalo neengqondo.
Ukuqonda ukuba indoda ifanelekileyo ibhinqa inokukwazi ukuziphatha nokuziphatha kwayo. Ngaba uhlonipha umbono wakhe, umnyamekele, njalo njalo. Kubalulekile ukuba umfazi uziva ekhululekile ebusweni baloo mntu, into ecinga ngayo ngaye, njengoko athethayo. Ukuba ekwenzeni kwakhe okanye ilizwi lakhe litshintsha amanqaku okucaphukisa okanye ukungahloneli, ke le ndoda ayifanele. Iqabane elizayo limele lenze loo ntokazi ibe yimizwa efanelekileyo kunye neyona nto, evakalelwa kukuba nemihlali kunye nentonwabo kwintlanganiso kunye nalo mntu.
Ngamanye amaxesha amantombazana, sele edibene kunye nomfana okanye nokuba ahlala naye emtshatweni womtshato, khawuleza uqikelele ukuba lo mntu ufanelwe ukuba ngumyeni kunye noyise wabantwana bakhe. Ngexesha elifanayo, abahlala bexhala ingqalelo kwiingxaki kunye nokungaphumeleli kwintsebenziswano, kubonakala ngathi baqala ukukhangela. Ngokutsho kweengcali zengqondo, yile ntembelelo ezayo ekukhokelela ekutshatweni kwemitshato. Kufuneka kukhunjulwe ukuba umlingiswa womntu uveliswa kwiminyaka engama-3. Kwaye ukuba indoda ingamhloneli kwaye ingamhloneli umfazi ngaphambi komtshato, emva koko iya kubonakalisa kwifomu engacatshulwa.
Ukuba ucinga ngomtshato, qwalasela zonke izinto kunye nemiba. Yayiphi indoda eyayifana nayo ngaphambili, ingaba ikunike izipho, yakukhathalela, okanye yayikuthanda ukuchitha ixesha kwiinkampani ezinomsindo ngaphandle kobukho bakho, ikutshintshe, inokuphakamisa isandla sakho, njl. Ukulinganisa i-pros and cons, Ngaba unako ukudibanisa nazo zonke iimigodi zayo kwaye uphile nayo yonke yobomi bakho. Ngokungathandabuzekiyo, ngobudlelwane kufuneka uphulaphule into intliziyo yakho ithethayo, kodwa "ukulahlekelwa yintloko yakho" akufanelekanga. Uthando luya kukhawuleza kwaye luncedo xa lithatyathwa yintliziyo yothando oluqinileyo, kungekhona ukudumala kunye nentukuthelo.
Ukuba ibhinqa likhetha indoda efanelwe yona, ngoko uvakalelo luthando luya kukhula kwaye luqinise. Emva koko, uthando lusekelwe kwiimvakalelo, ukusondelana, izinto eziqhelekileyo, ithemba, inhlonipho.