Kunzima ubunzima kwimfundo yabantwana. Ngoko ke, abazali abazilumko nabalumkileyo, benqwenela kuphela izinto ezintle kubantwana, beqonda ukuba olo xinzelelo olunzulu luphela kuphela abantwana, baqulunqa intando yesininzi. Bazama ukuvumelana. Bachazela abantwana ukuba abazali bakhulile, bayazi ngakumbi, banamava amaninzi obomi. Ngoko ke, bona kubantwana baya kwenza isicwangciso esilungileyo sokuphila kwabo kwikamva. Ukuchonga kwisikolo esikhethekileyo, kwaye ngoko kwiziko elifanelekileyo, khetha umsebenzi oqhelekileyo. Kwaye abantwana abangaphantsi kobunkokheli bethu abangavumiyo bayavota "ngenxa" kwaye bajonge kwikamva eliqaqambileyo.
Konke oku, ngokuqinisekileyo, kwenziwa ngobuqili. Kodwa ngexesha lethu, nokuba ngabazali abalumkileyo, abantwana, ngakumbi abafana, banenkani ukuzama ukukhetha uyise okanye unina, kodwa indlela yabo. Baqinisekile ukuba abazali kwihlabathi labo abaziqondi nto. Kwaye ke ingxabano ayinakugwemeka phakathi kwabo. Abafana bobabini banenkani kwaye banenkani xa bekhusela inkululeko yabo. Yintoni ke, kufuneka yenziwe?
Abantwana bethu kufuneka bavelane kwaye baqonde ukuba ezi ngxaki zivela ngenxa ye-physiology. I-hormone testosterone inefuthe elinamandla kwimpwenkwe yabafana. Kwaye inempembelelo yayo ibangela ukuba amakhwenkwe athathele inkolelo, atyhawule. Kukho ukuthambekela ngokubanzi ekuphuhlisweni koonyana bethu: iinzame zokwenza isisombululo seengxaki zempilo ezinzulu, umnqweno wokuthatha ingozi, ukuthambekela kokulawula, kodwa bonke abafana bayakhula ngendlela yabo.
Ayikho indlela eya kumakhwenkwe ahlukeneyo abalinganiswa abahlukeneyo. Kodwa, njengoko izazi zengqondo zithi, umzuzu obalulekileyo uthathwa njengentshintshi kwaye ishintsho esifike ngexesha elivela kumama ekugcinweni komntwana kwigunya likayise. Kwaye kaninzi awufuni ukuyeka ukuhamba "kwintsana" esele ifakwe phantsi kwephiko lakho. Kodwa ukuba unyana usondelene nonina ekukhuleni, kunokuchaphazela kakhulu ixesha lakhe kunye nobomi.
Emva kokuzalwa kumama, le nkwenkwe ithola konke-uthando, ukutya, ukhuseleko. Ngeli xesha, ubaba ubonakala ngathi uyasemva. Kodwa kukho uluvo lwezengqondo zengqondo ukuba ukuba uyise ungumntwana wokuqala wobomi bentetho yokuthetha nomntwana wakhe, ngoko ke kubangela igalelo elihle kwixesha elizayo.
Iimpawu zengqondo zendalo yomntwana oneminyaka eyi-5 no-8 zitshintshe unyana wakhe kunxibelelwano olukhulu nakakhulu noyise. Ngaloo ndlela, inkqubo yokuphuhliswa kwendoda yonyana iyazaliseka.
Xa uneminyaka eyi-10, unyana ngokubanzi unokwazi ukubuza ummandla igunya. Kule minyaka, le nkwenkwe iqala "kuba nzima." Kuyo nayiphi na into engathandekiyo, enxulumene nezicelo zomama, unyana uthatha ixesha, egqoke ngokukhawuleza, kunye noyise ngaphandle kokusola kwaye azalisekise ngokukhawuleza. Kubalulekile ukuqonda nokucelwa ngenyameko kumntwana oko kuyimfuneko, kodwa akukho mzekelo ukunyathela. Ngokuqhelekileyo ngenxa yoko, phakathi kwonyana kunye nonina, iziqalo ziqala. Kwaye apha akudingeki ukhumbule ngeengqondo - thina nje, bafazi, sinomona. Kwaye le ndlela yokuziphatha yonyana iwuphawu lokuba uyise uyisikhathi sokuthatha isikhundla esiphambili kwiintsebenziswano naye. Uqhawulo-mtshato aluyikukhulula uyise woxanduva. Ubomi bendodana, ukuthatha inxaxheba kwabazali kuyimfuneko nje, njengento ebalulekileyo kwimpilo yengqondo kunye nempilo kunye namandla akhe angaphakathi njengendoda ezayo. Kubalulekile ukugxininisa ukuba utata uthathe inxaxheba enkulu ekukhulisweni kwonyana wakhe. Okanye, kwiimeko ezinzima, unokudibanisa umkhulu wakho apha.
Inkwenkwe eneminyaka eyi-10-13 ibuhlungu kakhulu kwimbono kayise. Nangona ubuhlobo babo bubonakala bubi (umzekelo, ngenxa yokuqhawula umtshato), kodwa kwindawo enzulu entliziyweni yakhe ulindele imvume kayise. Indumiso kayise inika unyana wayo ingqiqo kwaye igalelo ekwenzeni ukuba le nkwenkwe yenza ukuzithemba okuqhelekileyo. Ngokwezengqondo zengqondo, xa uneminyaka engama-10 ukuya kwe-13 ukuya kweye-13 ubudala, nayiphi na into yokugxekwa, ngakumbi kubabawo, ukuba akahlali kwintsapho, nayiphi na ingxelo engalunganga yomama kwiseyile kayise yonakalise umntwana.
Abazali bamele baqaphele ngexesha lokuba unyana ulungele ukushiya ilizwe likamama aze angene kwilizwe likayise, kwaye ukuba ngaba negalelo kulokhu, baya kuququzelela ubomi bomntwana kunye naye. Emva koko unako ukuthobela ukuziphatha kakubi, ukuguquka kwemizwelo, ukunyaniseka. Nangona, kwinqanaba elithile, oku kuya kufuneka kuqalwe ukujongana nazo, kwaye konke oku ku funeka kube namava.
Ngamanye amaxesha inkwenkwe ayifuni ukuphuma kwimpembelelo yomama. Yonke into iyahamba kakuhle, imeko ibonakala iyathandeka. Kodwa, njengoko kusekwe, izinto zibi kakhulu. Kukho amadoda aneminyaka engama-40 aneminyaka engama-40 anesithintelo esininzi kunomama. Indoda enjalo ayinakuzikhupha kumama wayo, ayikwazi ukuzalisekisa isantya sayo samadoda, ayikwazi ukudala intsapho yayo, kwaye iphila phantsi kwephiko lonina lonke ubomi bakhe. Basetyhini, cinga ngexesha lokuzalwa kwendodana yakho, ungazingca.
Ngoku siyazi ukuba bunzima bunjani xa kuphakanyiswa oonyana. Mhlawumbi kubalulekile ukuba uzikhumbule ngokuphindaphindiweyo xa usemncinci, xa unokuziva uncedo lwabantu abasondeleyo, xa uziva uzive, kunye nezo zihlandlo ezimnandi xa uqondwa.