Abantu baziva njani xa umfazi ebiza kuqala

Ngesinye isikhathi kwakukho uluvo phakathi kwabaninzi besifazane ukuba kwakungeke kwenzeke ukubiza indoda kuqala. Kwaye, okwenyaniso, kwenzekile ukususela ngeli xesha litsho nje esasiphila kwiSoviet Union. Emva koko bathetha ukuba asinasondo, nokuba yiyiphi into ekhohlisayo.

Nangona indlela yokuthetha ukuba kuthetha ukuthintana ngesondo, kwaye ungayithandi, ngegama elithi "isondo", oko kuya kuba njalo. Ngaloo mihla, kwakubonakala ngathi "akukho ntsilelo" emadodeni, kuba onke amabhinqa kwakukho indoda kwindawo ethile. Kwaye babengazange bacinge ukuba kubiza indoda kwaye bamemela kumhla. Kwaye sinawo ngoku? Sekuyiminyaka emininzi, kwaye siyaqhubeka sisweleke kule mizobo kwaye sinoyiko ukubiza umfana wakho oyintandokazi kuqala. Eyoyikisayo. Yiyiphi into ayenziwa ngumfazi kule meko? Indlela yokuziphatha? Yonke into ayilula kangako njengoko kubonakala ekuqalekeni, kuba asiyazi kakuhle indlela amadoda aphathwa ngayo xa umfazi ebiza kuqala.

Ngoku abantu abatsha abakucingi ngento ababenayo ngayo kumadoda, bathatha ifowuni yeselula baze bafowunise inombolo yabo okanye babhale umyalezo. Kwaye akukho ziingxaki. Baziva bekhululekile kwaye banokwenza njengoko bebona befanelekileyo. Kodwa yintoni abafana bacinga ngayo? Ngaba kuhle xa umfazi ebiza kuqala? Ngaba ku ziphatha? Oku kudla ngokucatshulwa nguomama, abajwayele ukuyibeka ngobumnene, elinye ixesha kunye nexabiso.

Konke akuyikrele, ngamanye amaxesha amadoda akhathazekile malunga nale meko. Ngenxa yengqesho yabo rhoqo, abanalo ixesha lokufikelela kwifowuni, kodwa sele ixhomekeke kumadoda.

Ngokweziphumo ezininzi zophando ngale ndaba, amadoda aphendule ukuba ayavuya gqitha xa lo mfazi ebiza kuqala, njengoko oku kubonisa ukuba unomdla kule nto okanye kuloo ndoda. Kwaye ngoku, kwaye ufuna ukuthetha naye. Kodwa kuyafaneleka ukuba ukhumbule kubafazi ukuba xa umntu engabibizi olunye usuku okanye ezimbini, akuyikrele, kufuneka ube nesineke. Unokuphila kwimeko apho nangemva kweveki isiqingatha sakho singayifaki inombolo yakho yefowuni. Into ephambili kulo mzekelo ayiyikuba yintliziyo kwaye ibonise ukuba uyazixabisa. Kufuneka kukhunjulwe ukuba ngokuqhelekileyo umntu othanda iifowuni kaninzi, kwaye umnxeba wakho uya kuthoba umntu kwaye akhulise ukuzithemba kwakhe.

Ngokuqhelekileyo ehleli phambi kwefowuni esinombuzo, njengoHamlet, ukubiza okanye ukungabiza? Ifowuni. Nayi impendulo yabaninzi beengqondo. Akuyimfuneko ukukhawuleza ukucaciswa kwimeko. Abantu baziva njani ngale ndlela yokuziphatha? Kukhuselekile ukuthetha ukuba baya kukuxabisa. Imbali ikhumbula amaninzi amaninzi, xa ibhinqa libize okokuqala likhethe kwaye lifumene izibhengezo ezilungileyo ezi. Yaye loo ndoda ayizange ibone indlela esele angene ngayo kwinethiwekhi yakhe. Iingcamango ezicatshulwa kakuhle ziqingatha zemfazwe. Musa ukumbiza ngezikhalazo angabizi. Kuphela kugxotha abantu.

Ngamanye amaxesha ukubiza okokuqala kukukrakra, kuba abafazi abazi into yokuthetha nale ndoda kwaye musa ukubiza kwesi sizathu. Ngamanye amaxesha amadoda, anokubonakala ehlekisayo, ayesaba ukuba ngowokuqala ukubiza isizathu esifanayo neyabasetyhini. Kwaye oku kuqhelekileyo, kuba asinakukwazi ngokupheleleyo malunga neemvakalelo zesini esahlukileyo, de sibe sivale emlonyeni wabo. Kubonakala ukuba amadoda ayamkela, njengabasetyhini, ngoko yonke into iyaphathwa ngokucophelela kwaye iphathwe ngokucokisekileyo.

Kuzo zonke ezi ngasentla, sinokugqiba ukuba akukhathaleki ukuba ngaba le ntombi ibiza kuqala okanye indoda. Kubalulekile ukuba omnye wabo enze oku kwaye mhlawumbi indaba entsha yothando iya kuqala ukuphuhlisa. Yaye ihlabathi liza kugcwaba ngovuyo kunye nothando kwiintliziyo zabo zokubetha. Ukumodareyitha okuphambili kuyo yonke into: kwiifowuni namagama. Khumbula oku ngaphambi kokubiza umntu kuqala.