Emva koko, akuyiyo inkohlakalo enkulu yokuthanda inkululeko yomntu, njengengqungquthela, ekhokelela kwizigqibo zobomi ezilula kwaye ezilungileyo kakhulu.
Apha, umzekelo, thanda ama-triangles. Ukususela kwindawo yokujonga ngayo imilinganiselo yokuziphatha, le ndlela yindlela engavumelekanga yobudlelwane phakathi kwendoda nomfazi. Nangona kunjalo, bambalwa abantu abakhumbula malunga nokuziphatha, xa uthando lufakela intloko, nangona baninzi bayazisola. Inxantathu yomthando ngenye yezona ndlela ezinokungaqinisekiyo phakathi kolwabelana ngesondo. Iingcali zengqondo zithi uthando lwabathathu aluhlali ixesha elide kwaye ludla luza luvuyisa kunye nenhlanhla. Ngokuqhelekileyo, abantu abathathu abaneentliziyo eziphukileyo, abaye bafumana ulwandle lwamagqabhagqabha kunye neengxaki, ngokukhawuleza ekuphumeni. Kubafazi okanye amadoda afuna ubuhlobo besikhathi eside, iinzame zokujoyina ukulwa nomlingani osele usele zikhohlakele. Ngokuqinisekileyo akuyiyo indlela eya kulonwabo, kodwa ke abaninzi baya kuye, bakholelwa ukuba banokuyinqanda "i-rake" eqinisekiswe ngokuphindaphindiweyo ngabanye abantu.
Imigaqo yokuziphatha phakathi kobudlelwane besondo idla ngokugqithiseleyo emva kokutshisa umva, ukuba ibandakanyeka nomntu ophezulu. Bobabini abesilisa nabasetyhini abaye bafikelela kwiindawo eziphakamileyo kwezobugcisa, abatyebi, abanjwe, kunye nezibonelelo zabasemagunyeni okanye abadumileyo, ngokuqhelekileyo baba ngamaxhoba okuzingela ngabantu abathanda ubomi obulula kunye nobumnandi. Akusikho nto abayithethayo ukuba indlela eya phezulu ikhumbuza enye indlela eya kwedwa: ukuphakama kwakho kwenyuka, incinci ihlala kunye nabantu abathembekileyo nabazinikeleyo. Ngoko akulula ukuba abantu abazizityebi bafumane iqabane elifanelekileyo ngokwabo, njengoko kubonakala ngathi. Emva koko, bavame ukuboniswa uthando nothuba kungekhona ngenxa yabo, kodwa ngenxa yemali kunye nokudibana nomyeni okanye iqabane lomntu ocebileyo unokufikelela.
KwiRashiya yanamhlanje, akunakulungele ukugcina nayiphi na imigaqo yokuziphatha. Kwengqondo yomntu ngoku yonke into iyajika. Amantombazana angenanto kwaye angabonakaliyo ngendlela engafanelekanga yobomi bafumana i-oligarchs enamandla kunazo zonke, ngelixa ama-women ahloniphekileyo nabanomdla bangakwazi ukuhlala bodwa iminyaka. Abantu abaphanga kunye nabarhoxayo ngamagorha asemgangathweni kunye neengqungquthela eziphambili zeendawo zokungcebeleka. Abantu abenza umsebenzi wabo nje bahlala emthunzini. Kule meko akulula ukuhlala uqobo.
Ngamanye amaxesha uzama ukukhafulela ukuziphatha, ukunyathela ukuthembeka kwakhe kunye nokuqala konke okunzima. Ngelishwa, akunqabile le yindlela yokuzonwabisa. Ukuwa phantsi kwezinto ezingafaniyo kunye nokuziphatha kakubi kutshabalalisa i-psyche yethu kunye neenkqubo zokuziphatha eziqhelekileyo zobomi. Kwaye imfashini ngoku kunye nokukhanyela imilinganiselo yokuziphatha idla ngokuba ngumqondiso wesifo sengqondo okanye i-neurosis, ukukhusela kwiimeko ezimbi kunye nokungabikho kobudlelwane obufudumele nantoni na. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuzisindisa ngokwakho kwimeko yokuziphatha okunzima. Ngoku kukodwa oku kubaluleke kakhulu kwimeko xa ufuna ukufezekiswa ngokuvisisana nolwalamano olwahlukileyo.
Ifilosofi kunye neengqondo zeengqondo uWilliam James baxhasa kwaye bahlakulela imfundiso yokuziphatha kunye nokuziphatha. Ngamafutshane, ithi "kunenzuzo yokuziphatha." Cinga ngemimiselo. Ngokuphathelele ukungazinzi kobudlelwane bobubele kunye nabantu abatshatileyo okanye abaxakekileyo esele sithethe. Kukho ezinye iinkqubo zokuziphatha, ukuphula umthetho okubangelwa iingxaki zengqondo. Ngokomzekelo, ngumkhuba wendoda yokwenza isiluleko somtshato, kwaye umfazi akayi kubonisa iqhinga kulo mbandela. Nangona kunjalo, eRashiya amakhulu kunye neenkulungwane zeentsapho zenziwa minyaka yonke kwinqanaba lomfazi. Uphononongo lweengqondo zentsapho lubonisa ukuba olu luhlobo lomtshato ongenakulinganiseki nolunengxaki. Ukuba umntu ovela kwiintsuku zokuqala zobomi bentsapho uvakalelwa ingcinezelo yokwenza izigqibo zakhe, kungekudala okanye kamva kuya kubangela izigxeko, ukucacisa ubudlelwane, ukunyanzela okanye ukuqhawula umtshato.
Omnye umzekelo uhlobene nobudlelwane bemali. Akuyinto yesiko ukuba indoda ixhomekeke kumfazi wayo ngemali. Oku kuqwalaselwa ngokuziphatha kakubi, ngakumbi xa umntu eshumayela ngamabomu, kwaye kungekhona nje ixhoba leemeko. Yaye le hlobo lomtshato nalo liqela leengozi. Ukungalingani kwemali, apho iqabane licebile kunomfazi, umtshato ozinzile kwaye ophumelelayo. Kwaye ukuba ukungalingani kunjalo ukuba umfazi uhlala ecebile kwaye ephumelele kunomyeni wakhe, le yindlela eya kwiingxaki kunye nokuxabana okukhulu. Ipesenteji yomtshato phakathi kweembhangqwana apho indoda ingaphumelelanga ngemali ingaphezulu kunezibini ezineengeniso ezilinganayo okanye ngokuphakama kwemali yabantu.
Icandelo lokuziphatha lokungcatsha kunye neempembelelo zalo kulwalamano phakathi kwesini na akufanelekanga ukuthetha. Olu hlobo lwenkinga kwingqondo yengqondo ithathwa njengoluphawu "olunzulu lokungavumi". "Ingongoma yokungavumeli" isiganeko okanye umyalezo, emva koko uhlobo oluqhelekileyo lolwalamano luba nzima. Emva kwakhe, ulwalamano luvame ukugqitywa, kwaye ukuba luyakusindiswa, ngokohlobo oluhluke ngokupheleleyo. Kuyaziwa ukuba umyalezo malunga nokungcatsha komyeni wakhe awunako nje ukutshabalalisa intsapho, kodwa wenza ukuba umfazi angabonakali. Ngamanye amaxesha amabhinqa anquma ukugcina intsapho emva kokungcatshiswa, alahlekelwe amandla okufumana i-orgasm. Ubuyela kubo kuphela xa kuqhawula umtshato kunye noshintsho lomlingani. Kodwa ngokuphindaphindiweyo, emva koko, ukungcatsha akupheli nje indlela yokuphila, kodwa kuyonakalisa intsapho. Yaye ukuba le ncwadana isecaleni, umrhwebi okanye umthengisi uhlala apho. Kwaye kwenzeka ukuba intlonelo encinci ibhubhisa ubuhlobo obuzinzileyo, ngaphandle kobubomi bomntu abuba buhle. Yaye umnqweno wokuzonwabisa olufutshane uphenduka ube yintlungu.
Into ephambili efanelekileyo ukuqonda ngokuphathelele ubuhlobo besini kunye nemigaqo yokuziphatha kukuba ukuziphatha kakubi kakhulu umthwalo kunye nokugqithwa kobakhoboka kubantu njengempawu yokumisela endleleni yokuphila. Ewe, unokwenza umgca emva komgca kwaye wenze "uguqulwe umgca oqinile." Kodwa ngokukhawuleza okanye emva koko ubomi buya kukwazisa ukuba ukuphulwa "kweempawu zokuhamba kwendawo" kuyingozi, ayiyomfuneko kwaye ayinalutho.