Ukuphazamiseka kwentsapho kuhlale kuluxinzelelo olunzima kowesi sibini. Iziganeko eziqhelekileyo, ukucaciswa okungapheliyo ubudlelwane, ukunyanzeliswa kunye kunye nokuhlambalaza - konke oku akunako ukuchaphazela i-psyche yabantu abadala. Kodwa imeko enzima kakhulu iyaba ukuba intsapho inabantwana. Abantwana bafumana njani ukwahlukana kwabazali babo? Kwaye simele senzeni ukunciphisa uxhalabo lwabo nokubanciphisa iintlungu? Xoxa ngako? ..
INDLELA YOKUTHI
Mhlawumbi umbuzo wokuqala ukuba abahluli behlukanisayo bacele iingcali zengqondo: njani ukuxelela umntwana ngomtshato? Emva kwakho konke, ukuqinisekisa ukuba ukukhathazeka kwengqondo okwenziwe ngunyana kuye kwavela kuye ngendlela engcono kakhulu, kunzima kakhulu. Ngokuqinisekileyo, akukho myalelo wendalo yonke, kodwa kukho ubuninzi beendlela, ukusetyenziswa kwezinto ezinokuchaphazela kakhulu isimo sengqondo kwintsapho.
❖ Yiba nokuzola kwaye ungazibandakanyi ekukhohliseni. Ukwesaba kwakho "kunokusasaza" umntwana osuvele ecinezelekile. Naluphi na iimvakalelo ozifumanayo, akufanele uzidlulisele umntwana. Emva koko, ekugqibeleni, isigqibo sokuqhawula umtshato sithathwe, kuquka ukuphucula ubomi bomntwana.
❖ Kuya kuba nefuthe ukuba ngaba babini abazali baxoxa nomntwana ngexesha elifanayo. Xa kwenzeka ukuba oku akunakwenzeka, kufuneka ukhethe enye evela kubazali umntwana athembele kangangoko kunokwenzeka.
❖ Ukuba unokuthetha nomtshato wakho ngaphambi kokuba uqhawule umtshato, qiniseka ukuba wenze njalo.
❖ Musa ukulala ngandlela-thile. Enyanisweni, ulwazi olunikezwa umntwana lufanele lube lukhulu, kodwa ngexesha elifanayo lwanele ukuqinisekisa ukuba umntwana akanalo indawo yokucinga.
❖ Enye yemisebenzi ebalulekileyo kukucacisa kumntwana ukuba ubudlelwane bentsapho butshintshile kwaye abuyafana na ngaphambili. Oku kuya kunceda ekunciphiseni ukuxhatshazwa okwenzelwe umntwana. Kubalulekile ukuba umntwana aqonde: isizathu sokuba utshintsho phakathi kobudlelwane phakathi kwabazali alukho kuye. Uninzi lwabantwana lunobuthathaka obunzima, emva kokuba banqume ukuba unina noyise bayashiya ngenxa yabo, kwaye ingxoxo enjalo ingenakunceda ukuphepha le ngxaki.
❖ Kubalulekile ukuba umntwana uyazi ukuba uxanduva lokuqhawula umtshato luhlala kunye nomama kunye noyise. Sisoloko sisebenzisa isigamazwi "thina": "Sinetyala, asikwazi ukuvumisana kunye, asikwazi ukubuyisela ubudlelwane." Ukuba omnye wabafazi, umzekelo, utata, uya kwelinye ibhinqa, kuyimfuneko ukuchazela umntwana ukuba kutheni oku kwenzekayo.
❖ Akukho zityholo! Awukwazi ukuchukumisa umntwana kwicala lakhe, ngaloo ndlela umhudulela kumbambano. Ekuqaleni lo mkhuba ungabonakala ulungeleka kakhulu (uTata usishiya, yena ngokwakhe ubeka isohlwayo), kodwa kwikamva uza kuba nemiphumo engathandekiyo.
❖ Kubalulekile ukuxelela umntwana ukuba uqhawulo-mtshato luya kugcina kwaye aluguquki. Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi kwimeko yabantwana besikolo samabanga asekuqaleni kunye nesikolweni esiphakathi. Ingane kufuneka yazi ukuba umtshato awuyiyo umdlalo kwaye akukho nto iya kubuyela kwindawo yayo yangaphambili. Ukususela ngamaxesha, inkunzi iya kubuya kwesi sihloko, kwaye ngasinye sihlandlo kufuneka uphinde uyichaze kwakhona, de kube yinto eyenzekayo kwinto eyenzekayo.
UBUPHILA NGAPHAMBILI UKUPHILA
Ixesha elibalulekileyo kunabomi bentsapho ziinyanga ezintandathu zokuqala emva komtshato. Ngokwezibalo, i-95% yabantwana baseRashiya bahlala nonina, yingakho enesabelo sengonyama kuzo zonke iingxaki kunye neengxaki. Emva kokuqhawula umtshato, unina, ngokusemthethweni, useburhulumenteni. Kodwa ekwenzeni oko, akafunanga nje ukuthobela ingqalelo kumntwana, kodwa nokuzama ukulungisa iingxaki ezininzi nezinye iingxaki eziphambili kunye ezibalulekileyo, umzekelo, izindlu okanye imali. Ngoku kuyimfuneko ukuba uqine, ukuqokelela iimbambo kwiqindi, kungakhathaliseki zonke iimeko zangaphandle. Kumele abe namandla, kuba abantwana abanomdla wokuqhawula abazali baya kuba nzima. Kwaye kuyimfuneko, xa kunokwenzeka, ukuphepha iimpazamo eziqhelekileyo eziza kwenzeka ngeli xesha, oko kukuthi:
I-ERROR: Umama uphelelwa yithemba kwaye uxelela intlungu kunye nentlungu kunye nomntwana, ekhala isikhalazo sakhe.
INTSHONO: Ngokwenxenye yakho, le mpawu ayimkelekanga. Umntwana akakwazi ukuqonda amava akho ngenxa yobudala bakhe kwaye, mhlawumbi, uzimisele nje ukuba nguye omele uxanduva lweengxaki zakho.
INDLELA YOKUBA: Ungabi neentloni ukwamukelwa uncedo kubantu abangabaziyo - abahlobo abasondeleyo nabahlobo, abazali bakho okanye abaqhelana nabo. Ukuba awunalo ithuba lokuthetha, qalisa idayari okanye usebenzise ii-helplines zamahhala kubasetyhini abaqhawula umtshato.
I-ERROR: Umama uzama ukutshintsha umntwana kayise, "esebenza ezimbini." Ngokuqhelekileyo uzama ukunyanzela ngaphezu kwesiqhelo. Olu khetho luyinyani ngokukhethekileyo kunina bamakhwenkwe. Kwaye kwenzeka, xa unina, ngokuchaseneyo, uzama ukuba mnqamle, kunika umntwana izipho.
INKQUBO: Ukuva ukukhathala kwengqondo kunye nokudinwa akushiyi.
INDLELA YOKUBA YINOKUBA: Ingqondo yecala ihlala isiseko sendlela yokuziphatha. Umama uziva enetyala ngenxa yokuba akanako ukugcina intsapho yakhe, ngaloo ndlela enqanda umntwana kayise. Kule meko, khumbula ukuba ugqibe ukuqhawula umtshato akukhona nje, kodwa ukuze uphucule ubomi bakho kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, ubomi bomntwana wakho. Musa ukulibala ukuba nakwiintsapho ezingumzali omnye, ngokuqhelekileyo abantwana abasempilweni nabasempilweni bakhula.
I-ERROR: Umama uqala ukutshintsha ityala kumntwana. Uthukuthele ukuba umntwana ufuna ukuthetha noyise, okanye, umzekelo, uyashukunyiswa ngokungabikho kwengqondo yomntwana, ongafuni ukwabelana naye ngentlungu.
I-RESULT: Ukuphazamiseka okukhoyo, ukuxabana kwintsapho.
INDLELA YOKUQALA: Ukuba ubuncinane enye yale miqondiso ifunyenwe kuwe-kufuneka udlulisele kwi-psychologist ngokukhawuleza. Ngokuzimeleyo ngale ngxaki kuba nzima ukujamelana nayo, kodwa ichanekile kakhulu ngeengcali zamaziko ezinzima.
UKUPHILA KWOBUPHILA ENTSHA
Ngaba ndiyakwazi ukudala iimeko ezifanelekileyo zobomi bomntwana? Lo mbandela uxhalabele ngabaninzi abasetyhini emva kokuqhawula umtshato. Ekuqaleni kubonakala ngathi ubomi obuqhelekileyo abuyi kubuya. Akunjalo. Emva kwexeshana, ezininzi iingxaki ziya kutshabalala. Ukuze uyisondeze, ungasebenzisa ezi ngcebiso:
❖ Okokuqala wanika umntwana ixesha lokuba asebenzise imeko. Yena, nje njengawe, ukhutshwe kwi-rut kwaye kwithuba elithile unokuziphatha ngendlela engafanelekanga. Njengoko abantwana banokuqhawula umtshato kubazali ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo, qwa lasele kwaye uqaphele nayiphi na utshintsho ekuphatheni komntwana wakho.
❖ Zama ukuqinisekisa ukuba umntwana unqabile kwaye uqikeleleke ngokunokwenzeka. "Njengeenguqu ezimbalwa kunokwenzeka!" - eli binzana kufuneka libe yi-motto yakho kwiinyanga ezintandathu zokuqala.
❖ Khuthaza umntwana ukuba adibane noyise ngendlela enokwenzeka (ukuba uyise uzimisele ukudibana). Ungesabi ukuba umntwana uya kukuyeka - ngeli xesha, ubukho bobabini abazali bubaluleke kakhulu kumntwana.
❖ Ukuba uyise wengane ngesizathu esithile akafuni ukuchitha ixesha kunye nosana, zama ukutshintshelwa ngabahlobo bakho besilisa okanye, umzekelo, utatomkhulu.
❖ Nangona, emva kokuqhawula umtshato, usenokuxakeka ngakumbi ngenxa yeengxaki zemali, kufuneka uhlawule ingqalelo ngakumbi kumntwana. Akuninzi ngokuzonwabisa kunye nokuzonwabisa ngokuphathelele ubomi obuqhelekileyo: umzekelo, ukufunda incwadi ubusuku, ukusebenza kunye okanye ukumanga okungakumbi - inkunzi yakho kufuneka ikwazi ukuba unina uyasondela kwaye ayiyi kuhamba naphi na.
INGABE YIQINISO?
Nangona uzama kakhulu ukukhusela umntwana kwimpikiswano, usengqina, kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo ube ngumhlanganyeli opheleleyo. Kwaye sele sele isimo sengqondo sakho sokuqhawula umtshato - akunandaba. Nangona ucinga ukuba ukuhlukana njengentsikelelo, umntwana wakho unokuba nombono ochaseneyo ngawo. Akunakwenzeka ukubona kwangaphambili indlela impendulo yomntwana ngayo, kodwa kukho imiqondiso emininzi engasetyenziselwa ukuchonga ukuba unobungozi obukhulu.
❖ Intukuthelo. Umntwana uba nomsindo kwaye unomsindo, akaphulaphuli oko bathethayo, akazalisekanga izicelo zokwenza into, njl. Ngokuqhelekileyo emva kwesi siganeko kukho umsindo kuye: umntwana ucinga ukuba nguye onokusola ukuba uyise nonina abahlali kunye nomnye.
❖ Zihlazo. Umntwana uqala ukuziva unamahloni kubazali bakhe ngenxa yokuba abanako ukugcina intsapho. Olu hlobo luphawu olukhethekileyo lwabantwana abadala, othelekisa iintsapho zabo kunye neentsapho zabo. Kwenzeka ukuba abantwana baqale ukuzonda omnye wabazali, ngubani, ngokombono wabo, owaqalisa umtshato.
❖ Ukoyika. Umntwana waba ngumntu ongenangqondo kwaye ecinezelekile, ukwesaba ukuhlala ekhaya wedwa, o ufuna ukulala kunye nokukhanya, uvela kunye neendidi "zamabali adibanayo" ngendlela yezilwanyana, izibilini ... Kukho nokuba kukho iimpawu zomzimba, ezifana nentloko, inuresis okanye iintlungu zesisu. Emva koko kubonakaliswa kukukho ukwesaba ubomi obutsha kunye nomtshato obangelwa ukungazinzi.
❖ Ukusetyenziswa kakubi. Ukungabi nomdla kwimimiselo eqhelekileyo yomntwana, ukuyeka ukusebenza kwesikolo, ukungafuni ukuthetha kunye nabahlobo, ukuxinezeleka kwengqondo - ezi zimbalwa nje iimpawu ezifunekayo umzali.
Emva kokuba ufumene iimpazamo ezinjalo ekuziphatheni komntwana wakho, oku kufuneka kube ngumqondiso wokutyelela isazi sengqondo. Oku kuthetha ukuba umntwana wakho unenkxalabo enkulu, ukuhlangabezana nokuya kuba nzima kakhulu kuye.
UMBHALO
USvetlana, oneminyaka engama-31 ubudala
Emva kokuqhawula umtshato, ndatsalwa ndedwa ndodana eneminyaka eli-10 ubudala. Umyeni waya kwelinye intsapho waza wayeka ukuthetha nomntwana. Ekuqaleni, ndatshutshiswa kuye, ndandizibulela, ubusuku bonke bekhwela emlanjeni kwaye abazange bacinge ngemvakalelo yomntwana. Indodana yam ivaliwe, waqala ukufunda okungakumbi ... Kwaye ndazibona ngenye indlela: Ndiye ndilahlekelwa ngumntwana kuba ndichitha ixesha elide kumava am. Kwaye ndaqonda ukuba ukuze ndincede unyana wam, kufuneka ngandlela-thile ndiqwalaselwe yindoda, eyayilahlekelwa ngumtshato. Ekubeni ndiyindoda enentlalontle, ndihlala ndibahlobo abaninzi, kunye nezihlobo - umalume kunye nomkhulu-makhulu, onokungena endaweni yomntwana kabawo. Ukongezelela, ngandlela-thile ndiphazamise umntwana kwiingcamango ezibuhlungu, ndazibhalela kwiinqanaba eziliqela, apho wayenabangane abatsha. Ngoku uziva engcono. Ngokusekelwe kumava am, ndinokuthi ngokuqinisekileyo: isipho esona sikhulu kunazo zonke onokuzenza kumntwana wakho ngumpilo wakho wengqondo.
UMarina, oneminyaka engama-35 ubudala
Ndicinga ukuba into ekhethekileyo yokuqhawula abazali abanokuyenza ngomntwana wabo kukugcina ubudlelwane obuhle kunye nomnye. Xa mna nomyeni wam sahlukana, intombi ka-Irina yayineminyaka emithathu kuphela ubudala. Intombi yam yayikhathazeke kakhulu, yayingayiqondi isizathu sokuba uTata angabe esaphila nathi. Ndamchazela ukuba abantu bahlukana, kodwa kulo mpapa akayi kumthanda. Indoda yangaphambili idla ngokubiza, ukutyelela intombazana, ngokukodwa ngeveki, bahamba kunye, baya epaki, ngamanye amaxesha bayithatha kuye iintsuku ezimbalwa. I-Irishka ihlala ikhangele phambili kule ntla nganiso. Enyanisweni, usenenkxalabo malunga nokuba mna nomyeni wam andihlali ndawonye, kodwa ngoku ndaqala ukuyiqonda le nto ngakumbi.