Inkqubo ingafakwa kumatshini, okuyiphepha elicocekileyo. Ngomntu oku akunakwenzeka, kuba neentsana zinempahla engabonakaliyo eyahlula kwabanye abantu: isakhiwo se-psyche, izinto zezempilo, iimpawu. Oososayensi baseCanada baye bafunda ngaphezu kwee-payara ezimbini zeewele ezifanayo kwaye babonakalisa inani elincinci lokungafani kwi-85%, nangona, kubonakala ngathi, aba bantwana bafanele bajonge njengamaconsi amabini amanzi. U-psychoanalyst owaziwayo uStanislav Grof wayekholelwa ukuba ubomi be-intrauterine, ukubeletha kunye nolwazi lokuqala lokuphila "emhlabeni" lube ngumqobo wobuntu bomntu: ukukwazi kwakhe ukuphendula ubunzima, ukuzithemba kwihlabathi, ithemba okanye ukungathembeki. Yingakho i-psychology yoluntu yanamhlanje iyakholelwa ukuba inkqubo kufuneka ibe yedwa. Kwaye umsebenzi wabazali ngowokuqala ukuqonda umntwana, iimfuno zakhe kunye nokuthambekela kwaye emva koko oko kunika isiqhelo sengqondo kwimpumelelo. Ngaphandle koko, inkqubo ayikwazi "ukubamba" okanye ukulimaza umntwana.
IIMISEBENZI ESIKHENARI
Kwinqanaba elithandwayo, ukudweba amazwi kunye neenganekwane, isazi sengqondo esaziwayo uEric Berne utshele ihlabathi malunga neprogram yabazali. Encwadini yakhe ethi "Abantu abadlala imidlalo," wabonisa indlela yokuphila komntu eyenziwa ngayo. Ngokutsho kwakhe, abaninzi banokukukopisha imbopheleleko yobomi bokhokho babo okanye "eyakhelwe" kwisicatshulwa somntu. Ukungalungi kwindlela yokuphila uBern bakholelwa ukuba abantu baziva bexakeke ngaphakathi. Wabona usindiso kwi-psychoanalysis, eya kunceda umntu aqonde oko akufunayo. UBern wayekholelwa ukuba abaninzi abazali abaphazamisi ukucebisa ngokwengqondo, kuba, behlala kwiphampasi yendawo yabo, abayi kuvumela ukukhulisa umntwana wabo ngempumelelo kwaye bamnike ukuba ngumdali wobomi bakhe.
Inkqubo yesibini yokuphambuka kweengqondo eziqhelekileyo zikholelwa ukuba umnqweno wabazali ukufundisa umntwana ngokuchasene: mnike into abazali abangenayo ngokwaneleyo njengomntwana, okanye bangenzi nto ephazamisayo. Ukuba ngumbuzo wokugatya ububi obufana nokubetha okanye ukusela utywala, ngoko ngoko isigqibo sichanekile. Kodwa xa kuziwa kuthi: "Andizange ndifunde isiNgesi, kwaye ubomi bam abuzange busebenze, ngoko ufanele uyenze" okanye: "Andivunyelwe ukuya kumidaniso, kwaye uya kuyenza ngoku," ke oko kunokukhokelela kwimiphumo ebuhlungu. Iingcali zengqondo zithi amava amaninzi asifundisa ukuba asiyi kuyenza, kodwa ayinikeli ingcamango yokuba kufuneka yenziwe njani. Njengoko uMikhail Zhvanetsky wambi wathi: "... ngokubanzi, ubomi bam, ndodana yam, ayiphumelelanga, yinto endikuyo nje ngamava obomi, kwaye yiloo nto endifuna ukukuxelela ..." Ngoko ke uzama ukufundisa kumakhoboka ombi kumntwana ngaphantsi kwanoma yiziphi na iziganeko zobomi.
Ingxaki yesithathu yemigaqo yabazali kukunyanzeliswa kwamagunya. Isikolo sidinga - thobela. Ugogo uyayika - yenza. Uphando lubonisa ukuba abantu abangama-70-80% abantu abaphumeleleyo babengabandezeli abangenakulinganisela njengomntwana. Kwaye izilwanyana zesikolo zivame ukutshala izityalo kwiindawo eziqhelekileyo kwaye zikhalazo zokudakumba. Njengase-Petrosian miniature: "I-troika inendawo yokuhlala kunye nemoto, umsebenzi ongcono kakhulu unentloko, iiglasi kunye neendondo zegolide zokugqiba." Yaye ingongoma apha ayikho into eyingozi kukufunda. Umntwana nje oye walahlwa yintando yakhe, unqatshelwe ukuzimela kunye nobukhali - ngobomi abadala, unzima.
Njengoko ubona, iimpazamo eziphambili zenkqubo yomzali kukuba umntwana uzimisele ngokuzikhethela okanye engazami ukudibanisa nayiphi na inkqubo ngaphandle kokunyamekela iimfuno zakhe. Ngaloo miqobo kuphela abapheli beqiniso benza indlela yabo, kwaye nangona ke ngokulahlekelwa ngokwemiqathango yokuzithemba okanye impilo. Masenze inkqubo yabantwana, ngokufanelekileyo.
QONDISA OKUBE I-LIKES
Okokuqala, izazi zeengqondo zicebisa ukuba ziqonde iimfuno kunye nokuthambekela komntwana. Uze wenze okulungileyo ngoncedo lwenzululwazi, kuba abazali ngokwabo basesibeni bebona umfana okanye intombi njengomdlali, ugqwetha, umculi ... Ukuba umntwana wakho uye nje ukuya esikolweni okanye ufunda esikolweni, kusencinane kakhulu ukuba akhulume ngendlela yokukhulisa umntwana wakho mpu melelo. Unokukhetha kuphela isikhokelo somsebenzi onomdla kumntwana. Yintoni okufuneka uyibukele ngokuqinisekileyo?
- Ngomsebenzi onjani umntwana ongenasiphelo? Ngokuqhelekileyo nokuba abantwana bezemfundo baqala ukubonisa ukuthambekela kwabo ngokucacileyo. Unokuqaphela izinto ezinjalo: ukubola nokucoca; ukuhlela imidlalo; ukwakha ukwakha; senze into ... Qaphela: ukubhala kubaculi bazo zonke izithandwa zokudweba kungekudala. Jonga ukuba yintoni kanye umntwana ebonisa. Ubuninzi ngokuqhelekileyo luyindlela nje yokuphalaza iimvakalelo.
"Akayi kwenza ntoni na?" Musa ukubalisa ukungafuni ukufunda okanye ukudlala imidlalo ngobuvila. Fumana incwadi enomdla kumntwana wakho, umdlalo ofanelekileyo (kukho abantwana abangenako udidi oluthile lweqela okanye iindidi ezithile, oku kuqhelekileyo).
Ingcali yeengqondo iza kukunceda ngokuchanekileyo ukuyiqwalasela ukujonga kwakho, kwaye uyabongezelela ngoncedo lwezakhono ezizodwa. Qala ukuhlakulela kumntwana ngokuthe ngqo oko athambekele kuye. Ungesabi ukuba uya kuba novila xa engaphumeleli ekwenzeni into engayenziyo. Kunzima ukuba yingcali kwintsimi "engafumani", kutheni utshabalalisa iimbutho ezixabisekileyo kuyo?
Ukuphuhlisa ikhono lomntwana akuyikukususa kwezinye izinto. Ngokomzekelo, inkwenkwe ekhangela i-chess ifuna ukuya esikolweni ize ihlanganyele kwimidlalo yemidlalo. Mnike nje umntwana ithuba lokukhetha kwaye uzame ukugcina intshiseko yakhe ngokuziphatha nangokwezemali kangangoko kunokwenzeka: uthenge kwaye ufunde iincwadi ndawonye kwisihloko esizithandayo, u tyelele iimyuziyamu, uye kwimidlalo yemidlalo. "Impembelelo ecaleni" yolu phuhliso olujoliswe kuyo luya kuqonda kwakho.
UKUVELA UKUBHALWA KWENKQUBO
Iingcali zengqondo zisebenza kakhulu nabazali bazo ukuze zifundise ukulandela intetho yabo. Ngubani phakathi kwethu ongazange aphule ezintliziyweni zethu: "Kutheni ungayiqondi into?" Okanye "Awukwazi ukwenza nantoni na!" Iingqungquthela zibonisa ukuba abantu abangama-90% bazizwa bengakhuselekanga ngamakhono abo ngokuchanekileyo ngenxa yesimo sengqondo esinjalo. I-Psychoanalyst ithi ininzi yalahleki inayo "ibinzana elibalulekileyo", abazali ababekayo kwi-subconscious, kwaye icinezela abantu xa befuna ukwenza isigqibo.
Funda ukuba "uzibambe" ngaphambi kokuba isimo sengqondo esifanelekileyo siphume kwiilwimi, kwaye ... xelela umntwana oko ucingayo, ngoxolo, ngoncedo "Ndingumyalezo": "Ndikoyika ukuba awukwazi ukukwenza, kuba mna kabini baphonsa icandelo kwaye ke abazange bafunde nantoni na. " Le fomu "Ndicinga ukuba ndiyesaba" ibonwa njengolwazi malunga nawe, kwaye ayikho inkqubo yomntwana-kubalulekile. Nciphisa imiyalelo nge-"ayiyi" inye. Zifundise wena endaweni yokuba "ungabi nongqungquthela" ukuba uthi "ziphathe kakuhle." Iingcali ze-NLP zithi ngamaphesenti angama-95%, abantwana abayiva "akukho" kwaye abayiqondi le nkqubo. Ukongezelela, isibonakaliso "into enokuyenza" soloko si cacile ngakumbi kunokuba "into eningayenziyo."
XAWANA NOMNTWANA KUNYE ULWIMI
I-NLP kunye nezinye iindawo zolwazi lomntu zibonisa ukuba abantu banesimo esinamandla nesinobuthathaka sokuqonda ulwazi. Kulula ukuba umntu aqonde imeko ngokubhekiselele kwingxabano yomlomo. Omnye ukhetha umzekelo omangalisayo womzwelo. Abanye abantwana bafumana ulwazi kuphela ngamava abo. Jonga umntwana: uthetha naye ngeelwimi ezahlukeneyo? Umzekelo weklasi ngumzekelo onjalo: "Mama:" Nyana, vuka, ndikholelwa kuwe! "Nyana:" Mama, kholelwa kwinto engekho. " Kwaye ndikhona. "Umama wasebenzisana nemvakalelo, kwaye umntwana unengqiqo." Wayenokuthi: "Ulungele kakuhle ukhuphiswano, ndiqinisekile ukuba uya kuphumelela."
Umntwana uzama njani ukufumana nantoni na kuwe? I-Caresses, iqinisekisa, ifuthe iimvakalelo. Zama ukusebenzisa "ulwimi" lwakhe. Umntwana ngokomzwelo ngemibala upende indlela bonke baya kuthanda ngayo. I-Logic ichaza izizathu kunye nemiphumo yokuziphatha kwakhe kwaye uphendule unaphakade "kutheni?" kwaye "kunye na?". Nika umntwana osebenzayo "uzive" umphumo wezenzo, sebenze naye. Isisombululo kwi "ingxaki yolwimi" yindlela yokuphumelela.
SIKELA ISIKELO
Nangona ufumene ukuba wena kunye nomntwana wakho unomdla ochasene ngokubanzi kunye "neelwimi" ezahlukeneyo, oku akuthethi ukuba awukwazi ukukhulisa umntwana wakho ngempumelelo. I-psychoanalyst owaziwayo uFrançoise Dolto wabhala encwadini yakhe ethi "Ngecala lomntwana": "Into enhle abazali abangayenza ngayo unyana okanye intombi kukubonisa ukuba bayonwabile." Ngoko impumelelo yabanye yabazali kunye nabantu abasondeleyo banikela umntwana inkolelo yokuba uphumelele. Nceda ujabule!
INDLELA EFANELEYO KWI-ANCYENT
Enye yeelwimi ezindala kunenkqubo yokubhala. Zonke iintlanga zazinomdla okhethekileyo ozinikezelwe ekuzalweni komntwana kunye nokungena kwakhe ekufikeni. Iintlanga eza kufuneka ziphile kwiimeko ezinzima zazihlala zihlukanisa umama kunye nomntwana osandul 'utsha, ngoxa oomama baphoqelelwe ukuba batyhuse umbala. Ngoko ke abantwana babenenjongo yokungazithembeli kwihlabathi kunye nokwanda kobudlova. Amasiko afanayo afakwe kwizizwe ze-cannibal, amaNdiya aseentaba kunye namaqhinga. Abanye abantu baseYurophu nabaseMpumalanga babenesiko: beka izinto eziza kubantwana ezibonakalisa imisebenzi eyahlukeneyo, kwaye nimnike "ukhethe." Kucacile ukuba ukukhethwa kweemvuthu kwakunzima, kodwa emva kwesi siko, abazali baqala ukucinga ngendlela yokuhlakulela indlela ephumelelayo yobomi kumntwana. Kwaqala ngomncinci wenkqubela ukuya kwinkqubo "ekhethiweyo". Le ndoda yamkela le nto ingavumelekanga - i-rite yayiyinxalenye yenkcubeko. Iimfundiso zokuqaliswa zenzeka kwiintlanga ezahlukeneyo ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Ngokomzekelo, amaNdiya amaninzi ayiphilisa loo mfana ngeziyobisi. Iingcamango ezazibona kwaye ziphinde zibuyisele i-shaman zinika ingcamango yehlabathi labo elingaphakathi. U-Shaman wakhetha igama lomfana elisekelwe kumabali anjalo-lo ngumzekelo ocacileyo wenzame yokufumana umntu ngamnye kwindawo efanelekileyo kuluntu. Ezinye iintlanga zaseAfrika zafuna ukungazi kakuhle kubafana nabasetyhini, kubangela ukuba bahlupheke ngokwenyama. Kulo rhulumente banikezwa ukufakwa ukuxhomekeka kwintando yemimoya (funda - i-shaman). Ngoko abantu babenenjongo yokuthobela.