Indlela yokukrazula iimvakalelo zetyala

Ingqondo enempilo yecala, kunye nokukwazi ukuvavanya nokulungisa umonakalo kwabanye, zikhethekileyo kunoma yimuphi umntu onxulumene noluntu. Kodwa ukunyaniseka kwinkqubo engapheliyo yokuzigweba nokuzigweba kukubonakalisa ukungabikho komzimba, ukungathandabuzeki kwecala. Ngokuphindaphindiweyo umntu ufumana amava ngenxa yento engazange ayitshintshe okanye ayikwazi ukuyitshintsha, kungekhona ngenxa yento ayenzayo.

Kubalulekile ukulahla isohlwayo le-neurotic, njengoko le yinto ewonakalisayo, eyingozi, apho kungekho namandla okuphucula ubomi. Umntu onjalo ukholelwa ukuba ufanelekile, ngoko akafuni indlela yokuphuma kwimeko yangoku - akukho nto inguqu kwizinto eziyinyani. Thelekisa, umzekelo, amatyala amabini. Okokuqala: uhlambe kunye nencwadi yomnye umntu, wancinca ngamanzi. Unetyala, ukhathazekile. Uza kwenza ntoni? Mhlawumbi, uya kuxolisa kwaye utshintshisane uya kuthenga ngokufanayo. Isiganeko siphelile. Kwakuyimvakalelo enempilo yecala. Yintoni umqondo wecala kunye nendlela yokuwunqoba ngayo, fu manisa kwinqaku ethi "Inkqubo yokukrazula iimvakalelo zecala".

Ingqiqo yecala yintlawulo esiyihlawulayo yokuhlala kwihlabathi elikhuselekileyo nelingalindelekanga. Ukuba umntu ongokoqobo, ngaphandle kokungabaza, anelisekile yonke iminqweno yakhe, ngoko abantu banamhlanje banyanzelekile ukuba bazikhanyele ezinye zezinto ezinonwabo. Siyazi ukuba awukwazi ukususa omnye umntu ngaphandle kokuhlawulelwa okanye ukulala nayo yonke into. Ingqondo yecala, ngokweSigmund Freud, eyenza ukuziphatha kwethu kuluntu luyamkelekile. Ukungaxhamli kwangaphakathi ku lumkisa malunga nokungamkeleki komsebenzi kwangaphambili, iimpawu ezenziwe ngephutha kwaye kuya kuba kuhle ukulungisa (cela umxolelwano, umzekelo). Enye inketho: ucinga ukuba ngenxa yakho, umama wanikela umsebenzi (wakuxelela oku). Kwaye ubomi bakho bonke buye buba yinqweno "yesono": ngoku kufuneka unikeze umama wakho ubudala obukhululekile, uhlawule umnikelo wakhe. Kodwa kungakhathaliseki ukuba kunzima kangakanani, kungakhathaliseki ukuba yiyiphi inxalenye yomvuzo, okanye ukunika abazali bam, ityala alisayi kuhamba. Kungenxa yokuba akukho zizathu zokuzifumana. Ngaba ubuze umama ukuba alahle iziko? Enyanisweni, awukho uxanduva kwisigqibo esenziwe. Umntwana unako ukuziva unetyala emva kweminyaka emithathu. Usebenzisa le ntliziyo njengokhuselo lwengqondo. Ukuba abazali abakucacisi ngengqondo yomntwana onetyala, ngoko umntwana uyavuma ngokucacileyo into yokuba ayinamandla onke. Kwaye ukuba abantu bathi into enjengokuthi "uziphatha kakubi, ngoko unyoko wakho washiya" okanye "akayidli i-porridge, utata othukutheleyo", ngoko ityala lingasigxina, libe yinto yokuphila. Loo mntu uya kuziva enetyala kwiimeko ezinzima kakhulu, njengeqhawe elivela kwikali likaChekhov elalifa ngenxa yokuba wahlambalaza kwindawo yegosa.

Uluhlu lwabantu

Ukuthotywa ngokuqhelekileyo kuba yinto enamandla kakhulu yokulawula abantu. Yintoni, umzekelo, intombazana engenayo ingqalelo ngokwaneleyo yinkwenkwana? Ewe, akamxeleli ngalokhu imfuno yakhe ngokuthe ngqo (oku akusebenzi, kuhlolwe iphindwe ezilikhulu). Eyona nto enhle kakhulu kwaye iphumelelayo iya kulila okanye ivalwe ngokungavakaliyo, ibonise ukukhubeka. Indoda ayinakukwazi ukuyihoxisa "izicelo" ezicacileyo zokuqwalasela. Ingqondo yecala ("yintoni intlonelo ye-dickhead") iya kumkhokela ententeni yentyatyambo okanye kwivenkile yokugcoba. Ewe, ingxoxo ehleliyo yokuthula "malunga neemvakalelo zethu" ayiyi kubangela ukuba kube njalo. Abantu basebenzisa inetyala njengokukhusela kwengqondo kungekhona nje ngomntwana, kodwa nangabantu abadala. Ngokomzekelo, kwiimeko ezingenakuze zibekezeleke, imeko ephosakeleyo njengokufa komntu othandekayo. Siyazigweba ngenxa yento engasindiswanga, ingasindiswa (nangona ngokuqinisekileyo kwakungenakwenzeka), kuba ukwamkela ukungenakunceda kwayo kunzima kakhulu kwaye kuyatshitshisa. Indlela yokuqhubeka ukhona kwihlabathi apho unganakuchaphazela izinto ezibalulekileyo ezifana nobomi bakho abathandekayo? Ngokuqhelekileyo emva kwexesha abantu bathatha uncedo lwabo kwaye baqhubele phambili kwisigaba esilandelayo sokufumana intlungu yokulila. Kodwa abanye bathwala le ncazo engabonakaliyo ebomini. Kwaye kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba ngumntwana womntu (oko kukuthi, ukuba iwayini ayinalo ixesha lokuguqula ingcinga yobomi), kuncinci ukuba iya kubanjelwa kwindawo yokuzimela. Ukulawula omnye umntu onetyala kungeke kube yinto engalunganga (ukuba uyayigxina imilinganiselo yokuziphatha). Kodwa kuphela umntu ophethe i-manipulator ngokwakhe uthatha ixhoba lakhe kunye ne-100% yexesha elithe wafumana isohlwayo, ukujonga indlela omnye umntu ohluphekayo ngayo.

Indlela yokuyiqonda - ingayityholo okanye ayikho?

Into ebaluleke kakhulu kukumisela imida yoxanduva. Umzekelo, uzive unetyala lokuba umama akanalo ubomi bomntu (wathi: "Ngubani na ongandithatha nomntwana?"). Okanye ukuba iqabane lalimele engozini yemoto: emva kokuxabana, wayesela wayesehlala emva kwesondo. U-Anastasia Fokina uchaza ukuba ukususa isono, kufuneka unciphise ngamabomu indawo enoxanduva lwakho. Zibuze umbuzo olula - ngaba okanye ngaba ndinokuziphendulela oku? Ngaba umntwana usenokukhangela unina weejaji? Ngaba ubeke umntu omdala onxila emva kwesondo? Akunjalo. Ukuba kwinkqubo yokucinga malunga neemeko kunye nokuqonda iliso, kukho amandla okulungisa iphutha, ngoko iphoso lijolise. Kwaye ungayilahla ngokuthatha amanyathelo ambalwa alula: uxolo, uhlawule umonakalo, unike uncedo. Kodwa ukuba awukwazi ukucacisa ngokucacileyo into engalunganga (kunemvakalelo enzima kakhulu yangaphakathi), ngoko ke, kunokwenzeka ukuba akukho mthethweni wecala. Ngoko, awukwazi ukuyihlawulela. Ngenxa yokuba akukho nto yokuhlamba.

Inkampani ejongene nemfanelo

Umntu osempilweni ophilileyo ongaziqhelanga unecala. Ukuziphatha komntu onjalo kulawulwa ngumqondo ogcweleyo wokuxanduva. Ezi zibophelelo ukuba umntu azenzele ngokuzithandela. Ngokungafani neemvakalelo zecala, uxanduva lusetshenzisiweyo - unokutsho ngokuchanekileyo ukuba imeko enye inokuchaphazela, kunye nabanye - hayi. Ngokomzekelo, awukwazi ukubeka ityala ngenxa yokuba ubomi babazali abuzange busebenze, kuba abantu abadala banembopheleleko yabantwana abancinci, kwaye akunjalo. Indlela eyona ndlela yinkcazo yokubangela ukuba unengqondo echanekileyo isifo. Uyazilawula ngokumangalisayo ukuziphatha komnye umntu. Ngubani oya kumshiya ilanga? Kuphela isithwathwa. Kwaye akukho mntu ufuna ukubhekwa njengolu hlobo. Kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo umgcini we-manipulator uyagula ngokuthe ngqo, kodwa engazi. Umzimba wakhe uthatha uxanduva lolwalamano lwabantu ababini ekuphelelwe ithemba - oku kuthetha ukuba zonke ezinye iindlela zokubopha umntu ngokwazo azizange zancede. Abanye bakulungele ukugula ixesha elide kwaye banzulu kakhulu, ukuba kuphela ukugcina imfuneko yeemvakalelo zecala kwiqabane okanye abantwana. Ukugula komntwana kungayona nto kuphela edibanisa isibini kunye nokugcina umtshato. Iingcali zengqondo zibiza le ngxaki "inzuzo yesifo." Abanye oomama abayidingi umntwana ukuba ayeke ukugula-kuba akukho nto iya kugcina umyeni wakhe kwintsapho. Ingqondo engapheliyo yecala ayikho uphawu lwezinto zokomoya, kodwa luphawu lokungagcini, utsho u-Elena Lopukhina. Ukumlahla kumntu omdala akulula, kodwa kunzima nakakhulu ukuzama ukuhamba phambili, uzive wena konke kwaye njalo ngenxa.

Ukuvakalelwa unetyala, ukuzithemba, asikwazi ukucinga, ukuhlalutya, ukuqiqa ngengqiqo. Yonke ixesha sibuya ("kwaye ukuba ndenza ngendlela eyahlukileyo?") Kwaye uhlale unamathela kwixesha elidlulileyo. Uxanduva, ngokuchaseneyo, lubangela isenzo, lujoliswe kwixesha elizayo kwaye lusenza sikwazi ukulungisa iimpazamo, kunokuba sizisole ngokungenasiphumo. Umntu ophetheyo, ukuba wenza into engalunganga, ucinga ukuba uye wenza kakubi, kwaye lowo okhokelwa yintyala uya kuziva ebi. Kwaye okokuqala kuya kuba lula emva kokulungisa impazamo, kwaye yesibini iya kuqhubeka ihlupheka. Umntwana onabantwana abafundiswa ukuba bazive benetyala, kodwa abazange bafundise ukuba bakhululekileyo kwaye banembopheleleko yezenzo zabo, ukuba babe ngabantu abadala, abayi kuba nako ukuphawula, ukuqonda nokulungisa oko akwenzileyo. Kuya kubonakala kuye ukuba ukubonisa ityala lakhe kunele ukuxolelwa. Ngoku siyazi ukuba yintoni indlela yokulahla ityala.