Kuthekani kuthi xa nathi sibacaphukisa umntu? Ngokukhawuleza, nathi, sineengxaki zokugqibela, sinoyika ukuthetha inyaniso, ukuze singakhubeki? Kwaye ndiyakwenza ntoni ukulungisa oku? Ngoko, lobu buchule: ingaba uyintetho encokolayo-isihloko sesincoko namhlanje.
Ngokutsho kweengcali zengqondo, bonke abantu, ukuba sibajonga njengabaqhagamshelana nabo, bahlulwe zibe ziinkqubo ezimbini zokuququzelela: umdibaniselwano ulawulo oluphezulu kunye noluntu olungabonakaliyo, kunye nomnxibelelwano osisigxina kunye nesigxina. Ngaloo ndlela, ngamnye wethu unemimiselo emibini yendlela yokunxibelelana, kwiinkcukacha ezimbini. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba ungumntu olawulayo kwaye ohambahambayo, ngoko awukwazi ukuthetha ngokuqhelekileyo kunye nomntu onzima kwaye ongeyena mntu.
Eyona ndawo okanye engaphethekiyo?
I-Interlocutor ephezulu, awuyikudibanisa nabani na, kwaye kunjalo, abantu abanjalo bambi bafumana ubomi bakho. Kakade emva kwemizuzu emininzi yokunxibelelana unesiva sokuba unxibelelwano "uninzi", obonakala ngathi uphantsi kwengcinezelo. Uqala ukunyusa ngokungabikho umgama phakathi kwakho, kodwa u-interlocutor okhutheleyo ufuna ukunciphisa. Leyo ndlela yokunxibelelana nomnxibelelwano ophezulu: osebenzayo, othembisayo, onzima. Ukuba ufuna ukujongana nento ethile, ngoko akanakhathazeka kakhulu "ongenakukwazi", "elula-engahlaziyiyo" okanye "ukuqonda-abaziqondi". Ukuba ngokukhawuleza unesidingo sokumbuza umbuzo, akuyiyo yonke into ecinga ukuba kuyimfuneko ukuphendula. Kwinkqubo yencoko, umnxibelelwano uhlala ephazamisa, eshaqisayo kwizwi eliphakamileyo, elingaphezu kweemvakalelo, ukumemeza okanye ukuthetha nawe akunakwenzeka ukuba uphumelele. Ngamanye amaxesha usebenzisa enye indlela - ngokukhawuleza eyeka ukuthetha, ekunyanzela ukuba uphinde uphinde uxubushe ngezihlandlo eziliqela kwaye ulahlekelwe ngamaqhinga, nokuba uvalelwa nonke ngu-interlocutor, ingaba uyakuqonda. Kubonakala kuwe ukuba awunikezi ngxabano ezifanelekileyo.
Njengoko le ndlela ibonisa, udibaniselwano lwalo hlobo kwintetho ivame ukuzivumela ukugculelwa okanye ukunyaniseka, akayi kuze avume. Nangona xa ekudumisa, uyamkela iingxabano zakho (uhlale ekhuthele kakhulu), ngoko ke oku kubonisa amandla. Kodwa ukuba unganxibelelwano oluphambili, imeko ingaba nzima kakhulu. Kule meko, incoko yakho inokuphela ekuxabaneni, nangayiphi na imeko, kuya kuba nzima nakakhulu ukuba udibanise. Kodwa u-interlocutor obalaseleyo unamathuba amaninzi. Zizo, njengomthetho, izithethi ezigqwesileyo, ziyakwazi ukukholisa nokukhokela. Basenokukhawuleza benze izigqibo kwiimeko ezinzima kwaye bathathe uxanduva kwiimeko.
I-interlocutor engabonakaliyo, njengokuba kulula ukuyicinga, yinto echasene ngqo neloluhlobo lwangaphambili. Uhlala eziva enetyala xa kuyimfuneko ukuphendukela kumntu, kwaye ngokukhawuleza umbuzo wakhe uya kuhlambalaza okanye ungalunganga. Kungcono ukuthula ngoxolo, ubhekisele kwabanye ngokuncinci kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Ukuba wena ngokwakho udibana nomntu ongeyena mntu, uya kuphendula kuwe ngokukhawuleza, ukuze angakhubeki okanye afune umsindo wakhe. Ukudla okunjalo kudla ngokuvunywa yi-interlocutors efanayo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba unamandla, ke le ndlela yokunxibelelana iya kubangela ukuba ucaphuke kuphela. Uyakucasulwa kukunyaniseka komnye umntu, ukuhlazeka rhoqo, ukuthuthumela nokuthobela ngokupheleleyo. Kuphela kwimeko yengxoxo enokuthula (kungekhona neyona nto ibalulekileyo), umxhasi uya kuba neqilima, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha uyaphazamisa kwaye avikele umbono wakhe. Ukunxibelelana nabantu abangabonakaliyo kwakunokuvelisa ngokusemandleni, kufuneka akhuthazwe lonke ixesha, kungekhona ngamazwi, kodwa ngeengqungquthela kunye nokudibanisa.
Imfono okanye iqinile?
Umnxibelelwano weselula uhlala kulula ukubandakanya nayiphi na ingxoxo kwaye kulula ukuphuma kuyo. Loo mntu unako ukutshintsha ingqalelo kwinto enomdla kuninzi kunabo, ngombono wakho, umzuzu ongabalulekanga. Ngokukhawuleza uqaphele ukuba amehlo omntu onomdla kuwe ngokukhawuleza abe "engenanto." I-interlocutor ephathekayo iyahluka ngokuthetha ngokukhawuleza, ngamanye amaxesha ayisoloko eqondakalayo, kwaye ukubonakalisa ubuso bakhe kuyashintsha ngejubane elimangalisayo. Intetho yalabo abakujikelezayo ibonakala ingavumelekanga, uhlala ephazamisa, ephazamisa. Ukuba awukwazi ukuba uchaze ngokucacileyo nangokukhawuleza, ngoko awuyena mnxu lumnandi kuye, kwaye unako ukuzisa umnxibelelwano weselula ukuba ahlasele. Uya kucaphukisa, ukuhlaselwa, zama ukufikelela kwixesha elide okanye ufune ukugqiba isigwebo sakho.
Enye into kukuba umnxibelelwano unzima. Ufuna umoya okhethekileyo ukuba uxoxe nawe. Kwaye, akuxhomekeke kumlingiswa - ingaba ngumntu onqabileyo kwaye onokwanelisayo. Into ebalulekileyo ye-interlocutor eqinile yomeleleyo. Ukuba wayecinga ngento ethile ngexesha lokuqala kwengxoxo yakho, ngoko ufuna ixesha elincinci lokucinga ngcamango. Kodwa uya kukuphulaphula ngokucophelela kuwe, uthethe ngaphandle kokukhawuleza, echaza iingcamango zakhe nendlela awayeza ngayo. Iibinzana ezinxibelelwano ezinzima ngokuchanekileyo ngokunokwenzeka. Ngamanye amaxesha uvakalelwa kukuba unxibelelwano ucinga ukuba uvile ufika kuwe ngokukhawuleza. Oku akunjalo, abantu abanjalo banokuphindaphinda amazwi athile ngokuphindaphindiweyo ngokuzonwabisa kwabo. Ungalokothi uphazamise unxibelelwano olungqongqo! Akayikunyamezela oku, nangona yena ngokwakhe akayi kukuphazamisa. Ukunxibelelana nomntu oqinileyo kudla ngokukhawuleza, ingakumbi ukuba uluhlobo lweselula.
Abaqhagamshelwano, njengoko bathi, musa ukukhetha. Kodwa kwenkcazo yeentlobo zabo ziya kuhlala zikunceda ubuchule, umphumo omnandi wokuthi-ukuthetha ngokuqhelekileyo kunye nokufezekiswa kwemilinganiselo. Kwaye kunye nabanqamlekileyo abanqwenela ukuthetha nabo, akunakwenzeka rhoqo ukuphepha ukuthetha, ngoko ke ukhetho olulodwa lukulungelelanisa. Kwaye kwakhona: musa ukuthatha indlela yokuqhagamshelana nomnxibelelwano kwiakhawunti yakho. Kule nto, njengoko bethetha, "akukho nto." Emva kwakho konke, u-interlocutor olawulayo, ukuphakamisa ilizwi lakhe nokuphazamisa, akafuni ukukhubekisa, kwaye unzima, uphinda ngokuphindaphindiweyo ngokuphindaphindiweyo, akukho nto inxamnye nawe.