Emva kwexesha elithile emva kokuqala kobudlelwane kunye nomfazi kuza ukuzithemba ekuzinikeleni nasekuthembekeni kweqabane lakhe. Umqondiso ophezulu wezo zonke iimpawu zakhe ezintle ngumnqweno wesifazane ukuba abelethe umntwana onyana, ukuba amlethe kunye naye, ukumfundisa, ukubona kuye ukuqhubeka kwakhe kunye nentanda yakhe. Nangona kunjalo, akusoloko kube ngumnqweno wendalo wesifazane owabelwana ngumntu kunye naye. Sisiphi isizathu kunye nento enokuyenza kumfazi kwimeko enzima kangaka? Oku kuya kuxoxwa ngezantsi.
Ngoko ke, umfazi ufuna ukuba nomntwana, kodwa indoda inomxholo. Ekuphenduleni kwimeko engathandabuzekiyo "kutheni?" Kuphela amabinzana emisebenzi - "andikulungele", "andizange ndicinge ngabantwana", "lonke ixesha lam". Ngamanye amaxesha indoda inkulu kakhulu, ngamanye amaxesha ayininzi kakhulu, kodwa isiphumo sinye-udonga olungenakuqhekeka phakathi koqabane, ukukhula nentukuthelo nokungathembeki, okubandakanya ukungena kwe-gap. Ngokwezibalo, ngaphezu kwe-10% yezibini ziqhawule umtshato kwiminyaka emi-5 yokuqala yobomi ngokudibeneyo ngokufanelekileyo kwesi sizathu. Indlela yokukholisa indoda enenkani ukuba ngoku ixesha elifanelekileyo kakhulu lokuba nomntwana? Mhlawumbi ukuba uyamnika ixesha lokucinga, ngaba uya kuza kwesi sigqibo ngokukhawuleza? Ngelishwa, oku akunakwenzeka.
Ukucacisa izizathu siqingatha impumelelo
Ngeke kwanele ukukholisa umntu ukuba anqume ukuba nguyise kuze kubekho izizathu zokwenqaba zicacisiwe. Uninzi lwezizathu zibonakala ziyaziwa kwaye zifundiswa ngabafundi beengqondo. Indoda ibona ukuba emva kokuzalwa komntwana, utshintsho lwekhadidi luya kufakwa ebomini bakhe. Bambalwa abantu abaya kufuna ukutshintsha ubomi babo ngokugqithiseleyo xa luhlelwe kwaye luhle. Amadoda, naphezu kweminyaka, ixesha elide kakhulu abafazi bahlala abantwana eminzini yomphefumlo (ubuninzi bonke ubomi). Indoda eyika kakhulu ukulahlekelwa yinkxalabo kunye nenkathalo yakhe yintanda yakhe, emva kokubeleka kuya kuba ngumntwana. Kwakhona, isizathu esisoloko siyika ukwesaba abantu ukuphendula ngokugqithiseleyo kunye nokukhawulelana ngokukhawuleza kwenkululeko yangaphakathi. Emva koko, into enye - ubomi, kunye nomfazi othandekayo, nomnye-kunye nomfazi kunye nomntwana omncinci. Zibini zingakhuselekanga, ke zonke iingxaki ziya kuhlaselwa kumahlombe anamandla, loo mntu uya kufuneka abe inkxaso yentsapho yonke.
Abantu abaninzi, abanelungelo lokuphelela ukuphelela, bayesaba uxanduva. Bafuna ukufezeka kwinto yonke, kwaye ukuba abaqinisekanga ukuba bangaba ngabazali abafanelekileyo, banqwenela ukushiya. Ngokomlando, kukho umzekelo apho indoda inenkxaso yentsapho. Kwimeko yokuzalwa komntwana, kuyimfuneko ukuxazulula nje iingxaki zomfazi, kodwa kwanomntwana okhulayo. Indoda iyamoyika ukuxanduva lwabo bonke! Uloyiko lokunika iingcebiso ezingalunganga, ukubonisa ubuthathaka, ukwenza isigqibo esifanelekileyo - ezi zizinto eziyinhloko zesaba besilisa sokuba nabantwana.
Iingcali zengqondo zithi lolu hlobo loyiko lubonakala luphawu lwabantu abakhulela ngaphandle kobawo. Babengenalo mzekelo wokwenene kubuntwaneni bendlela intloko ekhoyo yentsapho efanele ngayo. Abantwana abagcini nje ukudlala imidlalo yokudlala indima efana ne "ntombi-oomama" beselula. Ngoko bafunda ukuthetha, baqonde iingxaki zabanye kwaye bafune iindlela zokuzisombulula. Icandelo ngalinye, kunjalo, linye. Akunakwenzeka ukunika iingcebiso zomntu wonke ukuba aqinisekise umntu ukuba afune umntwana. Ibhinqa kufuneka lichane ngokuchanekileyo isizathu, ngoko kuya kuba lula ukunquma ukuba ungaqhubeka njani.
Ungathini ukuba ube ngumfazi
Ukuba umntu uthe ngokucacileyo kwaye ngokucacileyo uthe akafuni ukuba nomntwana, akunakunceda ukukhupha iingqondo zakhe, ukuzama ukubeka uxinzelelo kuye. Uxinzelelo olunzima lungakhokelela kwimeko apho indoda iya kuphepha kuyo nayiphi na inkcazo yomntwana kunye nokubonakala kwayo endlwini. Kwakhona kuyingozi 'ukukhawuleza' kunye neziqulatho: "Okanye u-unas uya kuba ngumntwana, okanye siyahlukana." Indoda inokukhetha ukhetho olungenako ukugcina intsapho. Akuyimfuneko nje kuphela ukukholisa indoda ekufunayo, kodwa ukuyizisa ngokucacileyo ekuzileni ngokuzimeleyo ukuba ulungele ukuba nguyise.
Ngokuqhelekileyo abafazi benza iphutha elibulalayo. Baqiniseke ukuba umntu othandayo uya kuvuyiswa ngokuzalwa komntwana, nokuba ngaba abazange bakhulume ngaye ngento okanye umntu uye walahla ngonaphakade. Abasetyhini banqwenela ukuhlalisa indoda evela ezinyaweni zale ntsha, kumenza "ngothushe". Le nto iphosakeleyo enkulu yengqondo kunye neqhinga! Kubalulekile ukuqonda: abantu abanalo isisulu somntwana ongasesekhaya! Akunjalo ngokungafihliyo ngokuzenzakalelayo ukubonela ngokukhawuleza "ulonwabo" olusenyakatho ngendlela yomntwana ozayo. AmaHormoni athi "umama", akhiqizwe emzimbeni wesifazane okhulelwe, i-masculophysiology ayiyazi. Indoda kufuneka imisele ukuzala.
Indlela echanekileyo
Iingcali ze-Psychotherapists zicetyiswa ukuba ziqale ngokubizwa ngokuthi "ingubo yokuhlaziya". Akufanele uqalise umntwana ngokukhawuleza, thola isilwanyana endlwini oya kuyinyamekela. Nye kunye nomthandayo, khulisa ngakumbi nabantwana abasenabantwana, baxoxe ngemibandela yokuba ngumzali, bangene kwi-essence. Nika indoda ithuba lokuba nezingane kunye nabantwana babahlobo-oku kubaluleke kakhulu. Kumele aqonde ukuba umntwana uyisithambiso esingekho i-crystal, ukubetha ukusuka kumncinci omncinci. Zama ukubonisa iqabane lakho ukuba ulungele ukuziphatha kakuhle, ukuba uya kunceda umntu wakho othandekayo, ukuba akayi kukwazi ukujamelana nantoni na.
Incoko ethembekileyo nendoda iya kuhlala ihamba kakuhle. Kubalulekile ukubuza umntu ukuba ubona njani ikusasa lakho elizayo kwikamva, yiziphi izinto azilindeleyo namava. Ukuguqulwa kwengqondo ngokukhawuleza kwangoko kuya kuba nzima, kodwa umfazi unokukwazi ukwabelana ngezicwangciso zakhe ngekamva eliqhelekileyo, elibalulekileyo eliza kubakho abantwana. Ubugqirha kulo lonke ixesha lobomi bentsapho likwazi ukulungelelanisa iingcamango, bahlale befudumele kunye nokuqonda, kunye kunye nobunzima. Le nto isele ingxabano enzima ukulungiselela uphuhliso olongezelelweyo nokuqiniswa kwintsapho. Umntwana akafanele akonakalise, kodwa uyomeleze intsapho. Kwiintsapho ezakhiwe kakuhle, oku kwenzekayo.
Ngokumalunga neenkcukacha zehlabathi "zindoda", okokuqala zikoyikayo: abantu abangama-93% abanqabile ukuba nabantwana! Kodwa kuyafuneka ukuba uqaphele ukuba kwiimeko ezininzi, ngokukhawuleza ukuba umntwana othandekayo usezandleni zikayise, indoda esandula ukungafuni ukubizwa ngokuba nguyise, iya kuba iyavuya kwizulu le sixhenxe. Kodwa zikhona ezinjalo (kwaye zininzi zazo) ezilungele ukuphelisa ngokukhawuleza ulwalamano nomfazi, kuyafaneleka ukuthetha ngokuzalwa komntwana. Omnye umqobo, oya kwindlela eya kubaba oothabisayo-iingxaki zempilo ezinzulu. Namhlanje, amadoda angama-4.5 yezigidi aseRashiya ahlupheke. Ukongezelela, ukungabikho kwindoda kumntu kungekhona nje kuphela kwenyama, kodwa nangokwengqondo.
Ngokuqinisekileyo, okukhethwa kukho okulungileyo kukuba kudibanisa nengcali yeengqondo kunye, hlalutya imeko kwiindawo ezahlukileyo kwaye ufumane "ingcambu" yengxaki. Ngenxa yoko, umntu owezolo wagqibazela kunye nabanye ukuba akafanelekanga kwaye akafuni ukuba nabantwana baba yindoda enhle. Inkazana evela kwindlovukazi eye igcine umlilo womlilo ijika ibe yindoda enekhono elikwazi ukulifaka emlilweni wamalahle ashushu. Ngoko ulonwabo lwentsapho luya kuba lugqibeleleyo kwaye lunamandla.