Ngaba usalindele isikhulu kwihashe elimhlophe? Ewe, okanye ngokubhekiselele kwimeko entsha yobomi bwanamhlanje, kuMercedes omhlophe? Kwaye ebudeni obude ehleli efestile, ngekhulu lexesha uyazibuza: "Ewe, kutheni ndikwazi ukufumana uthando lwam kwaye ndifumane ulonwabo?" Emva koko le nqaku ikwawe.
Sivame ukusola umntu ngenxa yokungaphumeleli kwethu, kodwa kungekhona thina. Kodwa isizathu esona sizathu sokungabikho kwenhlanhla kuthi ngokwethu. Omnye u-Freud ovulekileyo ngethuba lokuqala ephakamisa ukuba sijongene nabantu abachanekileyo kwaye sifumaneke kwiimeko apho ingqondo yethu engacatshulwayo isetyenziswe kwangaphambili. Ngelo xesha, le ngqungquthela ayiphumelelanga, kodwa izazinzulu zanamhlanje zibonakalise ukuba le nyaniso yinyani. Kwaye ukuqinisekiswa ukuba le ngcamango yinto ephathekayo ayiyiyo ingqungquthela yesazinzululwazi, kodwa inyaniso eqinisekisiweyo.
Kuthekani malunga nengxaki yokulindela ngonaphakade inkosana ekhohlisayo? Kutheni kubakho abaninzi abafazi abangabhinqa? Amantombazana, njengomthetho, ebuntwaneni babo basemncinci ekucingeni kwabo babonisa imifanekiso yothando yokudibana nabantu abangaziwayo kunye nemifanekiso emangalisayo yomtshato olandelayo. Ngendlela, uMarcel Proust wathi ngokukhawuleza ukutsala abantu kwi-subconscious yethu, kwaye ngoko sidibana nabo ngokwenene. Ukuba uhlala wedwa, kunokukho izizathu ezininzi:
- Umfanekiso wakho wengqondo awucacile
Awucingi ngokucacileyo zonke iimpawu ezikhethiweyo zakho. Kwaye umsebenzi wakho kwisitayela sokwenza imvakalelo awunakuqondakala kwi-subconscious yakho. Ayinakuqiqa ukuba uthetha ntoni kwaye kutheni ungagqithisi okanye awukwazi ukuguqulela iphupha lakho.
Eyona nto ingcono, ngokuqinisekileyo, xa umfanekiso womntu ozayo kunye noyise wezingane ezizayo zidalwe ukususela ebuntwaneni. Kodwa akukho nto ilahlekile, nangona sele ulahlekile ngeli xesha. Kaloku uqaphele ukuba ngoku ngakumbi umsebenzi kunye namandla angaphakathi kufuneka agxile kwingqondo ngokudweba umgca ocacileyo ukusuka kuwe kumlingane wakho ozayo. Yonke into ibalulekile kwiinkcukacha ezincinci! Umbala wamehlo akhe, ubuninzi bee-eyelashes, umbala weenwele zakhe, nokuba unobungozi okanye unesikhumba. Okanye ukhetha ukulungelelanisa ... Yintoni ukuphakama "komgangatho" wakho, ubuninzi beekhilogram zokulinganisa. Cacisa ngokwengqondo isimo sakhe sengqondo, isithando, indawo yakhe yomsebenzi, nokuba ubukhulu bomvuzo wakhe. Unokwenza loo mzobo ukuphinda uphinde umfanekiso womntu ofanelekileyo kusasa, emva kwemini nobusuku (ngokukodwa ukwenza lo msebenzi wengqondo ngaphambi kokulala). Kwaye kuya kuba kuhle ukuba uthathe ipensela okanye ibrashi kwaye uyidwebe ephepheni. Beka umfanekiso womntu osondeleyo kumgangatho wakho, ngaphezu kwebhedi yakho. Ukuba ubugcisa abuyena ihashe lakho, uze uyipende kwiingcinga zakho ngokuphindaphindiweyo. Khumbula, ukukhuthaza nokunyamezela kubalulekile kule ngxaki. Ngako oko, ukuze ukhangele i-prince oyifunayo, kufuneka wenze yonke imizamo. Unokuphinda uphinde ucinge kwakhona kwaye uvelise engqondweni yakho kwindawo yentlanganiso yakho. Yenza ngokuphindaphindiweyo. Ukuphuhlisa imeko ecacileyo yokuba unokufumana njani uthando lwakho.
Ngoku ngoku phantse akukho namnye ongathandabuzekiyo ngezinto ezibonakalayo, kodwa ukuba abe yimpahla, ingcinga kufuneka icace kwaye inentsingiselo. Kumele ungene kuyo yonke ingqalelo yakho, kufuneka ucinge ngayo ngaphezu kweyodwa okanye kabini - imihla ngemihla, mhlawumbi ngeenyanga eziliqela. Uze ucinge kuphela kwifom yokumisela kwaye ngokukhethekileyo ngexesha langoku.
Umzekelo: "Ndidibana nendoda yam amaphupha ami ...", kodwa akukho mzekelo: "Ndiyathemba ngelinye ilanga ndiya kukwazi ukufumana uthando lwam ..." Inketho yesibini ayikho na indawo, ayikho ikamva. Ngaloo ndlela, sifike ngokukhawuleza kwesizathu sesibini sokuba sisese.
- Ukuntula ukuzithemba, unokuzithemba
Abaninzi bethu ebuntwaneni bafundiswa ukuba bangamantombazana abalungileyo. Saxelelwa ukuba ukuze sithole uthando lomntu, kufuneka sikwenze oku kwaye oku. Ulonwabo nothando lwethu lwaqala ukubonakala nje njengentlawulo yomsebenzi owenziweyo. Ngenxa yoko, ingqondo engagqithisiyo ibeka ingqungquthela yokuba uthando kufuneka luzuze.
Phonsa le ngcamango eyingozi kwintloko yakho. Yaye xa ithe yavela - yiphulaphule kwi-subconscious, njengolukhula, kanye kunye. Awudingi ukwenza izinto ezingenakucinga ukuba ufumane uthando. Ufanelwe uthando! Mkele le ngcamango njengento yokwenene, kholelwa kwixabiso lakho kwabanye abantu njengaye, kwaye kungekhona into ethile. Uze uphathe ngendlela efanayo nabanye - yibani ngabahlobo, thandani nje, themba nje. Ngaba uhlala kweli hlabathi? Ngaloo ndlela, ufanelwe uthando.
Musa ukucinga ukuba xa wenza into engalunganga, uya kulahla ithuba lokufumana uthando. Wonke umntu unalo eli thuba, kungakhathaliseki iimpawu zakhe, ubudala kunye nezentlalo. Zihloniphe, zithande wena, zixabise okulungileyo kuwe. Kule ndlela kuphela unokutsala uthando lomnye umntu.
Kukho enye inketho yokuzithoba. Yiyo imeko xa umfazi, ezama ukufihla intloni yakhe kunye neengxube zengaphakathi, uba ngumsindo kwabanye. Uzijonga ngokuba ngumfazi-ntampu, kodwa akanalo nantoni na. Loo mfazi unengqiqo, unelisekile ngokuzenzekelayo, kwaye ukubonakala kwakhe konke kubonisa ukuba akayidingi uthando kunye nokugcinwa. Nangona ihlabathi lakhe elingaphakathi lithetha okuchaseneyo. Thina - abasetyhini - kufuneka sikhumbule ukuba amadoda akayi kudala ukumbumba kwi-psychology yethu kwaye avelise iimpawu ezingacacanga. Bona oko bakubonayo. Ungafuni ukunakwa kwabantu - musa. Abayi kuthathwa nguwe ukuba uyabagxotha ngamabomu. Abayi kuchitha ixesha kwi-accessibility yakho - ngaba uyayidinga? Kwaye, ngaphandle koko, ngaba ufuna le nto? Ngoko uziqhelanise nokuthetha kakubi, susa iingcamango ezimbi entloko yakho uze uzibe ngokwakho-ube ngumfazi obuthathaka, onothando, onothando.
Umthetho wobomi usebenza njenge-boomerang-ingaba udaka uthululela kwilizwe elingaphandle, njengokuba uza kubuyisela emva koko. Ungavumeli imvakalelo yeemvakalelo kunye neentlungu ezingabonakaliyo. Awuyi kuqaphela inkqubo ngokwayo, kodwa ekugqibeleni uya kulahla abameli besini esahlukileyo kwinqanaba elincinane, kwaye ziya kutshabalala ukusuka kwindawo yakho.
Ngenxa yokuzithoba, sisoloko sinomona. Akukaze ufanele uzibambe ucinga ukuba "unwele lwakhe lukhulu kakhulu kwaye luhle kunami", "ungobukhulu, kwaye uthathe indoda enhle" ... Asifanele sivumele ukuba amagama anjalo aphakame kwi-subconscious yethu konke. Lo uphawu olucacileyo lokunganeliseki okufihliweyo kunye nawe. Zithande - ungabi nomona ngabanye! Ngokuqhelekileyo, konke oku kukuzuzisa.
- Awunayo isibindi
Oku kuyinto ephuma kwinqanaba elithi "inhlanhla iyakuthandeka." Okanye, yintoni ethandwa kakhulu - "ukukhusela okulungileyo kukuhlaselwa". Akuyinyaniso ukuba ibhinqa ayifanele ibe nesibindi. Ngubani ongcono kunokuba wazi kakuhle into oyifunayo lonwabo? Mhlawumbi inkulu yamaphupha akho ahleli eduze kwakho kwaye akayi kukhwela. Kutheni ungabi nazibindi, ngezinye iindlela, ungabi nengozini kwaye ungazibopheli ngeendlela zokuzibandakanya ukuqala ukutshata?
Akuyimfuneko ukuphatha bonke abantu odibana nabo njengabaqabane okanye nabalingani bezesondo. Kwabaninzi babo, ubuhlobo bobuhlobo kuphela buhlala. Yaye ke phawula, abaxhasi basetyhini abanokuziphatha okuthe tye abayidoda kakhulu. Amadoda amaninzi awabonisi ukuthambekela ukuwadukisa. Ngaba kulungile ukuba uloyike kwaye ufihle iinjongo zakho ukuze ujwayelane xa amadoda ngokwawo emfihle kuphela alindele oku?
- Unamandla kakhulu
Ewe, kwaye oku kunokuphazamisa ulonwabo. Ngokomzekelo, chukumisa umntu ongafanelanga nomfanekiso omhle wendoda yakho ezayo. Oku akufanele kwenziwe kwaliphi na indlela. Vumela ukungaqondakali kwamandla kunye nabesifazane ababuthathaka abajikelezayo. Nangona oku kungonakali, kodwa obuthakathaka umfazi uziphatha, unamandla ngakumbi ukuba abe namandla phezu kwamadoda. Yaye le nto ingqina.
- Unomdla kakhulu
Ewe, ezi zihlandlo ziseshoni esaselula. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ukunyaniseka okunjalo kunye neentloni kuya kudlulela kumntu omdala. Kufuneka uqonde ukuba sele usumntu oqolileyo kwaye ungalawula iingcinga nezenzo.
Ngokuqhelekileyo umntu unikezela ukuba akwenze okuthile kuwe, kodwa ukhawuleza ukuwuyeka, ngenxa yokoyika ukuba kuya kunzima. Le yenye yezona mpazamo ezinkulu zabesetyhini abafuna ukuvuya kwaye batshata. Ukunyanzela umntu kwizicelo zakho nokuxazulula iingxaki zakho aziqali ngosuku lomtshato, kodwa ukususela kwiintsuku zokuqala kunye neeyure zobudlelwane. Omnye umntu osisilumko wathi: "Amadoda athande abesifazana ngokumalunga noko bawenze ntoni kula mabhinqa." Ukuba uthatha unonophelo oluninzi lomntu kwaye ungamvumeli ukuba azikhathalele, uya kukhangela ngokukhawuleza kwaye aqale ukukuphatha njengabasebenzi abangabancedisi. Basithandayo ngenxa yento abayenzela yona - khumbula oku. Ngakumbi xa bebeka unonophelo, ubunzima, ixesha, uthando, imali kumfazi wabo, ngakumbi baya kumxabisa.
- Awunelisekile
Oku kuvela kwakhona kubuntwaneni obunzulu. Umama wakho wayehlala kuwe kuphela - engazi iimfuno zakho. Ube yintsingiselo yobomi bakhe, uchithe kuyo. Ngoko, ngenxa yoko, qhawula kwiqabane lakho elitsha, ungabi nobomi bakho. Uhlala unomdla wakhe, uyamkhathalela kuyo yonke into, ulawula zonke izinyathelo azenzayo - ngokukhawuleza wenza iphutha aze angene enkingeni. Ngala mabhinqa, amadoda awahlali ixesha elide. Yintoni endiyenzayo? Vumela nje iphefumule. Musa ukulawula umntu wakho, ungadlala imifanekiso yesikhwele, ungagxininisi ngokupheleleyo ubudlelwane bakho. Qalisa ubomi bakho. Ngengqiqo, qhagamshelana nabahlobo, ukwakha umsebenzi, ube nenxaxheba yokuzilibazisa. Yiba nomdla kumntu, njengomntu. Kwaye kum, naye.
Kwaye ezinye iingcebiso ...
Nangona zonke iziqinisekiso, nangona kunjalo, abaninzi abafazi abaziboni ukuba kuyimfuneko ukuphulaphula ezi ngcebiso. Kodwa ngelize. Emva kwakho konke, amadoda ngokukodwa athatyathwa kwabasetyhini abanengqondo. Ngoko kucebise ukuba ngabahlobo abanolwazi, ukufunda iincwadi ezimileyo, abacuphi abancinci kunye neenveli zothando zohlobo lwe "pink". Kwaye kuya kuba mnandi ukulibala malunga neentambo zeTV eziya kuTV ngaphandle kokuphela.
Kwaye kwakhona: akukho mfuneko yokuzama ukunamathela kwindoda yokuqala yindoda nganoma yintoni indleko. Ukuba akafuni ukuba nawe, ke lo mntu akayenawe. Unenkululeko yokukhetha, kwaye unenkululeko yokuzikhethela. Khumbula oku, zibeke. Amanye amabhinqa ayesaba ukuba akayi kudibana nabani na umntu kwaye ke alungele ukunyamezela yonke into.
Ukukhathazeka okungakumbi kwintombazana, ukuhlonipha okuncinci kuye kwenzeka kumntu. Kubuhlungu, kodwa kuyinyaniso. Zithatha ngesidima, zihloniphe wena, ungazikhubekisi. Ukuba ucinga ukuba bonke abantu bastards, umntu ohloniphekileyo akaze avele avele kwindawo yakho.
Okulungileyo nokubi akunalo isini. Ngamnye wethu unamacala omnyama namhlophe, kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo umntu uphendukela kuthi kunye necala elinye. Musa ukukhawuleza ukugweba. Mhlawumbi kwicala lesibini liya kukumangazela ngokucoceka kwayo.
Ukuphelisa isahluko sobudenge obungakaze kwenzeke ukuba amadoda angaphantsi kwabasetyhini kwaye ngoko kufuneka baxoshwe. Khumbula - ngamnye umntu. Kwaye uphile ngokuzithemba. Ngokumalunga nobudala bakho abathetheli ngokwaneleyo. Futhi ungaqali ukucinga ngawe ngamazwi: "Kutheni ndikwazi ukufumana uthando lwam kweli hlabathi?" Kungcono ukuthetha oku: "Ndifanelwe uthando lomntu ongcono kakhulu emhlabeni!"