Ukuva kwimeko
Ukuze uqonde oko kwenzekayo ngomnye umntu, kufuneka ufunde ukuwuphulaphula ngokufanelekileyo. Thatha ibali elifanayo kunye nomhlobo. Ngokomzekelo, uxela ibali elibuhlungu: ummerethi owenziwe kunye naye akabizanga. Nangona kunjalo, akusiyo impendulo eyenziwe ngokucacileyo eyenza icacise intombi: uyayiva, ayayiqonda kwaye ayigwetywanga. Kuya kuba lula kakhulu kuye ukuba avule, ukuze angabi nako ukufunda naziphi na iingcamango, yena ngokwakhe uya kuthetha konke. Ngokomzekelo, umhlobo uthi: "Yaye xa wabiza okwesihlanu, wathetha nam ngokungathi andizange ndibizele nabani na." Kule meko, ungaphendula: "Unesiva sokuba awunabo, kwaye awukwazi ukubiza." Yaye ungangena kwi ntshumayelo enomsindo. Inkqubo ye-psychotherapeutic ibizwa ngokuba yi-paraphrasing. Njengowokuqala, unikeza umngane ithuba lokuqonda ukuba bakuva. Ewe, ukufunda iingcamango neemvakalelo zomhlobo akunzima kakhulu. Nangona kunjalo, kunxibelelana naye ukuba kunengqondo ukuqeqesha. Endaweni yomhlobo ingaba omnye umntu-isithandwa, umlingane okanye umphathi. Bonke baya kuthi bathethe oko bafuna ukufihla kwezinye iimeko.
Fumana ukungafani kweshumi
Emva kokuba sibonise i-interlocar inesihawu esibi kwaye siqale ukuphulaphula ngokuchanekileyo, uya kuphumla. Ngoku siyakwazi ukuqhubeka ngokukhuselekileyo ekufundeni nasekufundeni izibonakaliso zakhe ezingengomlomo. Ngokomgaqo, oku akusiyo inzululwazi kakhulu: zonke iintshukumo ezenziwa ngumntu azizinzima. Ubunzima kuphela ukubona iisethi zonke ezingabonakaliyo ngomlomo - ukunyamekela intetho yokuthetha, isithintelo sezwi, ukubonakalisa ubuso, ubuso kunye nexesha elifanayo ungalibali ukuphulaphula oko akutshoyo kwaye uphendule. Ngokubanzi, ukufundisa olu buchule kufana nokuqonda isayensi yokuqhuba. Ekuqaleni, sibona kuphela isondo lokuqhuba, ngoko-isondo kunye nokuhamba kwendlela, ngoko sibona izibane zendlela kunye nabahamba ngeenyawo, imiqondiso yendlela kunye nommangaliso! - iimoto ezihamba emva! Kulula ukuqagela ukuba umntu ohlaziyiweyo ayikho ngaphezu kwesixhobo asikwazi ukubizwa ngokuba ngumqhubi omhle. Njengomntu onokwazi ukubona isibonakaliso esingekho somlomo, umntu akanako ukubizwa ngokuba yicandelo leengcali. Kufuneka kuqatshelwe ukuba uphawu olususwe kumxholo lulona luba luncedo oluncinane. Thatha umzekelo isenzo esivamile kakhulu - ukubetha iinwele. Kwimeko yokuqala, indoda ithetha intombazana ize iphakamise isandla sayo entloko, igubungele entanyeni yakhe. Kuthetha ukuthini oku? Musa ukuya kumcebisi - uyayithanda intombazana, uyayikhohlisa aze athumele umqondiso ongenamagama. Ngoku masicinge ukuba lo mntu uziphatha ngendlela efanayo xa uthetha nomphathi. I-neophyte inokugqiba ngokugqithiseleyo ukuba iqhawe lethu liyintombazana okanye isini, sizama ukudukisa umphathi. Kwaye kuya kuba yinto engalunganga. Enye kunye nesenzo esifanayo sinokuba nemiyalezo eyahlukeneyo. Kwimeko yesibini, indoda iyakhathazeka, ikhuthaze yona, ikhuphe intloko, kwaye ingqiqo kakhulu "iyakhohlisa" umphathi, oko kukuthi, ngokwemiqathango elula, uzama ukukholisa. Akukho nto yokubandakanya ngesondo.
Ewe? Hayi!
Izibonakaliso ezingekho phantsi kwezandi zihluke kakhulu, kuba inxalenye enkulu bazisa abanye ngesimo esithile umntu azifumanayo. Nangona kunjalo, kukho isivumelwano okanye ukungavumelani okubonisa. Kwaye kwenzeka ngokuqhelekileyo: umntu uthi enye into, kwaye ngoncedo lobuso kunye nesenzo esisasaza into ehluke ngokupheleleyo. Ukuziphatha akuthethi ukuba umntu ufuna ukukhohlisa. Kungenzeka ukuba ukholelwa ngokunyanisekileyo oko akathethayo, kwaye ngeli xesha ekhohlisayo. Umzekelo, ukuba umnxibelelwano uthetha ibinzana elithi: "Kakade, ndiya kuza ngokuqinisekileyo" - kwaye ngelixa ejika intloko yakhe ngasekunene nakwesobunxele, kunye nokuxhomekeka emva koko, mhlawumbi akayi kuyenza. Ukuba umntu esiqhagamshelana naye uqala ukuthetha ngokukhawuleza okanye ngenye indlela ukwandisa umgama - usuka kwisigamu sesinyathelo, ususwe - oku, kuyo yonke into inokwenzeka, uthetha: akayikuthetha ngomlomo nathi. Nangona kwezinye iimeko, ngaloo ndlela, kubonisa ukuba ufuna ukutshintsha isihloko, ingxoxo yinto engathandeki kuye. Ukuba umzimba we-interlocutor uqhubela phambili, unqumla-unomdla kwintetho kwaye uyavuma ukuba uvumelane nesiphakamiso.
Nazi iipa
Kutheni abantu behlala besenza ngokungahambisani? Kutheni ba fanele Inyaniso kukuba ngamnye kuthiwa kukho abantu abahlukeneyo, abangekho rhoqo phakathi kwethu abafuna ukufunda abantu njengencwadi evulekileyo, kufuneka bathathe le ngqalelo ingqalelo. Isazi seengqondo saseMerika u-Eric Berne sabhala malunga nokuba umntwana uhlala kunye nomntu - imbono yethu yento esasifana ngayo ebuntwaneni. Umzali ungumfanekiso oqokelelweyo, uhlobo lwefotobo yabazali, kunye nomntu omdala ngumphathi ozolileyo kwaye onengqiqo ebomini bethu. Xa, ngokomzekelo, sithembisa umntu ukuba eze kumcimbi, siqala kwisimo somntwana ongaphakathi, ofuna ukuzonwabisa. Nangona kunjalo, ngezinye iinkalo, iingcingo zikaRhulumente zithathwa ezandleni zoMzali wethu kwaye ziyakwenqabela ukuba zikhe zikhethiweyo kwindawo yokuhlolwa. Ukufunda umdibaniselwano, kubaluleke kakhulu ukubona kuMntwana wangaphakathi, lowo uyingxowanxu yakhe, uxanduva lweemvakalelo, ukungazenzisi kunye nobukhulu. Ukuze ukwazi ukujamelana nomsebenzi, unokuzama nje ukuzama ukucinga indlela lo mntu wayengumntwana. Okanye mbuze imibuzo ethile kwesi sihloko. Emva koko ucinge ngendlela ayenziwa ngayo ngabazali bakhe, njengokuba bebephulaphule, beqonda okanye banzima.
Qala kunye nawe
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba kwakunjani, nabani na abanomdla wokufunda iingcamango okanye iimvakalelo kufuneka baqale ngokuzifunda ngokwabo. Qaphela izibonakaliso zakho ezingabonakaliyo, uzive uhlukeneyo, uzigcine. Emva kokuba sele efundele kakuhle, uya kuba nako ukuqonda oko kwenzekayo kwabanye. Kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, kulo mzekelo akunakwenzeka ukwenza ngaphandle kothando. Ukuba asiyithandi into esiya kufundisisa, akunakwenzeka ukuba ibe ngumphumo. Ngokubanzi, i-misanthropes ayivunyelwe ukungena kule ndawo yolwazi.