Yingakho imvakalelo yabo embi ayibangeli nabubele. Sivame ukuyibiza ngokuthi "i-whims" nje kwaye uyinqumle nayiphi na indlela efanelekileyo nekhoyo. Enyanisweni, yintoni enokubakho ukuphazamiseka kwemizwelo, xa ubomi bonke buquka ukutya, imidlalo nokuhamba? Ngaba ikhona isizathu sokudandatheka okanye ukucaphuka komntwana oneminyaka elilodwa (ubudala, abathathu ubudala) umntwana? Kukho. Kwaye, ngendlela, bafana neyethu. Indlela yokusombulula le ngxaki, fu manisa kwinqaku ethi "Umoya womntwana, ubuso bomntwana."
Kakhulu kakhulu
Xa uneminyaka engama-1 ubudala, isimo sengqondo esibi somntwana kunzima kakhulu ukubona. Emva koko, kuboniswa kuphela ngenye indlela - ukukhala. Oko kukuthi, njengendlala, intlungu, ukukhathala, ukuphazamiseka okubandakanyeka neentambo ezimanzi okanye izambatho ezinqabileyo zichazwe. Kodwa - hayi. Enyanisweni, ukukhala xa kunesimo sengqondo esibi kuya kuhluka kwizinye iindidi. Liqinileyo, liphantsi kwetoni, libuhlungu kwaye lilila. Ukuba, ngaphandle kokuba umntwana unempilo, uva ukukhala okunjalo, ungathandabuzeki: intsana ayikho emoyeni. Ngubani oye wazama ukuphazamisa isimo sengqondo esinjalo? Uninzi mhlawumbi, nguwe-nangona kunjalo, akwenziwanga ngokukodwa kwaye engazi kakuhle. Abantwana abancinci banomdla kakhulu kumama womama, bathabathe zonke iintlungu kunye nemihlali yakhe. Kukho uluvo lokuba ukwenziwa kobisi lwebele kuncike ngokuxhomekeka kwimoya, kwaye ngoko ke umntwana usondeza imvakalelo yakho. Ngenye indlela, simele sivume ukuba oomama nabantwana bayavuya, banwabile ngayo yonke into eyenzekayo, kwaye bazolile, balinganise kwaye bavuya. Ukuba umama ukhathele kakhulu ukuba angonwabi, kwaye uhlala efumana uxinzelelo, uxhalabe, ngoko umntwana akanako ukulindela okhethekileyo. Abantwana abanjalo bahlala bekhala ngaphandle kwesizathu esibonakalayo, behlisa phantsi ezandleni zabo kuphela. Oku kukuphinda kwonakalise isimo sengqondo sikamama, uthumela ngakumbi iimvakalelo ezimbi kumntwana - ngokubanzi, kuvela isangqa esichukumisayo.
Ngendlela, oomama bavame ukuchaza imeko yabo: "Isangqa esivaliweyo. Andizange ndicinge ukuba emva kokuzalwa komntwana konke kuya kuba kubi. Ndihlala ndihlala ekhaya, ndilindela umyeni wam ukuba abuyele aze ancede, kwaye uthi uyakhathazekile kwaye akanako ukuphumla ekhaya, kuba kukho umonakalo kuyo yonke indawo. Ewe, siphikisana, kunye neemeko ezivela kule mpi ngakumbi. Ndingenwaba njani nomntwana ukuba ndihlala ndifuna ukukhala? Ngaphezu koko, ndiyazi kakuhle ukuba ikusasa iya kuba yinto efanayo. Ndidiniwe kakhulu, ngoko ndiza kubiza umyeni wam, siya kuhlambalaza, ndiza kutyhalaza umntwana ... "Ukuvuthwa, ukulahlekelwa yintliziyo, ukungakwazi ukuvuyela oko kwakuqhele ukuzonwabisa - iimpawu ezinjalo zibonwa kuma-80% wabasetyhini emva kokubeleka (amathuba abo anyuke kunye nobudala kunye nenani lokuzalwa) kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, iyakubonakalisa ekunxibelelaneni nosana kwaye nakwixesha lakhe elizayo. Abantwana abaye bafumana ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo yomama ukususela ebuntwaneni banokuxhalaba, bathambekele ekuphelelaneni nokukhathazeka, kwaye bafumana ubunzima obunzima bokuphila. Ngako oko, kufuneka uphucule indlela ovakalelwa ngayo ngokukhawuleza-ukuba wena kunye nomntwana. Okokuqala, yongeza ubomi obuhle ebomini bakho. Akunzima kakhulu, ukuba ukhumbule ukuba ubomi buqulethe izinto ezincinci. Emva kwakho konke, nokuba uhamba, ungaya kwiindawo ozithandayo, ncokola nalabo babantu abanomdla kwaye bahlawule ngethemba. Okwesibini, cwangcisa iingxoxo ze-psychotherapeutic. Hayi, ngenxa yale nto akuyi ku funeka uhambe naliphi na kwaye ubhalisele ukuqeshwa kunye neengcali. Njengoko ugqirha uya kuba ngumntwana wakho. Utshela konke malunga nomoya, iingcamango malunga nokuba kutheni. Unokukhalaza ngabantu abangajongelanga (jonga amazwi kuphela), unokwabelana ngezicwangciso zakho. Iintsana zikulungele ukuphulaphula kwaye ziyamangalisa. Baya kuba ngcono, nabo, xa befumanisa ukuba akukho ntyala kwiimeko zakho, oko kwenzeka nje. Yaye umama uya kuba ngcono - ingxaki, njengoko siyazi, iyancitshiswa kakhulu. Ngendlela, le ndlela ayilona ndlela entsha. Kwiinkcubeko ezininzi, oomama bahlabelela i-lullabies eyayiqulunqwa nguye ngosuku (kwiinkcubeko ezilondoloze inkqubo yemveli, ngoko ke ngoku), malunga nento yonke eyenzekayo, malunga nezinto ezixhalabisa. Kwakukholelwa ukuba abantwana, ngoko, bazive benxalenye yentsapho kwaye bakhula ngakumbi.
Ukususela kolunye ukuya kwiminyaka emithathu
Umntwana ukhula, nolwazi lwakhe lwehlabathi, iimfuno zakhe, isangqa soqhagamshelwano siyaqhubeka. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ubuchule bakhe bukhulu kakhulu: unokuhamba, ukuthetha kunye nokuzimeleyo ngokuzimeleyo, kwesinye, usephantsi kokulawula rhoqo kwaye kaninzi akakwazi ukufeza umnqweno wakhe. Ngokuqhelekileyo, isizathu esona sizathu somoya obi siyiqonda. Esinye isizathu silahlekelwa yinto ebalulekileyo. Kwaye kubalulekile kumntwana - oku akunjalo into efanayo nomntu omdala. Umntwana oneminyaka emibini ubudala unokukhupha ngokusesikweni umtshato womzali, ushiye intsapho kayise, kodwa kuya kuba nzima ukusinda ekulahlekelweni kwamathoyizi akhethandayo. Ukufa kuka-ugogo akuyi kubonwa ngokuphawulekayo njengoko, umzekelo, ukuhamba komama kwansuku zonke emsebenzini. Lo mbandela we-psyche uvumela abantwana ukuba bazikhusele kwiimeko ezilukhuni kakhulu, bakhuphe izigulana zobuntwana bokuqala. Enye inkcazelo elula kwaye eyamkelekileyo yenkcazo yenza ukuba umntwana akwazi ukulungisa imbono yakhe yehlabathi. Ukuba kukho umntu ohlala enomdla kwaye ethandayo, ngoko yonke into iyahlelwa. Kwaye konke malunga nezinto ezincinci (into eyisihluthulelo kuthi) umntwana unokukhala ixesha elide kwaye enganyaniseki. Ngokude kangangokuthi uzinxiba aze alele. Ukuzisa abantwana kweli lizwe akufanelekanga, kodwa akukho nto inokuyikrakra kunye nokucima.
Ukukhala kuyindlela yabo yokusabela kwimvakalelo, ukuphosa yonke into engeyiyo. Njengomthetho, emva kwesiphango esinjalo sezinyembezi, umntwana ovusiweyo uzive ngcono kwaye ulungele ukudlala ngendlela enhle (nangona abazali sele bephelelwe yile mzuzu). Ukongezelela, ngeli xesha umntwana ufunda iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokusebenzisana nabantu abadala kunye noontanga. Ukuba uyaqonda ukuba ukukhala kwakhe kwenza abantu ngokunyanisekileyo, uya kusebenzisa esi sixhobo. "U-Nastya akabi. Ukhahlela, kwaye kubi kakhulu. Akukho mntu omnye ongayi kuhlala engabandakanyekanga kwezi zandi ezililayo, ezikhuphayo. Xa ekhwela kwivenkile, nabantu abangaziwayo bazimisele ukuthenga yonke into ayifunayo. Ekuqaleni akazange akwenze ngenjongo, kodwa ngoku uhamba ngokunyanisekileyo. Kukho enye indlela yokujongana nale - ukuhamba kwaye ungayiphulaphuli. Emva koko uya kuzincama. " Imvakalelo embi yomntwana walesi sizwe ayibonakali nje ngokukhala. Unako ukulala embhedeni ngaphandle kokuphendula iimfuno zokudlala, angabonakala engenanto kwifestile, kwaye ukuba iimeko ezimbi zidibaniswa nobudlova - ukukhaba nokuphonsa amathoyizi. Nangona kunjalo, kuyimfuneko ukunceda. Yena ngokwakhe akakwazi ukujamelana nomoya wakhe ngexesha. Bonisa ukubamba iqhaza okukhulu, umonde kunye nokufudumala, nokuba ngaba, njengoko bethethayo, uyasola. Ngelo xesha, oku akufanele kuthathe ukuba ufanele wenze izivumelwano, umzekelo, ukuba ungavumi ukutyelela ekhayeni lakho, ekubeni umntwana ngaphandle kwakho kubi kakhulu. Usebenzisa isiqalo sokuba yonke into ebomini ayikho yonke kwaye ayiyi kuba yindlela efuna ngayo. Kwaye kwinto yokuba akusiyo isizathu sokuxinezeleka. Ngoko mnike le sifundo. Ngaphandle kokuba utshintshe izicwangciso zakho kwaye ungakhange uxoxe ngokubangela isizathu sakhe sengqondo esichaphazelekayo, hlala uze uhlale ngapha. Kwaye udlala kunye nabantwana kwimidlalo enomsindo, bawuthabathe kwaye ubaphulise. Kwaye ukubetha umva ngokuqhelekileyo kuyona ndlela yezona ndlela zingcono zokuthintela uxinzelelo.
Ezintathu ukuya ezintandathu
Xa uneminyaka engamashumi amabini anesiqingatha neminyaka emithathu umntwana uhlakulela ukuzimela. Uthetha ngaye ngokwakhe "mna", uyaba neentloni, ahlasele (uyaqonda ukuba abanye abantu bayamkhangela, baxoxe njalo njalo). Ukongezelela, unesidingo esinyanisekileyo sokuthintana noontanga, kwaye kule ndawo, nazo zizathu zazo zokufumana. Ngokuqhelekileyo, umntwana osekhulile, mhlawumbi ukuba imbangela yesimo sengqondo esibi singaphandle kwentsapho (nangona ubudlelwane kunye nabazali kuseyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu). Ngelo xesha, ukunyaniseka kungabonakala ekuziphatheni: umntwana akasenalo ukuxelela abazali bakhe yonke into. Ngamanye amaxesha akazi nje ukuba kukwazi ukuxelela oko kwenzeka. Ngoko, umzekelo, ukuba umntwana uhlaselwa ngumntu omdala, umhlobo okanye umfokazi, akanako ukuthetha ngawo. Emva koko, umntu omdala ligunya, ukuba uyakhala, ngoko, "ndifanelwe". Ngoko ukufumanisa ukuba yiyiphi imbangela yokudakumba, imvakalelo embi ayilula.
Fundisa umntwana ngokungathethekiyo, kwinto yokuba unokutshela yonke into kubathandekayo bakhe. Njalo uxhase umntwana xa kunenkathazo, nangona imeko iphikisana. Ewe, unokuxoxa ngayo, fumana ukuba ngubani othe tye, ngubani onokusola, kodwa-kamva, kamva. Xa umntwana ecinezelekile, ecindezelekile, ufuna, okokuqala, ukuxhasa. Ngendlela, lo mgaqo awuvumelekanga kuphela kubantwana. Sonke sifuna isimo sengqondo esinjalo, ukuba sithandwa kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni. Le isiseko senwabe kwintsapho. Ukuba umntwana engatshoyo, ungazicongi. Ngokukodwa ekubeni iimvakalelo kule minyaka ziyinkimbinkimbi, phantse kufana nabantu abadala, umntwana akanako ukuqonda ukuphela kokubangela ukuba adabuke. Thetha ngezihloko ezingabonakaliyo okanye ngesihloko sesimo sengqondo, kodwa ngaphandle kokufuna izizathu. "Yaye wabuhlungu nini na?", "Ube lusizi kangakanani - okanye utyhafile nje okanye ukuba i-ice cream ayifuni?", "Yintoni oyifunayo ukuze ungadabuki?" - umntwana unokuphendula imibuzo enjalo. Kwaye, ngokunjalo, kunye nawe unokufumana indlela yokuphucula imizwa yakho. Ukongezelela, oko kuthiwa ukugonywa kwemizimba kunceda gqitha. Wena ngezihlandlo uxela ibali ukususela ebuntwaneni bakho (uhlekisayo umama, ujeziswe kwi-kindergarten, uxabane nentombi). Ibali kufuneka lichazwe kwingqalelo apho lithetha ngemvakalelo kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo libe nesiphelo esihle. Oku kuya kubonelela ngombono ontle ebomini. Ngoku uyazi ukuba isimo sengqondo somntwana, ukulinganisa komntwana.