Umama wekhulu lama-XXI - bangubani?
Enyanisweni, indima yomama yenye yeyona nto ibaluleke ebomini yobomi. Kuphela ngoku siyidlala ngokuhlukileyo. Jonga ngokujonge kwiindidi zamamama zanamhlanje "zidwetshwe" ngabafundi bezengqondo, kwaye ude uzibonele kwezinye ze "portraits", ungadikibala. Ukuvumelanisa ngokwayo i-hypostases eyahlukeneyo yomama ayizange ifike!
Umama-hen
Umama osweleyo ulungele ukuzinikela ngokupheleleyo kwintsapho, ngokukhawuleza ukuzincama umsebenzi wakhe kunye nezinye izinto "ezingenangqondo". Kungenxa yokuba yona yinto ephambili! "Emva kokuhlala ngaphandle kweenkukhu," uyangena kwiindawo ezixhalabisa iingxaki, ukuhamba, ukusindisa ebushushu ... Iinguqu "zamathambo" zanamhlanje ziye zandisa uluhlu lwemveli lwenkathalo: zichitha ixesha elide ekuphuhlisweni komntwana wonke. Ukudansa, i-aikido, isiNgesi, ukufunda iincwadi ezihlakaniphile, imfundo yentsingiselo elungileyo - usuku lomntwana lubekwe ngeloqobo ngomzuzu. Ngenxa yoko, umntwana uyakhula ethembele kwaye uxhomekeke kuye: umama-umntwana uthatha ihlabathi langaphakathi lomntwana, engamvumeli ukuba abonise umntu ngamnye. Ulwalamano olunjalo lweengqondo lubonisa ukuchithwa kwe-syncosis (fusion), kwaye kuyingozi kumntu wonke: ngenxa yomntwana okhuselekile ebomini ngokubanzi, kunye nomama ozinikela ngokuzithandela ngenxa yengane. Ngokukhawuleza okanye kamva, "iindlela zokukhusela" zomama ziqala ukukhupha umbhikisho obundlobongela kumntwana. Ukuxhomekeka okanye ukuxhomekeka (okokuqala - ekunakekeleni kwam, ngoko-ukusuka kwimibono yabanye) iba yinto yakhe yesibini.
Yintoni endiyenzayo? Myekeni umntwana! Kancinci, njengoko ekhula, kuthatha uxanduva kwimicimbi yakhe, ulawulo lokudlulisela ebomini bakhe kuye. Ukuqala le nkqubo kuyimfuneko ngezinto ezincinci: vumela umntwana ukuba agqoke ngokwakhe, adle, agubungele isikhalazo, tyikitye amathoyizi ... kwaye, ekugqibeleni, wenze izigqibo - umzekelo, hamba ukuhamba epakini okanye wenze ipuzzle? Ukudlulisela kumntwana omnye umsebenzi emva komnye, uyayinyamekela ikamva lakhe: zonke izakhono zakhe ziqinisekiso sokuzithemba!
Umama wo shishino
Awuyi kubona umama wakho rhoqo - inkwenkwe ihlala inomntwana okanye ugogo. Uphi na umama? Ewe, emsebenzini: kukho umntu obalulekileyo, ngaphandle kwayo-akukho ndlela! Enyanisweni, umama usola ukuba umntwana akanako ukushisa okwaneleyo kunye nokunika ingqalelo oko, ukuzalisa unyana wakhe ngezipho "ngaphandle kwesizathu" kwaye ulungiselele ukuzizonwabisa "okungabikho" ngeveki.
Abaphathi bezentengiselwano abanomama njengento ephambili. Kukho izizathu ezininzi zezi mpawu: imfuneko yokusebenza kanzima, izicwangciso zobugcisa, ubukhosi bokubeleka, okanye ukuzingca. Namhlanje sijwayelene nale nto kwaye sibona kuyo inzuzo eninzi: ukuba wonke umntu wenza into esebenza kakuhle (umama wakhela umsebenzi, kwaye umntan--properfect uvelisa umntwana) -iyiphi into engafanelekanga?
Kwixesha elizayo, umntwana, akafakiwe, uyamhlonela umzali wakhe osebenzayo, kwaye uya kumnceda ukuba athole umsebenzi ebomini. Kodwa ... umama udinga namhlanje! Bent phezu komntwana, evuya ngelizwi elitsha, ephilisa iimbombo zokuqala ... Ngaphandle kwenkxaso, umntwana akanako ukwenza. Ixesha elijongene nentsholongwane yintsana yinyanga engama-6-12 (unxibelelwano nonina "londla" umntwana!). Kodwa emva konyaka umntwana ufuna unxibelelwano olukhawulezileyo "olunxulumene": ngokutsho koososayensi, kunzima kunokuba ngumzimba ophilayo, ixesha elide lixhomekeke kumama.
Yintoni endiyenzayo? Qaphela ukuzaliswa kwintsapho kunye nazo zonke uxanduva kwaye unikezele "ixesha" elipheleleyo lokuqwalasela kwakho - ngokufanelekileyo kwiminyaka yokuqala yobomi bakhe (ngeli xesha isiseko sezinto ezithembekileyo zomntwana ezithembekileyo emhlabeni). Yaye ukuba iimeko zenzeke ngokungafaniyo, ungazigxeka, kodwa ungavumeli yonke into ihambe ngokwayo! Kunokuba uphephe imvumba ngempahla yezinto eziphathekayo, bhetele umnike ixesha elide - ekuhlwa, ngeveki, kwiholide. Kubalulekile kungekhona nje kuphela ubungakanani balo, kodwa kunye nomgangatho - uxhulumaniso kufuneka "lufakiwe", lusebenzayo, luyimfihlo. Yiya kwiingxaki zomntwana, ukukhawula, kumanga, ungalibali ukuthetha ukuba uyamthanda kangakanani.
Umama-intombi
Le yinto eqhelekileyo yamaxesha anamhlanje (akunakwenzeka ukuba "oomama-bahlobo" babenomama!) Kwaye, ekuqalekeni, ukulungelelanisa okufanelekileyo. Ukuba umama wakhela ubudlelwane nomntwana ngokwemigaqo "inkululeko, ukulingana kunye nobuzalwana", kwaye entliziyweni yokuthetha kwabo kukuxhomekeka - kulungile! Kuyathakazelisa naye (njengomgaqo, impilo yentlalo yomama onjalo uyabetha ngentloko): kulula ukuthetha iingcinga zefilosofi, ukwabelana ngezabelo, ukuhlamba amathambo abahlobo. Kodwa nakhona apha kukho imifula engaphantsi kwamanzi. Imfundo yabamama, ngaphezu kwakho konke, ukuzonwabisa. Kodwa kuthekani ngeminye imisebenzi yomama? Umhlobo wabo umama uzama ukutshintshela kubancedisi - ubaba, ugogo, unina, utitshala ... kwaye esikhundleni sengqondo egunyazisiweyo, unikezela "iingcebiso ezinobulumko" (ezithembekileyo kunye ngokugqithiseleyo "zilungiswe" kumntwana). Kodwa emva koko, ukhokelo lomcebisi ozilumko nakwiminye ixesha kuyimfuneko! Ngamanye amaxesha umama-ntombi uhlanganyela nomntwana ukuba "unzima kakhulu" (umzekelo, uxoxela ukutshatyalaliswa kobuqu obomvu okanye umntu osondelene naye) - ngelixa elinde isiluleko "esinengqiqo"!
Yintoni endiyenzayo? Ukukhula! Kuyinto enhle ukuba ube yiholide yowama, kunjalo, kodwa umntwana ufuna uncedo lwakho "kwimpilo yemihla ngemihla". Ukuba imvelaphi yale mpawu iyakwazi ngokupheleleyo kwaye ilala nomnqweno wokungafani nomama wakho (ukulawula, igunya elikhulu), lungisa nje umfanekiso we "intombi". Ukudibanisa okukhulu kule meko kukuba umntwana akayi kutya ukuxelela inyaniso. Ngoko ke, akunzima ukufumanisa oko kungenako.
Umama oMandla
"Zama nje ukuba ungagqiba ukudla i-porridge!", "Ukuba ekhaya 8!" okanye "Kubalulekile ukwenza njalo!" Kutheni? Ndathi! " - ezi ziqendu eziqhelekileyo zolu mama. Kwaye imigaqo ephambili yokuphuhliswa kwangoko kunye nokukhuliswa komntwana: "Kungcono ukuxabana kunokungcikiva" kwaye "Ukuthintela ngaphezu kwakho konke!". Ewe, umama unqwenela unyana wakhe konke okusemgangathweni-ubomi obuyimpumelelo ngaphandle kweepazamo kunye neempazamo. Kuphela akunakwenzeka ukuba kuya kuvela: le nkwenkwe ikhula ingakhuseli kuye ... Yaye iphupha lokulahla "uxinzelelo" lomama ngokukhawuleza!
Lo mama unamandla kwaye unamandla. Uqinisekile ukuba yonke into ilungile kwaye yenza konke okulungileyo kumntwana (nxamnye nokuthanda kwakhe). "Kwihlabathi le lanamhlanje, kula" mahlathi, "yodwa imfazwe enamandla kunayo yonke, ndiya kufundisa oko-ke ndiya kukubulela kwakhona!" - isiqubulo saloo mama. Iingcali zengqondo zihlukanisa iintlobo ezimbini ze-"mamandla" amamama: ibhinqa lenkampani-inkokeli, idlulisela iindlela zokulawula usebenze kwiintsebenziswano kunye nomntwana, kunye nomfazi ongenalutho, ukuhlawulela iimpazamo zakhe kunye nempumelelo engapheliyo (yonke ithemba kuye, kufuneka ukuba nguye kanye!).
Ulawulo ngumgaqo- siseko wokufundisa oomama: kubalulekile ukwazi konke malunga nomntwana, rhoqo ngezenzo, iingcamango, abahlobo, izicwangciso ... Emva koko, kuphela kule meko umntu unokuthintela, ukukhawuleza, ukuthintela, thintele! Umntwana uxhaphazelekayo-ukupheliswa komsebenzi kunye nokuqulunqwa kwemisebenzi, iimfuno ezingenayo kunye nokungahambi kwelungelo lokuphambuka kufaka ukuzithoba. Ukongezelela, uqala ukufunda ukuxoka (ukugwema umsindo wesisu), kwaye ukugqithisa ekugqithweni, kuya kusebenza kuyo yonke into ebalulekileyo. Ukufumana impumelelo ebomini kunzima kuye (ukususela ebuntwaneni waxhaswa kwimigqaliselo yemithetho nolawulo, akaxhomekeke kuye), kunye nokuphumelela ebomini bakhe (kubantwana "abadandathekileyo" "Oonyana bakaMama" bahlala bekhula, kubantombazana "abadandathekile" "amadoda aphanga).
Yintoni endiyenzayo? Ukufumanisa iimpawu zomlawuli, yiba nesibindi sokwamkela. Ungesabi ukulahlekelwa igunya lomntwana, ukubonisa "njengabantu" kunye "nokungalunganga"! Isilingo sokushiya yonke into njengoko kusemngciphekweni kakhulu: umntwana angakwazi ukufumana ulwalamano kunye neengxaki zegazi, abe ngumngcipheko kwisikhundla sobukhosi sabantu nabani na. Khumbula ukuba okulungileyo kakhulu kumntwana akufanele kube yinto engcono kakhulu, kodwa ukuba ube nguwe: ukuqonda iimfuno zakho!
Umama oxhalabileyo
Unina ka-Alyosha ubona ingozi enokwenzeka kuyo yonke into: "Phuma ukuguquka-ufuna ukuwa?", "Hayi, akukho mntanama: kuya kubakho abantu abaninzi, kwaye ngoku isi sixeko sinomkhuhlane!". Uzama konke okusemandleni akhe ukukhusela umntwana kuzo zonke iintlobo zobungozi, kodwa uhlala ebuthathaka, engaphumeleli ekugula. Ndabuhlungu ... "Kutheni kunjalo?" - Inna uyalila. Kwakhona akaqapheli, ukuba isizathu - ngokwawo.
Oomama abaphazamisayo batholakala kubafazi abanoxanduva olunzulu, banomdla wokuzidela kunye nokuphelela. Kwaye kukho ezininzi namhlanje! Okokuqala, ukuba "ngumfundi obalaseleyo" uhamba ngefestile. Ukongezelela, ulwazi olunamandla olunamandla luvumela umzali ukuba agxume ngeenkcukacha ezahlukeneyo (kunye nokuphikisanayo) ngolwazi lokuphuhliswa kwangoko kunye nokukhuliswa komntwana, impilo yomntwana (kuvela "intlungu evela engqondweni" - xa uyayazi, ingozi ibonakala). Kananjalo "ukhathala zonke iingxaki", unjalo unina akanako ukuyeka. Uzama "ukusasaza iintlobo" kusengaphambili, naphi na apho kunokwenzeka khona: ukulandela ngokucacileyo ishedyuli yokutya, rhoqo ukutyelela bonke oogqirha, ngokuqhelekileyo baqhagamshelana nabafundi beengqondo. Izizathu zokuxhalabisa, ke, aziyi kuba ngaphantsi - emva koko, ezininzi zazo zingaphakathi. Yaye yonke le mama "igalela" emntwaneni, kwaye uxhalaba lunomthelela-kwaye uyaba noloyiko kwaye alupheli. Ukusuka apha ukuya kwisigulo sangempela-isinyathelo esinye: i-neuroses, i-stuttering, i-enuresis, izifo ze-psychosomatic ... Ukuphuhliswa kwengqondo yengane "kunye neengqimba": ngaphandle kokufumana uthando "oluhle" olufanelekileyo, uyaziqinisekisa ukuba - "ihlabathi liyingozi kwaye liyingozi." Ubomi obunzima obulandelayo bukulungele!
Yintoni endiyenzayo? Qala kunye nawe-sebenzisa ukwesaba kwakho (ngokukhethekileyo kunye kunye neengqondo zengqondo), ungakhathazeki okanye ubuncinci uzame ukubonisa le nto umntwana. Kodwa kwirobhothi engabonakaliyo ayifanelekanga! Ukuxhalaba komama kuyinto evamile ukuba kulungelelaniso.
Kuthekani ngomama ophelileyo? Ngaba ikhona? Ziziphi iimpawu zayo ezahlukileyo? Iingcali zengqondo ziqinisekile: uzolile, uyayithobela, uyabubele, uyayiqonda ilungelo lakhe ngoluvo lwakhe lomntwana, wamkela njengalowo. Ukuqwalasela ukukhulelwa kwebhokhwe kukuthakazelisa kwaye kudala, nguye yedwa odala umoya wokonwaba nokuthanda abantwana bakhe. Ngokubanzi, kukho into enokuyilwela! Yaye ukuphelela, njengoko uyazi, akukho mda ...