Kwenzeka ukuba ibhinqa lifuna ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba ngumama kwaye ayiboni nayiphi na imingcipheko enzima kulo, kwaye umyeni wakhe akabonakalisa intshiseko ecacileyo yokuba ngumzali ozayo. Emva koko umfazi ubhekene nombuzo othi: "Yintoni endiyenzayo? Mhlawumbi isigqibo ngokwawo kwaye sibeke phambi kweqiniso? "Nangona kunjalo, ukuzalwa komntwana kuyinkqubo apho kungekhona kuphela umama ozayo, kodwa naye umyeni wakhe kunye nomntwana ngokwawo babandakanyeka, ngoko kubalulekile ukuba sifike kwisivumelwano kwaye senze isigqibo esisodwa. Ngaphandle koko, imiphumo ingaba yinto embi kakhulu kumfazi lowo kunye nomntwana ozayo, kungakhankanyi ubudlelwane kwintsapho. Emva koko, kwenzeka ukuba, ukuba engakulungele ukuzala, kodwa ukubeka phambi kweqiniso, loo mntu uya kuziva ecatshulwa aze ahluthwe ngokupheleleyo, okuya kuchaphazela imeko yengqondo yowesifazane kunye nolwalamano phakathi kwabatshatileyo (kuze kube lula ukuhlala nonina omnye). Ngaloo ndlela, umsebenzi obalulekileyo kumfazi othe wagqiba ekubeni ngumama ukulungiselela umyeni wakhe ngombono wokukhulelwa, xubusha le ngxaki kwaye wenze isigqibo esihlanganyelweyo malunga nokuzalwa komntwana. Kuhlala ukucacisa umbuzo obaluleke kakhulu: njani ukwenza oku?
Ukukhulelwa kwamadoda
Okokuqala, ibhinqa kufuneka icinge ngento yokuba amadoda, ngokuyinxalenye, ngokwawo ahluke kakhulu: ayengqiqweni, ahlaziywa, abala ngaphezu kwabasetyhini. Kwaye, mhlawumbi, ngokugqithiseleyo, ezi mpawu zibonakaliswe ngolu hlobo olubalulekileyo njengokucwangcisa ukukhulelwa. Ngokuqhelekileyo ukukhulelwa kuya kuba yinqanaba elilandelayo ekuphuhliseni ubudlelwane, emva kokubunjwa kwentsapho (kwaye akubalulekanga ukuba ngaba ubudlelwane buyasungulwa ngokusemthethweni), inqaku elitsha lizisa ukwaneliseka kunye nolonwabo kubantu abatshatileyo ... nangona kunjalo, kwingcamango yokukhulelwa, umfazi udla ngokungahambi kakuhle, umzuzu omhle, eqonda ukuba ufuna umntwana. Indoda idinga ixesha lokucinga ngeemvakalelo zakhe kunye neminqweno, ikusasa elidibeneyo kunye nezinguqu ezingenakukuphepheka, kubalulekile ukuba ahlole ubunzima kunye neengxaki, ukuvavanya nokwenza isigqibo.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, xa uceba ukukhulelwa, icandelo lomzwelo libandakanya ngamandla kwizesondo ezinamandla. Indoda inokutshatyalaliswa utshintsho olwenzeka kunye nentanda yakhe, utshintsho kwindlela esele isekwe yobomi bentsapho, ngokumalunga naye kunye nobomi obusondeleyo ... Ngamanye amaxesha amadoda ayesaba inkululeko kunye nokuzimela, bayesaba ukulahlekelwa yimpembelelo kunye nokulawula. Kwaye uzama ukwenza isigqibo esisodwa malunga nokuzalwa komntwana, umfazi kufuneka acinge ngeempawu ezinjengesengqondo zesintu, ukuqonda nokuwamkela. Ngaphandle koko, ukugxekwa, uxinzelelo olunzulu kunye noxinzelelo, ukuhlambalaza kunye nokunyaniseka kwansuku zonke kuya kuba nempembelelo eyahlukileyo, ukususa abafazi kunye kunye nokutshabalalisa ubudlelwane babo. UAna noSergey babetshatile kunyaka odluleyo kwaye bavuya kakhulu emtshatweni. Bobabini sele bekhulile ngokwaneleyo kwaye banelisekile abantu abaye bakwazi ukulungiselela indlela yabo yobomi nemisebenzi. UAna waqala ukucinga ngokucokisekileyo malunga nabantwana, ekholelwa ukuba kwintsapho yabo kukho zonke iimeko zokuzalwa komntwana, kodwa "kwibhunga leentsapho" lo mbuzo awuzange uphakanyiswe. "Andikwazi ukuthetha naye kwesi sihloko ngethuba lokuqala - ndilindele ukuba athi angathanda umntwana. Kodwa yena ucelile ... Ndamazama ukusikisela, ukunyamekela abantwana kwisitrato, kodwa uyamomotheka kwaye akaphendulanga nhlobo. Ndifuna umntwana ngokwenene, kodwa ndoyika ukungala. " U-Anna waphelelwa ngumsindo, uthintekayo, uxabano lwaba rhoqo kwiintsapho, kwaye abafazi baqalisa ukuhamba. Kwiintsapho ezininzi, kukho imimandla apho abantu abatshatileyo, nangayiphi na isizathu, abakwazi ukuthetha ngokukhululana kunye, kwaye kwiimeko ezininzi ezi zinto zixhalabisayo imiba ebalulekileyo, njengokukhulelwa. Ingxoxo kunye namacebiso, amabinzana angabonakaliyo, "ukucamngca" kweengcamango kunye neminqweno yomlingani wakho, inkolelo yokuba omnye umntu kufuneka acinge kwaye aqonde oko ufuna ukuthetha kuye, kukhokelela ekuchazeni okungalunganga kwezenzo zabanye. Kubudlelwane kukho "ukungaphantsi", ukungathembeki kunye nokubandayo. Abafazi bavakalelwa kukuba bayeke ukuqonda. Kukho isangqa esichukumisayo. Le ngethemba lokuphuhliswa kweemeko kwimeko ka-Anna, ukuba umgaqo wakhe kumyeni wakhe uhlala ungatshintshi. Emva koko, akunakwenzeka ukuza kwisigqibo esisodwa, ukuba umbuzo ngokwawo awungeniswa ngokucacileyo nangokucacileyo. Kubonakala kuye ukuba iminqweno yakhe ibonakala phezu komhlaba kwaye kufuneka aziwa ngokuziwayo ngendoda ethandekayo, kwaye ukuba akayikukhawuleza ukuzalisekisa, ngoko akafuni, akayikuyibala. Ukusuka apha kunye nentukuthelo, nokucaphukisa, kunye nezingxabano ezingadingekile. Nangona kunjalo, sonke sinabantu abahlukeneyo, ngeengcamango ezahlukeneyo. Into yokuqala uAnna kufuneka acinge ngayo kukuba umyeni wakhe akanakho ukuqonda iziphakamiso zakhe, kuba engacingi ngabantwana ngethuba kwaye engayazi ngomnqweno wakhe wokuba nomntwana, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba akafuni abantwana.
Okokuqala, ibhinqa kufuneka lixoxe ngokucacileyo le ngxaki kunye nomyeni wayo, ixelele iimvakalelo zakhe neemvakalelo zakhe, ngelixa ligcina ithoni ephumayo kunye neyona nto. Into eyona nto kukukwakha incoko ngendlela enokuthi umyeni uxabise ukubaluleka kwakhe kwimeko yokucwangcisa intsapho. Okokuqala, kufuneka ubonise umnqweno kunye neemvakalelo, umzekelo: "Ndiye ndacinga ngexesha elide lokuba sazala umntwana, kodwa andazi ukuba uvakalelwa njani ngako. Awuyi kuthetha ngako, kwaye ndoyika ukuba awufuni. Ngenxa yoko, ndandiphayika kwaye ndatshutshiswa. " Kubalulekile ukukukhumbuza ukuba kubaluleke kangakanani isikhundla somyeni, uluvo lwakhe: "Simele sithathe isigqibo ngokubambisana, ndifuna umntwana wethu abe yinto yolonwabo kubo bobabini." Kwaye kubaluleke kakhulu-ukuba uthi uAna ulinde umyeni wakhe, oko ufuna ngokwenene ukuvela kwingxoxo (amadoda athande izinto ezicacileyo): "Ndifuna ukwazi indlela ozivakalelwa ngayo ngokusana nosana, kwaye ungathanda ukuxoxa ngawo ngoku .. . "Emva kokuba uqhube incoko kule cwangciso. U-Anna uya kuba nakho ukubuyisela ukuthembela kwintsebenziswano kunye noSergei, ukuzisa umnqweno kuye kwaye acacise isikhundla sakhe ekuzalweni komntwana.
"Andimelene nomntwana, kodwa ..."
ULisa no-Andrew badibana bebancinci, kwaye ukususela ngoko babecinga njengentsapho. Baye badlula bonke ubunzima, bafumana imfundo, bakhela umsebenzi ... Emva kweminyaka embalwa batshata, baqeshisa indlu, uAndrei waqala ukwenza umsebenzi awuthandayo. Umntwana wayefuna zombini, kodwa walinda xa "avuka" kwaye awanikezeli kuphela. Ngelo xesha, uLisa waqala ukuqonda ngokucacileyo ngakumbi ukuba wayengenayo okwaneleyo isidalwa esincinci esinokunyamekelwa, kodwa u-Andrei wayekholelwa ukuba abayi kukwazi ukutsala umntwana. Okokuqala, kufuneka kuqatshelwe ukuba kukho ezinye izinto ezintle kwiimeko zaseLysina, apho kuya kwenzeka ukuba uqale emva koko. Okokuqala, umnqweno wokuba ngabazali ungowesibini womtshato, oko kukuthi, ukuba indoda ingacacanga. Okwesibini, singathetha ukuba ukunxibelelana kwintsapho akuphulwa. Esi sibini sixoxa ngengqondo yokukhulelwa, umyeni ulungele ukubonisa isikhundla sakhe kwaye, oko kubalulekile, ngokucacileyo ukuchaza izizathu ezibangelwa ukuba zingabantwana. Yingakho ukuziphatha okuqhubekayo kukaLisa kuya kuxhomekeka kwezi zizathu. Kwimeko echazwe, umyeni ubiza umnqamlezo kumzali onenjongo ngokwaneleyo kwintsapho enikezelweyo - ubunzima obuphathekayo. Ezi meko zinyani kwaye ngokwenene zinokuba nzima ukukhulelwa, kunye nexesha lokuqala lokuphila kunye nosana, ngoko u-Andrew ubonisa umntu omdala kunye noxanduva lwakhe, ehlehlisa ukuzalwa komntwana. Njengomntu oyinyaniso, ucinga ngokucwangcisekileyo ngekamva leentsapho, ngoko ke kufuneka ukuthobela iingxabano zakhe. Nangona kunjalo, imeko enjalo iyingozi kuba kwihlabathi lanamhlanje kwiintsapho eziqhelekileyo, iingxaki zezinto eziphathekayo aziqhelwanga ngokupheleleyo ngenye indlela. Umnqweno womyeni wakhe ukufezekisa ukukhula okuhle komsebenzi, ukulungiselela ubomi bentsapho ngaphambi kokuba uqale abantwana, ulungeleleneyo kwaye uqondakala, kodwa uLisa uvakalelwa kukuba isibini sabo sifuna ukuphuhliswa, kuba bebonke bahlala ixesha elide. Ngoko ke, kulo mzekelo, abatshatileyo bangacetyiswa okokuqala ukuba baxoxe oko kuthetha ukuthini "ungamdwebi umntwana," nokuba ngaba kunjalo ngokwenene okanye ezininzi kwiintsikelelo eziye zachazwa nguAndrei azibalulekanga kubantwana kwaye zisekondari. Ngokomzekelo, kuya kuba kuhle ukuba ube nomsebenzi ozinzile kunye neendwendwe ezifanelekileyo, nokuba zikhona, ukubala iindleko zangempela ezihambelana nokubonakala kwelinye ilungu lentsapho ngaphambi kokuzalwa komntwana ... Kodwa ukulibazisa ukuzalwa komntwana ngaphambi kokuba kuthengwe imoto kunengqiqo. Umsebenzi kaLisa kule meko kukubonisa oko kanye abayidingayo kumntwana, kwaye vumelani ukulinda de iinjongo zifezekiswe, kwaye kuqinisekisile umyeni wakhe ukuba yonke into enayo iya kuba nayo, kodwa ngomntwana.
"Uhlala efumana izizathu ezininzi"
Kungekudala, kwintsapho ka-Yana, iimbambano ezincinane zaqala ukuphakama ngenxa yokukhulelwa kwangaphambili: "iKostya ihlala ilibala ixesha. Kubonakala ukuba yonke into sele isigqityiweyo, zonke izicatshulwa ezifunekayo zigqityiwe, kwaye nokuba nempilo yokuphila ekhokelela, kodwa ngokukhawuleza xa ifika kwisinyathelo esinqabileyo, isoloko sinesizathu sokulinda. Andikwazi ukunyamezela le nto engaqinisekiyo. " Kungenokwenzeka ukuba, kule meko, indoda ingakakulungeli ukuba nguyise, ngoko ke, ekuthiwa ufuna ukuba nomntwana, kwaye aze athathe amanyathelo akude kulo mba (umzekelo, uphando lwezokwelapha ekucwangciseni ukukhulelwa), uhlala efuna izizathu ezininzi, ukukhulelwa " ngoko. " Isizathu sokukhangela izibhengezo ezicacileyo kukuba akunakwenzeka ukubonakalisa isimo sengqondo sawo kubabawo ngenxa yokugwetywa kwentlalo yokungafuni ukufumana abantwana kunye nokungathembeki ngokwaneleyo kwezobudlelwane bomtshato. Ngoko ke, okokuqala, unokululeka u-Yana ukuba angayi kubeka ingcinezelo kumyeni wakhe, kodwa ngokunyanisekileyo uyimtyumbela kwingxoxo eyimfihlo, xa ekwazi ukuphumla ngengqondo aze abonise isimo sengqondo sakhe sengqondo kumntwana, kwaye akayi kwamkeleka kuluntu. Emva koko kuya kucaca ngoluphi ukukhanya obona ububele, yiziphi izihlandlo azijonga kakubi kwixesha elizayo lokukhulelwa kunye nobomi kunye nosana kunye noko uya kulahleka, ngoluvo lwakhe. Akubalulekanga ukuba ndibone ukuba indoda yam ilungelo lokufumana le mizwa engathandekiyo kunye nokuba akanako ukulungele ukuba nguyise ngoku, simele simnike ixesha lokwenza lo myalelo. Kodwa ukuba ukulungelelaniswa kwabazali kwakha ngokukhawuleza, u-Yana unokufaka isandla.
Akukho imfuneko yokubeka iiplummatic kunye nokugxeka umyeni imihla ngemihla: ngoko iimvakalelo zakhe ezimbi ziza kuqinisa. Andiyodingi ukubonisa ukuba uthando lwakhe ngoKostya aluzange luphele: "Ndabona into oyiyoyo kwaye ungakulungele ukuzalwa komntwana wakho, kwaye ndivuyiswe kukuba sifumene. Kodwa ndiyakuthanda kwaye ndifuna umntwana kuwe kwaye ndiyathemba ukuba ekugqibeleni uza kutshintsha ingqondo yakho. " Andiyidingi ukuqhubeka nokuhlakulela isihloko sabantwana, ngokukhawuleza ukufaka intembelo kumyeni wam nokudala umfanekiso omhle wekusasa nomntwana wam. Akunangqiqo ukubeka ingqalelo kulawo maBones asemgangathweni awayeza kuba ngumntu onobuhle. Iziganeko ezingathandekiyo neziphazamisayo zomyeni nazo zifuna ukuxoxwa, kodwa kungenakunyaniseka ukuba "konke kuya kuphutha", kodwa kunika imizekelo yabantu, iingcamango zengcali, iinkcukacha zesayensi kunye nokubala okuchanekileyo.
"Akafuni umntwana"
Ku-Igor, umtshato noNataliya yinto yesibini yokwenza intsapho. Baye bahlala kunye malunga neminyaka emihlanu, kodwa kude kube ngoko u-Igor unqabekile ukuba abe nabantwana. Ku-Natalia, esi sihloko saba buhlungu kakhulu emva kokutyelela ugqirha, owathi amathuba okuba nomntwana onempilo kuye angaphantsi kwaye ambalwa. "Ndiyazi ukuba u-Igor wayephambene nabantwana, kwaye ngaphambi kokuba ndivuyiswe ngawo. Kodwa ngoku ndiyayiqonda ukuba ndifuna ngempela umntwana. Ndiyamthanda umyeni wam, kodwa andiyazi indlela yokumkholisa ... "Ngokuqhelekileyo isigqibo sokuzala umntwana ngumnqweno wendalo wesibini esithile kwisigaba esithile sokuphuhlisana kobudlelwane, xa" ukutshatyalaliswa "komnye nomnye kupheliswa. Emva koko abatshatileyo baziva befuna imfuno yophuhliso oluqhubekayo, ukuqhubeka nothando lwabo kumntwana. Ukuba, emva kwexesha elide emva kokubunjwa kwentsapho, omnye wabafazi ulungele ukuzalwa komntwana, kwaye okwesibini akafuni, kuyimfuneko ukufumanisa izizathu kwaye uzama ukufumana ingcamango yobudlelwane obusondeleyo.
Ukuba ekuqaleni bobabini abatshatileyo babenabantwana abadibeneyo, kodwa ke isikhundla sesinye saso (ngokuphindaphindiweyo - amadoda) sitshintshile, kwaye kwifom yebala ("andifuni ukuba nomntwana"), oku kungabonisa ukungqinelana kobudlelwane. Ngokuqhelekileyo kwenzeka ukuba umfazi, engazi kakuhle ukukhula kwengxabano kwintsapho, ufuna ukubeletha umntwana ukuze aqinise umtshato, kodwa indoda ephendulela utshintsho kwiintsebenziswano ayikwazi ukugqiba kwisinyathelo esinjalo. Kule meko, loo mfazi kufuneka aqonde ukuba umntwana akayindlela yokusombulula ingxaki, kwaye kwimo engqubuzanayo, ukubonakala kwayo kuya kwandisa ingxaki. Okokuqala udinga ukuseka ubudlelwane kwintsapho, ngokuzimeleyo okanye ngoncedo lweengcali ukubuyisela umoya okhululekile, uze ukhulise umba wabantwana.
Kwimeko ye-Igor noNataliya, le ndoda yayingaphambili ngexesha lokukhulelwa kwaye yaxwayisa ngesimo sayo, ngoko akanako ukutyholwa "ngokukhohlisa izinto" okanye "ukuchitha ithemba". Kwaye okokuqala, uNataliya kufuneka achazele umyeni wakhe oko kwatshintshile kwisimo sengqondo sakhe kule ngxaki, ngaphezu kweemvakalelo, kuquka neenjongo ezijoliswe kuyo, ezifana nesigqibo segqirha. Kubalulekile ukuxelela indoda ukuba ikwazi ukulahlekelwa yithuba elifanelekileyo lokuba nomntwana, kwaye kuya kuba nzima kangakanani kuNataliya. Ukuba kulesi siganeko u-Igor uhlala engqongqo, mhlawumbi, unesizathu esinzulu sokuba nesigqibo eso. Mhlawumbi uyazi ngenye yempilo yakhe engathandekiyo, enokuthi idluliselwe kumntwana, okanye ibe namava obuhlungu kunye noloyiko lokuphindaphinda. Nangona kunjalo, uNataliya unokucetyiswa ukuba azifumanise ngokucacileyo izizathu zezi ndawo, kungekhona nje ngo-Igor ngokwakhe, kodwa nakwiintsapho zakhe, ukuzama ukufumana imbali yomtshato wakhe wangaphambili. Kubalulekile ukulungisa umyeni kwisimo esithi "Andiyi kuba nabantwana" kwisikhundla esithi "Ndinezizathu zokungafuni umntwana," ke ezi ngxaki zinganyanyiswa kunye. U-Natalia kufuneka akhulume nomyeni wakhe kungekhona nje ngomnqweno wakhe wokuba nomntwana, kodwa nangemvakalelo yakhe, ukumqinisekisa ukuba uyaziqonda kwaye ulungele ukufuna ukulungelelanisa, kodwa unethemba lokuba unokuqonda okufanayo iimfuno zakhe. Mhlawumbi lo mbhangqwana ufanele ukuyeka ukuthetha ngabantwana ngexesha elithile, ukuze kungabinzima ukuxhatshazwa kwimeko yentsapho, kwaye ngeli xesha ukutyelela iingcali eziza kunceda ukuqonda izizathu zokungafuni ukufumana umntwana (isazi seengqondo, i-geneticist, isicwangciso sobuchule bentsapho). U-Natalia unokucetyiswa ukuba anciphise uxinzelelo ku-Igor, kodwa umcele ukuba ahambe naye kudokotela wakhe ukuze afumane ulwazi "lokuqala." Iingcamango zengcali egunyazisiweyo inokwenza okokuqala ngethuba umntu angathandabuzeki ngokuchanekileyo kwembono yakhe. Into ephambili kukuba uqale isisombululo esiphezulu somcimbi wabantwana.
I ziphoso zo kuqala
Ngokuqhelekileyo kubasetyhini ungayiva le binzana: "Umyeni wam akafuni umntwana, ndingamkholisa njani na?" Nazi imigaqo embalwa abesetyhini abafanele bayithathe ingqalelo kwihambo yabo:
• Kubalulekile ukuzama ukuqonda oko kukhuthaza umyeni wakho, wamkele njengoko yena, kwaye umbonise ukuqonda kwakho.
• Ungasongeli oko kuza kwenzeka ukuba indoda ingavumelani nawe, kungcono ukudweba umfanekiso omhle wexesha elizayo eliza kukukuhlangabeza.
• Musa ukulinda iziphumo zangoko. Kuthatha ixesha lomntu ukuba isikhundla sakho, esingaqhelekanga kuye, siba ngumnqweno.
• Ukunyaniseka kunye nokuhlelwa kwamacandelo kungabancedisi ababi. Yiba nezimo kwaye ukhangelelanise. Kubalulekile ukufumana ezo ngongoma apho iimfuno zakho zihambelana nomyeni wakho ubuncinci. Umzekelo, ukuba umyeni wakho ngoku akaphupheli ngomntwana, kodwa emotweni entsha, qwalasela oku njengokulungiselela ukuzalwa komntwana kwaye ulungiselele ukuthengwa kwemoto yentsapho. Kwaye nangona ukuba umbono wakho nomyeni wakho malunga nomntwana uhlukile kakhulu, ngokuqinisekileyo unomdla wokugcina nokuphucula ubuhlobo bakho. Ngoko ke, vumelana nomda wokuba ulungele ukuhlehlisa izicwangciso zokukhulelwa. Ukuzalwa komntwana kuyinwaba enkulu kunye noxanduva olukhulu, ngoko ke, ukuze ukhulelwe ukuba kuvuyiswe kubini abalingani, kwaye umntwana wazalwa ngothando nangokuvisisana, kubalulekile ukwenza imizamo enzima! Ngoku siyazi ukuba yintoni enokuyenza ukuba umyeni akafuni umntwana.