Ubulumko ...
Abafilosofi abaninzi baye bachaza intsingiselo yobulumko. Kwaye bonke bahluke. Kwabanye, oku kusebenza ngokufanelekileyo kolwazi namava, kwabanye, ukuthetha inyaniso. UThomas Shash uthe abantu abazilumko bayaxolela, kodwa ungalokothi ulibale. Ukuqhubela phambili kule nto, kunokucingelwa ukuba ibhinqa elumkileyo liya kuxolela indoda yalo kwaye libekezelele yonke into engayithandiyo. Kwaye nangona ibuhlungu okanye ikhubekisa, iya kuxolela ukugcinwa kwekhaya. Kodwa ngaba kunjalo? Wonke umntu uyazikhethela.
Bathi loo nto ibhinqa elumkileyo, indoda ihleli ngonaphakade. Kodwa yiyiphi intengo? Umfazi kufuneka athethelele kangakanani? Yintoni emele ayivale amehlo ayo? Khawucinge nje ukuba unamandla kangakanani nomonde okufunekayo kule nto. Ngenxa yoko, kuvela ukuba umfazi oyingqondi kufuneka abe ngumoya onamandla.
Intsebenziswano okanye ubulumko?
Ubomi bentsapho bufuna ukuba bobabini abatshatileyo kungekhona nje umonde, kodwa nako ukukwazi ukuphuma kwiimeko ezininzi ezingenakuthenjiswa ngesithunzi. Indoda endala kunye nesilumko yathi indoda ayiyiyo indoda, iyafana neyowesifazane. Kuphela xa ibhinqa kunye nendoda idibana kunye nokwakha intsapho, idibanisa enye. Yaye ukuba babini bacinga ngendlela efanayo, benze kwaye baphile, ngoko intsapho iya kuba namandla kwaye ivuyiswe, kwaye ibaluleke kakhulu iya kuhlala ixesha elide.
Kwiimeko ezininzi kuxhomekeke kwintokazi ukuba ikamva likulindele intsapho. Anditsho ukuba indima yamadoda ayibaluleke kakhulu. Kodwa ukususela kumaxesha okuqala umntu wayecingwa ukuba ungumgcini wesondlo, umgcini wentsapho yakhe. Yaye loo mfazi wayehluke ngokupheleleyo emehlweni alo mfazi. Wayekho kwaye nanamhla ungumgcini wekhaya. Nguyena umfazi onika amandla aze athembele kumyeni wakhe.
Umfazi osisilumko uya kuhlala eqinisekisa ukuba indlu ithule, ifudumele kwaye ipholile. Uya kwenza konke ukuqinisekisa ukuba loo mntu uthanda ukubuyela ekhaya emva komsebenzi, anike iintyatyambo aze amthande ngentliziyo yakhe yonke. Umfazi osisilumko uya kuzama ukuphindaphinda yonke into esekhaya. Emva koko, uyaqonda ukuba ubomi bentsapho luhlobo lwenkqubela apho umntu kufuneka akwazi ukuhamba ngokuzibandakanya, kwindawo ethile ukuba asebenze, kunye nendawo ethile ngokuchaseneyo, ukuvala amehlo kwinto ethile njalo njalo. Ngoko ke, ungalindeli ubulumko bentombazana eneminyaka eli-18 ubudala. Yonke into ihamba neminyaka namava. Ukongeza, kuthatha ixesha elide kunye nexesha elininzi lokuba njalo.
Kodwa nangenxa yabasetyhini emva kweminyaka engama-30 ayisoloko efika konke oku. Ngoko ke, ukufumana ibhinqa elizilumko kukufumana ubutyebi obufunwa ngabanye. Kodwa ungeke ube neqela kwaye ulindele kwindodakazi ukuba iya kuthathwa ngokungabonakali iintsuku ezisixhenxe ngeveki. Ukongezelela, ngokubhekiselele kwimeko enzima kunzima ukuqala, uzive ungaphelelanga. Kodwa ecaleni kwindoda ehlakaniphile, indoda iya kuba yintonga yokulwa. Kuba ngumfazi, uya kuba ngunkulunkulu, kwaye unkulunkulukazi. Yaye ukuba iimvakalelo ziphela, ziza kuhlala zikholo, inhlonipho kunye nokuqonda. Bonke bayazi ukuba uthando aluhlali ngonaphakade.
Esinye isiqingatha ...
Ibhinqa elumkileyo ngumfazi oyingqondi. Ngenye indlela, ayikwazi ukuba. Ukuze ube nobulumko, kuyimfuneko ukuba uzive kwaye wazi kakhulu. I-Clever inakho ngegama lesigama bonke baqonde kwaye balindele iiminqweno. Ngomfazi onjalo, unokuxoxa ngeengxaki namava, cela isiluleko okanye uthetha nje. Akasoze aphikelela aze ahlambele, vele acacise uluvo lwakhe okanye acacise ukuba yile ngongoma yakhe, kodwa umntu unelungelo lokwenza oko yena ngokwakhe acinga ukuba kuyimfuneko.
Ibhinqa elumkileyo liya kuhlala likhona, nangona engathandi into ethile. Abantwana bakhe baya kumphulaphula kwaye akayi kukhawuleza ukuphakamisa ithoni yakhe. Uya kuba ngumama obalaseleyo. Uya kuthenjwa ngamalungu onke entsapho: abantwana kunye nendoda. Ibhinqa elumkileyo linokugweba ulwaphulo-mthetho ukuze abantwana bangalokothi baphinde baphinde. Unokusombulula nayiphi na into, nokuba kunzima kakhulu.
Ndiyabulela kwi-intuition kunye neendlela ezingaqhelekanga, ibhinqa elumkileyo liyakwazi ukufumana indlela yokuphuma kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo. Uza kunika nje naluphi na uncedo, ngaphandle kokucela nantoni na ngokubuyisela. Uya kukwazi malunga nobuthathaka bonke, kodwa akayi kubakhokela kwaye akayi kubakhalimela. Uyakuthanda ngokuzithandela, ngokuqinisekileyo, engekho unobtrusively.
Kubantu ngenqaku ...
Kunzima ukukholelwa, kodwa oku kuphawu lomfazi-isilumko esilumkileyo. Kwaye kunjalo. Kufuneka nje ufumane. Kodwa madoda, kufuneka uqaphele ukuba xa udibana nomfazi onjalo, kufuneka ube naye kuze kube sekupheleni, ungamvumeli, umthande kwaye umnyamekele. Wonke umfazi ufuna oku. Ukuba uya kuziva ukulungelelanisa kwinqanaba lakho, uya kuba yinto efanelekileyo kuwe. Kungathatha ixesha lokufunda into ethile, kodwa kuya kuwufanele.
Madoda, khumbula ukuba umfazi ubonakalisa. Uya kukuphatha ngendlela efanayo. Unokukuxolela ngonaphakade isigwebo sakho. Kodwa khawucinge nje ukuba kuya kuba nzima kangakanani kuye. Ngoko ke, kufuneka uhlalutye kwaye wenze konke ukuvuyisa. Emva koko indlu yakho iya kugcwala induduzo, uthando, ukufudumala, ukunakekelwa, ukuthandana nokuxakeka. Ufuna, ukuba ibhinqa lakho lenze ngokuhlakanipha, liyixabise kwaye unganikeli izizathu ezingakumbi zentlungu.