Indima kayise ekukhuliseni intsapho

Ngokuqhawulwa kwabazali kwintsapho, loo ndoda ihlala ishiya. Yaye intsapho ngokwayo ihluke kule meko. Nangona kunjalo, ngaba kunokwenzeka ukwenza ilahleko encinci ngisho nangomntwana? Mhlawumbi kukho ezinye izenzo ezilula apho unako ukuhlawulela umntwana ngenxa yokungabikho kwengqalelo yendoda? Umzekelo, ukudibanisa utata ekukhuliseni kwakhe xa unayo, okanye ukubhala umntwana kwinqanaba elithile "lendoda" - hockey, ibhola, ibhokisi, njl. Makhe siqwalasele imeko ngokubanzi.

Kwintsapho apho kukho bobabini kunye nonina, ngalinye lamalungu lenza umsebenzi walo wengqondo ekukhulisweni komntwana, kwanokuba umntu owaziwayo uyaziqonda oku. Yintoni eyenzekayo xa uyise engasaboni umntwana wakhe ingqalelo efanayo?

Ukuba ukholelwa izichazi-magama, ngoko-ntliziyo yimeko ehambelana nenyaniso yomntwana evela kulo mntu, kunye nokubonakalisa inkxalabo ebomini bakhe, ukukhulisa, impilo kunye nemfundo.

Indima kayise ekukhuliseni intsapho

Indima yendoda kwintsapho ayikho ekhethekileyo kwiinkonzo ezahlukeneyo kunye neenkcubeko kwaye kuxhomekeke kwizinto ezifana nenani labantwana kunye nabafazi, ubukho kunye nomlinganiselo woqhagamshelwano nomfazi nabantwana, ubukhulu bamandla phezu kwabantwana, ubunjani bobawo kubandakanywa ekunyamekeleni umntwana, iinkqubo ezinxulumene nokukhuliswa kwakhe, kwaye, ngaphezu koko, ekubeni uthathe inxaxheba ekukhuselweni nasekubonelelweni kwentsapho yonke into efunekayo.

Kwakucatshangwa kungathandekiyo xa uyise ehlala eqhagamshelana nomntwana, ebonisa ngokucacileyo iimvakalelo zakhe kwiindawo ezininzi zakudala, kwaye waze wagwetywa ngokuziphatha. Kwiindlela zentsapho zanamhlanje, iingcali zigcina ukudibanisa kooyise kunye nabantwana, nangona kunjalo, oku kuhamba kunye nokulahla kwigunya lomzali wesilisa. Intsapho yanamhlanje ibonakaliswe ukwanda kwipesenti yabantwana abangenabantwana, ukungabikho kwemfundo ka-ntate, okanye ukuba uyise akayikho ekhaya. Ngaloo ndlela, iintsapho zanamhlanje ziba ngamatriki. Ngokombono wethu, intsapho ivelisa ilahleko kwiinguqulelo ezinjalo.

Asiboneli isizathu sokukuqinisekisa ukuba indima kayise ekukhulisweni komntwana kunye nentsapho iyonke inkulu kakhulu (emva koko, uyise uhlala eshiya intsapho). Indoda esentsapho isele iluncedo kuba, emva kokuqhawula umtshato, abasetyhini abanakho ixesha lokucinga malunga nezobuhlobo zothando. Ukunyaniseka kwethu kuthatha ixesha elininzi kunye nomgudu.

Nangona kunjalo, umendo uthi ekubeni uqhawulo lomtshato uye waba ngumcimbi oqhelekileyo ongenakufuna iinkqubo ezikhethekileyo, abantu abaninzi banamhlanje banomdla wokuthi "ubaba" ube yinto engumzekelo wexesha elidlulileyo, kwaye ngokubanzi, kutheni umntwana eyidinga?

Imibuzo enjalo ayizange ivele kwiingcinga zamalungu entsapho yasapho, kwaye kwacaca kubo bonke ukuba uyise wayenhloko. Ubume kunye nokuhlala kwentlalo kabawo bazimisele indlela yentsapho-ixesha elingakanani unina anika lona abantwana, ngaba kufuneka basebenze, kukho ithuba lokuba abantwana bafumane imfundo. Ukuqhubela phambili kule ndawo, isimo sotata kwintsapho sele siphezulu ngokwaneleyo: emva koko, wenza zonke izigqibo ezinxulumene nenhlalakahle yentsapho, ichaza umsebenzi kubantwana, ijongene nemibandela yomtshato nomtshato, okwakuthi ngamanye amaxesha ayichithwe okanye aqhutywe yi-diplomacy yobuqili. Kodwa into eyona nto kukuba uyise uqikelele isicwangciso, ulwalathiso lobomi kunye nophuhliso lwentsapho, kunye nomfazi - amaqhinga.

Abasetyhini banamhlanje badibanisa imisebenzi yeentsapho kunye neengcali, ngoko indima yamadoda kwintsapho iqhubekile, ngokungafani namaxesha angaphambili. Indoda isaletha inzuzo kwintsapho, enye yesisindo sayo ayibalulekanga. Kwaye kukho ukucinga ukuba uyise kwintsapho ayibalulekanga nje kuphela, kodwa ayifuni ngokwenene. Kwezinye iindidi zengqondo, kuye kwaba yindalo ukuchaza ukuba umntu uyakunceda kuphela ukuchumisa, kodwa njengeyunithi yentlalo ayinanto.

Akukho mntu unokungabaza ukuba kukho imfuneko yokuba umntu azalwe, kwaye njengomcebisi kunye nomkhuseli kwintsapho, kodwa kude nomntu wonke uyazi ukubaluleka kwempembelelo kayise ekukhuliseni ubuntu bomntwana. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukucinga ngale nto xa abazali behamba. Ngako oko, sigxininisa ukuba akukho ntombi oyise, okanye umkhulu-ntloko, okanye nantoni na isihlobo esiza kutshintsha uyise, kungakhathaliseki ukuba ubuhlobo buya kukhula njani emva kokuwa kweentsapho. Utata akanakho ukuthatha inxaxheba ekukhulisweni komntwana, kodwa kufuneka abe.

Ngaba uke wabuva kumabali amangalisa malunga nokunyuka, ukuloba, imisebenzi eyahlukahlukeneyo noyihlo, engazange kwenzeke, kodwa yintoni umntwana afuna ukuyibona kumzali ongenamdla? Oku kunokuthetha nje into enye: emphefumlweni womntwana ongenalwazi kukho nendawo ehlala kuyo uyise. Kuya kuba bhetele kumntwana ukuba iphini lithatha le ndawo.

Ziziphi iimfuno zokomoya nezentlalo zomntwana, enokumfumana kuye uyise?

Okokuqala, oku kuyimfuneko yothando kunye nokukhuselwa. Enye yemithombo yokuphazamiseka kweentlungu kubantwana kungabikho kokukhuselwa kwihlabathi langaphandle. Akuyiyo imfihlo kubani nabantwana abanqwenela ukuziqhayisa ngoontanga babo ngamandla, uqeqesho lwabawo, nalo luphakamisa isimo somntwana phambi koonyana abaneminyaka elilodwa. Abantwana bafuna ukuba wonke umntu abone ukuba uyakhuseleka, ukuba akaye yedwa kweli hlabathi. Emaqeleni abantwana abakhohlakeleyo, ubukho bukayise bunika indawo ebalulekileyo kunokuba nje umama. Isimo sengqondo somntwana kwihlabathi kunye nabanye kuxhomekeke kwisixa sothando esilunikwe kwintsapho.

Esinye isidingo igunya. Kwintlalo yoluntu, njengentlalo yezilwanyana, kukho ukukholelwa kwepakethi, njengoko i-ethologist eyaziwayo uKonrad Lorenz iphawule. Oku kuthetha ukuba kufuneka ukuba yinkokheli-igunya eliphambili. Nangona iimbono ezixhaphakileyo, abantwana abazame ukuzimela kunye nenkululeko, ngenxa yokuba bengasenakukwazi ukuyilahlekela ngokwabo; abantwana banesidingo somntu ukukhusela, ukunyamekela, ukuthatha uxanduva impilo yabo. Ingxabano eyomeleleyo kwiingxabano zabantwana ithi "Ubawo uthi!"

Phakathi kwezinye izinto, umntwana kufuneka abe nomzekelo wokuziphatha "wesibini" nokuziphatha "ngesibindi". Yiyo imfuno yabo. Ukuba unentombazana, uzama ukuba ngumfazi njengomama. Kodwa umlinganiselo oyintloko wokuphumelela kwintombi yakho iya kuba uvavanyo lobawo, kuba ujonga indlela uyise aphatha ngayo umama kunye nokuba uninzi kangakanani. Le yindoda ebalulekileyo ebomini intombi yakho.

Ukuba umntwana ukhula kwintsapho, ubheka uyise kwaye uzama ukufana naye, kwaye uyaqonda ukuba kubaluleke kangakanani ukuba kulunge ukuba ube mkhulu kwaye ube nesibindi, ukuthatha uxanduva kunye nokuqonda ukubaluleka kunye nemiphumo yezenzo zakhe. Ubuninzi kukuthatha into ebalulekileyo kunye neyinkimbinkimbi kwaye ukuqonda oku. Kwaye ngexesha elifanayo umntwana ulindela unina, into yokuba umfazi angabuthathaka, uthathe izigqibo zikayise kwaye angamlweli amandla, alalele indoda.

Enye inendima ebalulekileyo kayise ekukhulisweni komntwana kukuba uyise unokufunda ikusasa ngokwakhe kubabawo, indlela athanda ngayo unina, kwaye xa ekhangele unina, naye ubheka amehlo kayise. Ukuba ubaba ushiya intsapho, umntwana akayi kuba nololuvo olucebileyo lwehlabathi kunye naye ngokwakhe, njengoko kunokuba nobawo. Oku kungafaniswa ne-kaleidoscope, apho kufuneka kube khona izibuko ezintathu, kodwa into enye ilahlekile kwaye ezimbini zihlala. Kuya kusasaza, kodwa iipatheni ziza kuba lula kwaye zingabi mnandi.