Indlela yokubuyisela umntu emva kokuhlukana: 6 iingcebiso ezilungileyo kwi-psychologist

Xa indoda ethandekayo ishiya, ubomi buba njenge-movie engummangaliso omnyama nomhlophe, apho kungekho mibala, iimvakalelo kunye nomntu oyintloko. Yaye ngaphandle kwayo, ubukho buba bububi. Intliziyo isabetha kuphela ngenxa yokuba ilindele ummangaliso ngendlela yefowuni okanye ukutyelelwa okungalindelekanga, kunye nomxube weengqondo-ntloko ngokukhawuleza ukufuna iimpendulo zengozi yokuba yimibandela yokuphendula. Kutheni wahamba? Yintoni oyenzile? Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuqikelela nokukhusela ukuhamba komntu othandekayo? Kwaye oothixo babuya kubuyisela umntu obiza kakhulu kwihlabathi? Mhlawumbi kungekhona oothixo bonke, kodwa amandla angaphezu kokufezekisa "ummangaliso" aneengqondo zengqondo abazi i-algorithm efanelekileyo yezenzo zokubuyisela umntu ebubudlelwaneni, noxolo lwengqondo - entliziyweni.

Buyela okanye ukhulule? Ukufumana iinjongo ezilungileyo

Ukuhlaziya indlela abaziphatha ngayo abasetyhini ekunyamekelweni kwindoda, izazi zeengqondo zichazela ukuba kaninzi asiyazi indlela yokuvavanya imeko ngokufanelekileyo, kwaye, sikhokelwa yimvakalelo, izibongo okanye iinjongo, sizama, ngokuchasene nokuqonda, ukubuyisela abo bangabuyi. Kule meko, ukwenzela ukukhusela i-psyche kwixinzelelo, kungcono ukulungisa kwakhona injongo kunye nokukhulula loo mntu, ukunika yena kunye nelungelo lokonwaba olutsha. Ukukhangela iinjongo zangempela ezikhokela umnqweno wokubuyela kumntu, uya kugqiba ukuba ngaba kukufanelekile ukuvuselela ubuhlobo. Hlonipha kakhulu kunye nawe uphendule le mibuzo elandelayo:

1. Ndifuna ukumbuyisela, ukuze ubulungisa bube ngoloyiso, kwaye waqonda ukuba wayephosakele kangakanani xa ehlazeka ngokuphosa intombi ebhetele ebomini bakhe?
2. Ndifuna ukuyibuyisela, kuba iya kupheka ngaphandle kwam, ingaqondi ukuba ndifuna kuphela kwaye ndiyithanda kuphela mna?
3. Ndifuna ukuyibuyisela, kuba ngaphandle kwayo ndingenakukwazi ukuyenza nayiphi na into engekho nto na?
4. Ndiyifunayo ukuze abantu bangathethi ukuba bandiphonsele baze basasaze iindlebe ukuba andifanele umntu onjalo?
5. Ndifuna ukuyibuyisela, kuba andizange ndiphonswe - ndiphose, kwaye ndiyilahle ukuze ibuyisele?

Akukho nanye kwezi zizathu zithando lokwenene, olufanele ukulwa, kwaye unelungelo lobomi. Nangona kunjalo, izazi zengqondo zithi, ityala elinjalo elingathembeki linokuthi lithweswe isithsaba sokuxolelana, ukuba uyigqithise ngokunyanisekileyo ilungelo lokuba nomntu, mxolele, awuyi kukukhumbula elidlulileyo kwaye uziphindezele. Uthando olungenamlinganiselo lulondoloze ubudlelwane obuninzi.

Iingcebiso zezengqondo zendlela yokubuyisela indoda ethandekayo

Ukuba injongo yakho yokubuyisela umntu wasekuhlaleni ukhokelwa yimvakalelo yangempela, kwaye imbangela yokuhlukana yinto enkulu yokungaqondi kakuhle okanye iphutha elingalunganga, lungiselela ukwenza umsebenzi omkhulu kwiimpazamo. Njengoko bathetha, ukuba awuyithandi into oyifumanayo, tshintsha oko uzinikayo. Kuya kufuneka ukuba ufunde ukuxolela, ukuhlonipha nothando kuphela umntu othandekayo entliziyweni, kodwa naye ngokwakhe. Iingcali zengqondo zenze i-algorithm ecacileyo yezenzo eziya kunceda ukubuyisela uthando lomntu onethemba lokuba uye wahamba ngonaphakade.

1. ITaboo kwixesha elidlulileyo. Akunakho umntu oye wakwazi ukuvuselela uthando ngokumba kwizikhalazo ezidlulileyo, apho izibango ezingenakugwema, ukugxeka kunye nokumangalelwa kuzalwa. Ewe, ngaphandle kokuhlalutya ngokufanelekileyo iimpazamo ezedlulileyo, ikusasa elitsha elingafaneleki liza kwenzeka. Nangona kunjalo, uhlalutyo olunjalo lufanelekile kuphela kwaze kwaba mzuzu xa ibali elidala liphela kwaye entsha iyaqala ngephepha elitsha elingenanto.

2. Ikhefu elisebenzayo. Nayiphi na ikhefu ilandelwa yimpikiswano kunye nokucaciswa kobudlelwane. Ukuxubusha kukuxhalabisa kwaye kugxininisa iimvakalelo. Akunakwenzeka kweli rhulumente ukwenza izigqibo ezifanelekileyo kunye nezilumko malunga nekamva. Ukuba le ndoda ihambe, makhe amise. Intandokazi yexesha elifunekayo ukucinga. Ungamcaphukisi ngeefowuni, ungayifumani i-smskami, ungafanelani nesigqibo, ukuba awunakwamkelwa, kwaye awuyi kufakwa. Utshutshiso luya kumenza abe nexhoba. Ixhoba, njengoko liyaziwayo, lihlala libaleka.
3. Uthando ngokwakho. Ibhinqa, eliphuma kuye indoda, ayikwazi ukufumana ukuxinezeleka okuqhubekayo. Thatha ixesha lokubandezeleka, kunye nokukhishwa kweesekese, ukukhalisa iinyembezi ezibuhlungu nokuphulaphula iingoma, kwaye uqale inkqubo "yokuvukela emlonyeni." Ukuhlaziywa i-wardrobe, i-hairstyle, imilo kunye neengcamango. Zihlolisise, zalisa ubuhle, uvuyo kunye nobomi. Ukuba umntu ufuna ukubuyela, ngoko kuphela ukutsala, umfazi ohlaziywayo owaziyo ukuthanda nokuzixabisa.

4. Sly "ukuthengisa". Le ndlela umntu (ngokukodwa umntu) asebenza ngayo, ukuba ufuna kuphela into engenakufikeleleka kwaye engaqondakaliyo. Yiba yinto enomdla womntu othandekayo. Ngaba uzibhengeze, unomdla. Mthandekayo oyaziyo ukuba ukukhanya akuzange kuhlangane kuye, kwaye umfazi onomdla, omhle kunye nokhululekileyo onjengewe unomdla. Unobtrusively makumxelele ukuba awuyi kudibana nomhlobo, kodwa ngendoda engaziwayo. Phendula imibuzo ngokukhawuleza kunye neentloni, okanye ngokungafihlisiyo uhlale uthula.
5. Yeka isondo. Yitsho ingcamango yokuba umntu uya kubuyiselwa ebhedini. Ukuba oko kwakuyinyaniso, ngoko isondo siza kummisa ngokusondeleyo kuwe nge-short leash kuze kube ngumdala. Nciphisa isicwangciso esifanayo xa kuvela ithuba. Musa ukuzithoba ngendoda, kwaye ungamvumeli ukuba acinge kwi-call yakhe yokuqala. Zihloniphe, mhlawumbi isondo siza kuba sisizathu esisodwa kunye esifutshane sokuba sisondele nawe. Makhe afune ukukufezekisa, njengoko kwenzekayo kunye nabasetyhini abathandayo.

6. Nomonde! Kwaye kwakhona, umonde! Yonke into itholakala kuphela kulabo abanokulinda. Lo ngumsebenzi onzima, kodwa abo abanganikeli izandla zabo ngaphambi kokuba bafumane umvuzo ohloniphekileyo. Ngaphantsi kweemeko kufuneka ubonise loo mntu ukuba uhlahlulule ngokuhlukana kwaye ulungele ukunikela umphefumlo kumtyholi ngothando lwakhe. Ukunyamezela kwabasetyhini kwenza ngabazingeli besilisa abathengi abalindele ukuba ingqalelo yabo loo ntokazi iya kuzibeka kwisitya sesiliva kunye nomda ohlaza okwesibhakabhaka. Ngaba udinga umntu oza kusebenza kuwo wonke umphefumlo wakhe, azalise indima yamadoda ebuhlotsheni?