Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukwahlukana ngumcimbi we-psychotraumatic ebomini kwanoma yiyiphi na ibhinqa kwaye kungekhona njalo, kuya kuvela, ukuba kuphile le ngxaki ngaphandle koo-psychologist. Kodwa ungayeki kwaye uzitsho ukuba ubomi bakho buye apha. Yonke into ayinjalo kwaye wena uyindoda enhle kwaye kuza kuhlala kukho indoda efuna ukuchitha nayo yonke impilo yakhe. Mhlawumbi, ngenxa yolu qhawulo-mtshato, ungaziqonda kwaye ufumane into engcono ebomini.
Ngoku kaninzi imitshato iyahlukana kwaye awukude yedwa kule ngxaki. Abantu abaninzi baye baqhawula umtshato ngokukhawuleza kanye ebomini babo, kodwa abazange bajabule. Baqala ukwakha ubomi babo ngokutsha, kwaye baninzi, oku kuphumelele kakhulu.
Siza kukuxhasa kwaye sikuncede ukuba sikuxwayise ngeempazamo ozenzayo xa uqhawula umyeni wakho othandekayo. Uya kucinga, yiziphi iimpazamo ezinokuthi zenziwe xa usapho seluqhelile? Kodwa unokuqhawula ngokusemthethweni umtshato. Unokutshintsha umtshato wakho kumdlalo wonyani, kwaye unokufumana amava, apho uya kuba nobulumko ngakumbi kwaye ube nolonwabo ngakumbi kwikamva.
Ewe, i-athikili yethu ayikwazi ukufaka indawo yenkxaso yabantu abasondeleyo okanye ukubonisana nengcali yengqondo. Kodwa sinokukukhusela kwiimpembelelo onokuzenza ngenxa yokudideka kunye noxinzelelo.
Impazamo yokuqala yokuqala ininzi abafazi abaninzi banomdla wecala ngenxa yokuba bengakwazi ukugcina intsapho kunye nokukhusela ekuqhawuleni umtshato. Kodwa ufanele ukwazi ukuba kungekhona wena kuphela kodwa umlingane wakho omele uxanduva lwakho, kuba uxanduva lwakho ngokubambisana. Yaye ukuba uthe wagqiba ukuqhawula umtshato, ngoko ke malunga nawe.
Musa ukuvumela umntu ukuba akugxeke, zama ukuphepha ukuthetha. Kufuneka uqonde ukuba ungumfazi olungileyo. Kuphela nje loobo bomi buye bumelela kwaye kufuneka ufumane le mtshato ngokukhawuleza njengoko kunokwenzeka. Emva kwakho konke, ubomi bakho abuyekanga kule nto kwaye yonke into ihamba phambili kuwe.
Ngokuqhelekileyo, xa ekugqibeleni siqonda ukuba sishiywe yedwa, siqala ukukhumbuza ubudlelwane obudlulileyo. Siqala ukukhumbula indlela esidibene ngayo, njengokuba okokuqala sivuma omnye komnye ngothando. Siqala ukulibala ngezinto zonke ezimbi ebomini kwaye ngeli thuba sifuna ukubiza nokumema iqabane lethu ukuba liqale.
Kodwa akukho nto inokuyenza. Ngokuqinisekileyo intlungu yakho kunye noyiko yimizwa yendalo, awukwazi ukuhlula ngaphandle kwentlungu entliziyweni yakho. Kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba isigqibo owenziwe ngokuqhawula umtshato sasingalunganga. Ngezihlandlo ezinjalo, kufuneka ukhumbule zonke izizathu zokwahlukana kwakho kwaye uqonde ukuba iingxaki azizange ziphele ngokupheleleyo. Uyaqonda ukuba xa uphinde uhlangane, yonke into engafanelekanga kwiqabane lakho iya kuphazamiseka ngamandla kwaye kuya kubakho uxinzelelo kunye nentukuthelo ekuphumeni kwakho kwangoku.
Ewe, kukho iimeko ebomini xa isibini esahlukileyo sahlukana kunye neminyaka emininzi kamva baphinde bahlangana kwakhona baza bahlala bevuya ngonaphakade. Kodwa oku kwenzeka kakhulu kuncinci ebomini kwaye akudingeki ulinde ebomini, ukuba nawe uya kwenza oku kanye. Ngokuqinisekileyo abantu bahlangana kwakhona kuphela ngenxa yokuba emva kwexesha bahluke ngokupheleleyo.
Musa ukukhawuleza wenze izigqibo ezikhawulezayo. Lindela iintsuku ezimbalwa, mhlawumbi, iza kukukhumbula kwaye uya kuqonda ukuba ubomi bakho buqala nje. Ngaba uqhawulo mtshato ebomini bakho akusiphela isiphelo sehlabathi.
Kwakhona kaninzi ngabafazi, ukuze baphile ngokuqhawula umtshato, baqale ukungena kumtshato omtsha. Baqala ukucinga ukuba, ngale ndlela, baya kuzihlalisa bebodwa kwaye bafumane inkxaso. Ewe, mhlawumbi oku akubi, kodwa ukulungele ukuqala ubudlelwane obutsha ngokukhawuleza? Emva kwakho konke, ixesha alizange lidlulele ukuba uqwalasele zonke izizathu zokwahlukana kwakho kwaye ungafumani izigqibo ezivela kulolu hlobo. Akukho siqinisekiso sokuthi emva kwexesha, awuyi kuqala ukuqaphela kwiqabane lakho elitsha iimpawu zobuntu ezifanayo ezikucaphukisa kumyeni wakho. Kuya kuba kuhle kakhulu ukuba uqhagamshelane nengcali yezengqondo eza kukunceda uqonde zonke iimpazamo zakho ozenzileyo xa uhlala emtshatweni nomyeni wakho.
Musa ukuvalela ngaphakathi kwakho, uhamba ngokuqhawula umtshato uze usebenze ngokupheleleyo. Abaninzi abafazi benza, becinga ukuba ngale ndlela baya kuba nako ukugxotha zonke iingcamango neemvakalelo. Ukuhamba phambili emsebenzini, unokuzenza ube mbi kunokuba kunjalo. Ukususela ngexesha loqhawulo-mtshato umfazi ulungele ukuphazamiseka nokudandatheka.
Ukuze usinde umtshato kwaye uqonde ukuba ubomi abupheli apho, abantu abasondeleyo kunye nenkxaso yabo baya kukunceda. Ungesabi ukuthatha uvelwano kubantu abakwidilesi yakho. Ngoku kunzima kuwe, kodwa ngeli xesha umzuzu kufuneka uzinakekele ngakumbi. Nika ixesha lokuphumla kwakho. Ukuba awunayo i-hobby, kuyafaneleka ukuba uzuze. Uphuma kunye nabahlobo kwimibutho kunye nazo zonke iintlobo zokuhamba. Ukuba uyazinyamekela, ngoko uya kufika ngokukhawuleza kwifomu kwaye uqonde ukuba ubomi abuzange bume kule nto.
Ufanele, ngokuqhawula umtshato wakho, unyamezele amava okuphila kwaye uziqonde zakho iimpazamo ongafanele uyenze ebomini bakho. Yaye xa ukwazi ukuqonda nokuqonda yonke into, unokuqalisa ubomi ngokutsha. Ungesabi ukutshintsha imikhwa yakho, ixabiso lokuphila, ubudlelwane nabantu. Kuphela ngeempazamo zethu sinokuqonda zonke iimpazamo zethu zobomi.
Siyathemba ukuba emva kokufunda i-article yethu, uyazi indlela yokusinda umtshato kwaye uqonde ukuba ubomi abuzange bume khona. Ubomi bakho buqala nje!