Indlela yokuziphatha xa intombi idibana ne-ex yakho kwaye ukhetha indlela yokuziphatha efanelekileyo? Kunzima kakhulu, imeko ibuhlungu kakhulu. Emva kwakho konke, ngaphandle kwento yokuba ulahlekelwe ngumfana, uvakalelwa intlungu enzulu yokungcatsha kwinxalenye yomhlobo. Phantse kuzo zonke iimeko (ngeendlela ezingaqhelekanga) kwiimeko ezinjalo, ubuhlobo buphela. Kwaye kunjalo. Ngubani phakathi kwethu ongenamvakalelo xa abahlobo bethu bejonge kwiindawo ezizimeleyo zobomi bethu, apho ngaphandle bengavunyelwe ukungena nokuphanda?
Nangona emva kweminyaka emininzi, sele sele belibale izinto ezinxulumeneyo kunye nokuhlaziya kwakhona ubomi babo ngendlela entsha, abaninzi abanakho ukuwamkela ukuba abahlobo babo baqala ukudibana nabafana bakubadala. Ngokuqhelekileyo siphila into yokuba sithandekile nakwasekuqaleni, sinento ekhethekileyo ebomini babo, sifaneleke indawo ekhethekileyo. Yaye ihlabathi lolwalamano lwakho kunye naye, lifihliwe ekuhloleni amehlo (nangona sele idlulile, kodwa kungabi ngaphantsi kwexabiso) luvula umhlobo wakho. Kunengqiqo ukucinga ukuba imeko enjalo ingabandakanyi ubuhlobo bokuqhubeka. Ungahlala kunye nabahlobo. Nangona kunjalo, akukho nto ingabakho ntetho yokuthembela. Amantombazana amaninzi aqala ukuzityhuzulisa ngemibuzo enjengale "ingaba umtshilo ufana naye?", "Ngaba uyamthanda ngaphezu kokundithandayo?". Uloyiko olukhethekileyo kukuba iyakwazi ukuxelela iinkcukacha ezingathandekiyo kula maxesha xa unye kunye, kwaye oku kuyaqondakala.
Kwaye kwenzeka kangangoko ukuba xa uthetha nomhlobo wakho waxoxa nomfana, wakunika icebiso, wayazi konke okwenzekayo. Enye intombazana yabalisa ibali elibuhlungu malunga nendlela umhlobo wakhe ayiphulaphule ngayo kwaye yamnika iingcebiso kwiimeko ezinzima ebomini kunye nomfana, edlalwa kakubi ngaye kwaye wayezibonakalisa njengabazondayo. Nangona kunjalo, ngokukhawuleza ukuba ubudlelwane bephelile, intombazana yayitshintsha kakhulu imbono yakhe ngale ntombazana kwaye yona yaba yintombi yeso ntombazana. Intombazana echaphazelekayo ayizange iqale ukukhupha iziqholo eziqhwithelayo, nangona kunjalo, ngokuqinisekileyo yahlala ingumsila ongathandekiyo, kwaye uthetha ngokungathandabuzekiyo malunga nobuhlobo besifazane. Ubuhlobo obudlulileyo, ukuthembela nokuvuleka ngokugqithiseleyo ngoku kube ngumhla wokugqibela, kwaye oko kwenzeke akukho nto kunokukhohlisa. Ngokuvisisanayo, kule imeko emotsionalnoy kunzima ukuziphatha ngokungathandabuzekiyo, ukuba umhlobo udibana nomgcini wakho wangaphambili.
Nangona kunjalo, akufanelekile ukuba uhlupheke kwaye ulume iingqamlezo zakho, urhulumente oxinezelekileyo okanye ohlaziyekileyo ungamncedi ukuba aphume kwiimeko ezinzima. Kungcono ukuthatha ukwakhiwa kolwalamano olutsha, udwebe umgca phantsi kwezikhalazo ezindala, izinamathiselo, ukungathandabuzeki. Abanye abameli besifazane banokukwazi ukuzola kunye nokuzidibanisa ndawonye, baqala ukwakha ubudlelwane obutsha, belibala ngokubakho ngaphambili kunye nentombi, ngaphandle kokungena kwiinkcukacha zobuhlobo babo obutsha. Kwaye oku kuchanekileyo. Emva kwakho konke, ulwalamano lwakho seluphelile, uye waba yinxalenye yexesha elidlulileyo omnye nomnye, kwaye ubomi buqhubeka. Imihla edlulileyo kunye nezo mvakalelo oye wazibelana ngazo ngoko, kwaye uhlala kwixesha elidlulileyo, kwaye sele usitshintshi nantoni na into eyenzekayo. Emva kwakho konke, kusenokwenzeka ukuba intombi yakho iya kudibana kunye yakho yangaphambili, kwaye ibe neqela elihle ngokwenene, kwaye ubuhlobo bakho naye buyimpazamo.
Ungesabi ukuvuma oku kwaye ufumane amandla okukhangela oko kukulungeleyo, ngaphandle kokuphazamisa ebomini bomntu wabantu obaziyo. Ukusinda ezi ngxaki kuthetha ukubuyela kwixesha elidlulileyo, ukuhlala kunye neemvakalelo ezindala, ukuzalisa ubomi bakho nento esele ifile, ungazibandakanyi ngokuzichukumisa kwaye ucinge ukuba zithini ukuba zithini. Thatha wena ngesandla uze uqhubeke phambili, kuba nayiphi na into, ubomi abupheli apho, kwaye le yithuba elitsha kuphela. Kwaye mhlawumbi kwenzeka ntoni kuwe, kukuphela kokona.
Ukulahla izikhonkco ezindala, ukhulula indawo yobomi obutsha, kwaye ukususela ngoku uya kuqonda ukuba nantoni na eyenzekayo. Ukuzama ukuphindezela okanye ngandlela-thile uphathise ubuhlobo bomntu - nje ukuchitha ixesha lakho kutshabalala ebomini babanye. Lo mzekelo unokuba ibali elikhulu kwiifilimu, kodwa ngokwenene kuwubuwula obungaphantsi kwendawo kunye nomqondo onqabileyo.
Ngoku uyazi indlela yokuziphatha xa intombi idibana nayo. Umzekelo omhle yimbali, xa umfazi ongumfazi, kungekhona nje ukufumana amandla okusinda esi siganeko ngesithunzi, kodwa nangaphandle kobubi kunye nenzondo, esilungele ukulungiselela ubomi bakhe. Ndandifumene ndiyindoda efanelekileyo, ndaqala ukwakha ubudlelwane obuqinileyo kunye naye, kwaye ndonwabile kwaye ndingakhathazeki malunga noko kwenzekayo ngaphambili, wahlala ebuhlotsheni obuhle kunye nentombi yakhe kunye nabokuqala. Ngokuqinisekileyo, ubuhlobo kunye nobuhlobo obungaphambili abukho, njengoko akukho nto ikhupha ngayo kwaye inzondo. Funda ukuqonda izifundo zexesha elizeleyo kwaye ungaphumeleli, ngesithunzi esithintelayo, nokuba umhlobo udibana nomntu owayengakukhathaleli ngaphambili, kwaye yonke into iya kuphumelela.