Sonke sivakalelwa kwaye siyaqonda ukuba ubudlelwane nomntu otshatileyo asiyi kusenza nantoni na. Ifomu enjalo ayivunywanga yinkonzo, ukuziphatha, okanye abafazi abaye badlulela kule nto. Kodwa, nangona zonke izilumkiso, ubudlelwane nomntu otshatileyo bukhoyo kwaye bukhulu kakhulu. Abasetyhini abaninzi bazama ukulwa neentlobo ezinxulumene nabo, baba ngamaxhoba abahlukumezi besilisa, baxhomekeke ekuxhomekeke kwengqondo kwindoda esatshatileyo kwaye baphule ubomi babo. Inqaku elithi "Indlela yokuqhathanisa nendoda esatshatileyo: iingcebiso zengqondo yeengqondo" ziya kukunceda ukuba uphule ezo zibophelelo ezingenakubekezeleka, ezikubophe umntu-osapho.
Kutheni na ke benza ukhetho olunjalo? Kutheni kwaye olu buhlobo bukhona nobani, zibandakanya ntoni kwaye yintoni ingozi enkulu? Abaninzi bethu baqonda ubunzulu balo mbandela, kodwa abafazi bonke abanako ukunyathela. Ndingabelana njani nomntu otshatileyo? Kukho iingcebiso ezininzi zengqondo eza kukunceda uqonde le meko.
Okokuqala, makhe sijonge izizathu zeli meko. Kutheni amadoda enza oku? Okokuqala, umntu unokungonwabi emtshatweni, abe neengxaki ezinkulu kunye neengxaki kunye nentsapho yakhe nomfazi, kuquka. Kule meko, indoda ifuna induduzo kwicala, ukudibanisa okongezelelweyo okuzanelisa iimfuno zakhe, kuya kumnceda ukuba ajamelane nokunyamezela. Kwaye ukuba inxulumane nomfazi wakhe iphosa kuphela ebomini kunye nokuqhelekileyo, ke inkosikazi isoloko iyingcipheko, iholide, isiqhamo esinqatshelwe, into enqwenela ukuyisebenzisa.
Kodwa akusoloko umntu elahleka into ethile, okanye unokuba nokuxabana okukhulu kunye nobudlelwane obubi nomkakhe. Ngenxa yobume babo, abameli besondo esinamandla isithembu, ngoko umntu angakwazi ukuzifumana inkosikazi kunye neenveli kumacala nakwiimeko xa ethanda umfazi wakhe, kwaye kwintsapho engenayo ingxaki. Ufuna ubudlelwane bomtshato aze anelise, kodwa ngelo xesha ukhangeleka kwiintlobo zesini.
Kwimeko zombini, umntu usebenza njengomntu ophethe iinjongo, umntu osebenzisa inkosikazi ngeenjongo zakhe, nokuba unomdla wesondo, unqwenela ukungaziwa, okanye ukwaneliseka kokufudumala kunye nokuthandana okumele akufumene umtshato. Le nenye yezona zizathu ezibalulekileyo ukuba kutheni umfazi kufanele abe nenxalenye yendoda esatshatileyo. Akukho mntu ufuna ukuba lixhoba lokuxhaphaza, kodwa abaninzi abaqondi ukuba basetyenziselwa iinjongo zabo.
Kutheni na ke abafazi bathengwa ngolwalamano olunjalo? Asoloko ephazamisekile. Imiphumo emihle yobudlelwane inokunika kuphela ukuba ibhinqa isebenzisa indoda, ukuze ithole ibhalansi yangaphakathi (okanye impahla). Kukho imeko enjalo xa ibhinqa lingazange linenhlanhla kunye namadoda, kwaye ngokukhawuleza okanye kamva bayiphonsa, bephula ubudlelwane. Kule meko, wafumana indoda esatshatileyo, engayibanga, kodwa ngeendleko zakhe yakwazi ukwandisa ukuzithemba kwayo, ukufunda ukuziqonda. Kodwa kulo mzekelo, kufuneka uzibeke kuqala kunye neemfuno zakho kuqala, kwaye usebenze nendima yecalapator, engagunyazisiweyo. Nangona ufuna ukuxhaswa kokuziphatha kunye nengqondo, kukulungele ukuyifuna phakathi kwabahlobo okanye abantu abakhululekile kunye nabo oza kuba nako ukuhlakulela ubudlelwane.
Esinye isizathu sokuba kutheni umfazi ebudlelwaneni obunjalo kunokuba kunzima kuye ukuba athole indoda emtshatweni. Kwaye ngenxa yobudlelwane kunye namadoda esatshatileyo, udibana neemfuno zakhe zonxibelelwano kunye nothando, kunciphisa ubunyulu bakhe.
Okwesibini, abafazi banokukhetha ubudlelwane obungabambanga, kuba kwinqanaba elingaphantsi kwengqondo baziva ukuba abalungele ulwalamano oluqinileyo, kwaye abakwaziyo ukwakha intsapho yabo. Abanye bayesaba ukuthatha uxanduva lomnye umntu, ngaphandle koko, lo mbandela awukhethi kuphela kubafazi, kodwa nakwinkitha yabantu.
Kukho neemeko xa ibhinqa lithatyathwa kumadoda atshatileyo, kwaye ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukufuna, ulahlekelwe ngumdla kubo. Ngaloo ndlela, sibona ukuba kwezo zihlobo zithandwa yinkqubo ngokwayo, kwaye akuyiyo umphumo. Iyakhanga umdlalo ngokwawo, yona njongo "ukufezekisa into yayo", kwaye xa iyenzayo, ithola injongo entsha. Nantsi kukho umgaqo wesiqhamo esinqatshelwe: sifuna oko kungenakufikeleleka kuthi, kodwa xa sifumene, silahlekelwa ngumdla kuyo. Kwintliziyo yezobudlelwane obuphosakeleyo kungaba ngamava afanayo kunye noobudlelwane kunye nabazali, intsapho engasebenziyo olwalamano olungazange lwenzeke.
Kodwa kwenzeka kwakhona ukuba unokwenene ukuthanda umyeni otshatileyo, umntwana kwaye uyamthemba ngokuqinisekileyo, kholelwa ukuba uya kukushiya umfazi wakhe ... Ngaloo ndlela, uya kutshatyalaliswa kamva okanye emva koko abeke isigxina: mhlawumbi mna, okanye umfazi. Eninzi (amaninzi amatyala) umntu ukhetha umfazi wakhe, ngaphezu koko, unokukukhohlisa ixesha elide. Ukuba usenokukhetha, cinga, ulungele ukutshabalalisa umanyano womnye? Khumbula ilizwi elidala: awukwazi ukwakha injabulo kwintlungu yomntu. Ewe, kunye nesiqinisekiso sokuthi ukuba umntu wamphosa umfazi wakhe othandekayo, kodwa akakwenzi nawe, hayi.
Ungayenza njani inxalenye yendoda esatshatileyo, uthathe isigqibo malunga nale nto? Iingcebiso zengqondo yezengqondo ziza kuthetha enye into: konke kukuxhomekeka kwengqondo. Akunzima ukwakha ihlabathi lakho malunga nomntu oyedwa ... Yakha iindleko kunye neepaki ezikujikelezile, iimvula kunye neenkwenkwezi, izakhiwo ezintle ezikhokelela kulo mntu kuphela. Emva koko, ihlabathi esiyakhayo malunga nomntu othandekayo lihle ngokwenene ... Kodwa into yokuba le nyunyana ayinakuqhubeka, kwaye indoda ethandekayo ingeyomnye, yenza umhlaba ube buthakathaka, kwaye kwizakhiwo ezungeze kuyo kukho ezininzi iintambo.
Ungavumeli ukuba usebenzise kakubi, usebenzise iinjongo zemali. Ukuze ufumane inxaxheba nomntu otshatileyo, kufuneka ulahlekelwe kuxhomekeka kwengqondo kwaye ufumane amandla okuthi u-no-manipulator, kunye ne-whims yakho. Kule sigqibo kuxhomekeke kwixesha lakho elizayo. Le nyathelo xa ufanele uphume endleleni elungileyo, nangona kunjalo enye inomnandi inokubonakala ngathi. Emva kwakho konke, ngenxa yokukhetha okulungileyo kuwe, ithuba livulela ukufumana umntu oyifunayo ngokwenene, ukuzivulela ngamathuba amatsha kunye nosapho.