Ukuqala ukuhlala kunye, sisoloko sicinga i-idyll: isidlo se-candlelit, ikhofi ebhedini. Nangona kunjalo, simangaliswa kakhulu. Ngethuba lokuqala sifumana phakathi kweengxabano ezinomdla. Kwaye okwesibini, xa siqonda ukuba iingxabano zingabakho kwaye ziyasebenza. Ngaphezu koko, ukungavumelani kwentsapho akunakwenzeka kuphela ekuncedeni ubudlelwane, ngokusoloko kusisondeza kubudlelwane obufunayo. Nangona kunjalo, izazinzulu ziye zafumanisa ukuba abantu abasandul 'ukutshata kunye nezilumko ezihlakaniphile zifunga ngokungafaniyo. Yiyiphi isicwangciso sokulawulwa kwengxabano ilungile: ukuzama ukufumana yonke into kwingcaciso yokugqibela okanye ukuthula ngokuthula ngezinto ezibalulekileyo? Ukukhethwa kwamaqhinga kuncike kakhulu ... kuhlala phi ixesha elide.
Naliphi na isibini esitshatileyo sidlula kwizinto ezibalulekileyo zohambo lwazo: kwaye akwenzi ngaphandle kokuvela kweemeko eziphikisanayo, apho kwezinye iimeko zixazululwa ngokuthe tye, ngelixa kwezinye zikhula zibe zizihlazo ezinkulu. Kodwa ukuxabana ngokukhawuleza kuya kufutshane kwaye ukufudumala komdla akufani. Esi sigqibo senziwe ngabaosayensi abaye bafunda iimvakalelo zesibini esitshatileyo. Ngethuba lokufunda, ngababini abambalwa abambalwa abathweswa i-120 babhalwa kwaye barekhodwa kwividiyo, kwaye babuzwa ukuba baxoxe ngeminye imibuzo kwihloko esinikeziwe. Izifundo zahlukaniswa ngamaqela amabini: owokuqala ngabo bahlala emtshatweni iminyaka engama-10 okanye ngaphezulu, kwelinye - ngaphantsi. Njengomphumo wesifundo, kwacaca ukuba abo bahlala emtshatweni iminyaka emininzi, ukuxabana kungaphantsi kwezinto ezisandul 'ukutshata. Ngaphezu koko, ngokweengcali zenzululwazi, ezo zintlupheko-ezivela kwiingxabano rhoqo kwixolo nokuvisisana-kuphela ziqinisa umtshato.Iingqungquthela njengesizathu sokuba nolwazi
Ukuba uhamba ngokufanelekileyo kwinkqubo yokuxabana, ke oku kuyisizathu sokungakhupha ngaphandle kweemvakalelo zakho ezimbi, kodwa kunye neenjongo ezifanelekileyo ukwenzela ukuqonda kakuhle nokuqonda. Unako, ukuthetha ngokwemfuziselo, ukuthi le yithuba elihle kakhulu lolwazi olusondeleyo. Ngokutsho kwabaphengululi be-Edinburgh Institute of Practical Psychology, ukungquzulana kunomsebenzi wabo wentsapho obalulekileyo. Kukulawula ukukhathazeka kwaye kugcinwe ukulinganisela kwisibini esitshatileyo. Ubunzima bokuxabana buxhomekeke kwisilinganiselo sokubambisana kwabatshati kunye nokuba bangakanani ukuxhalabisa. Gwema iingxabano, kuba ziyingxenye ebalulekileyo yobomi bomtshato. Ngoncedo lwabo, intsapho ihlola ukuba ingaba iphile ixesha elimnandi, ikwazi ukulungisa iingxaki eziphikisanayo kunye neengcamango, ukuqonda ukuphikisana nokufikelela kwizigqibo.
Ngaphantsi kweemeko ziphi iingxabano ngokukhethekileyo? Xa amaqabane abelana ngentshukumo ngokomzwelo komnye nomnye, iingcamango zabo zijoliswe kuyo (njengoko zibona) inkani, ukungakhathaleli, ukungaqondi kakuhle kweqabane. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, ingxabano iyakwazi ukugqitywa ngenxa yembangela encinane kwaye ngokukhawuleza kufinyelele ekukhuseni okukhulu. Ngelo xesha, asiphosoli ithuba lokukhumbuza abakhethiweyo malunga nokulimala okwenziwe kuthi, okwenza kube nzima kakhulu imeko.
Nangona kunjalo, kukho ihlangothi elincinci kwizinto ezingavumelani nentsapho. Ngosizo lwabo, sichaza indawo - yethu kunye neqabane lethu. Sinethuba elihle lokuba sichaze ngokwaneleyo iimvakalelo ezingekho phantsi komnye nomnye. Ukongezelela, iingxabano zesigxina zenza ukuba kubekho utshintsho olulungileyo kwinkqubo yentsapho.
Memezela kakhulu
Ixesha eliyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu, elipheleleyo, eligcwele iingxabano, yinto yokuqala yobomi bentsapho. Isizathu senkqubela ephakamileyo ephakamileyo phakathi kweembhangqwana eziselula zizihloko ezibalulekileyo. Kutheni? AmaRoma kunye nobomi phantsi kophahla olulodwa zizinto ezahlukeneyo. Kuze kube yinkqubo entsha yentsapho, ebonakaliswe yintsimi eqhelekileyo kunye nempawu ebalulekileyo ebusondelene-ukulala kunye kunye nokutya, akuzange kubangele ukuxabana okukhulu. Kodwa ngokukhawuleza xa usapho luye lwaphuhlisa, yonke into iyatshintsha ngokukhawuleza.
Kuzo nawaphi na ababini abasandul 'ukutshata banamanqanaba okubizwa ngokuba yi-lapping, apho kukho ukungqubuzana okukhulu phakathi kwamaqabane. Kufika ixesha xa ukuwa okuphuphayo ngothando kunye nezibuko zepinki kudlula kwaye uqaphela ukuba wena kunye nomthandayo wakho ngabantu abahlukeneyo, kwaye abaninzi banzima kakhulu kule nto. Umyeni nomfazi bakhulela kwiintsapho ezahlukileyo, ngeengcamango ezahlukeneyo malunga nokuba yintoni enokuyenza emtshatweni, kwaye into engenako, yintoni evumelekileyo kunye noko kungenjalo. Ukongeza, ngamnye wethu ulindela into entsha ukusuka kwintsapho esanda kudala.
Uninzi lweengxabano ezivela kwizibini ezitshatileyo zihlobene nokulungelelaniswa komnye nomnye. Ukungavumelani kunokwenzeka nakweyiphi na into: ukususela ebomini yobomi ukuya kwizicwangciso zabafazi ukuchitha ixesha labo lokukhulula kunye nendlela yokubonisa iimvakalelo.
Konke ngendlela endala
Isigaba esichukumisayo sokuqhawula ngokuqhelekileyo sithatha indawo yendawo enye efanelekileyo kunye nezolile, xa zonke iingxaki zengxabano sele zicacisiwe. Ngobudlelwane bebinibini eziye zadlulayo kwixesha lokucaciswa kobudlelwane, kwaye zakwazi ukuvumelanisa kwaye zifike ekuqondeni nasekunciphiseni, ibhalansi elinde ixesha elide kunye noxolo lusekwa. Kule meko, esi sibini sifunda ukuqonda ezinye iimpazamo kwiqabane kunye nokwamkela omnye nomnye njengoko zikhona. Bayaqonda ukuba kukho izinto ezingenakuguqulwa kumntu, yingakho abatshatileyo abahlala emtshatweni ixesha elide, ukuxabana okungenakuqhaqhaqhayisa kunye nabafazi abatshatileyo njengabatshatileyo abasanda kutshata. Bade banaso izizathu zeentlanzi ezinkulu kunye nokufumanisa ubudlelwane.
Nangona kunjalo, kuya kwenzeka ukuba sizame ngamabomu ukuba singaxabani ngokuvulekileyo. Ngenxa yokuba iingxabano zimbi, sicinga. Sinoyika ukuba ngexesha lokucaciswa kobudlelwane asinakukwazi ukujamelana neemvakalelo zethu, ngoko ke siyazitshintsha. Ngako oko, sihlala sikhetha ukungena kwimpikiswano kwaye sihlale sicace malunga nezinto ezingasifanelekanga kumlingane, kungekhona ukuxabana. Nangona kunjalo, le meko ingakhokelela kwimiphumo emibi kakhulu. Ukuba uhlala uqokelela ukunganeliseki kuwe, ukwandisa umgama kwisibini, ubuhlobo buqala ukupholisa. Kodwa ngokukhawuleza okanye kamva i-negative accumulated will break out, nto leyo ingabangela ukugxeka okukhulu ngokomzwelo.
Sondela
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuba nangona emva kweminyaka engaphezu kweyishumi bomtshato baqhubeka bephikisana, bathi, ngubani onokukhipha udoti okanye ukuhamba nenja, ngoko ke ukulwa nabo kuba yinto enokwenziwa. Izizathu zezi zinto zingabininzi. Ukungabi nakwaneliseko kwenkwenkwezi, umnqweno wokukrazula ukuxhatshazwa okugqithisiweyo okanye umnqweno wokulawula umgama. Iengqondo, le mbambano inezigaba ezimbini: ukuxabana ngokwayo kunye nomgama olandelayo.
Kwakhona kwenzeka ukuba iziganeko zengxabano zihamba kunye nezihlandlo zokufudumala kunye nolwalamano olusondeleyo, ngoko ke iskimu sinokuba nzima ngakumbi: ukutshatyalaliswa-ukufudumala kwe-passion-alienation-quarrel. Masithi isibini esitshatileyo sasivela eholide, apho sasisondelene kakhulu. Ubomi bemihla ngemihla phakathi kwethu, zininzi izithintelo zengqondo: umsebenzi, abahlobo, izinto zokuzilibazisa. Kwaye xa sifikile eholide, sinokugxila ngokucacileyo kumntu othandekayo. Abaninzi abakwazi ukufumana unxibelelwano olunzulu lwamazwi, kwaye ngoko ke babuyela ekhaya, bazama kwakhona ukudelela kumgama okhuselekileyo wengqondo kwiqabane lawo. Kwaye kule ngxabano, ukuxabana kuba sisizathu esilungileyo sokubuyela kwakhona kumgama ochanekileyo.
Kukho imeko echaseneyo: xa abatshatileyo bengasondeli, kwaye ukudibana nomoya kuyafuneka. Ngako oko, ukuze unomuvo wokuthi iqabane lakho linomdla kuwe, ukuba ubandakanyeka ebomini bakho bobuhlungu, uhlazo kunye nokucaciswa kolwalamano luhlelwe. Ukongezelela koko, ngokuqhelekileyo omnye unjengokulinda ngokuthe ngqo, xa okwesibini uza kwenza iphutha kwaye enze iphutha. Emva koko, kwingxabano kunye nokumemeza, abatshatileyo bafumana ukwaneliseka kunye nolwalamano olufunayo.
Indlela yokufunga ngokufanelekileyo?
Musa ukuqala ingxoxo ngexesha lokucaphuka. Kungcono ukuya kumaziko ahlukeneyo ubhale phantsi amabango akho kumlingane. Kwaye emva kwexeshana, xa iimvakalelo zizinzileyo, uthetha ngoxolo.
Kubalulekile ukuba ungathethi nje kuphela, kodwa ukunika ithuba lokuthetha nomlingane wakho.
Musa ukuthatha amagama omlingane kunye nobutshaba. Unesizathu sakhe sokuthetha ezo zinto ozivile. Zama ukuqonda ukuba ngubani okhethiweyo ofuna.
Ungazami ukuphosa isigqibo sakho, kodwa ungaqhubeki malunga neqabane lakho. Vumelana nenketho yesithathu, apho nonke niya kuphazamisa.