Kutheni abesifazana bebambelele kwiimeko ezingenathemba?

Akunjalo na ukuba ebomini bakho badibana nabasetyhini abatsho ngezikhathi ezithile ukuba bashiya amadoda abo, kodwa amandla abo ahlala evekini okanye ezimbini, okanye nangaphantsi, kwaye, njengezigebengu ezibuyela kwimeko yecala, baphinde bazifumene kunye nabo abathembekileyo? Kwaye kufuneka uzibuze ukuba kutheni umfazi onjalo ebambelela kwisifundo sokusela, ephakamisa isandla sakhe, enxibelelana kunye nokulahlekelwa ngumvuzo omncinci, edlala i-poker.


Mhlawumbi uya kukhumbuza ukuba ukuba awukho, ngoko umama wakho unomhlobo onjalo ngokuthe ngandlela-thile nazvanivaetpredy ebusuku ukubika ngeziganeko ezimangalisayo ebomini bakhe, ucele ukuchitha ubusuku, kodwa kulungile ukuba indoda yakhe ibe semngceleni kunye neentyantyambo zeentyantyambo kunye nento izithembiso, ngokukhawuleza ubuya kwiingalo zithembekileyo.

Eyona nto, ukuba le meko iyenzeka okokuqala, kodwa ukuba umyeni ngexesha lesisixhenxe kwiminyaka emibili yokugqibela uthembisa intombi zakho ukuba zithole umsebenzi omtsha, uye olwandle okanye udibanise yonke into kunye ne-slyubovnitsey, kodwa ihlala iphulaphule igama, kubalulekile ukuxhasa "abathandanayo" abanjalo iingxaki, ezinye zazo ezininzi ezihlawula inambuzane? Kwaye ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba uqonde ukuba kutheni le nto iyenzeka kwaye uzame ukunika umntu owaziwayo ngomfazi othile uhlobo olululo lweengcebiso eziya kukunceda ukuba uyisombulule ingxaki yakhe, ubuncinane ukuba afinyelele kwizinga elitsha lokuqonda?

Ngoko ke, zeziphi izizathu ezihlakaniphile, ezintle kunye nabafazi abasemagqabini abambelele kwiihafu zabo zesibini, eziye zaphela ukuba ngumphefumlo?

Kodwa kuthekani ukuba watshintsha yonke into efanayo?

Abasetyhini abaninzi banethemba lokuba baya kuba nako ukuphazamisa ikusasa kunye nomlingiswa womntu ngaphandle kwanomnqweno wakhe. Ngenxa yoko, aba bafazi, bezama ukuphakamisa umyeni wakhe, bawela kwisicupho: bacinga ukuba kukufanelekile ukubeka umgudu omncinci kunye nexesha kwaye yonke into iya kutshintsha. Indoda ngexesha elifanayo ukusuka kwesofa sesilwanyana sasekhaya, ngaphandle kwelokude ukusuka kwi-TV, ibhulukwe yezemidlalo ngamadolo agugu kunye nebhiya akukho nto eyaziwayo, ngokukhawuleza iba yincwadi ehlakaniphile kwaye kuya kuba mnandi ukuhamba nomfazi wakhe kwi-theater. Umtshutshisi wasekhaya, ongahlali ngumfazi okanye abantwana bakhe, abacinezela i-thempsihologicheski kunye nokuphakamisa izandla phezu kwabo, uya kuba yindoda efanelekileyo eya kuba inkxaso nenkxaso.

Kwaye injalo intokazi, ngokuzibonakalise ngokukrakra njengengane yamandla onke, ikhuphuka esikhumbeni sayo, kwaye akukho nto yatshintsha ngayo, mhlawumbi, okanye ayikho. Ngokuqinisekileyo, akunakwenzeka ukubiza loo meko ingathembeki ngokupheleleyo, kodwa utshintsho kumadoda luyakwenzeka kuphela kwinkqubo yokuhlaziywa kwemilinganiselo, njengabantwana, akukho nto enokuyenza ngayo. Kodwa nangona umyeni wakho enquma ukwenza utshintsho, kubalulekile ukuba akhumbule ukuba abantu abalungileyo abakho kwimvelo.

Kwiimeko ezinzima kakhulu, ibhinqa liya kuba yinkxalabo ngexesha lonke kwaye kuyafaneleka ukuba sicinge ukuba ngaba ulwalamano olunjalo luyimfuneko. Abo baqhelana nemisebenzi yodokotela wezifo ezidumileyo u-Eric Berne, bayazi ukuba lolu hlobo lokuziphatha lubizwa ngokuba "ngumfazi wotywala". Kule meko, lo mfazi unomsindo wokuba umyeni wakhe usebenzisa utywala, akasebenzi, udlala ukugembula, athatha iziyobisi, uvame ukuphakamisa isandla sakhe, njl., Kodwa kuzo zonke iinkalo zomyeni wakhe ukuziphatha okungafanelekanga uzame ukufumana isizathu. Waphakamisa isandla sakhe - kuthetha ukuba umfazi wakhe wayipheka isidlo esingenakusihlwa, walahlekelwa yonke imali kwikasino - mhlawumbi umphathi wee-boss emsebenzini. Inkqubo ye-Ithaca yobudlelwane inokuyithatha ingcambu kwintsapho ixesha elide. Ngokufanayo, ukushiya isangqa esichukumisayo, elinye lamalingani kufuneka litshintshe ngokukrakra ikhonkco yeziganeko ezifanayo.

Uloyiko lokuba yedwa

Ngokuqhelekileyo, amadoda awenza indima yabasetyhini abafuywayo basebenza kwi-psyche ngeenkcazo ezinjengokuthi "Nabani na oya kukuphulaphula ngaphandle kwam", "ndikunyusele kwicala lobomi ndenza umntu ngaphandle kwenu", "Ngaba le ntombazana? Khangela ukuba uneminyaka engakanani, ukhangeleka njani. Ucinga ukuba umntu uya ku-pozaritsya kuwe? ". Kwaye kubonakala ngathi abahlobo bam, bacebe umyeni onentliziyo ebandayo kwaye bavuthela umbhobho omnye, oya kuwufuna umntu, ukuba ube ngumfazi ongatshatanga.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kwilizwe lethu, ngokwenene, amabhinqa aphakathi kwamakhulu aphezulu kunamadoda, kwaye kwelinye - kubafazi belilungu lommandla wethu kukho kwakhona isimo sengqondo esibi-esinobubele.Ukuba loo ntokazi, iya kuthi, ukubhiyozela uNyaka omtsha kunye nabahlobo bakhe, ngoko kunokwenzeka ukuba abanye baya kuhamba kunye nabatshatileyo babo kwaye baya kukhangela umxhatshazo onokuthi ukhululiwe kwidyokhwe yomyeni wakhe.

Kwaye iziphi izikhalazo zabazali, intombi kunye nabanye abantu abasondeleyo ukuba inkokheli enye ayiyi kuba nabani na ukuba bafumane uncedo ekuxazululeni iingxaki ezincinci zasekhaya kunye nokufakela umtshato, akayi kusakwazi ukubala ukuba umyeni wakhe uya kuxhoma amashalofu kwindawo yokuhlambela, ukulungisa inyama ephukile kunye ne-cutlet kuthwala isikhwama sezambatho kwiimarike. Ngexesha elifanayo, bambalwa abantu bacinga ukuba ukutshatyalaliswa ngumlingane, umfazi, mhlawumbi, uya kulahla umsebenzi wokupheka isobho, ucinge ukuba ukupheka isidlo sakusihlwa. Isilumkiso, uhlambulule isistim sokuthuthwa kwamanzi okanye ukulungisa inyama kungenziwa kwakhona ngumqeshwa we-arhente enika iinkonzo ezifana "neyure yendoda".

Nangona umfazi wesaba ukuba xa eqhawule isiqabane, akanakukwazi ukulungiswa ubomi bakhe, umntu kufuneka acinge ukuba ufanelekile yini ezinye izinto ezithatyathwa ngabantu okanye ubandlululo, ukunyamezela i-antics yabathembekileyo? Ukuba awukwazi ukwenza isigqibo esicacileyo, ungathatha iphepha kunye neenkcukacha ezilungileyo kunye neempembelelo zomntu osesikhatsini esiseduze. Ewe, yintoni? Ngaba unayo iipali ezininzi?

Ukuzithemba phantsi kwe-plinth

Nanini na ukuphelelwa ngumonde, abafazi abakunyamezela ukuziphatha kakubi kwamadoda abo banquma ukuba lixesha lokuphelisa le ntloni. Kodwa elo xesha ishishini lakhe elimnyama liphantsi kobugwenxa, kuba le ntombazana iqala ukungaqiniseki ukuba uya kuhlala ngaphandle kwayo ethembekileyo. Ewe, izolo wayengenelisekanga, eselinxile kakhulu, esongela ukuba aphile, konke oku kubonakala ngabantwana. Kodwa namhlanje, emva kwayo yonke into, unqabile kunamanzi, ngaphantsi kwengca, ucela ukuxolela abantu bonke, uthembisa ukuba eli lixesha lokugqibela kwaye wayesele eqala ekuqaleni kwendlela, ekupheleni kwayo ukuba abe ngumyeni noyise.

Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba ungakholelwa kwizifungo ezinje ukuba akukho mntu oqhelekileyo onokubonakala ephule? Kule meko, ukuba kufikelele kumntu oqhelekileyo, iimeko ezi ngasentla akufanele ziphakame ngokomgaqo.

Kodwa kutheni abafazi behlaselwa, baxolela amaxesha amaninzi?

Inyaniso kukuba ezininzi zeengxaki zethu zifumaneka ebuntwaneni. Oku kuyinyaniso ngokunyanisekileyo. Umfazi onjalo othembekileyo owakhuliswa ngabazali ababengavumi ukumncoma umntwana wayegxeka ngenxa yeso sizathu, uthelekise iimpumelelo zakhe kunye nempumelelo yabanye abantwana, umzekelo, abantwana abalingana nabo, abahlobo, abazalwana okanye abadala. Ukukhula, loo ntombazana ayinakukwazi ukuvavanya ngokwabo ngokwabo ukufaneleka kwabo, abanakholelwa ukuba banokufaka isicelo esilungileyo, kwaye uluvo lwabanye ababajikelezayo lubaluleke ngakumbi kunalo.

Unetyala ngaphandle kwecala

Abasetyhini kunye nale ndlela yokubomi bayahlala bexhalabisa ukuba isimo sengqondo sengqondo somntu abazikhukhumezayo. Umyeni wam wayengenangxaki, oko kuthetha ukuba andizange ndiphendukele kuye, ndimbethe, mna ndiyamgxeka, ndiyifanelekele isimo sengqondo esinjalo.

Nantsi kubalulekile ukuba sikhumbule ukuba abalingani bobabini banokusola ngeso nasiphi na isiganeko - kungekudala akusoze kwenzeka ukuba umntu unetyala, kwaye enye inyanzelekile ukuba isebenze ngendlela ethile kwaye ayikho enye indlela. Khumbula ukuba kwimpikiswano enye ingumntu okhuselekileyo, oko kukuthi, unogonyamelo, omnye uyanyanzelekile ukuzimela . Amadoda, abajwayele ukuhlala kwimeko enjalo, baya kuzama ngamandla abo onke ukuba bahlakulele kubafazi babo ingcinga yecala, ngaloo ndlela bazama ukuzithethelela baze basuse umva wecala lokuziphatha okungalunganga. Enyanisweni, utyhafi lwasekhaya uzibona engumthetheli wobulungisa, kwaye ixhoba linamathele kuye nangakumbi ngenxa yecala.

Le meko iphinda ibe ngumntwana ukususela ebuntwaneni, xa ukufumana ingqwalasela, ukulungiswa kunye nothando lwabazali okanye ezinye izihlobo ezidala, kwakudingeka ukubonakalisa ngeendlela zonke ukuba umntwana ufanelekile.

Intsebenziswano ebalulekileyo

Ngamanye amaxesha, ukujonga ubuhlobo obungento engamntu wonke, izazi zengqondo ziyabona ngokucacileyo ukuba izizathu zento yokuba umfazi akanako ukuhlala ehamba nendoda kunjalo. Ngokomzekelo, ingaba uhlobo oluxhomekeke lokuxhomekeke kumntu: ukusuka kwimvakalelo, ngokwesondo ukuya kumatshini.

Ngaphezu koko, abanye banelisekile ngendima yexhoba. Abazange baqikelele le meko, baninzi badideka, ziziphi iingenelo inokuthi le ntokazi inomdla wexeshana elixinzezelekileyo, unalo? Ukuba ubumba ubuncinci, ubona ngokucacileyo ukuba abafazi abangenabileyo emtshatweni banokuxhomekeka ekuxhaseni uluntu, baxolelwa ngabahlobo abaphumeleleyo. Ngokudlulayo kwexesha, le meko iguqula ubudlelwane ukuba lube yintlangano engafanelekanga, apho umfazi wenza konke okusemandleni akhe ukubonisa indlela ezama ngayo ukwenza indoda ngaphandle kwendoda yakhe, ezama ukumfumana umsebenzi olungcono, ukuhlambalaza kunye nokumncenga xa ethatha utywala, kodwa oku akunakunika iziphumo. Ngenxa yoko, ibhinqa isetyenziselwa into yokuba bonke abakuzungezile bayayivalela kwaye le nto iya kuba yinto yokuxhomekeka kwengqondo.

Enye into engavumelekanga ukugxotha umlingane, ingaba yinto eqhelekileyo yokunceda. Abaninzi bakulungele ukubekezelela i-sizmen yendoda, ukunganaki into yokuba angayitshintshi indlela yokuphila, ukuba athole izipho ezibizayo ukuba umlingane anikezele ukukhulula isigwebo sakhe. Enyanisweni, asifanele sikhohlwe ukuba iintlobo ezinjalo zixhalabisa ngokwemvakalelo, kwaye kungekudala okanye kamva kuya kufuneka ucinge ngezinto ezibaluleke ngakumbi: ngamalungelo athile, umzekelo, ithuba lokubhabhela eParis ngeveki okanye ingozi yempilo kunye nokulingana.

Ukuxhomekeka kwizesondo

Ukuxhomekeka kwezesondo ngenye yeentlobo zokudibanisa ngokomzwelo. Abasetyhini abawela kulo mgibe bakholelwa ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba akukho mntu kodwa iqabane lolwabelana naye ngokwesini unokuqonda ngokucacileyo iimfuno zakhe ezisondeleyo aze aziwanelise ngokupheleleyo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, inokudibaniswa nenani elikhulu lamalingani apho umfazi obenokudibana naye ngesondo, oko kuthetha ukuba unento yokuthelekisa umyeni wakhe. Ngenye into - ukuphula umanyano kunye nokunciphisa umthwalo onzima awuniki ukuzithoba. Ngenxa yoko, nayiphi na into eyenziwa ngumntu, izizathu ezingenangqiqo zenzelwe izenzo zakhe, kwaye yena, ngokuqinisekileyo, uyaqiniseka ukuba ukuxolelwa, ukubetha, ukusela kunye nezinye iziphoso uya kuxolelwa kwaye uya kuphinda abuyele ekhaya aze aqhubeke nobudlelwane ngokungathi akukho nto eyenzekayo .

Abantwana kufuneka bakhule kunye noyise

Intsingiselo malunga nokuba uyise ufanele abe nobawo kunye nokuba yintoni isimo sakhe sengqondo kumfazi wakhe nakwimbewu yakhe, kungcono ukuhlala kwintsapho epheleleyo kunomama omnye okanye uyise oyise, kwakukho ixesha lamaSoviet xa kwakushunyayelwa ukuba umtshato kufuneka ube ngowomnye kwaye bonke ubomi. Kule meko, umfazi usebenza njengexhoba, utyalo lonke ixesha kunye nomgudu wokukhulisa abantwana kwaye unethemba lokuba kwixesha elizayo baya kukwazi ukuqonda yonke into awayenzele yona. Kodwa ukuphazamiseka kukuba iindlalifa eziziindlalifa, ukubona uhlobo lobudlelwane obulawulayo kwintsapho, efanelekileyo kakhulu, cela abazali ukuba baqhawule ngokwawo, ngokubi kakhulu - bayazikhiya ngokwabo, bafumane imali eninzi.

Kufuneka kuqatshelwe ukuba nganye intsapho ibe yedwa kwaye umfazi angabambelela ekuthandeni ubudlelwane phakathi kwesinye sezizathu ezibhalwe apha ngasentla, kwaye ubophelelwe yiyo yonke into ekhoyo ezinyaweni. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ukuxhomekeka okunjalo kunzima, okwenza umfazi abe nexhala kwaye athukuthele, kwaye ukuba yena ngokwakhe akakwazi ukugqiba indlela ukuba enze kwiimeko eziye zafakwa kwintsapho yakhe, kuya kuba nzima ukuthetha nengqondo yengqondo okanye isifo sengqondo. Ewe, ndiyathemba ukuba emva kokufumana okokuqala ezandleni zakho kuya kuba nemigaqo efanelekileyo yokusombulula zonke iingxaki zeentsapho, kodwa unokukunceda uqonde imeko kwaye uphendule le meko.