Kutheni asikwazi ukuba sibuze

Iingcali zengqondo ziqinisekile: emva kokungabikho kokuzimela kubakho ukukwazi ukuzinyamekela. "Ukuzama - kungekhona ukutshutshiswa, ukwenqaba - akunandaba!" "3a imfuno ayifumani kwimpumlo." "Cela, kwaye uya kunikwa." Ngamazwi athile aqoqelekileyo angasiqinisekisi: ukubuza - ngokwemvelo, kodwa asikholelwa kwaye siphinda ngokuchaseneyo. Ngokomzekelo, emva kokuba uSolzhenitsyn: "Musa ukukholwa, ungesabi, musa ukubuza." Isicelo sifuna umnqweno ombethe ngamagama kwaye sibhekiswe kumntu okwazi ukuyiqonda. Kubonakala ukuba abo abangayazi ukubuza, abakhathaleli ngeminqweno yabo, banciphise amathuba kwaye banokubanjwa ngokuzingca. Kwaye abo banokuzibuza ngokulula abazibandakanyi ukuzithemba kunye nokuzithemba ngokuxhomekeka kwiimpendulo zabanye abantu kwaye benza konke okusemandleni ukunyamekela ukuhlangabezana neemfuno zabo. Intsingiselo yomxholo othi "ukubuza" inokufumanisa indlela yokufaka isicelo. Lowo ucela, unyanzelekile ukuba avule, achaze iimfuno zakhe kunye neenjongo, zibonakalise. Isicelo sisoloko sidibanisa, intlanganiso, isidingo sokungena kumtshato. Utyhila iindawo zethu ezibuthathaka kunye nobuhlungu, "intandokazi" yeengqolowa kunye namanxeba. Yaye ngubani ozimisele ukuzinikela ngokuzithandela?

Kindergarten
Sifunda ukubuza ukusuka kwimibhobho yokuqala yobomi. Ngendlela umama kunye nabanye abadala abadala abasabela ngayo kwiimfuno zentsana, ukunyamekela kwakhe kuxhomekeke kumzimba nangokwengqondo. Umntwana waseBrithani wezilwanyana kunye nomntwana wengqondo yengqondo yaseBrithani uDonald Vinninoth wazisa ingcamango "ngomama onelungelo" - owaziyo kwaye anelisekile iimfuno zomntwana ngokutya, ukufudumala, ukunyuka, ukutshatyalaliswa komzimba kunye novakalelo, kunye nokunceda uhlale evakalelwa kukuba ungazikwazi ukuqonda zonke iimfuno ngokukhawuleza. Emva koko umgaqo-mnandi kufuneka uvumelane nomgaqo wokwenyaniso. Ukuguqulelwa kolwimi lwe-psychoanalytic, oku kuthetha ukuba nganye imbuzi ngeminyaka emihlanu okanye emithandathu kufuneka ifunde ukufumana unyanzeliso wenjongo yokwanelisa zonke iimfuno zakhe. Kubaluleke kakhulu kumntwana ukuba afumane amava omabini: ukuba iiminqweno zakhe ziyaneliseka, kwaye ezinye iimfuno azikwazi ukwaneliswa kuzo zonke. Okanye banokuthi, kodwa kungekho ngokupheleleyo okanye kungekho kanye.

Ukungathandeki ngokungaqhelekanga kwezicelo kuhambelana ngqo nemibandela emibini: ngaba abazali abaninzi badibana njani neminqweno yabantwana nendlela abachazela ngayo isikhundla sabo. Ukuphindaphindiwe ngokukhaliswa kwezicelo, abantwana bafunda ukuba bangazibuza nto. Oku kunceda bagweme iimvakalelo ezimbi, ezifana nomsindo, umsindo, ihlazo nokuhlaziswa. Izizathu eziqhelekileyo zokungaphumeleli komzali: ukwesaba ukuguqulwa kunye nobutyebi obuphathekayo obuphantsi. Kwimeko yokuqala, umntwana unako ukuva nokumisela umyalezo: "Awufanelanga ukuba izicelo zakho zizaliseke," okwesibini: "Izicelo zakho zininzi kakhulu, ungabi mthwalo kwabanye." Kwaye kungenakunzima ukucela into, umntu omdala akakhokelwa ngqiqo, kodwa ezi ngqiqo.

Abanini bamandla
Uloyiko lokuba siya kunqatshwa isicelo sinzulu kakhulu kunokuba sinoyika ukungabi nantoni na. Ukukhanyela kubonwa njengokwenqatshwa, njengokwenqatshela ukuba sikhoyo. Kwiingcamango zethu, abantu basitsho "cha" kungekhona ngenxa yezizathu ezifanelekileyo, kodwa ngenxa yokuba bafuna ukubonisa ukuphakama kwabo kunye namandla.

Umceli uya kuba kwindawo ekhuselekileyo kumniki. Sinokuvakalelwa iimvakalelo ezimbi kwaye singafumani nto njengesiphumo. Ukongezelela, sinomngcipheko kwiimeko zethu zentlalo kwiintsebenziswano kunye ne-addressee. Asifuni ukuziva okanye ukubonisa ubuthathaka bethu, kubonakala ngathi isicelo ngokukhawuleza sibeka kwisithuba esipheleleyo. Ukungaboni ngokugqithiseleyo ukunyaniseka - ekujonga kwethu kukukhulu kwaye kubaluleke ngakumbi kunokuba kunjalo.

Ikhono lokubuza likwazi ukuzibeka kwisalamano esingalawulwayo. Ukumelana nokuxhatshazwa okuhambelana nale meko, ungakhathazeki ngokungaqiniseki. Ukubuza ukuvumela ukuba uxhomekeke kuye, ukuba uqaphele ukubaluleka komnye, ukunikezela ngokufanelekileyo. Njalo uphephe iimeko apho uxhomeke kuyo kwaye unobuthathaka - kufana nokuzama ukuphefumula ngaphandle kokuphefumla.

I ntlalontle
Indlela esiyijonga ngayo izicelo zihambelana nendlela abantu abaphatha ngayo. Asifuni ukudibaniswa nabaceli nabaceli. Ngenxa yoko, ngokuthotywa, intlupheko, izifo. Abanye abantu bacinga ukuba nayiphi na isicelo isicelo isinyathelo ekubhekiseleleni kwintlupheko, njengokungathi kufuneka ucele kwaye uza kutholakala kungeva kwiplanga.

"Ungaze ucele nantoni na, ngakumbi abo banamandla kunawe! Baya kunikwa bona kwaye baya kunika yonke into ngokwabo!" - uthe uBulgakovsky Woland. Kwabaninzi, eli binzana lifunyenwe ngaphandle kokugxeka nokuhlalutya ngokufakela. Kulula kakhulu ukuba ungathathi ingozi xa ucela, kodwa uhlale kwaye ulinde amandla ale hlabathi ukuze anelise iminqweno yethu. Lo uluvo lwesana oluncinci olukholelwa ekutheni unamandla onke kwaye sisetyenziswe kwiminqweno yakhe edibeneyo kwimfuno. Umntu omdala uyaqonda ukuba abo bajikelezileyo abanakho ukukwazi ukufumana umnqweno we-telepathic, kufuneka ukuba okungenani abizwe, oko kukuthi, waba ngumyalelo.

Ukungafuni ukuyibuza kuyinto yesini. Ngokwesiko, kukholelwa ukuba umntu kufuneka afake isicelo sesincinci esincinane, ukuze angonakalisi umfanekiso wesimo esinamandla nesithembekileyo. Kwaye kumfazi ngokuchaseneyo, yindlela yokubonisa ukukhuseleka, ubungozi.

Indlela yokuziphatha iyakwazi ukudibanisa phezulu. Akukho "ngokuvisisanayo", kodwa "ngokuchasene" neentlalo zentlalo. Ngokomzekelo, intombazana inokugqiba isigqibo: "Andiyi kumbuza nto into engayibonisa yona: Andifani nabanye." Kule meko, loo mntu uhlala exhomekeka kwi-stereotype, kuphela ngophawu oluphambene.

Hlawula yonke into
Ukungakwazi ukubuza kunokudibaniswa noloyiko lokubuyisela uncedo olunikeziweyo. Kwi-collective consciousness, le ngcamango ichazwe ukuba akunakwenzeka "ukuthatha" yedwa, ngolunye usuku kuya kufuneka ukuba "unike". Le ngcamango ayilunganga, kodwa iyethusa, kuba ayayaziwa kwangaphambili ukuba "kunika" kangakanani. Uvakalelo lwentuthuzelo yengqondo, ukulawula imeko, luyalala. Xa sifuna into, sibonakala sinika omnye ilungelo lokucela uncedo kuthi. Sinoyika ukuba inkonzo enokulungelelana iya kuba nzima kwaye iyabiza, kwaye asiyi kuba nelungelo lokunqaba.

Ingcamango yokuhlawulwa kwexesha elizayo ngoncedo ingagxothwa kwimbali yentsapho. Ukuba kwakukho imeko ephindaphindiweyo kwintsapho xa isicelo sokonyango siphumela kwiziphumo ezimbi okanye ezibulalayo, sinokuthetha ngokuphathelele kwintsapho. Kule meko, sinokuzichazela ngokucacileyo thina kunye nabanye ukungavumi ukubuza, kodwa siya kwenza phantsi kwefuthe leenkolelo ezingenangqiqo: "Ukuba ucela, uya kuhlawula ngokuqinisekileyo."

Nangona kunjalo naziphi izizathu zokungafuni ukuzibuza, kusekufanele ukuziqonda. Okokuqala, ukuze ufunde ukunyamekela ngokwakho.