"Umntu okhubekileyo unamanzi kumntu okhubekileyo" - umzekeliso ugxile kwisimo sengqondo esingafanelekanga kubantu abakujikelezeyo kumntu ongenako ukulibala intukuthelo, ohlala ehlambalaza kwaye enganelisekanga ngesimo sengqondo kubathandekayo bakhe, ngokwenene kunzima ukuthetha nabantu abanjalo. "ukuhlambalaza" akunzima kunzima ukuhambisa isikhalazo emphefumlweni wakho, ngoko kufuneka ufunde indlela yokulahla impahla enjalo, kunye nobudlelwane obusondeleyo nabanye abantu, nakwezinye iimeko apho isikhalazo sikhulu kakhulu. Ngaba uyakwazi ukuxolela?
Yintoni onokuxolela?
Njengoko oogqirha bathi, ukukwazi ukuxolela kunokuba luncedo kwimpilo. Ngokukodwa, imeko yokuhlambalaza ikhuthaza ukuphuhliswa kwezifo zeentliziyo ezahlukeneyo. Oku kuqinisekiswa yimiphumo yophando lwangoku eNgilani, ebonisa ukuba abantu abaneentlonelo zabanye banamathuba amane okuba nesifo senhliziyo kwaye banamaxesha angaphezu kwesithandathu okuba bafe kufutshane kunabantu abalinganayo.
Kwakhona, ukukwazi ukuxolela nokulondoloza impilo yengqondo yomntu akubalulekanga. Njengoko iingqondo zengqondo zichaza, ukuxolelwa ngumoya womphefumlo, okwenza uxolo umntu okhululekileyo, kwaye uyamkhulula ekukhethweni okungenakukugweba kwiilonda zakhe. Le yindlela efanelekileyo yokuphula isangqa senzondo kunye nokwesaba, ukukwazi ukuxolela kubaluleke kakhulu kubo bonke abantu.
Kuthetha ukuthini ukuxolela? Oogqirha bathi ukuxolelwa kuyitshintsho kwisimo sengqondo esifanelekileyo kumntu oye wakucaphukisa. Utshintsho olunjalo lwentliziyo lwenza kube lula ukunqanda ukuphuhliswa okuqhubekayo kwengqondo ngenxa yezizathu ezinamandla ezinokuthi zithumelele i-hormone eziyingozi - i-cortisol kunye ne-adrenaline. Akuyimfuneko nantoni na ukuba ubone umntu onokumxolela, ngokungathi akafuni ukuguquka okanye uxolo kuye. Uxolelo luhlala luphakathi kwakho, ngoko ukuze uxolele, omnye umntu awudingi.
Kutheni kunzima ukuxolela umntu?
Yonke into, ekuqaleni, ngokwembono yethu ngokwethu-ukuvakalelwa njengomntu ozimeleyo kunye nozimeleyo, okuqinisekileyo, awunakuze uvumele ukulimaza. Ngenxa yoko, isenzo sokuqala ukucaphukisa umntu ngokubuyisela. Nangona kunjalo, emva kwexesha umntu uqala ukuphendula ngokufanelekileyo nangokufanelekileyo kwiimeko. Kunzima kumntu oqhelekileyo ukuba ahambe kwindlela yokuziphindezela kwimvakalelo yokuxolela ngokunyanisekileyo, kuba oku kuyimfuneko ukuphuhlisa kwimvakalelo yakho yomphefumlo wenceba okanye ngenye indlela, ukukwazi ukuxhamla iingcamango, iimvakalelo kunye nezenzo (nangona zilunganga ngoluvo lwakho) omnye umntu, owona msebenzi obunzima kakhulu, ufana nokukwazi ukuxolela.
Akunakuba novelwano nangenxa yokuba izenzo zomntu osisichukumisayo kwingqondo zethu ziguqulwa, kwaye siyaziqonda nje ngokuba ngumntu ongekho. Ukongezelela, siqinisekile ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba umoni othobekileyo wanyelisa okanye wasithuka. Iingcali zengqondo zibiza izenzo ezinje "ukunikezelwa kweenjongo." Ngexesha elifanayo, sinokuhlola iimpazamo zethu ngokwahlukileyo, kuba sisazi ukuba asikhokelwa yimvakalelo engathandekiyo kumntu othile, kodwa ngeemeko ezizimeleyo kuthi, ngelixa abantu abangenabanye abantu abasengqondweni zabo banesizathu sokuzikhethela. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba sibheka ingqiqo, ngoko kwizenzo ngamnye kuthi, zombini iimeko kunye neminqweno elawulwa ngumntu inecala.
Yintoni endiyenzayo ukuba ndixolele umntu ngaphakathi kwam?
Okokuqala, kufuneka uqikelele ngokucacileyo ukuba ukuza kuxolelwa komnye umntu akulula nje kuphela, kodwa kwanele ixesha elide. Isinyathelo sokuqala siya kuba lixhoba elivela kumava akho siqu anesizathu esicacileyo kunye nengqiqo. Eyona ndlela ikhethekileyo kukuba nje uqale ukucinga ngenye into, engekho ndlela idibene nomntu osisicacileyo. Kwaye kufuneka uyenze oku kude kubekho ixesha elicacileyo ukuba awuyiqondi ukuba unokuxolela ngokunyanisekileyo umntu.
Iingcali zengqondo zengcali zicebisa ukuba zenze umsebenzi omnye olula - ngokukhawuleza ukuba uqale ukucinga ngento enhle neyakhayo. Kwiimeko ezigqithiseleyo, unokuzalisa iingcamango zakho ngomthandazo okanye uziphindiselele isingeniso se-nursery okanye ukubala okulula. Nangona kunjalo, kukulungele ukucinga ngezikhumbuzo ezintle ukuba xa uqala ukucaphuka, akudingeki ukuba ukhumbule ngokugqithiseleyo ubomi bakho ngokubanzi, kunye nexesha elihle ngakumbi. Ukuba usakwazi ukucima iimvakalelo eziphazamisayo, ngoko unokuzihalalisa ngokuzikhuselekileyo, okanye uzenzele isipho esincinane, ukuzithiba.
Kukho enye indlela - zama ukuphila ukuze ugcine ingxowa yokuxolelwa. Abantu ngamaxesha ahlukeneyo bajonga imeko efana ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo, ngoko bhala phantsi kwiphephancwadi ezi ngcamango neemvakalelo ozenzayo imihla ngemihla. Bhala phantsi zonke izinto, ngokuboni kwakho, ezinokukukhokelela ekuvisaneni, kwaye ubuyisele ubulungisa. Ngokomphandi, abantu abanesidayari balula kakhulu ukujongana nezikhalazo baze bafikelele ukuxolelwa ngokukhawuleza.
Ngethuba lexesha, ukungena kwidayari kuya kuba nomsindo ongaphantsi, kwaye kukho izizathu ezibangela ukuba, ngokombono womntu okhubekileyo, angenza ukuba umoni enze izinto ngale ndlela, kungenjalo. Izikhumbuzo zinceda kakhulu xa umntu ekhubekisile umntu. Uziva ntoni ngaloo mzuzwana, yintoni uvakalelwa ngayo? Zibeke kwindawo yomxhaphazi, uze ucinge ukuba uvakalelwa njani, nokuba ufuna ukutshintsha imeko yangoku. Jonga le meko kwimbono yefilosofi, uze uxolele umoni wokungafezeki kwakhe, kuba sonke singabantu kwaye sinokwenza iimpazamo, ngenxa yoko siba neentloni. Kodwa ngaba kukho abantu abagqibeleleyo?
Indlela yokuvuselela amandla okuxolela?
Yonke into iqala ngomncinci, ngoko ke ukuba ufuna ukufunda ukuxolela izikhalazo ezinkulu, kufuneka ufunde ukuphatha ukungapheleli kwamancinci lula. Umzekelo:
- Khetha ukuqeqesha abantu abangaqhelekanga. Ukuba imoto yakho yahlatywa ngumqhubi ongenamava, okanye uqhutywe emgceni, uzama ukuqokelela intando ibe yintonga kwaye unqande yonke ingqumbo yomsindo.
- Zama ukuxolela "kwangaphambili". Oko kukuthi, kusasa, emva kokuvusa, xelela kuwe kwisibuko: "Akukho nto imbi eyenzekayo, kodwa ndineemboleko kumntu wonke ondijikelezile, ngokuba yonke into enhle."
- Akufanele uzame ukumxolela ngomntu ngokukhawuleza. Zama ukumxolela nangomzuzu omnye ngosuku. Emva koko uzama ukwandisa eli xesha ukuya emibini okanye ngaphezulu kwemizuzu. Kwaye khangela, yintoni na kule nto
- Qala ngokuzixolela. Ngokukhawuleza xa sikwazi ukuziqonda ngokucacileyo, singayithobeli ingqalelo kwiimpazamo zethu okanye izicwangciso zethu, siyazibamba ngakumbi, ngokubhekiselele ekungaphelelweni kwabanye abantu abasithandayo.