Ubunzima bamagama amahle, iingxabano eziphezulu, ezivela kwiinjongo zonqulo zonke-ukuxolelwa nokuphela ngamazwi anjengawo onke afana "oya kukhumbula idala, kwiso". Kwaye emva kwalolu donga lwezakhiwo ezakhayo zentetho kunzima ukuqonda intsingiselo yenkqubo enzima kakhulu ebizwa ngokuthi ukuxolelwa. Nguwuphi na igama esidibanisa ngayo ukuxolelwa ngesiRashiya? Hamba kakuhle, akunjalo? NgesiNgesi uthethelele kwaye kwisixokelelo saseFransi - ngokwenene "ukunika." Ingundoqo yale nkqubo kukuyeka ukuphatha umthwalo othile, ukuwunika, ukuwuthetha.
Ewe, ukuxolelwa kuthatha isenzo, ukwahlukana nento ethile, inyathelo ngesinyathelo. Hlala phantsi uze uzilungiselele: "Hayi, khawuleza uthethelele njalo!" - Awuyi kusebenza. Isiphumo asiyi kuba. Uxolelo luyinto ebonisa ukuba ukhulula sonke isisindo esiye saqokelela entliziyweni yakho. Uza kuphazamiseka ngonaphakade okanye kwimeko leyo, okanye ngomntu obangela ukulimala kwengqondo. Kwaye kunzima ukukwenza ngenxa yesizathu esilula sokuba isenzo sokuxolela sithwala ubuntu bezengqondo, ubumbano. Siyazi nani imizekelo emininzi, xa singenako ukuxolela umntu, kunene? Ukuhlambalaza, umsindo, umsindo uvuselela ... Lowo oza kuxolelwa usebunzima beengqondo, okubizwa ngokuba yili "lixhoba". Ngaba uyayiqonda into eyenzekayo? Uthobekile, wenzakele, uhlungu, entliziyweni yokufutheka, umnqweno wokuziphindezela. Ilizwi elisondeleyo okanye elingaphakathi lithi: Ndixolele! Kwaye kubonakala ngathi akunakwenzeka. Akunjalo?
Kunzima kakhulu ukuxolela kwiimeko eziphosakeleyo. Ukongezelela, isininzi sisoloko sicasulwa ngabantu abasondeleyo - abo babengalindelekanga ukuba baphambuke, bangenangqiqo, bathetha. Ngaphandle sinobukrakra, sinobukrakra, kodwa kulo mzekelo kulula ukuba "sitshixe kwaye sihlabe", ngenxa yokuba asinalo uxhulumano olunzulu nalo mntu. Kodwa mna, kunzima ukuxolela wam - kuthuka kakhulu!
Kakade. Kwaye kwangexesha elifanayo, sinesizathu sokuba singabuyiseli, oko kukubaxolela abo basesigodini sabanye. Emva koko, aba bantu kunye nobudlelwane nabo kubaluleke kakhulu kuthi. Nangona kunjalo, imikhosi ayisoloko ilanele ukuxolela, nangona siqonda isidingo sokuxolelwa ngeengqondo zethu. Ngaphezu koko, sinqwenela ukwenza oku, kodwa asikwazi ukwenza oku.
Uqala njani le nyathelo - ukuxolelwa? Masiqhubeke nohlalutyo lwethu lweelwimi oluthobekileyo: "kunika Iyintoni intsingiselo yamagama asendulo? Yiphi imbono? Ingcamango yokuhlukana nento omele uyinike. Nika ntoni? Okokuqala, umthwalo onjani, umthwalo. Ukunika bani? Apha, iimpendulo ezahlukeneyo zinokwenzeka. Abantu bakholwayo baya kuthetha-kuThixo. Abantu belizwe baya kuthetha - ngonaphakade. Ngubani othanda i-psychology, uya kuthi kufuneka sikhululwe ukuhlambalaza, sisabela njani kwisimo sengqondo se-psychotherapy. Ngamanye amagama, sithetha ngokubuyisela ukulinganiswa kwemvakalelo ephazamisayo ngokuyeka umthwalo onzima ovela kumntu. Isenzo sokuqala kwinkqubo yokuxolela siyakucela, isenzo sangempela okanye simbolo sokukhululwa.
Ngaphandle kwenkqubo, elinye icala alikwazi ukuxolelwa? Inkathazo yengqondo yokuxolela yinto yokuba kudinga ukuguquka nokuhlengwa kwetyala lithile kumntu osicasulayo. Ngamanye amazwi, ukuba siceliwe ukuba sixolelwe, ngokwenene sizama ukulungiswa ngokwenene, ukuguquka ngokunyanisekileyo kwizinto ezigqibeleleyo, ukwamkela ukubandezeleka kwethu nokwabelana ngayo, kulula ukuba sixolelane nento eyenzekayo kwaye sixolele umntu. Xa sacatshukiswa, sihlaziswa, sinobuhlungu, kwaye asiyikuvuma kuphela isono sabo, kodwa bazama ukuyihlawulisa nathi-yilapho ukuphikisana kokuziphatha kuqala khona. Ingqondo ithi njengoko kufanele uxolele. Umphefumlo uyavukela kwaye ufuna ukuhlawulwa! Ngoko, ndiphinda, isenzo sokuqala, ngokwemiqathango yezinto, kufuneka ivela kwiqela elinegunya. Okwesibini - kwixhoba.
Kulula ukuthetha ngokuxhatshazwa, ukuba ngaba ngabahlobo, abahlobo. Yaye unokufunda njani ukuxolela ngokuthandana? Amacebo okuphakama ngaphezu komxhaphazi aya kusebenza. Ukudibanisa kwabantu abadala - nabo. Andivumi ukuphula kunye nokwahlukana. Ulwaphulo lomphefumlo ubomi. Njengomthetho, ukuba umfazi akaxoleli umntu, isikhalazo asihambeli. Idibanisa, ifihla emzimbeni kwaye ihlala khona iminyaka. Kwaye ingxaki kukuba xa ama-capsules anjalo atyunjwa ubunzima obunzima, kwaye baqhuma. Okanye umfazi uqala ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukuphindisela kuloo ndoda. Mna, ngendleleni, ndenza izigqibo ngokuxoxa nabahlobo bam. Wonke umntu uyavuma ukuba akhumbula ukulimala okubangelwa ngumyeni wakhe. Enyanisweni, izibango zokuba zixolelwe. Ukuxolela kwisibini mhlawumbi kunzima kakhulu kumtshato. Kodwa akunakwenzeka ukuba uphile ngaphandle kokuxolela: kuba ngaphandle kokuxolela umntu, siya kuqonda okanye singazi ngokuzikhethela ukujeziswa nokuphindezela. Abahlobo bakho bathetha ngokunyanisekileyo imeko. Nangona umfazi waqinisekisa indoda yakhe: "Ndikude ndixolelwe," - inyaniso, ayikho into. Yaye isebenzisa ithuba elincinane lokumjezisa, ukulimaza. Kwaye ukuba unomnqweno womyeni wokuhlwaya umfazi wakhe, unokucinga ukuba isihogo siphila ndawonye.
Ngaba ngokwenene ukuxolela umntu omthandayo? Ngaba akuyiyo into ephezulu? Kubonakala kum ukuba indlela ekhuselekileyo yokuphuma kwinqanaba leengqondo ze-psychohygiene kukunyathela nje ukuhlambalaza emva kokuqonda ukuba kutheni indoda yakho yenza oku. Kwaye uthi kum: Ewe, inxalenye ethile yentukuthelo ayinakupheka. Esinye isixa sokulibala nokuxolela akunakwenzeka. Kodwa andiyi kuzama ukuhlwaya, andiyi kubahlwaya. Oko kukuthi, iqhinga loku: ukuqonda ukuba ebomini bakho kuya kubakho iimeko zokungaxoleli. Ngoko yintoni? Ngale ndlela ungahlala-ukuba, ngokuqinisekileyo, isikhalazo sihambelana nolwalamano.
Yiloo nto - ukuba ukuhlamba kuhambelana. Kwimeko nganye, iimpawu zabo. Ukuba ubunzulu bengozi bunjalo ukuba awukwazi ukuwuwela lula? Ukuba loo nzakala ayikho enye okanye ezimbini, kodwa ishumi? Ukuba ubume bendoda okanye ibhinqa injalo ukuba akakwazi ukudibanisa naye kwisikhalazo? Kukho izinto ezininzi. Ukususela kwindlela yokusebenza kwengqondo, ndaphetha ngokuthi: ngokuqhelekileyo kubundlelane babesilisa nabasetyhini, abantu abakwazi ukuxolela okanye abangafuni. Kwaye akukhona ukuba bazama ukubuyisela okufanayo. Kukho nje ukungahlali okungapheliyo kunye okunzima okuvela komnye nomnye kubonakala ngathi ulwalamano olusisiseko lwengqondo luye ludla ngokugqithisa ...
Mhlawumbi, kwaye ungagcini iintetho ezintle malunga nendlela ehloniphekileyo kunye neengqungquthela ukuxolela? Mhlawumbi kukho iimeko apho kuphela ilungelo kunye nenempilo ukusuka kwinjongo yengqondo kuya kuba yindlela "iso ngeso, inyo ngezinyo"? Isazi sengqondo uRobert Inrayt sichaza ngcamango ecacileyo: ukuxolela, siyeka isiphoso esilungileyo, kwaye sibonelele kwabo babesilimaza, isimo sengqondo esinobubele. U-Nietzsche wayekholelwa ukuba ukuxolelwa kukubonakalisa ubuthathaka. Ezinye izazi zengqondo zikholelwa ukuba ukuxolelwa kukuchasene nobulungisa. Ukuxolela, sinqatshelwe ithuba lokufumana ukwaneliseka. Ngokomzekelo, indoda yahlambalaza umfazi-wayethethelela, ngoko ke yamnika ilayisenisi yokuqhubeka ihlazo. Umhlobo wehlulekile-saxolela, samvumela ukuba aqhubeke enza njalo. Ingaba ukuxolelwa kuya kuba yinto yokubonga?
Ewe, kwaye ezininzi izazinzulu zathetha malunga nalokhu. Ngokomzekelo, ifilosofi enkulu yaseRussia u-Ivan Ilyin wathi: kukho izinto, ukuxolela ukuba, siyazibandakanya ukuphunyezwa kwazo. Ewe, ukuxolelwa kunemida. Ukuba umntu oxolelayo, ngelixa eva nexhoba, kwaye exolelwe - umbulali, kuyafaneleka ukuba sicinge ukuba unokwenza okulungileyo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuthabatha i-key master key to all kinds of relationships of humanity is impossible. Oku kulandelayo kukuza engqondweni: ukuba indoda nomfazi baphila ubomi obufanayo kunye nemithambo yegazi eqhelekileyo, kuyimfuneko nje ukuxolela. Kodwa ukuba ubomi bomtshato bufana, ngokucacileyo, kuloo mzekelo ukuxolelwa kuyabonakala. Ngokuqinisekileyo, andiyathetha ngeemeko ezimbi - ukuhlambalaza, ukuhlaselwa, ukuthotywa. Lapha akusekho ngokuxolela nokuziqhenya, kodwa malunga ne-masochism.
Kukho izicwangciso eziliqela zokuxolela: ukuhlukana nokuhlukana; ukuphakama ngaphezu kwemeko; ukwamkelwa kwemeko, kakuhle, ukuvumelanisa - njengomzekelo ombi. Yintoni enye ekhoyo?
Kukho isicwangciso esinjalo njengokuphuhliswa kwezakhiwo zabo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, asikwazi ukumxolela umntu, kungekhona ngenxa yokuba wenza ulwaphulo-mthetho olubi, kodwa ngenxa yokuba imeko yayigxininiswe kwixesha lethu elide, mhlawumbi abantwana, iingxaki kunye nezikhalazo. Thatha ityala lakho kumhlobo wakho uNataliya kunye netafile ezibi. Khawucinge ukuba njengomntwana, wathenjiswa isipho sokuzalwa kwakhe okanye umdlalo wokuNyaka omtsha. Le ntombazana yayilinde usuku oluxabisekileyo, ilindele, kwaye ngenxa yoko, lowo wathembisa, wangena ngaphandle komdlalo wokudlala. Kwaye emva kweminyaka emininzi kwimpilo yabantu abadala, imeko efanayo iphindaphindiwe
Yonke into iyodwa. Omnye umntu uya kuxolela ngokukhawuleza ukunyaniseka, kodwa akayi kuxolela ukukhohlisa ukulindela, omnye akasoze athethelele ukuthotywa, kwaye ngokungcatsha ngokuzithoba "kudlula". Thina ngokwenu asiyazi indlela yokubulela, kwaye asixoleli omnye umntu. Kungekudala umntu weza kum kuthethwano, masibize uConstantine. Ngamnye wakunceda umhlobo wakhe ukuba enze umsebenzi - wabeka igama lakhe kwisigxina sakhe sokunene. Kwaye xa ephendulela kumhlobo uncedo, wavuma. Ngaphezu koko, ekuphenduleni ukuhlambalaza: "Kodwa ndincede!" - wathi: "Nantsi apha? Kwakuyimpumelelo eyangikhokelela! "
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba iimeko ziphuhliswa njani, akukho mzekelo kufuneka ufeze kwiindawo zexhoba. Kukho akukho ndlela yokuphuma: utshabalalise okanye ube ngumbulali. Ngokuphathelele ukuxolelwa kwesi sikhundla kwaye musa ukugxotha. Kuphela abantu abanokomoya nabanomdla abakwaziyo ukuxolela. Uze uthethelele ukuhlukana okanye intlanganiso kwirejista entsha yezobudlelwane neyeshishini labo.