Mhlawumbi, "umama wesibini" - enye yezona zinto zinzima kakhulu zesiRashiya. Kuyo yonke into: iindaba ezibuhlungu zeRussia (kwaye kungekhona kuphela) iingongoma zabantu, kunye neenkolelo zendabuko, kwaye ekugqibeleni, ukwesaba komntwana ohlala kuthi ngamnye, ukuba ahlale engenaye umntu othandekayo nomthandayo kakhulu emhlabeni-engenalo unina. Ngaloo nto kufuneka kunye nendlela ulwalamano lootata, oomama kunye nabantwana, nendlela yokwenza olu dlelwane luhambelane, funda ngezantsi.
Ukucinga ngeengxaki kunye neengxaki zokuphila kunye "nomama wesibini", ngokukodwa ziqwalasela iimvakalelo zomntwana, umntombazana okanye umntwana ozala. Kodwa malunga nokuba unxunguphelo kangakanani kumama wesibini, ngenxa yezizathu ezithile bacinga kakhulu kangangoko. Okwangoku, naye unzima. Ngokukodwa xa umama wesibini engafani nonke ufana nombhalo wefayile, kodwa kunokuba ufuna ukuhlala ngoxolo, uthando kunye nokuvisisana kungekuphela kwendoda yakhe entsha, kodwa kunye nabantwana bakhe.
Kunokucingwa ukuba ukuba ngaba oomama abanokwenene bangacinga ngokucacileyo oko babelindele ngokwenene, inani leemitshato eziphindaphindiweyo zamadoda ziya kuncitshiswa ngomyalelo wobukhulu. Kodwa, ngelenhlanhla okanye ngelishwa, amaninzi amaninzi kunye nabasetyhini abadala, ngelixa belungiselela umtshato, bakhetha ukuzolisa ngokweenkolelo ezingaxhaswa "zobuqili" kunye "nobubele" bezinto ezinokubakho kunye nabantwana, kunye neetalente zediplomate, utitshala kunye nengqondo yomntwana . Ngaba ndifuna ukuba i-air locks iqhuma ngokukhawuleza emva kokutya komtshato? Kodwa oku akuyona into embi kakhulu. Kuyinto engathandeki ngakumbi ukuba ibhinqa likhohlise ekulindelekeni kwayo, njengommiselo, inomsindo kubantwana, izama ukuyibuyisela ngemali enye, kwaye, kunokuzama ukuseka ubudlelwane, ivula ukulwa ngokukhawuleza. Yiyiphi, ngokuqinisekileyo, iyaphela yonke into ethembayo yokwakha iintsapho eziqhelekileyo kunye nabantwana, kunye noyise. Ngethuba elifanayo, abo bazali boomama abazayo, abayikrele ukujonga umfanekiso ongokoqobo, ukulawula ukuba babe ngabantwana abamkelweyo, ukuba awunjalo umama wesibini, okwangenani umhlobo wenene.
Ngaphambi kokuba ungene kumfokazi (ewe, indlu yendoda yakho yangomso isengomnye umntu, njengentsapho yakhe nabantwana bakhe), khumbula ilizwi malunga ne-charter kunye neendwendwe. Ku khunjulwa? Ngoko musa ukulibala, kuba ngexesha lokuqala emva kokuqala kobomi obudibeneyo, kuya kufuneka ulungelelanise zonke izenzo zakho, izenzo kunye neminqweno nayo. Kwaye ukuhlala kulula kunzima, zama ukungafani nemithetho emithathu eyisiseko.
Umthetho owodwa: konke okufanayo, yonke into iya kuhluka.
Ewe, unokwenza imifanekiso engabonakaliyo yobomi bentsapho obonwabileyo, cinga ukuba bobaphi na abathathu (abane bethu, abahlanu) baya kufundwa ngokuvakalayo, okanye badle kunye kunye okanye baqhube iingxoxo ezide ngaphambi kokulala, okanye badlale ndawonye kwiibhola zebhola ukuhlobisa umthi weKrisimesi - ngokusetyenzisweni kuya kusasa ngokuthe ngqo. Isidlo kule ntsapho sisetyenziswe xa sithandayo (kwaye ungakulibali ukuba awufi endaweni engenanto ekulindelwe ukuba ilungiselelwe, kodwa kwintsapho esele ikhona), akukho mntu uthanda ukufunda, kwaye umthi awufaki. Into efanelekileyo kunokuba umama omtsha angenza ntoni kule meko ukuwamukela imithetho ebekwe kule ndlu. Njengoko, ngokuthe ngqo, kunikwe bonke abavakalisi abazifundayo. Ewe, usengummhenwa, nangona ingcongolo eminwe, isitampu kwipasipoti kunye nomda wobudala phakathi kwakho nabantwana. Kwaye umncedisi okanye ubuncinane ilungu elipheleleyo lentsapho aliyi kuba yilapho onke amalungu omndeni akubona ukuba unjalo. Ngokwazo kunye ngokuzithandela.
Ummiselo omibini: akukho mpuquko.
Ewe, mhlawumbi imiyalelo endlwini yakho ekhethiweyo isecaleni lakho. Mhlawumbi kubonakala kuwe ukuba abantu abaqhelekileyo abanakukwazi ukuhlala kuloo ngcola, ukuphazamiseka nokuvumelanisa. Mhlawumbi uyazi kakuhle indlela yokwenza ngayo, ukuze wonke umntu azive ngcono. Omkhulu. Ndiyathemba ukuba awuyi kuza engqondweni ukuqala ukulungiswa kwangoku kwindlela eqhelekileyo yokucinga phantsi kwesiqubulo esithi: "Hayi, ngoku siza kuphila!". Kule meko, ingozi eyona nto iya kuxhoma ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo bobazali bootata, oomama kunye nabantwana.
Umntu akayithandi kwaye uyamoyika utshintsho. Ngokukodwa kungekhona ukuthanda kwakhe, utshintsho lukhawuleza, lukhuni. Kodwa akananto enxamnye nenkqubela phambili. Kunikezelwe ukuba uza kungena ebomini ngokuqonda, ngokukhawuleza. Ngaba uyayiqonda into esiyithethayo? Kakade ngokubonakala kwakho utshintshe ubomi bentsapho. Kwaye wonk 'ubani ongena kuwo uya kufuneka afunde ukuzaliswa ngokutsha kobomi. Banike ixesha, musa ukukhawuleza. Akukho mntu ubiza ukuba ayeke izicwangciso zabo ngonaphakade - zivele zifake. Kungcono xa uvumela utshintsho endlwini kunye nolwalamano lukhula ngokuthe ngcembe, emva kwexesha. Vumela inxaxheba yakho yokuthatha isisombululo kuzo ubuncinci, ubuncinci ngaphandle. Ngoko uya kuba nako ukuphepha ukukhuseleka okusebenzayo, okwemvelo kubantu ababona into entsha.
Umthetho wesithathu: ulwalamano lokuqala!
Ngokuqhelekileyo kuvela ngale ndlela: umama wesibini akabi ngoba into idinga umntwana, kodwa ngenxa yokuba ifuna yona emva komtshato, ukusuka emnyango. Ufikile kwintsapho entsha kwaye ngokukhawuleza ufumene iqela lemiqathango: ukususela ngoku uye uxanduva lokunyamekela umyeni wakhe nomntwana wakhe, impilo yabo, uphuhliso. Kuya kuba nengqiqo ukucinga ukuba kanye kunye nemisebenzi uza kunikwa amalungelo. Kunengqiqo, kodwa, hayi, akuphosakeleyo. Akukho mntwana okanye umyeni okulungele ukunika ilungelo kunye nethuba lokuhlwaya, ukuhlambalaza. Kwaye, ngokuqhelekileyo, akumangalisi: loo malungelo anikwa kuphela kulabo abathandwa kwaye igunya labo liyabonwa. Akukho namnye ongenakufumaneka ngokuzenzekelayo, ukubonisa umntwana isitampu kwipaspoti. Ulwalamano oluhle phakathi kootata, umama wesibini kunye nabantwana baya kuphumelela.
Kwaye ngenxa yokuba, kungakhathaliseki ukuba wanyamezela njani izandla zakho ukuba uthathe umfana okanye umzala, zama. Ekugqibeleni, phambi kokuba ungesilwanyana esilusiweyo kwaye akusiyo i-cactus, kodwa umntu ophilayo, ozimeleyo kwaye unikwe onke amalungelo. Ekuqaleni, intsapho kufuneka izame ukunyamekela ubudlelwane bakho kunye neentsapho ezincinane, kwaye uthethe ngeenzuzo kunye nokulimala kwezihlwayo kunye neemfuno ezenziwe ngcono kumyeni. Musa ukulibala ukuba nayiphi na imisebenzi enzima kunxalenye yomama wesibini, kungakhathaliseki ukuba yinto enobulungisa kangakanani, inokubangela ukonakala kubantwana kwaye ibenze baqiniseke ngoyise. Kodwa musa ukuya kwelinye icala: ungazami ukunqoba ukuthanda komntwana, ukuphazamisa kunye nokuzithoba kuyo yonke into. Eyona nto ibhetele, uhlekise, ngowona mhle uya kuhlala entanyeni yakho, kangangokuba emva koko uncedo lomyeni wakho awuyi kulukhupha!
Indlela yokuthetha naye ngoku?
Ewe, omnye umsebenzi! U-Stephens kunye nabafazi abathandana nabo, ngokungaqhelekanga, banako ukuguqula ubomi boomama obengumama wesihogo. Ngethamsanqa, ukuba ibhinqa liyaqonda ukuba kutheni abantwana beziphatha ngale ndlela, kwaye kungenjalo, kulula kakhulu ukuba akwazi ukujongana nombi.
Umntwana usoloko efuna ukunakwa kwipapa. Enyanisweni, kubonakala ngathi ngaphandle kopapa, le nyana kunye nesinyathelo asikwazi ukubeka unyawo: kusasa ufuna uyise ukuba amthabise kwi-kindergarten, kusihlwa kuphela kuye ukulungele ukuthatha ibhali, kwaye ngeempela-veki uzama ukunyamekela upapa. Unako ukwesaba ukuba kwakungekho ngaphambili kwaye unenjongo yangempela ukutsala ingqalelo kayise.
Akukho nto emangalisa kule mpawu. Kubantwana abalahlekelwe ngumnye wabazali babo, ngokwenene kukho ukwesaba - ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa uthando lomzali wesibili. Bavame ukuziva bengakhuselekanga kunokuba "kwizikolo" ezipheleleyo. Akumangalisi ukuba ukubonakala kwakho bahlala bebhekisa, ngokuphathelele ukuvela komncintiswano osongela ukuthatha indawo yakhe njengepilesi. Oku kuchazwa ngokucacileyo kwiintsapho apho uyise kunye nomntwana kwakufuneka aphile ixesha elide yodwa, oko kuthetha ukuba umntwana wayeziva ukuba nguye kuphela owamthandayo kwaye obaluleke kakhulu kupapa.
Yintoni endiyenzayo? Okokuqala, musa ukukhuphisana nomntwana ngenxa yothando lomntu. Okwesibini, musa ukunyanzelisa imicimbi. Ukuba uziphatha ngokuchanekileyo, kungekudala okanye kamva umntwana uya kuqonda ukuba akananto yokwesaba kwaye uya kuzincama. Okwesithathu, ungahlali kude. Ewe, ewe, ukuba nje ukhangelele ukusuka kwicala ukuya kwenyuka kunye noyise kunye nendodana okanye intombi, ubeka ingozi ngonaphakade kuze kube yilapho uhlala umbukeli kuphela. Uyakufuna ukuqokelela konke ukuzithiba kwakho (ukuba ungenakuqala kwinqanaba le-warpath ngenxa yothando lwenkokheli yentsapho), umlinganiselo wokulinganisela (ungabonakali ukuba umntwana unyanzelekile) kunye nobutyebi (ukufumana imisebenzi enjengokufunwa komntwana, kwaye unokuhlangabezana nani kangcono kunoyise) . Yintoni omele uyenze ngokukodwa? Kufuneka ukhethe, ujonge imeko yangoku. Into ephambili kukuba umntwana avume ukuba akalahlekanga, kodwa uthenge.
Umntwana usoloko efanisa umama nonina. Oku kunzima kakhulu kulwalamano lootata, oomama kunye nabantwana. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba ingelosi yakho ibe nomonde kangakanani, ayikwazi ukuma xa utshilwa ngamakhulu amahlanu ngosuku "Umama upheka le ntliziyo enomnandi", "kwaye umama akazange athethe njalo," ekugqibeleni, "umama nguye entle. " Ungathini apha? Ewe, kulula kakhulu: khumbula ilizwi elidala "yonke into efundwa ngokuthelekiswa" - uya kuziva ulunge ngakumbi. Emva kwakho konke, umntwana kuqala njengomama oqatshelwe kakuhle (oko, ngendlela, wayekuphela kuye igunya elingenammiselo), kwaye kuphela ke wena. Ngoko thabatha oku kuthelekiswa kungekhona njengento yokuhlambalaza, kodwa njengomzamo wokukuxelela abantu bangaphi abahlukeneyo. Ukuxhasa isihloko kwaye ubuze indlela umama okulungiseleyo ngayo, kutheni enjenjalo, njl njl Ukuba uthetha izinto zekhaya, umzekelo, indlela yokupheka isidlo, ngoko akufaneleki ngezinye iinkhathi ukukhawulela iresiphi yomama. Ngokwenza oku, uya kukwazi ukubonisa inhlonipho ngunina womntwana, umqinisekise, ukuqinisekisile ukuba awukho umncintiswano okanye utshaba. Xa izinto ezibaluleke ngakumbi ezihambelana neembono zakho kwihlabathi zichaphazelekayo, ke kungcono ukwamukela ngokuzinzileyo ukuba akubona bonke abaphantsi kweembono ezifana nomama womntwana. Chaza ukuba abantu bahluke kwaye iimbono zakho zihlukile. Ukuphikisa umbono wakho malunga nombandela womgaqo. Uhlala unelungelo lokucinga njalo. Nangona umntwana uvumelekile ukuba akhethe imbono yakhe, kwaye uya kufuneka uphathwe ngoku ngentlonelo nangokuqonda.