Okokuqala, kufuneka ukuba sifumane isizathu sokuxabana kwintsapho.
Impikiswano phakathi kwabatshatileyo ivela ngenxa yemeko eyahlukileyo kwimibono yazo kwiinkalo ezahlukeneyo zobomi, ingaba ikhulisa abantwana kunye nokulawula uhlahlo lwabiwo-mali okanye uluhlu lokutya. Isizathu esiqhelekileyo sinokungabikho kokuqonda, yingakho kunzima ukudibana nomntu ongatshoyo onokuthi: "Siqondana ngokususela kwisigama segama." Ngokwenzululwazi, ngokuqhelekileyo isizathu sokuxabana kukungalingani "kweeyure zezinto eziphilayo" zabatshatileyo. I-Larks kunye neebhokhwe zikufumanisa nzima ukuhamba kunye, kuba umntu uxatyiswa ngumkhanya we-computer, ukusika amehlo, phakathi kobusuku, umntu uyabetha ngomsindo wezixhobo zasekhaya ekuseni. Kodwa nayiphi na ingxabano, ixazululwa ngokukhawuleza - ngeendlela zokunciphisa kunye nezisombululo ezakhayo zeengxaki ezivela kwintsapho. Okona kubaluleke kakhulu - gcina imithetho embalwa elula . Ngaloo ndlela:
- Akukho mzekelo unako ukuvelisa umnqweno wokubonakalisa into ethile okanye ukubonisa ukuzingca kwakho kunye nobunzima bentliziyo.
- Musa ukuwela kwiitoni eziphakamileyo kwaye ungazixhalabisi.
- Awukwazi ukubandakanya abantu abangaziwayo - izalamane, abahlobo - ekuxabaneni - le ngxaki phakathi kwababini, nokucela uncedo kwizizalwane, ubeka umngcipheko kuphela ukuchitha ubuhlobo babo.
- Kwakhona, umntu akakwazi ukufumana ubuhlobo phambi kwabantwana, ukuze bangahlaziyiyo imodeli yokuziphatha engalunganga kunye neentsapho zabo, kwaye oku kuphazamiseka kwengqondo.
- Musa ukukhumbula izikhalazo ezidala kwaye ucinge ngeengxaki ezingekhoyo, ngoko uvele uthele ioli phezu komlilo, kwaye ingcamango yakho ayiyi kuba yinto engakumbi.
- Kuya kuba ngcono ukuba uhlale phantsi uze uthethe kunye nomlingane wakho, xubusha ngantoni yakho imbangela yeso simo kwaye uzama ukuyicombulula ngohlobo oluqhelekileyo.
- Ngamanye amaxesha kukufanelekile ukunika ilungelo lokuqala kwegama kumntu ozijonga njengecala.
- Aze, khumbula, ungalokothi ulahlekelwe yimvakalelo, ukugculelwa kunye nobugqwetha abayekanga mntu.
Ukuba awukwazi ukulungisa ingxabano ngokwakho, ungatshintsha kwintsapho yengqondo. Ingcali ayisayi kuze ikhusele enye yamalungu, njengabahlobo abasondeleyo kunye neentsapho zihlala zenza, kwaye ziya kuba nakho ukunika iingcebiso ezixabisekileyo. Akumangalisi ukuba iinkonzo zabo zithandwa kakhulu kule mihla kwaye zifunwa kwintshona nakwiRashiya. Kwimeko apho ucinga ukuba i-psychoanalsts yintsholongwane yemali nexesha, kodwa awukwazi ukuyicombulula ingxaki ngokwakho, ungabiza umnxeba wokuncedisa.
"Kuthiwani ukuba zonke iimpikiswano kwiintsapho zivela ngenxa yomntwana, yintoni enokuyenza ukuba ungumqali wabo?" - ucela. Yilula: ukuba umntwana uqala ukungquzulana, kufuneka uqaphele okokuqala, qwa lasela into oyenzile. Awukwazi ukugcina umntwana "ophantsi". Kufuneka umbonise inhlonipho efanayo oyifunayo kuwe. Cinga ngako, ngaba ungatsho kumhlobo wakho ukuba uthetha ntoni kubantwana bakho nsuku zonke, umzekelo, "Vala umnyango, ngoko ungadluli egcekeni," okanye "Ukuba ungadli konke, awuyi kushiya itafile"? Akunjalo. Ngaba ubuza kuxubusha omnye wabahlobo bakho phambi kwawo? Kwakhona, akukho. Abantwana bafana nabantu abafana nathi, kodwa banokukhuseleka kwaye banokungakhuselekanga. Ngakumbi, ungakulibali ukuba kusebuncinaneni ukuba i-psyche ibuhlungu kakhulu, kukho ukungathandabuzeki kunye neengxaki, umzekelo wokuziphatha nabanye abantu ukwakhiwa, ngoko ke umntwana kufuneka aphathwe njengeyunithi epheleleyo yoluntu, kwaye uluvo lwakhe lufanele luqwalaselwe. Ngoko ke, ukuba xa umntwana esemdala umntu ephukile, ngoko uya kuphinda aphule abantwana bakhe.
Kwimeko apho umntwana engamthobeli izicelo kunye neemfuno zabazali kunye nabazali ngokubanzi, into ebaluleke kakhulu akuyikudiliza, musa ukumemeza kumntwana, ngaleyo ndlela ubonise ukucaphuka kwakho, uphinde uphendule isicelo sakho, wenze ngokuthobeka kwaye uthethe kakuhle, uthethe ngezwi eliphantsi. Buza umntwana oko umzali akufanelwe ukungahloneli okunjalo, ngoko ke, mhlawumbi, unyana okanye intombi baya kuthetha, kutheni, kutheni kwaye njani. Emva kokuphulaphula umntwana, zama ukuxazulula ingxaki kunye nokuxabana kunye neqabane lakho - ngokunikezelwa kunye nokunciphisa, kwaye ke, unokuqiniseka ukuba umphumo omhle awuyi kuthatha ixesha elide.
Ndiyathemba ukuba nayiphi na ingxabano ayinayo kuphela imiba emibi. Ngenxa yeengxabano, sinyanzeliswa ukuba sicinge ngombono welichasayo. Kwaye akunjalo yini isiqinisekiso sokuphila kwintsapho kunye nolonwabo? Siyathemba ukuba ngoku uya kuyisombulula ingxaki yokungaqondani ngaphandle kwemigudu eninzi, kuba uyazi ukuxazulula ingxabano yentsapho kangcono!