Ewe, nangona i-anecdotes kule sihloko ayibhalisi, ngokuchasene namahlaya malunga noninazala kunye nomkhwenyana.
Mhlawumbi, kuba intsebenziswano phakathi kwentombi-mkhwenkwe kunye noninazala kaninzi ibunjwa ngokungathandabuzekiyo okanye ngokufanelekileyo.
E-Rashiya, uyise ngokwakhe wakhetha unyana wakhe umfazi, ngenxa yoko, ngendleleni, uninazala akazange amphathe kakhulu umalokazana-umntu oyintloko endlwini. Umntu oyintloko uhlala eRashiya yanamhlanje. EUkraine, olunye uhlobo lweentlalontle zentsapho: ukulawulwa komgaqo wesetyhini kuyabonakala, ebonakaliswa ngendoda. Kithina ibhinqa lihlala liphethe iintloko, ngokufanelekileyo, kunye neengxabano phakathi kwabasetyhini bezizukulwana ezahlukeneyo. Uninazala unecala ngokuphathelele umalokazana wakhe, ekubeni uphatha unyana wakhe ngendlela ekhethekileyo (njengokuba utata wenza kwintombi yakhe). Kwaye, mhlawumbi, umyeni uhlala ecala kwicala lomfazi ekuxabaneni nomalokazana?
Kubudlelwane phakathi kobazala nomntakwazana omncinci, kukho isimo esinjalo: umkhwe-ntombi unako ukuphatha umkhwekazi kwiimeko ezininzi. Owokuqala - ukuba ungumkhuhlane, uzama ukumkholisa umfazi kuyo yonke into. Okwesibini - ukuba umkhwezala nomamazala banamaqabane adibeneyo, kwaye umalokazana uthinta iimfuno zabo. Emva koko, umkhwe, uya kukhusela ixabiso elixabisekileyo ukusuka kwintombazana encinci.
Ukuba umninazala uthandwa ngumalokazana, kodwa akayi kuvumelana le ngcamango, kuba ulwalamano olunjalo luxhatshazwa luluntu njengentlungu engathanga ngqo - ukukhwabanisa okuza kuvela kubonakaliswe ngumsindo kunye nentukuthelo. Ngokukodwa ukuba umalokazana ngokwayo ubangela umdla womkhwezala. Abaninzi abasetyhini abasicingi ukuba uyise womntwana naye uyindoda, kwaye ugijimayo ukusuka egumbini lokulala kwisitya sokuhlambela esambatho sokugqoka evulekileyo umzimba. Ukuba umfazi omncinci akanalo uyise (abazali baqhawule okanye uyise sele efile), uya kumkhangela kwi-beetroot, kwaye angaziqondi kakuhle njengamantombazana amaninzi akwenza kunye nopapa.
Uyazi umdla wakhe kwaye akafihla ubuhlobo phakathi koyisezala kunye nentombi yomntwana. Ewe, kuya kwenzeka, kwaye akunjalo. Njenge-systic family therapist, ndifuna ukugxininisa ukuba imeko enjalo inokuvela kuphela phantsi kweemeko ezithile eziye zaphuhliswa kwinkqubo yentsapho, equka zombini intsapho yabancinci kunye nentsapho yonke. Ukususela kwindlela umkhwekazi nomkhwekazi bebenxibelelana ngayo yonke iminyaka yobomi babo kunye, indlela abafumana ngayo iintlungu zeentsapho (ukuzalwa kwonyana, ukuhlalisana kwakhe, ixesha lokubhedula, "ukuhamba kwakhe kwidleke"), yintoni abavakalelwa ngayo xa beshiywe yodwa xa unyana wakhula. Kukho konke kuxhomekeke ekubeni ngaba umkhwekazi unokuvavanya intombi yomntu inzala kunye naluphi na ulwalamano oluthandanayo phakathi kobazala nomntakwazana omncinci.
Ukuba umninazala nomama-mkhwekazi baneentsebenziswano ezifanelekileyo kunye neentlobo zesini, xa bevumelene ngokwengqondo ukuba bakhulile kunye, akunakwenzeka ukuba wathathwe ngumkhwe wakhe. Umkhwenkwezi, ephupha ukusuka kwindawo eqinileyo yokumkela umfazi okhohlisayo, unokubeka iliso kwintombi-mkhwenyana nje ngenxa yokubhikisha.
Ukongezelela , kubalulekile kwinqanaba lobomi lomntu ngokwakhe. Mhlawumbi sele sele ejongene neengxaki zempilo, kwaye, mhlawumbi, inxalenye yesikhatho sesilisa - konke kuxhomekeke kuhlobo lokuziphatha kwakhe ngokwesini, ukuqala kokuvuthwa kwexesha. Ingqungquthela iyancipha kwi-potency?
Akukhona nje kuphela kwaye kungabi nciphisa kakhulu kwi-potency, njengengxaki ekhoyo, ukuqonda ukuba ukuguga akukude, kwaye ke ukufa. Masithi umkhwezala usenokuba ne-climax, oko kuthetha ukuba kufuneka azingqinele yena kunye nabanye (kuquka nonyana wakhe) ukuba uhamba-hamba!
Ngaba kukho umbandela wokukhuphisana nomntwana kule meko? Kakade. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, utata ubona unyana njengento eqhubekayo kwaye ucinga: ekubeni unyana wam ukhethe lo mfazi, koko kukho into kuye. Ngokungafani noninazala, uyakwazi ukuqonda kuphela iitalente zentlanzi kunye nezoqoqosho zentombi-mkhwenkwe, kodwa kunye neempawu zakhe zowesifazane. Ukongezelela, abazali bathambekele ekuveliseni amaphupha abo azalisekanga, ubomi obungabonakaliyo, kubantwana. Ujonga umkhwe wakhe kwaye ucinge: ngaba uyafuna ukuba nomfazi onjalo? Okanye umfazi wakhe wayenjalo, kodwa malunga neminyaka engama-30 eyadlulayo ... Kukho iingcamango ezinobungozi kunye nobudlelwane phakathi kobazala nomntakwazana omncinci. Kodwa ngaba uyise akayikwesaba ngumthunzi ocacileyo we-incest kule meko? Yonke into ehambelana nobudlelwane bezesondo kunye nezihlobo eziseduze (intombi-mkhwenkwe phantse intombi) ingqongqo ebantwini!
Ngaphezu koko , kumazwe amaninzi kukho imithetho ehambelana nolwalamano phakathi kobazala nomntakwazana omncinci. Ngokomzekelo, eBrithani, imitshato ephakathi komfazi kunye nomyeni wakhe owayengumkhwenkwe-mthetho kamthethweni, ngelixa indoda yangaphambili isaphila. Kuyafana nakwimitshato ephakathi komyeni kamva nomkhwekazi. Ngoku kutshatyalaliswa kwesinye isibini, indoda eneminyaka engama-60 ubudala kunye nomntwana oneminyaka engama-40 ubudala, owayengumntakwabo, umnqweno wokutshata, bahlala beqhubeka kangangokuba bafike kwiNkundla yaseStrasbourg bafumana imvume yokutshata. Indodana yam ayizange isebenze nalo mfazi, kodwa ubaba wayesebenza kakuhle. Ngendlela, le meko ibonisa imeko enjalo, xa umalokazana efikelela kumkhwezala. Insizwa iphela isithembiso, isicatshulwa somntu, ngelixa ecaleni kwakhe yindoda enomntu owaziwayo, owaziyo into ayifunayo kumfazi nakubomi. Kulo mxholo kukho ifilimu emangalisayo "Ukulimala" kunye noJuliette Binoche inendima ephambili - malunga nomdla oye waba ngumpolitiki ophezulu ophezulu kunye nomtshakazi wakhe. Ngokukhawuleza malunga nezinto ezininzi.
Okokuqala , ukuba umnqweno wesondo kunye nobudlelwane phakathi komkhwezala kunye nentombi yomntwana (nangona kunjalo) unokufumana amava kwaye akabonakalwanga kuphela ngumntu onenkcubeko ephantsi. Indoda eneminyaka ephakathi, ethatyathwa yimvakalelo yakhe, inako, nayo yonke imiqathango kunye neenqabana, ukuba ithi: "Unyana wam uqala nje, unako konke okusemandleni akhe. Ubomi bam bube sele buhleli. Ngoku ndiyamthanda kwaye ndifuna ukuqonda uthando lwam. Ubomi bam, kwaye akukho mntu uya kundikhusela ukuba ndiphile ngendlela endifuna ngayo. "
Okwesibini, malunga nendlela esicinga ngayo abazali bethu. Ngunyana wakhe, isenzo sikayise sasingummangaliso, wayethunyiswa, kwaye, akakwazi ukunyaniseka, wayezibulala. Simele sihlale sikhumbula ukuba abazali bayabantu abanjalo njengaye, nabo banobuthathaka babo, kwaye banako ukukhwela okukhulu. Kwaye kwenzeka kum ngoku ukuba i-anecdotes malunga nomalokazana nomkhwezala (kwaye, ngokukodwa, ngomkhwenyana nomkhwekazi) akunakubhalwa ngenxa yokuba isihloko sibuhlungu kakhulu, sinokusihleka.
Kodwa, mhlawumbi , ezinye iinguqulelo "zincinci" zengxolo enye phakathi koyise kunye nodadewabo nazo zinokwenzeka? Bona, umzekelo, unokubonisa iimfuno eziqhelekileyo. Ndiyakhumbula imbali yabanye abahlobo. Xa le ntombazana yazisa ekhaya ukuba ivelise intombi yakhe, wayeyithanda kakhulu uyise. Wayeyindoda efundiswe kakhulu, unjingalwazi, wasasazeka, ephakade emafini. Umfazi wakhe wazinikezela ekhaya, akazange abe neengqondo eziphezulu, kwaye akazange aqwalasele oko kubonakala ngathi.
Akumangalisi ukuba uprofesa wayethanda intsha, enhle, kwaye, ngokubaluleke kakhulu, intombazana ehlakaniphile. Bahlala iiyure kwigumbi lokuhlala baze baxoxe ngeengxaki zehlabathi jikelele, ukuphuhliswa kweenkcubeko zehlabathi-ngokufutshane, izihloko ezingenakuthetha nomfazi wakhe. Watsho nonyana wakhe ukuba intombazana yayimnandi, yamncoma. Ndiyicinga ukuba loo mbhangqwana osemncinci awunqamuki, kodwa watshata, ubudlelwane kunye nomalokazana ka-profestile kuya kuba luhle, kodwa umama-mkhwenkwe angaba nomona.
Omnye umzekelo. Kwintsapho kukho "ukukhishwa": uyisezala. Wayedala umtshato wakhe nomfazi wakhe, wahlukana nonina (kwaye ngoku unina uhlala nomalokazana wakhe, oko kukuthi, uninazala). Ngunyana wakhe, lo mntu akahlali naye. Kodwa kanye ngonyaka, ngosuku lokuzalwa komkhwekazi, uhlala ebonakala emnyango wakhe, egqoke, enemibala yeentyantyambo kunye ne-bill ye-$ 100 kwimvulophu.
Uyamkela ezi zipho, kunye nendoda yakhe yonke iguqulela ukuba ihlaya-bathi, i-$ 100 ayinakuphazamisa. Ndicinga ukuba iinjongo zobudlelwane phakathi kozala-mkhwenkwe kunye nomalokazana omncinci zixutyanisiwe: kunomnqweno wokucaphukisa zonke izihlobo zam, kunye nokuncintisana nendodana yam, kwaye, mhlawumbi, uvelwano ngomalokazana. Masibuyele kwileta yomfundi. Ucela icebiso-indlela yokuziphatha, ukuze ingxabano ayiphumeleli ... Abantu bazama ukuphepha ingxabano, bakholelwa ukuba oku kubi. Nangona kunjalo, ingxabano iphinde ibe yintsebenziswano, kungakhathaliseki ukuba isayinwe. Kubalulekile ukucacisa ubuhlobo.
Okokuqala , kufuneka uxoxe ngale meko nomyeni wakho. Ukusabela kwakhe kuxhomekeke kwindlela ulwalamano lwabo kunye noyise lwakha ngayo. Ukuba uthanda uyise, uya kutshitshiswa kwaye, mhlawumbi, akayi kukholelwa umkhwe wakhe. Kodwa naziphi na iimeko kufuneka zixoxwe ngazo. Ukongezelela, kubalulekile ukuqala ukwakha imida engqalileyo - eyakho kunye nosapho lwakho oluncinci. Unelungelo lokuziva oko akuvakalelwayo, cinga oko akucingayo, uphile ubomi bakhe njengoko ebona kufanelekile, kwaye ungaziva unetyala ngalo.
"Andiyi kubeka nto kuwe, kodwa awuyikunyanzela nantoni na", oku kufanele kube yindawo yakhe, zombini kule imeko kunye nobudlelwane nabazali bomyeni wakhe kunye nabantu ngokubanzi. Mhlawumbi simele sixoxe noyisezala. Kodwa konke oku - amanyathelo okwethutyana, kufuneka ugxininise ekuhlaleni ngokwahlukileyo.
Nangona kunjalo, yonke into ixhomekeka kubuhlobo bobuhlobo kwintsapho. Nangona kunjalo, ingxabano iya kunceda wonke umntu - into eya kutshintsha, iya kuhamba ngokungafaniyo. Akunakuqonda ukufihla amathambo kwikhefu - kungekudala okanye kamva baya kufuneka bafumane.