Umxholo wendaba yethu yanamhlanje ngu "Ubuhenyu, ukubaluleka kwamhlanje."
Ubugwenxa yiloo nto oomama abantombazana ababethelwa ngayo, kunye nooyise bangamadodana, into ebonwa yiyo yonke imibhangqwana eyoyikima emadolweni, nangona ibonakaliso linobukroti, abayi kuyenza kubo, banalo uthando olukhulu, olucocekileyo nolungenakulinganiswa. Okanye bawagxotha amahlombe abo bawaphonsa ngokukhawuleza, kulungile, kwenzeka. Kodwa ba soyika. Yonke into. Ukholo luyimbangela eqhelekileyo yeengxabano zentsapho, ukuya kwizengqondo zengqondo kunye ne-psychoanalyst, kwaye ekugqibeleni enkundleni yokuqhawula umtshato. Ngokukhawuleza ukugqiba loo nto ukuze kubekho inkohlakalo, kwakufuneka ukuba utshintshe izinto. Okokuthi, phakathi kwendoda kunye nowesifazane kufuneka ukuba sele sele ulwalamano olusesikweni, ukuba ngumtshato osemthethweni okanye umtshato womtshato, umtshato wesonto, okanye isicelo esivulelekileyo kuluntu ukuba ungumtshato kwaye ngoku unabini.
Ubumbulo, ukubaluleka kokutshatyalaliswa ... Ngaloo nto kuthiwa, inyaniso sele yayaziwa, kodwa kuphela abaninzi abahlala emtshatweni othembekileyo komnye nomnye.
Ukuhenyuka ngenye yeemvavanyo ezinzima kunentsapho, kungakhathaliseki ukuba lide kangakanani. Oku kuphazamiseka kwisiseko, kwisiseko. Ingcinezelo enkulu kubini abalingani, kunzima ukufumanisa ukuba yeyiphi na le mibini ejongene nale meko. Ubuqhetseba bukhohlisayo. Yintoni eyathengiswayo? Indoda endala, imigaqo yakhe okanye iphupha lakhe lekhaya elomeleleyo nelonwabileyo okanye mhlawumbi? Inketho yesibini inzima kakhulu kwengqondo. Ubomi bugeleza, yonke into iyatshintsha, abantu, nangona abasondeleyo, kodwa ukunyeliswa kwangaphakathi kuhleli.
Kubafazi, ukukhohlisa kunene kakhulu kangangokuthi bakulungele ukwenza yonke into ukuze bayiphephe okanye mhlawumbi bahlaziye intlungu. Abaninzi banqabile ukugqithisa kwaye ngaphambi komtshato abaye bavumela: "Unokutshintsha, ukuba nje ndikwazi ngako." Qiniseka ukuba iintlungu ezi zinto aziyi kuba ngaphantsi, kwaye ukuhamba ngakwesobunxele kuya kwenzeka, ukunyanzeliswa sele kunikwe.
Ukuba ukunyaniseka komtshato kuthethwe kwangaphambili, umngcipheko wokungcatsha uyancitshiswa kakhulu. Incoko ngesihloko esithi: "Asiyi kusinda ukutshutshiswa, siya kushiya ngokukhawuleza." Yenza ukuba abatshati bacinge malunga nexabiso lokuba baxabisekile kwaye bakulungele ukulahlekelwa ngolo hlobo ngenxa yentshiseko yentsholongwane, "isondo nje" okanye "mhlawumbi iphela." Kufuneka kucaciswe ngokukhawuleza ukuba ukungathembeki kuya kuba yinto yokutshatyalaliswa kolwalamano lwakho. Akuyona ingozi yokuba phakathi kwabantu basekuqaleni kwakukho isiko lokubulala abantu abangathembekanga. Ngokwenza kwabo, babonisa ngokucacileyo isimo sabo sengqondo kumlingani, ngaphandle koko, abanakho ukuthemba.
Kufuneka kuqondwe ngokucacileyo ukuba ukuba idilesi ebudlelwane obumanyeneyo kunye nokulawula uthando, ngoko ke ukucinga malunga nokufumana iinjongo ayivuki. Kuthe ntoni ukuba, ukuba sele ukhona umntu othandekayo, umntu ozalwa naye owaziyo nothando, onokuthi ulungile, ukhululekile kwaye uphephile. Abantu abaninzi bathi abanako ukuvakalelwa, bafuna ukukrazula. Ngenxa yoko oku akusoloko kuyimfuneko ukuhamba kwezinye iibhedi zabantu! Unokuhamba nomphefumlo wakho umlingane, uye ezintabeni ngeveki okanye ungene kwimidlalo eyingozi. Ukuba udilika ndawonye phantsi kwe-olwandle okanye ufike ngeparachute, i-adrenaline iya kuba ne-nemeryano kunye nokuzonwabisa ngokuphindaphindiweyo.
Ukuba ukungcatsha kwenzeka, yintoni endiyenzayo? Okokuqala, uvakalele ngokupheleleyo iintlungu neemvakalelo. Emva koko baya kufuna ukulahlwa kunye nokucocisa (ngokusemandleni) ukubonisa. Ukuba ukusuka kuwe ukuya kumntu osele, kwakungekho ebomini obuhle. Ngoko, iqabane lilahlekile into kuwe kunye nolwalamano. Isizathu asifanele sifunde ukuba ngubani "oshiye", kodwa kuye, obani. Ngokukhawuleza ukuba ukuqonda kuza, kuya kuba nentukuthelo, intlungu yokubandezeleka iya kupheliswa, kuya kuba nethuba lokulungisa yonke into.
Nanku umbuzo olandelayo: ngaba ufanelekile ukulungisa? Ndiyakumxolela? Impendulo engekho enye, impendulo eyodwa yinyani ayikho. Mamela intliziyo yakho, ngumcebisi othembekileyo kakhulu. Ukuba unako ukuqhubeka uhlala nalo mntu, nwabele yonke imihla ecaleni kwakhe, uzibeke kuye kwaye uthembele, ngoko ke, kuyafaneleka ukuba uzame ukugcina ubudlelwane. Ukuba ukungathembeki kuya kuqhubeka kukulimaza umphefumlo ngexesha lonke, inzondo iya kufihliwe kakhulu, ukuzithemba kuya kuba yinto eqhelekileyo, kungcono ukuhamba uqale yonke into ukususela ekuqaleni, ungayikhohlwa intlungu edlulileyo, kodwa ukukhumbula iimpazamo kakuhle.
Ukutshintsha, umntu uyalahla lowo waxabisa naye kwaye wayemthanda. Uthando alukwazi ukutshintshwa, kuba yinto ebalulekileyo ebomini bethu. Nguye yedwa ophila kuyo yonke ubunzima kunye neentlekele zehlabathi elifa. Ukukhanyela kuyafana nokuzibulala. Emva kwesenzo sokugqibela esibuhlungu kukuphelelwa yithemba elimnyama. Yaye apho kukho uthando, ubumnyama kunye nokuphelelwa lithemba ixesha elide aluhlali. Ukuyeka uthando kuthana nokuyeka ubomi. Sifumana phi, siza kwenzeka ntoni kuthi?
Amagama aphakamileyo, uya kuthi, ngokuqhelekileyo amadoda ashiya amabhinqa, ekhetha enye, abafazi bayazinikela ngokupheleleyo kubo ababizwa ngokuba bathandekayo. Olu daniso kunye noshintsho lwabalingani luye lwahlala lukhona kwaye luya kuqhubeka njengoko nje umhlaba uhlala kwaye uluntu luhlala.
Kodwa ngaba uhlaselo? Hayi, bazinikezele xa kungekho luthando. Akukho mntu uthandekayo okanye othandekayo, ngoko akukho mntu oza kumngcatsha. Igobolondo lomzimba kuphela lowo wayekade ephupha ngalo ukwabelana ngonaphakade. Ngoku akusikho (ubomi buphelile, iimeko zitshintshile), kwaye akukho mbopheleleko wetyala ayikwazi ukubamba. Myeke, ubomi kunye nomntu ongekho mfuneko, uya kuba yintlekele yakho.