Okokuqala, musa ukuphatha oku njengokuba i-gay isifo. Nangona abaninzi bakholelwa ukuba ukungaqhelekanga kwendabuko kuyigulo yengqondo, umntu akafanele abone umxhasi unokwenza isibhedlele sengqondo kumhlobo wabo. Kufuneka wenze njalo, okokuqala, ukuba ungahlazisi isidima sakhe kwaye ungabonakali ukuba ukhangele insizwa. Qonda, ukuba uyifumene malunga nale yeyokuqala, loo mfana udinga inkxaso kunye nokuqonda kwakho. Ukuba umntu uyaqonda ukuba ungumfana wesilisa, okokuqala kunzima ukuba aphile nale ngcamango. Uyaqonda ukuba akubona bonke abantu abaza kuthoba ngokukhawuleza nokuqonda kumhlobo wakho. Ngoko ke, kwindawo yokuqala, unethemba lokuba inkxaso yabahlobo abasondeleyo.
Ukuze uqonde indlela yokusebenza ngayo, ukuba ufumanisa ukuba umhlobo wakho ungumlingani, zama ukubeka kwindawo yakhe kwaye ucinge, ungathanda ukuthini kubantu bakho bomthonyama kwimeko enzima yobomi bakho?
Kakade, umntu akasoze amkholise ukuba uphosakele okanye uguqule into ibe yintlanzi. Ukuba uyaqonda ukuba le ndoda iyinto enzulu kakhulu - yithatha kalula. Ngokuqinisekileyo, unokuthula ngokuthetha naye malunga neemeko zangoku, cela isizathu sokuba wenza izigqibo ezinjalo malunga nokuziqhelanisa kwakhe nokuba uyaqiniseka ukuba uyazikhetha. Kodwa akukho mzekelo ungabonakali umbi kwaye ungayigxeki. Khumbula ukuba isimo sengqondo senu asitshintshi nantoni na, kodwa, mhlawumbi, nangona kunjalo. Ngoku, xa umntu ethembela ngezinto ezinje, uba ngumntu osondele kakhulu, enethemba kuye kwaye uthembele ngokupheleleyo.
Ngeli xesha, umntu omncinane unokuqala ukuxabana nabazali bakhe. Oku akumangalisi, kuba isizukulwana esakhulayo sakhula ngamanye amaxesha nangaphantsi kweminye imithetho, ngoko kunzima kakhulu ukuba baqaphele kwaye baqonde ukuqhelaniswa kokungafani nonyana wabo. Ukwenza kube lula kumfana, ungazama ukuthetha nabazali bakhe. Ewe, ekuqaleni kuyimfuneko ukuxoxa ngale ngcamango nomhlobo wakho, ukwenzela ukuba ungabonakalisi imeko. Ingxoxo enjalo nabazali ibhetele ukuba uye waqhelana nabo ixesha elide kwaye usebenza kakuhle. Uyavuma, akukho mntu uya kuphulaphula omnye umntu okanye umntu ongathandekiyo. Kodwa ukuba ulingane ilungu lomntu wakho osapho, kufuneka uxoxe ngezinto kunye nomama kunye noyise, uzame ukuzityhila ukuba unyana wenza into engalunganga kwaye ukhetho lwakhe aluchaphazeli ubuhlobo bentsapho. Kwakhona uzame ukuchazela abazali ukuba akufanele bawubone ngoluvo lwentlalo kunye neentlebo. Wonke umntu uyazi ukuba ukuhleba nokuxoxisana nabo bantu abahlala kwimigundane kwaye bengathandeki, ngoko ke lo mzi uba ngumdlalo wokuzonwabisa kuphela. Kubalulekile ukugxininisa ukuba abazali bomngane bakho bahlakaniphile kwaye bafundiswe abantu abangayi kuncibilika kwimbono yabantu abancinci kwaye abayi kukhangela kwindodana yabo baze bamkhanye ngenxa yabo bakulungele ukuxoxa nabantu nangaphandle.
Simele sigxininise ukuba, njengabazali, ngokwenene, banqwenela umntwana wabo uvuyo, kwaye uyavuya, kuba njalo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, kukude nokuba uya kubaqinisekisa ngokukhawuleza, kodwa, mhlawumbi, amazwi akho aya kusebenza, kwaye ngokufanelekileyo ubuhlobo kwintsapho yabo buya kutshintshwa.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba kwakunjani, kufuneka uhlale umxhasa umhlobo wakho, kodwa ungayiguquki. Inyaniso yokuba umhlobo wakho ungqingili akayikukhansela yonke into yokuba yena, okokuqala, useyindoda kwaye kufuneka aziphathe njengomntu. Ngoko ke, ungaze uqale ukumphatha njengentombi. Khumbula ukuba ukhetho lwakhe alukwazi ukuchaphazela ulwalamano lwakho naluphi na uhlobo. Abantu abaninzi bacinga ngeengcinga kwaye baqala ukukholelwa ukuba ukuba umhlobo uye wavakalisa ukuba ungumlingani, ngoko ukuziphatha kwakhe kufuneka kuhlaziywe kwaye kufane ngokufana neyiphi i-gay movie geeks. Enyanisweni, ukuziphatha komntu omncinci, mhlawumbi, akukho nto iya kutshintsha, kufuneka ufunde nje ukuba uyathanda abantu, kungekhona amantombazana. Ngokuqinisekileyo, khumbula ukuba xa usondele kuye, ngokuzenzekelayo ukhangela ingqwalasela kwaye uxhomekeke kwiingxoxo ezahlukeneyo. Zama ukuba ungahlali kulo nto kwaye ungakhathazeki ngako. Umntu oqhelekileyo uya kwamkela bobabini umhlobo wakho kunye nawe njengoko unjalo, kwaye yintoni abantu abaqingqiweyo abaye bacinga ngayo, akufanele ukhathalele. Khumbula ukuba xa uziva ungakhululekile, umhlobo wakho uya kuba khoboka aze azive enetyala phambi kwakho. Okanye, ngokuchaseneyo, phuthuma ngenxa yokuziphatha kwakho kwaye ukhubekise.
Ukuba umhlobo wakho unzima kakhulu ukufumana ukufumanisa kwakhe, unokumema ukuba adibanise nengcali yeengqondo. Ingcali iza kuhlala ikwazi ukukunceda ekuxazululeni iingxaki ezinjalo kwaye iya kumcebisa umntu ukuba aziphathe kangcono, wenzeni ukuba abazali bakhe nabanye bangayiqondi. Kodwa ungathumela ingcali kwizengcali kuphela xa efuna ngokwenene. Musa ukunyusa kumhlobo wakho kwaye ungazami ukumdonsa kwiofisi yeengqondo zezinto ngokukhohlisa okanye ukusongela. Ngoku unika inkxaso kunye nenkxaso. Ngoko ke, okokuqala, yena ngokwakhe uyaziqinisekisa ukuba ukuziphatha kwakhe ngokwesondo kuyaqhelekile kwaye kuyamkeleka. Bonke abantu banentlonelo enkulu ekuthandeni abantu abathandekayo, ngoko ukuba umhlobo wakho uyaqonda ukuba uyamnceda ngamandla, uya kuphazamiseka kwaye akhathazeke, unokuzivalela okanye azive ecindezelekile. Yaye yile nto kanye akufanele uyenze nayiphi na imeko.