Yintoni eyenzekayo xa umama okanye utata eba "ootitshala", kwaye umntwana uyayeka ukuba ngumntwana aze abe "into yemfundo"? Kutheni sihlala sisinyanisekile kwimiba yezingane, kwaye ubukho bamangqina bubangela ukuba le ntsholongwane ibe ngakumbi? Kutheni thina, njengabadwebi abanesibindi, silungele ukusika, ukudibanisa nokuphinda siphumeze abantwana babo phantsi komzekelo othile? Makhe sibone izizathu.
Ngesizathu esithile kwenzeka ukuba abazali bazibhala ngokuzenzekelayo "kwizikhulu". Umntwana "ozimeleyo", umsebenzi wakhe ukufeza imiyalelo. Abanye badibanisa nosana lwabo ngoncedo lwezenzi kwisimo esifanelekileyo: ume, hlala, uthathe! Akunakho okwaneleyo "Fu!" Kwaye "Fas!" Aba bazali bakholelwa ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba umntwana kufuneka agcinwe ngentsimbi, mhlawumbi uya kuhlala phantsi kwentloko yakhe - "Yintoni na, Ubuntu bomntwana?"
Yintoni eyikwesaba inkwenkwe yabadala kunye no-anti? Kodwa uloyiko lukhoyo - ukwesaba ukungabi nako ukulungelelaniswa ekukhulisweni komntwana wexesha lokufunda esikolweni. Kodwa ngubani ovuma ukuba uyamoyika umntwana wakhe? Ukufihla ukungancedi kwakhe, umzali uthi: "Ndiyintloko kwaye ingundoqo; wena-omncinci nesekondari "- kwaye usebenzisa isicatshulwa soxanduva lokunxibelelana, injongo yalo ukubonisa inkwenkwe yakhe ngokuphathelele" umhlobo jikelele ".
Nanku umbuzo wabazali abanomnqweno wokunika umntwana umthwalo wabo wolwazi namava: izimo zengqondo, izithethe, amaqhinga. Ingane ifana nephepha elingenanto, kunye nabazali abaninzi banomsebenzi wokuwuzalisa ngokuvisisana kwabo.
Yintoni ebangela ukuba le nto iphosakele? Okokuqala, ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa ngumlawuli phezu komntwana, kwaye okwesibini, ukungakwazi ukuhlala ubomi bakho, kuba indlela engcono yokubalekela kukuba wenze enye into.
Uloyiko lokukholelwa koomama kunye nootata, ukuba into enokwenzeka kumntwana, ingakumbi ukuba ayingekho, ngamanye amaxesha ifinyelela ubungakanani obuhle kwaye ivelise imiphumo. "Ukuba wenza / ungenzi oku, andiyi kuphila," "Ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kuwe, ndiya kufa." Ukuxhatshazwa "kokufa" okunokwenzeka komntu othandekayo kuyabethusa umntwana, ngokukodwa kwiminyaka emi-5 ukuya kweye-6 ubudala, xa esi sihloko siba ngumqobo kuye. Kwaye entloko yomntwana, ukuziphatha kwakhe "kakubi" kunye nenyaniso yokuba into engatshatyalaliswayo ingenzeka kubazali bakhe. Ukuphambukiswa okuncinane kumgama omiweyo wokuziphatha, kwaye umva wecala ufihla umntwana ngentloko - yenza ukuba uhlupheke, kodwa yenza njalo ukuba "abazali abakhathazeki."
Ngaba ukwenene ukwesaba umntwana? Kunoko, soyika wena. Kwenzeka ntoni kubazali ukuba kukho into eyenzeka kumntwana? Yintoni eya kwenzeka kwilizwe labo elingaphezulu okanye elingaphantsi? Yintoni na umama / utata abaya kubonakala phambi kwabanye? Kwaye oko kuthiwa "injabulo yomntwana" yinto ebalaseleyo ngokufihlakeleyo ekukhulisweni komntwana wexesha lokufunda esikolweni.
Ubunzima beminyaka yokuqala yokuphila kaninzi lubangele impendulo engabonakaliyo kubazali: "Asizange silale ngenxa yenu", "Senze konke ngenxa yenu, kwaye wena-isilwanyana esingenasibindi", "Sibeke ubomi bethu bonke kuwe ..." Isiphelo: abazali ngokugqithisekayo ngenxa yeli bali elipheleleyo ngokuzala, oko kuthetha ukuba umntwana kufuneka ahlawule "iminyaka elahlekileyo" kunye nempilo-ingqwalasela, ukuziphatha, kwaye kamva ubomi babo bonke. Ukuba umntwana uthathe isigqibo sokuba "ugibele uloliwe" kwisikhokelo sakhe, ngoko-ke u-pre-infarction state of mom-dad akayi kugwenywa.
Kutheni abazali abaninzi bengaxhomekanga malunga nokukhethwa komntwana, kwinqanaba lezinto ezilula? Ngenxa yokuba akuyena umntwana onjalo. Ngokuphathelele ukusebenzisa umntu omncinci ngeenjongo zabo. Ukuze uzive unyanzelekile kwaye unentsingiselo ukuze uhlale uvakalelwa kukuba konke kwenzeka ngeze, ukuba ubomi buzaliswe ngentsingiselo.
Ukuxhalabela ubuso bakhe bentlalo kubangela ukuba abazali bafanele baziphathe ngokuzimeleyo kunye nabantwana babo "ngokuziphatha okufanelekileyo". Kucacile ukuba kuphela umntwana "okhohlakeleyo" unokuhlala eziphatha kakuhle ": ukugwema ngokunyanisekileyo ukungavalelani kwabazali, wenze ukulungelelanisa kwaye kungekho sizathu sokuba ungabikho. U yabona oku? Kwaye umntwana oqhelekileyo udala iimeko apho abazali kufuneka baxhamle baze baxolise. "Uyenza ngenjongo!" Cha, le nkwenkwe ihlola nje ihlabathi ngamandla. Kwaye umama nobaba akuzona izinto eziguquguqukayo.
Umbutho (ngendlela, le ngcamango ibuhlungu kakhulu) ibaluleke kakhulu kunabantwana ngokwabo kunye nendoda encinci eyayizithemba ukuphula imithetho ethile. Abazali banentloni ngomntwana wabo, balungele "ukuwaphula" ngexesha 'lokuwa' emehlweni alo uluntu: "Sonke sibukele!", "Ihlazo, kungekhona umntwana!" Ngubani phakathi kwethu ongazange ave, okanye magama?
Kodwa ke, umbuzo onomdla wokuba abazali bacele umbuzo wabo: "Ngubani na onokufumana le nto?" Oko kukuthi, wonke umntu kufuneka aqonde ukuba utata nomama abakwenzanga nantoni na. Lesi sidalwa "esingenakulibaleka" sawela ezintloko zawo apho sasingacacanga khona. Ziye "zimhlophe kwaye zihlambulukile", kwaye le ntloko iyintonga kwi-tar yebhanki yabo yobusi yezinto eziphilayo ezingenakulinganiswa. Kwaye ngoku kuya kufuneka basebenze nzima ixesha elide ukuba "babumbe" umntu wangempela. Ewe, kunjalo. Ummangaliso kuphela ngesizathu esithile asenzekiyo. Kutheni, ucinga ntoni?
Yintoni ongayithetha malunga nekhethini? Ukuzikhohlisa kwabantu abadala kukuba bacinga ukuba banobulumko kwaye banamandla kunabantwana. Kwaye ukuba umsebenzi wabo ukwenza okuthile nomntwana. Abantu abadala bayazi indlela yokuthetha amagama afanelekileyo, bafunde ezininzi iincwadi ngeengqondo kunye nokufundisa. Kodwa! Ngomntwana, umntu kufuneka afunde ukuba, kufuneka afunde ukuphulaphula nokuva. Kwaye oku kunokwenzeka kuphela ukuba abantu abadala, ubuncinane ngomzuzu, bashiye umfanekiso womzali kwaye bangaqiniseki ukuba "ukuchaneka" kwabo inyaniso kwimeko yokugqibela. Kwaye ngoko ukungazi kakuhle kwabo kunye nokungenakunceda kungabonakaliswa! Kodwa ungabaleki kula mava. Ukuphila kwabo okuthiwa "ukungatyiki", abazali bangavuka nomntwana omnye, kwaye ngoko, baqonde oko kwenzekayo phakathi kwabo. Yaye ingxaki 'yokukhulisa' iza kuqala ukuzixazulula ngokwayo, njengoko ukusebenzisana nomntwana kuya kuqala ukuguquka kwi-"khonkrithi eqinisekisiwe yobomi bonke bomzali" kwi-communication friendly.