Ungabi nantloni uloyiko?
Umxholo wabantwana abanoyikayo kunye neendlela zokwenza umzabalazo kunzima kakhulu kunokuba kubonakala kubantu abadala. "Usuyinkwenkwe enkulu, awuyi kuba neentloni ukuba uyamoyike inja encinane (amanzi, imoto, abamelwane abakhethekileyo, njl njl)?" - sihlala sitsho, sitshitshise "ukwesaba" kwengane. Ingaba ukwesaba kwethu: impilo yabantu abathandekayo, ukungabi namali, umphathi omangalisayo, isicwangciso sesigqibo esingagqibekanga ... Kodwa ngendlela umntwana abhekana ngayo noloyiko lomntwana kunye neendlela zokulwa naye ebuntwaneni, ngeendlela ezininzi kuxhomekeke kwindlela evuya ngayo nangenokholo ukuba uya kukhula. Kwaye nabazali abanamandla ukumnceda.
Ukuxhalabisa
Uloyiko olubangelwa yingozi, ingqondo yengqondo ithi "imeko". Ukuba inja engumalusi embi yahlasela umntwana, akukho into emangalisayo ukuba waqala ukwesaba zonke izinja. Kwaye ukwesaba okunjalo kunakhokelela ekulungiseni kwengqondo.
Kunzima kakhulu kwaye kunengqiqo yinto ebizwa ngokuba "yedwa" ukwesaba, okuyiyo ingcamango engekho yangaphandle kodwa iziganeko zangaphakathi, ubomi bomphefumlo. Uninzi luyisiseko esisisiseko: zihlala zibonakala kuwo wonke umntwana njengoko zikhulayo, nangona zingamazinga ahlukeneyo. Zihlala zibizwa ngokuba "ukuxhalabisa". Ekuqaleni, umntwana uyazixhamla kunye nonina, uyicinga ukuba yinxalenye yakhe, kodwa malunga neenyanga ezisixhenxe uqala ukuyiqonda: unina akayenaye, inxalenye yehlabathi elikhulu apho kukho abanye abantu. Kwaye ngaloo mzuzu kufika ukwesaba kwabangamaziyo. Xa udibana nabantu abatsha kumntwana, umama kufanele akhumbule iingxaki zomntwana kwaye angagxininisi ukuba umntwana unqabile ukuthetha kunye neendwendwe. Isimo sakhe sengqondo kubo, uyakhela ngesiseko sokuqwalaselwa komama: ukuba uyavuya ukuhlangabezana, umntwana uya kuqonda ngokucacileyo ukuba le "yakhe".
Njengazinye iinkxalabo zophuhliso, ukwesaba abantu abangaziwayo kuyimfuneko kwaye yendalo. Ukuba umntwana usweleka ekulileni, kuphela xa ebona umntu ongaphandle, kungenokuba kuyimfuneko ukunceda oyingcali kunye nokwesaba kwabantwana kunye neendlela zokulwa. Kodwa into evuyayo yeengcambu ezandleni zasemzini nayo ayiyiyo into evamile. Ukuba umntwana, engakhange abuyele emuva kunina, ugijime ngaphaya kwebhovaneli okanye into enomdla; ukuba ngokuqinisekileyo ungena emanzini ngosuku lokuqala olwandle - lo mkhuba ufanelekile ukuxoxa kunye nengcali yengqondo. Sinokucinga ukuba inkqubo yokuhlukana engaqhelekanga, ayikho into ebonakalayo ehlukileyo kumama kwaye ngoko akhathazeki ngokhuseleko lwakhe.
Xa uneminyaka engama-9 ukuya kunyaka owodwa, usana luqala ukujikeleza indlu ngentshiseko kwaye ngexesha elifanayo lugcina umama (ugogo, nanny). Ngoku uyazi ukwesaba ukukhulelwa, ukulahlekelwa yinto efunwayo. Kubalulekile ukuba ngaloo mama umama ufumaneke kwaye unokusabela ngokukhawuleza kwifowuni yengane, "kusho umntwana wengqondo kwengqondo, u-Anna Kravtsova. - Kubi kakhulu ukuhlwaya ulunwabo. Xa umama athi: "Ndidiniwe, uye kulala kwelinye igumbi, kodwa uya kuzincama - uza kuza" - oku kwandisa uxhalaba lomntwana.
Malunga neminyaka emi-3 ukuya kwe-4, kunye nomvakalelo wecala, abantwana baqala ukuziva besaba isijeziso. Ngeli xesha, bazama ezininzi ngezinto ezahlukeneyo, khangela
mathuba, ukuhlolisisa ubudlelwane babo nehlabathi, ngokukodwa nabathandekayo babo. Amakhwenkwe athi: "Xa ndikhula, nditshata noMama!"; kwaye amantombazana akhankanya ukuba baya kukhetha uyise kubayeni. Konke lo msebenzi oqhoqhaqhaqhayo ngokukhawuleza uyabhenkceza kwaye uyabethusa, kuba bayesaba imiphumo. NgokukaAnna Kravtsova, ukwesaba i-ingwenya ye-toothy kukuloyiko olufanayo lokugwetywa: ukuba ndifuna ukwazi kwaye ndiqala ukuphanda into esemlonyeni wakhe, ingwenya iya kuluma ngomnwe!
Abantu abadala abangabalulekanga baqala ukubiza abantu abathathu abaneminyaka engama-4 ubudala abangenabantwana njengabaphathi bamapolisa, abacimi bomlilo, i-Babu Yaga kunye nabadlulayo-("Ukuba umemeza kangaka, ndiya kukunika lo malume!"). Ngaloo ndlela, abantu abadala baxhaphaza iimbandezelo ezimbini zobuntana kanyekanye: ukwesaba abantu abangaziwayo kunye nokwesaba ukulahlekelwa ngumama. " "Akuthethi ukuba oko kungenxa yoko umntwana uya kuqala ukwesaba iipolisa okanye abacimi bomlilo, kodwa mhlawumbi izinga lokuxhalaba liya kukhula, kwaye ukwesaba okuyisiseko kuya kuthiwa. Ukuzama ukunyanzela abantwana, ukufezekisa ukuthobela, umele ahlale ekhumbula ukuba ukuthobela nokuzimela, ukuzithemba zizinto ezichaseneyo. "
Ukufa okufutshane
Ngaloo minyaka yobudala, abantwana baqala ukufumana ukwesaba ubumnyama ngexesha loloyiko lwabantwana kunye neendlela zokujongana nazo. "Ukwesaba ubumnyama kwiminyaka emi-3 ukuya kweyesi-4 kufana nokwesaba ukufa," uKravtsova uyaqhubeka. - Kulo nyaka, abantwana bacinga malunga nendlela abantu abangaya ngayo, nokuba bahlala bebuya. I-toy ehlahlileyo, into eye yalala ngonaphakade, konke oku kubonisa ukuba kuyafana nokufana nabantu, kuquka nabathandekayo. " Ngokuqhelekileyo ngeli xesha umntwana uqala ukubuza imibuzo malunga nokufa.
Kwaye ininzi iintsana , ezingasenayo ingxaki yokulala, ziqala ukuba zingenangqondo, ziyeke ukulala, zicelwa ukuba zivule ukukhanya, zinike amanzi, - zonke iindlela zilibazise umhlalaphantsi ukuba ulale. Emva koko, ukulala kukufa okuncinci, ixesha apho singakwazi ukuzilawula. "Kuthekani ukuba kukho into eyenzekayo kwiintsapho zam ngelo xesha? Kwaye kuthekani ukuba andivuki? "Umntwana usenjenjalo (akacingi, ngokuqinisekileyo).
Akwenzeki ukumqinisekisa ukuba ukufa akubi. Umntu omdala kwaye uyesaba ukufa, kwaye konke okwesabekayo kuye kukufa komntwana wakhe. Ngoko ke, ukuze sikwazi ukugxotha iingxaki zomntu omncinci, kufuneka senze umqondo wokuzinza: sisondele, sikulungele kunye kunye, siyavuya ukuhlala. "Ngoku siyifunde le ncwadi, ngoko i-fantasy story will end, kwaye uya ku-crib" - lawa ngamazwi angcono okukhulisa umntwana. "Ngaba uqinisekile ukuba uya kulala? Mhlawumbi ufuna enye into? "- kodwa ezi binzana ziqinisa ukukhathazeka kwengane. Uloyiko lobumnyama lunokunyuka kwixesha elizayo, kwiminyaka engama-4 ukuya kwe-5, ngenxa yokuphuhliswa kwengcamango, ukucinga ngcamango. Ubomi bokuphila kwakhe kwixesha elizayo kwaye ukwesaba ukujeziswa ngenxa yale mizobo kubangelwa ukucinga ngemifanekiso kwiincwadi kunye neefilimu: Baba Yaga, Grey Wolf, Kashchei, kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, amabali ahlaselayo, evela kwi "Harry Potter" eya ku-Godzilla (ukuba abazali bavumela umntwana ukuba abukele i-movie enjalo). Ngendlela, abaninzi abanokholo kwengqondo bayavuma ukuba uBaba-Yaga uvelisa i-archetype yomama: unokuba ngumusa, unondlo, unike i-glomeruli endleleni, kodwa unokukwazi ukuba, ukuba akukho nto.
Ukukhusela umntwana kumabali amahlaziyilo akunangqiqo kwaye kuyingozi. Oomama abaninzi, ngelixa befunda iindaba zeengane zabantwana, bakhuphe isiphetho ukuze yonke into ibe yinto enhle, kwaye ingcuka yayingazange ijonge kwi-Little Red Riding Hood. Kodwa abantwana bayamemeza bathi: "Hayi, udibanise yonke into, akukho nto!" "Sifuna amava okufumana ukwesaba ukuze sifunde indlela yokuhlangabezana nayo," u-Anna Kravtsova uyaqiniseka. - Ukongeza, iifesti zamaphepha zivumela ukuba uphinde uphinde ukwenze ukwesaba, ukuqonda ukuba azinjalo. Ngenye ibali ingcuka imbi, ingendawo, kwaye enye inceda u-Ivan Tsarevich. "UHarry Potter" ngumzekelo omhle, ngenxa yokuba yonke ingqungquthela yomxholo wokusingatha ukwesaba kwakhe ngumtya obomvu. Wayengeyena ongeyikwesabayo, kodwa lowo wayekwazi ukuzinqoba.
Enye into - abantu abadala abakhuculisayo , abatsha. Batshitshisa kakhulu, kodwa umntwana akakwazi ukuzama ibali kuye, aphinde ayenze. "
Nangona kunjalo, iifilimu kunye neenganekwane ziyimithombo yemifanekiso kuphela, ziyakutholwa kuyo nayiphi na indawo, nakubonwakude kwiphepha lodonga. Isizathu sokwanda kweengxaki zendalo yimeko kwintsapho. Iingxabano zabazali zixhaswa ngoloyiko oluninzi: ukutshatyalaliswa kwehlabathi, ukulahlekelwa yintando ethandekayo, isizungu kunye nesijeziso (kwiminyaka engama-3 ukuya kwimi-4 umntwana uyaqiniseka ukuba abazali baxabana baze bahlukane kuphela ngenxa yokuziphatha kwakhe kakubi). Ukongezelela, ukuxhalabisa kwabantwana kuyandiswa yinkqubo enzima yentsapho: imithetho eqinile, izigwebo ezinqabileyo, ubunzima, ukugxeka kunye nokunyanzelwa kwabazali. Ukwahlukana kwehlabathi ngokwemigaqo "yobumnyama" - "umhlophe" uyamqinisekisa umntwana ongenakwenzeka kunye nokungaqiniseki kwezilwanyana ezivela kwingcinga yakhe kunye neendlela zesaba kunye nezindlela zokulwa nazo.
Nangona kunjalo, ukuhlala ngokupheleleyo ngaphandle kwemithetho kukwayikisayo. Kukhuselekile ukuba umntwana uvakalelwa kwihlabathi apho ulungelelwano, ukuqikelela nokuzinza ukulawula (umzekelo, ngamnye umama kusasa uyazihlamba eminzini yokuhlambela imizuzu eyi-10, kwaye uhlala yodwa, kodwa uMama akaze agijime apho ehlenga umnyango nje ukulila apho ngeyure, ebonakala ngathi ingunaphakade kumntwana).
Ukulingana neentathu ezingaziwa
Ngomvakalelo kunye nokucinga, kukho olunye ukwesaba okufanayo-ukwesaba kwamanzi. Kukho ubungqungquthela: ukuba ukwesaba kwamanzi emva kwesiganeko esithile (sitshitshiselwa ulwandle, sagwinya amanzi kwindawo yamanzi echibini), oko akusikho umntu, kodwa uloyiko lobubi. Nangona kunjalo, ezininzi iintsana ezisuka ekuqaleni ziphatha amanzi ngokuqaphela, nangona ziqala ukuthanda ukuhlamba. Ukufumanisa kwamanzi kukufumanisa iimvakalelo, ukulwa kunye nezinto ezingaziwayo. Umntwana onenkalipho ngakumbi kwiimimandla, ngabazali abanomdla bamkhuthaza ukuba afunde izinto ezintsha, kuya kuba lula kuye ukuba athathe amanzi njengento enomdla, engesabisayo.
Oku, kwindlela, kusebenza kubantu abadala. Sinoyika into engaziwayo (ngokukodwa, i-otherworldly), kodwa kukho abantu abonwabileyo abaphatha iziganeko ezingenakuqondakala ngokuzilalisa. Kubonakala ukuba babenomdla ophandayo wobuntwana.
Abaziwayo "abazali abaqeqeshiweyo" uKititin wavumela abantwana bakhe ukuba bafunde ihlabathi ngokwabo: umzekelo, abazange bavale abantwana xa beya emlilweni. Ngokutshiswa kancinci phantsi kokunyamekelwa ngumama, umntwana wayesazi ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba "inentyantyambo ebomvu" ayinakuyifumana. "Unokwenza oku, kodwa kufuneka ukhumbule umlinganiselo ngokucacileyo," kusho uKravtsova. - Unomama uyazi ukuba luhlobo luni lovavanyo "X" olunokunyamezela umntwana. Ngokomzekelo, sele sele sele ekwazi, ewele kwaye ehlaba idolo, avuke, ahlabe, ahlabe, kodwa angahlali. Umama unokunyusa ngokuthe ngqo kwi "X" kunye "negruk": ungayiboni xa ehamba ngendlela epholileyo. Xa sele iwile, inkunzi iya kubetha ngamandla, nangona umama uyancwathula, kodwa yena, mhlawumbi, uya kufunda ukugcina ibhalansi, uya kuqhubeka ekufundeni ihlabathi. Kodwa ukuba songeza "i-zet" kulo mlinganiso, kuya kuba nzima kumntwana: ingqungquthela, ukutshiswa okukhulu, ingxaki yengqondo iya kutshintsha umntwana abe yindalo eyoyikayo. "
Funny Ghost
Ukuba yonke into ilungile kwintsapho, abazali bafuna ukunyamekela ngokuthe ngandlela-thile, ukubuyisela umntwana kwakhona kunye nokuxhalabisa ngokwabo, kungabancedi kuncedo lwabadala. Olunye ukwesaba lunokubonakala kamva, xa umntwana ekhulile, ekhutshwe ngeengxaki zengqondo. Abasetyhini abaninzi, abajamelana nokuxinezeleka, baqala ukuhlola ixesha elilishumi ukuba isinyithi sivaliwe; abanye besaba ukulala kwindlu yokuhlala engenanto; abanye bahlushwa ngenxa yezinto ezibuhlungu emva kokubukela umdlalo; umntu kwaye nanamhlanje uyamoyika amanzi. Ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa yintando ethandekayo (umntwana, umyeni) unokusenza siqhube, sithathe isimo se-phobia. Nangona kunjalo, ngokuqhelekileyo ezi ziqhambukayo ziyafa, kuyafaneleka ukuzinzisa imeko.
Ngoko, kwiimeko ezininzi, ukwesaba akuphazamisi kakhulu umntwana. Kodwa ke unako ukumnceda ukujamelana nabo ngokukhawuleza. Ngokukodwa badinga uncedo lwabadala, ukuba i-alamu iya kubahlaziyi. Umsebenzi wokuqala kunye nobunzima ukufumana ukuba yintoni kanye umntwana ayesabayo. Ngamanye amaxesha oku akukude. "Ngenye imini ndadibana nentombazana, owatsho ukuba unobungozi bezinja," kusho u-Anna Kravtsova. - Njalo ekuseni, ngokukhawuleza wayigqoke intombi yakhe ukuba imthabise kumongikazi, umama weva intombazana ekhala isandi: "Andiyi kubeka i-sweatshirt!" Ngenxa yokuba inja yayifakwe kwi-sweatshirt, umama wabuza wathi: "Ngaba uyamoyika izinja?" wayevumile kwaye ukususela kwimeko apho into engazange yenzeke, wayehlala ememeza esithi: "Ndiyayika izinja!" Enyanisweni, wenqaba ukugqoka, kuba wayesazi: ngoku umama uya kumthabatha ngokukhawuleza kumhlengikazi aze aphelelwe usuku lonke. Ukuchazwa kukaMama okungafanelekanga kwandile. "
Ngaphambi kokuba ubuze umntwana okoyikayo, kufuneka ucinge kwaye umgcine. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ukwesaba akubonakalwanga ngamagama kuwo onke - umzimba kuphela "uthetha". Umntwana oneminyaka engama-4 ubudala oneminyaka engama-5 ubudala enkulisa uya kuqala ukugula ngenxa yokuba eyika ukuhlukana nomama. Umgcini wokuqala akakwazi ukuqaphela ukuba intlungu nganye isasa kwisisu ngaphambi kokuba isikolo sinoyika isohlwayo, ukwesaba "ukutshatyalaliswa." Ukuxhalabisa okunjalo kunokubonakaliswa ngokubonakala ubuvila: umntwana wesikolo wenqaba ukwenza izifundo ngokwakhe, kuphela kunye nonina. Enyanisweni, ufuna nje ukumbamba, ulwabelane naye. Kwenzeka ukuba kuphela isazi sezengqondo singabonisa isizathu esinyani. Kodwa ukuba sele sele ifunyenwe, okanye ukususela ekuqaleni kwacaca, ngoko ke indlela efanelekileyo yokulwa nokutya iyadlala. Kwi "Harry Potter" kukho isiqendu apho ngamnye umfundi wabafundi bezikolo zemilingo i-Hogwarts engena ezandleni zebhokisi eneyona nto ebaluleke kakhulu, kwaye kwakunokwenzeka ukujamelana nalo, ukubonisa ngendlela engenangqondo. Ngokomzekelo, utitshala oyingozi kakhulu enye inkwenkwe egqoke ingubo kunye nengubo egogo wakhe.
Unokwenza uloyiko lweemoto, ubhale amabali ahlekisayo ngabo, ibali leenkcukacha, iinkondlo. Indodana yomhlobo wam kwiklasi yokuqala yayiyikwesaba kakhulu umlingana naye-intombazana enamandla, ephakamileyo ebetha bonke abafana. Wancedwa ngoma ingoma eyayihlanganiswe noTata, apho kwakukho amazwi amaninzi ahlambalazayo malunga nentombazana. Njalo, ehamba ngumntu okhohlakeleyo naye, le nkwenkwe yayicula ngokukhawuleza, yamomotheka, kwaye ngokukhawuleza kwakheyika.