Ndiqinisekile ukuba uya kundiqonda, kuba bekukunye nawe, kwenzekani kum. Kwaye ndiyathemba ukuba uyayiqonda indlela yokulibala ixesha elidlulileyo kwaye uhlala kulo . Sonke sahluke, kodwa, ngokwenene, thina besifazane sinjalo. Amabali afanayo ayenzeka kuthi, kwiimeko ezininzi sicinga ngokufanayo, senza okufanayo, kwaye siyahlukana ngokulinganayo. Ndicinga ukuba wonke umntu uyayazi intlanganiso kunye nomntu odibana ngamadolo, ukuthuthumela kuhamba emzimbeni wakhe kwaye intliziyo yakhe iqala ukubetha, ukuba uya kuphuma esifuba sakhe, aphule izibambo zakhe. Izimpawu ezifanayo zibonisa isifo, igama, eluthando. Uthando ngumntu wengqondo, obonakalisa ukukhanga kwengqondo kunye nomzimba komnye umntu. Uthando luvakalelwa kakuhle ukuba luhlala luhle. Kwaye ukuba ayithethani, kulungile kangakanani na?
Ndazi ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba kukho uxhulumano olungabonakaliyo phakathi kwethu olusondeza omnye komnye, kwaye ngexesha elifanayo liyaphinduka. Ekuqaleni ndamphatha kakubi, akazange amthathe ngokungathí sina, ngoko satshintsha indawo, kwaye ndaqala ukuva ubunzima. Sasiqabana ngokubonana, nangona sasingabamelwane. Kanye emva kweenyanga ezintandathu sivuselela unxibelelwano. Sazibona, sathetha, sabanga, sithinteka, ngokuqhelekileyo, siziphathe njengesiqhelo esiqhelekileyo sithandweni, ngosuku olulandelayo okanye nangenye imini sasifunga ngokuba asiqondanga okanye singafuni okanye sitshitshise nje, siyeka ukunxibelelana ngeenyanga ezintandathu Uzinzile.
Emva koko zonke izikhalazo zilibalekile, kuphela imemori engcono kakhulu kwaye ayikhunjulwayo, kwaye incoko yaqalisa kwakhona, kwaye savuma kwakhona kwintlanganiso ukuba iya kuba yinto entsha. Kwaye ke yonke into ejikelezayo, kwaye ke iminyaka emininzi ndaye ndahlupheka. Ukukhala ngokuthobeka emlanjeni ebusuku, ngokuthula, ukuphupha ngaye, ukucinga ngento esiyiyo kunye - ngokubanzi, yonke into iyimilinganiselo kwaye iyincinci. Kwaye ngolunye usuku ndaqonda ukuba ndilibele ixesha elidlulileyo kwaye ukuba wayekade ehleli ngaphambili, kwindawo efanayo wayenendawo kwaye wayeka ukucinga ngaye, ephupha, ehlupheka ngaphandle kokuqaphela. Kwaye ndaqonda yonke into enjengale.
Kwakhona, ukuba sixolelane naye, savuma ukudibana. Ndandifuna ukukubona kwaye ndibone oko ndivakalelwa. Ndikhathazekile njengesiqhelo, mhlawumbi ngaphezu kwexesha eliqhelekileyo, kuba ndandifuna ukuphelisa iimvakalelo zam, endikhe ndakuyeka ukuzenza.
Ukuvula umnyango, ndabona ukuba wayengatshintshi, ndaziva ndonwabile, andizange ndikwazi ukuthetha naye, njengomhlobo okanye njengangaphambili, ngenxa yokuba sidibana. Imeko ngokwayo yacaca, ngokucacileyo, yacacisa, idibanisa ngogqirha, ingqongqo yam, kwaye intliziyo yam ayizange iphele. Ndandihlala ndizolile nakuba wayethabathela kwam emlonyeni wam. Sasihamba, sathetha, wangibamba, wangidonsa kuye, kwaye ndandivuya, ngokuqhelekileyo yonke into yayivamile, ngaphandle kokuba ndizange ndive nantoni na. Ewe, ndandivuyela ukuba naye, ukunxibelelana, kodwa andizange ndive ndingenalo uthando, intliziyo yam yayibetha ngokukhawuleza kwaye ndandizolile kwaye ndonwabile. Ndazi ukuba xa ndifika ekhaya, andiyi kuluxela, kwaye andiyi kulila. Ndiyomva nje ngomsindo, uvelwano oluthile oluqaqambileyo kwixesha elidlulileyo. Kwaye ndiyayixabisa le mivakalelo, iimvakalelo zokuba ndikulungele ukulibala ixesha elidlulileyo kwaye ndihlala ngoku . Kwaye nangona ndathi ndamrhola kuye ndamanga, ndandingenanto. Kwaye ndaqonda ukuba wayeshiye kwixesha elidlulileyo.
Kubalulekile ukushiya elidlulileyo kwixesha elidlulileyo, ukuhlala kwimeko kwaye ucinge ngekamva. Emva koko, ukuba ingazange isebenze kunye, koko kuya kusebenza kunye nomnye, kuya kuba nomntu oza kunika iimvakalelo zakho, nje kufuneka uvule umphefumlo uze uvumele ukuba ungene, kwaye uvule amehlo akho angayi kuphantsi.
Xa uthanda, ingakumbi xa le ntliziyo ingagqithwanga, kubonakala ukuba yonke into yayo inentsingiselo ekhethekileyo, ngokungathi kuyo yonke intshukumo inentsingiselo efihliweyo. Kubonakala ngathi uyayithanda, kodwa uyesaba ukuyivuma, kakuhle ukuba yintoni enokuyenza, ukuba ngamanye amaninzi, amadoda ethu abonisa indlela abavakalelwa ngayo. Kodwa eqinisweni, siyazikhohlisa nje, sijonge ngeglasi ezinemibala. Mhlawumbi kukho ingqiqo, kodwa kungekhona into esiyathanda ukuyiva. Senza ngokuzenzekelayo. Abasetyhini bahlala bequka ulawulo lwengqondo, olujongene nefantasy. Bafazi abathandekayo! Kubalulekile ukubandakanya loo nxalenye yengqondo ejongene nengqiqo, nokuba ngaba ngabafazi, kodwa njengokuba, okanye njengengqiqo. Awudingi ukwakha iingcamango, kufuneka ukholelwe iinyaniso - intsimbi yedayimane - akunjalo? Nangona ibinzana elithi "Ndiyakuthanda" ngamanye amaxesha likhohlisayo, okanye livakala nje ngathi okanye kuphinda kube yinto yokuzichukumisa. Kodwa njengokuba sele samkelekile, umfazi akayi kuba ngumfazi ukuba wayenobungqina.
Kwaye umzuzwana omnye uphelele. Okanye uqonda ukuba akukho nto kwaye akukho nto iphosakeleyo, akukho buxoki. Nangona kunjalo, kutheni buxoki? Yaye uyazi njani ukuba le mvakalelo yayiyinyani, ukuba ayenakho ngoku? Uthando luphela phi? Nangona ukuba iyancipha, amalahle kufuneka ahlale, anokunika umtshiso omtsha womlilo. Kwaye akukho nto. Uthabatha isandla sakhe, unike ibhatyi yakhe, kodwa kungekho ngaphambili, andizange ndifake iphunga lebhokethi, andizange ndifake ijekethi, ndiyifake, ndandiyifake nje nje nayiphi na ibhatyi. Kwaye ukubanga, okanye ukufana nokubanga, akuzange kubangele nayiphi na imvakalelo. Ngaba ekugqibeleni sinobuchule bokungabi nxanduva okanye ngaba yonke into iyahamba? Kwaye nokuba ithe idlulile, yintoni na? Okanye akukho nto kwaye kwakungekho? Ngaba unomvakalelo onjalo ngothando unokuphela? Okanye ingaya kwabanye okanye kwenye?
Kwaye kunye neengcamango zenye zandishiya ndingazibandakanyeli nendoda endiye ndacinga ukuba, ndithandayo iminyaka emininzi. Kodwa ke ilizwi elithi "ixesha liphilisa amanxeba" ngokwenene liyinyani kwaye liyimpumelelo, kwaye mhlawumbi akusiyo into yexesha, ngenxa yokuba akukho nto yaphulwa, ifana nesiko, sabonana kunye neenyanga ezintandathu kamva, ngaphambi kweenyanga ezintandathu ndaphoswa emkhuhlane ngoko kubanda, kwaye ngoku ukulinganisela kwam kungagqithwanga.
Kwaye konke okufanayo, kufuneka nje uvale umnyango ofanelekileyo, okanye ungayifuni, ushiye umnyango womntu esimthandayo ngaphezu kokuphila. Kuthe inqaku elithi "ubomi obuninzi" litsho kakhulu, mhlawumbi ukuba ndithanda ubomi obuninzi, andiyikuvala loo mnyango, okanye ndandinamandla kangangokuba ndikwazi ukunqoba ukuziva ndingonwabanga uthando. Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukunqoba uthando? Okanye ingabonakaliyo kuthi kuthi, itshise njengebhubesi yokukhanya, ukususela ekugqithiseni iimvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo ezingabonakaliyo kwaye zingabonakaliyo?
Kodwa ke, akungento yinto abayithethayo ngamawaka eminyaka elo xesha litshintshile kwaye ixesha liphilisa, kunjalo. Ixesha litshintsha yethu imbono yehlabathi, kwaye ngoko ke iintlungu zethu zeentliziyo zikhutshwe ngaphandle, sifuna nje ukuba sikwazi ukusinda. Kwaye kufuneka ukwazi ukunyamezela. Simele sikhohlwe ixesha elidlulileyo kwaye sivule iingcango zekamva. Kwaye nangona uke ufike kwixesha elidlulileyo , akuyi kulukhupha ngaphandle, uya kuvuya nayo nayiphi na imemori, kodwa ayiyi kukukhawulela, ngenxa yokuba uye womelela kwaye ngenxa yexesha elidlulileyo akukho nentsingiselo. Kukho idlulileyo kwaye idlulileyo idlulileyo, kufuneka uphile ubomi boqobo, oko kuya kuba yinto ezayo-yile ngongoma.