Kuphi na abantu abatsha abahlala nabazali bomyeni wabo, ingozi yokubambisana ihlala ikhulu. Inkosikazi encinci izisa indlela entsha yokugcina indlu yakhe entsha, engayithandi umamazala. Umtshakazi ufunda nje indlela yokulima, uhlala ephosakeleyo kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, uyabuqonda ngokucacileyo izimvo zowesifazane ongumfazi onamava. Kwimeko enjalo, indoda ayifanele ibe yimiqathango ye-arbitrator (ngesimo sakhe somyeni nendodana, akafanelekanga kwendima enjalo), kodwa soloko ekhusela umfazi wayo, nangona xa ebona ukuba unina, kungekhona umfazi, ulungile. Umyeni kufuneka axhase umfazi wakhe ngokholo lwakhe, uncede anqobe ubunzima bexeshana kwaye avuseleleke ukuzinza nokuzineliseka.
Akukho nonyana, nokuba owona mkhulu omeleyo, ukhululekile ngokupheleleyo kumama. Akasoze amtshele ngokuthe ngqo oko akucinga ukuba angamcaphukisa okanye amvumele ukuba aguqule amagama akhe ukuze akhethe umfazi oselula. Yona imfuneko ngakumbi yonyana, omelele ngecala lomfazi wakhe, washiya yedwa kunye nonina, wachazela iinjongo zokuziphatha kwakhe.
Kodwa ukuziphatha komyeni akusikho isiqinisekiso sokusombulula zonke iingxaki. Impumelelo kweso sixhomekeke kwintombi-mkhwenkwe, ngubani, ngelanga, ngokuqhelekileyo akanakulungele umama wakhe. Umkhwenkwe wokuqala kuqala ugxininisa ekubeni umama wakhe unomfazi othukutheleyo neengxabano, nangona oko akuhambelani nenyaniso, kwaye ukuba umama-mkhwenkwe ngumntu onolwazi kunye nolumkileyo. Ewe, kukho umama-mkhwenkwe noqinileyo, kwaye unomona, kwaye unomonde, kwaye ungakhathazeki ngokungenasidingo. Kuthiwani na?
Umama-mkhwenkwe, njengathi sonke, kwenzeka ukuba athathele, athukuthele, adinga ukunakwa, nangona, njengabo bonke abantu asebekhulile, abanalo ukuziphatha okuthe tye. Ukuba umfazi omncinane uqala ukufuna ukuba umkhwe wakhe alungele kuye, kuba yena, nakuba esemncinci, "unokuzikhukhumeza," akayi kuzuza kuphela into, kodwa uya kubonisa ubuwula obungenakuxolelwa. Umalokazana ohlakaniphile kufuneka azivumelanise nomkhwekazi wakhe, abe ngumlwane wakhe ngamanye amaxesha nxamnye nomyeni wakhe. Indlela eya entliziyweni yomama-mkhwenkwe uhlala kwisimo sakhe somama. Umalokazana kufuneka abe ngumnyameko kwaye athobele umamazala wakhe kunomama wakhe. Wonke umama-mkhwenkwe uyakuthanda ukufundisa nokucebisa, ngoko ke, loo mantombazana angalindelanga omnye "isifundo" afike kumamazala kamcebisi, bacele ukuba bafundise ngandlela-thile, baze bazise ukuba bayayixabisa imfundo yomyeni wabo. Naliphi na umama oziqhenyayo ngokuba wakwazi ukukhulisa abantwana ababelekileyo, kunye noomama onyana - ngakumbi.
Umalokazana unokutshela uninazala, nangona ucinga ukuba unina uye wayigxotha kakhulu unyana wakhe. Ngelinye ilanga umalokazana uya kuba ngumama, unokuba nendodana, kwaye "uya kumisa" unyana wakhe njengamawaka oomama ngaphambi nangemva kwakhe. Kwaye ixesha liza kudlula, unyana uya kutshata, kwaye nanko umntu owaziyo unyana wakhe kuphela "ngaphandle kwexesha lonyaka", uya kumxelela umkhwenyana ophendukela ekubeni ngumkhwekazi wakhe, ukuba "uyagxininisa" unyana wakhe. Ngaba uya kuvuyela ukuva oku?
Kufuneka ukuba ufunde ubulumko ngokusekelwe ekuziphatheni. Umfazi angaqala "ukufundisa" umyeni wakhe kuphela xa uninazala enecala lakhe, xa umama uya kucela unyana wakhe ukuba uya kuthobela umfazi kuyo yonke into. Umalokazana akufanele ambone umrharenyo kumama wendoda yakhe: imfazwe enjalo ilahlekile kwangaphambili kwaye ingenayo nayiphi na intsingiselo. Uthando ngunina nothando lomfazi luhluke ngokupheleleyo. Ukuba nomona wabasetyhini ababini-intombi nomkhwekazi-abazenzi nto nantoni na ngaphandle kobuhlungu bokudideka nokungabi nabulungisa. Umyeni ohluphekileyo uphakathi kwamatye amabini. Nantsi umalokazana unyanzelekile ukuba anikezele. Ukuvumelanisa nomqulu owodwa sele ukuba ubomi bomama buncishisiwe, kwaye kwinkqubo yokuguga nokunyanzeliswa kwezinto ezithandayo, uthando lwakhe ngonyana wakhe luya kuphuma ngamandla. Ikhathazeke ngokukodwa yiphumo kubomama beengcamango yokuba "inkwenkwe" yakhe ithathwa ngumfazi ongowamazwe kwaye uyayilahleka ngonaphakade. Umfazi omncinci kufuneka aqinisekise umkhwe wakhe ukuba akayi kukunciphisa unyana wakhe, ukuba, ngokuchaseneyo, uye wafumana intombi yaye kungekudala uza kuzuza abazukulwana abaza kuqhubeka nohlobo lwakhe.
Ubunzima obunobomi obudibeneyo lweentsapho ezimbini zilula ukulungisa xa abazali nabazali bengathethi nomalokazana wabo okanye umkhwenyana wabo, kodwa unyana wabo nentombi yabo. Abazali baya kuqonda abantwana babo ngokukhawuleza, baya kunxulumana nabo kwaye baya kubaxolela ngakumbi kunokuba abayi kuze baxolele umalokazana okanye umkhwenyana. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abazali bafanele baqonde ngokucacileyo ukuba abanalo ilungelo lokuphazamisa ubomi babucala babasandul 'ukutshata, ukuba ukuphazamiseka kwabo akuzange bafanelane nabo, xa beselula kwaye befuna ukuba bodwa, baphupha ngento ethile, ngoko indlela enye yayifuna ukuba yedwa.
Ukuba kukho intsapho entsha, ukuhlanganisana kufuneka kube yimeko yokuqala kunye nesiseko sobukho bayo. Ukubambisana phakathi kwintsapho encinane, kunye nobudlelwane nabazali. Omnye akufanele akhoxise elinye icala, angavumeli ilungelo labazali ukuba bathathe inxaxheba kulonwabo lwabancinci kunye nokuxazulula iingxaki zabo ngenxa yoxolo lwenye yamaqela. Kuzo zonke izinto kubalulekile ukugcina ingqiqo efanelekileyo.
Abazali, ingakumbi xa bebanjwe umhlalaphantsi, banento engenakwaneleyo kubantu abatsha-ixesha. Oomkhulu nootata banako ukunika abazukulwana kunye nabazukulwana abaninzi ixesha elingakumbi kunomama osemncinci kunye noyise. Kwiintsapho apho abazali bekhulisa abantwana babo ngobunzima, ukuthoba kootatomkhulu akukhathazi, ngoko ke umntu akufanele akamoyike oku kancinci.
Nangona kunjalo, xa abatsha abantu bexanduva lonke lokukhulisa abantwana babo kootatomkhulu, kunye nogogo bekhokelela kwindlu, baqhelisa amandla abo asebekhulile. Iimfuno ezibekwe kuzo azihambelani neminyaka yabo, uvakalelo olukhathalayo luvela ngokukhawuleza, kwaye ukukhathalaza kubangela ukuba utshintsho lwamaxesha onke luye lugxininise, kwaye ngenxa yoko, iimeko ezinzima zokungaxhatshazwisi zivela endlwini ezingenakubekezeleka kubantwana abancinci nabadala badala. Okokuba abazali baqala ngokuvuyisa, ngoku kuba ngumthwalo ongenakubekezelelwa, apho bafuna khona, kodwa abakwazi ukuwukhupha. Musa ukuvumela imeko elolo hlobo.
Iimbambano kulula ukukhusela kunokuba emva koko uzame ukuqokelela ndawonye oko kusele kungaphumeleli.