Mhlawumbi, uhlala udibana ebomini nabantu abahlala bekhononda ngeengxaki zabo, bathi, abazange benze into ethile, okanye, ngokuchaseneyo, benza oko abakwenziyo kwaye abahlali benomnqweno wokuqhubeka bexhumana nomntu onjalo. Yinto enye xa ufanele uphulaphule izikhalazo zomntu osebenza naye kunye nomnye ukuphulaphula intlungu ephuma kumntu ongawaziyo, umzekelo, ngexesha lokuphumla. Kwimeko yokuqala, unyanzelekile, ngokuqinisekileyo, okwesibini, wonke umntu ongenakho ukuphambuka kwi-psyche, uzama ukuyeka ukunxibelelana ngokukhawuleza. Ngoko, awuzange ucinge, kodwa kutheni ungafuni ukuphulaphula izikhalazo zabanye abantu?
Ukuyeka kunye neengxaki zabanye abanomdla kwaye kakhulu kwiimeko ukuba kukho na iingxaki, kufuneka ziqwalaselwe. Umntu ungumkhandi wobomi bakhe kwaye ukuba kukho nayiphi na imibuzo, kufuneka uzincombulule wena, kuba akukho namnye oza kunceda umntu ngcono kunokuba yena. Ukuba uhlala upheqa iingxaki zakho, oku kukhokelela ekubeni into embi iqokelela kwaye ekugqibeleni uhlala ecaleni kwimizimba yezifo.
Ukuba awufuni ukuphathwa, khusela iingqondo ezizayo ngengqondo, oko kukuthi, uyeka ukucinga malunga neemeko ezingekho phantsi kwezinto kwaye uzixazulule. Ukuze ulahlekise ukungahambi kakuhle ngaphakathi kwakho, ngelixa ungaxazululanga nje isizathu sokungahambi kakuhle, unokwazi ukumemezela, nokuba ngaba intombi, umfokazi okanye iindonga nje. Indlela enjalo (ayiphumelelanga) yokuphucula okwethutyana kwintlepheko yokomoya inceda kuphela umntu, kodwa ingxaki ihlala ingxaki, ngelixa umntu obanikezele kuyo ubunzima kuyo nayiphi na imeko unokucinga malunga nawe oza kulungiswa rhoqo, enoba ufuna okanye cha.
Ukunganeliseki ngokwakho kunye nobomi kunokubangela ukuba umntu angayiqapheli loo nto, aqale ukuphanga ubomi kunye nabanye, kwaye ixesha elingachithwa ekuxazululeni ingxaki ethile liya kuchitha inkunkuma. Ukuba ubona ukuba umntu oye wanquma ukuthetha naye uzama ukuphuma kwintetho kwaye unobomi obunganelisekanga, kuthetha ukuba wenza into engalunganga kwaye ngoku umbuzo uvela ukuba bekufanelekile ukuba uqale incoko nhlobo.
Ewe, kukho izizathu ezininzi zomntu onganelisekanga, kodwa omnye akafuni ukuzingca kwaye ahlale ethetha ngeentlungu zakhe, kuba umntu oqhelekileyo ukuphulaphula isihlwele uya kuqala ukukhathazeka, kwaye ngokubanzi uya kulahlekelwa ngumdla kwaye ekugqibeleni uzame ukuphepha ukuthetha ngesizathu esithile. Abantu bathanda ukuphulaphula ulwazi oluhle ngakumbi, kwaye alukho nkcenkcesha, kodwa ukuba xa uphulaphule ulwazi oluchanekileyo, kwaneemeko ziphucula, kwaye kuninzi ukuthetha nomntu onomdla othe tye kunokuba yi-whiner.
Ekugqibeleni, abanye abantu bazama ukuzilalisa ngokuthetha ngeengxaki, kodwa bengayisombululi, ngoxa abanye, ngokuchaseneyo, benza kwaye bayilahle, oko kuthetha ukuba iingxoxo ziyachitheka ize, ziba negalelo elithile kwithuba kwaye ngaphezulu, ngoko "ukuthetha ingxaki" akuyona indlela yokuyixazulula kwaye ayinyani.
Ngoko, uyifumana njani indlela yakho yokusombulula iingxaki ngexesha lobomi?
Hayi, kodwa akukho zikhetho zendalo jikelele, kuba nganye imeko iyodwa, kodwa kukho i-algorithm enomdla yezenzo, ukuphulaphulela apho, unokuzondeza ngokusondeleyo kwinjongo.
Into yokuqala okufuneka uyenze kukuba uzibhengeze engqondweni yakho okanye ubhale phantsi kwiphepha leendlela ezininzi zokusombulula imeko ephikisanayo.
Emva koko, sigqibo malunga nexesha (ubuninzi kunye nobuncinci) ocinga ukuba uya kuxazulula imeko, njengoko besithi, beka ixesha, kakuhle, zama ukuyigcina.
Ukuba awukwazi ukuyicombulula le ngxaki, zama ukufumana iindlela ezininzi zokuyicombulula, ukuba ixazululwe ngecala, ke oku kungumphumo, uzame, kodwa ukuba ufumene into yakho kwaye ufumene impendulo engalunganga okanye eyiyo, unokuhlaziya, kukho umphumo.
Ngoko, ingxaki yakho ihleli ngexesha elidlulileyo kwaye uqala ngamandla ngokuchitha ixesha kunye nempilo ngokucinga ngale ndlela: "kwenzeka ntoni ukuba ..." njalo njalo. Kubalulekile ukuyeka, ngenxa yokuba loo nto inomdla iya kubangela nto, imbali isele idlulileyo, umntu kufuneka acinge ngekamva kwaye enze. Thatha usebenziso lomzimba, luya kukuphazamisa, kwaye luzise iziphumo zalo, kakuhle, ekupheleni, luya kuvuya.
Funda ukuzibona ngaphandle, ukuphuhlisa izinga eliphezulu lokuzithiba, kuba kuphela kule meko uyeka ukumba ngexesha elidlulileyo kwaye ucinge ngento engalunganga. Amandla okuphila ayidingi ukuba acatshulwe ngokucinga malunga noko kwenzeka ntoni ukuba, kuyingozi kakhulu. Kufuneka udibanise kwizinto ezintle, nokuba ngaba i-negative ayiyi kuphuma entlokweni yakho, fumana into entle yakho kwaye yenza ibe yintloko yeengcamango zakho. Ukuze ungazitshabalali ngaphakathi ngaphakathi, thintela ekucingeni okulungileyo, kuba kufuneka ube nesistim sokuzimela. Isimo sangaphakathi somntu sincike kuphela kuyo, ngoko kufuneka ujonge kwizinto ezilungileyo.
Ukwazi ukuzilungelelanisa nakwimeko elungileyo, kulungile, kuthekani ukuba abantu abanengxaki bangqonge? Ewe, kukho iimeko xa i-negative isaphunyuka, kodwa ukuba ufunda ukuhlakulela indlela yokuphila enhle (ukuba ingavelwanga ukususela ebuntwaneni), unokunciphisa umonakalo owufumanayo ukuthetha naye.
Abantu abaye bacinga ngezinto ezimbi baye bahlala kwaye baya kuba, luhlobo olunikezwayo kwaye lufanele luphathwe ngokuzinzileyo (ukuba, ngokuqinisekileyo, kunamandla okwaneleyo okuphulaphula into engafanelekanga) kwaye uvumele ukuba zonke zihambe ngeendlebe. Ukucinga ngokuqinisekileyo, kufuneka usebenze kanzima kwaye unzima ngokwakho kokubili ngokomzwelo nangokwenyama, kwaye ngokuphindaphindiweyo ube nobuvila obukhulu.
Ulwazi olungalunganga luyinto engenakuncedo, luyabhubhisa kwaye luyingozi, ngoko kufuneka ubencede. Ukuba awukwazi ukuphulaphula umnxibelelwano wakho ongeyonto engqondweni, cima ixesha kunye nethuba lokunxibelelana naye kwaye unqabise ngokucacileyo ukuba unomdla nakweminye imixholo yengxoxo.
Ukukhulula kumnxibelelwano ingcamango enomgangatho ongaqondakaliyo, ukuba iingcamango ezimbi zibonakaliswa ngobomi bokwenene kwaye ziyimbangela yokungaphumeleli. Ukuba ufuna ukukunceda unxibelelwano, cinga izixazululo ezininzi kwiimeko zakhe kwaye ukuba uyayigatya iziphakamiso zakho, vele uguqulele ingxoxo kwenye isihloko, kuba kucacile ukuba umntu akanomdla ekuxazululeni ingxaki, kodwa ufuna ukumkhalazela aze azenzele, kwaye ngoko Siyazi ukuba iingxoxo ezinjalo azikho nto.
Ngoko, senza izigqibo zokuyeka ukucinga ngezinto ezimbi ozidingayo: Zisebenze rhoqo, ngelixa uzama ukugxininisa kangangoko kunokwenzeka kwizinto ezimbi, cinga ngezinto ezilungileyo.
Kwiimeko ezintle ebomini bakho, akudingeki ukuba ugxininise ngakumbi kwaye uzame ukulibala konke okukhawuleza, ngelixa uqonda ngokucacileyo ukuba ukucinga ngento engalunganga, unokulimaza umzimba wakho. Isimo sengqondo esilungileyo sobomi yintsebenziswano ebalulekileyo yokuphila. Ukuba kukho ingxaki, kufuneka ukhethe ngokukhawuleza kwaye uyamkele ngokukhawuleza njengoko uyayiqonda kwaye uyiqonde, cwangcisa isicwangciso senkqubo sokupheliswa kwayo, qalisa ukuphunyezwa kwayo, ngelixa ungakhohlwa ukuchitha ubuncinane iiyure ezingama-2 ngemini emoyeni omtsha, kwaye ungenise kwinto yakho yemihla ngemihla , qalisa ukwenza i-gymnastics okanye nayiphi na indlela yokuzivocavoca. Zama ukuzikhawulela kwizinto ezingalunganga kwaye nakuphi na umzekelo ungayithandi.
Ngokubhekiselele kubantu abangacingi kakuhle, ufuna ukujikeleza wonke umntu, kufuneka ulwamkele ubukho babo, uqonde ukuba ininzi yabo ayiyi kwenza nantoni na ukuphucula isimo sabo sengqondo nesengqondo, kuba lo msebenzi unzima. Bakhetha ukuxoxa ngeengxaki, kodwa musa ukuzixazulula. Unxibelelwano nabantu abanjalo kufuneka uzame ukuzisa ingxoxo kwisitishi esihle okanye utshintshe ngokutsha isihloko sencoko. Musa ukuphendula kwiingcamango zabo ezimbi kwaye uzame ukungathathi yonke into evezwe entliziyweni, kodwa ungayikhathaleli. Unokwenza isisombululo sakho kwingxaki yomntu ongeyena ongathandabuzekiyo, ngelixa usebenzise ukukhutshwa kunye nenqokelela, oko kukuthi, umhlobo wakho unenkinga enjalo kwaye wagqiba ngolu hlobo lulandelayo, kodwa ukuba akaphulaphuli uluvo lwakho, ke ushiye imizamo yakhe yokunceda kwaye Shintsha ingxoxo kwenye isihloko. Amandla angalunganga avela kwi-interlocutor, nangayiphi na imeko, ayiluncedo kuwe kunye nemvakalelo emibi ingaba yimbangela yezifo, ngoko uzama ukuzikhusela kwi-negative evela ngaphandle, uze uzame ukuzicingela ngokwakho.