Uyazi njani ukuba umtshato wakho uzinzileyo?

Kungekudala lo mbuzo uvela kumnye wabatshatileyo. Kwaye ekuzameni ukufumana impendulo, siqala ngokucokisekileyo ukuhlalutya iingxabano ezincinane, ukuhlambalaza okukhulu kweeveki zakutshanje, sikhumbule ngokuphindaphindiweyo amaxesha amaninzi esiye sabandakanyeka kulo xesha lezesondo ... Kodwa kwiintsapho ezininzi ezinonwabileyo ezinamandla zikhona iingxabano. Kulapho, kwaye ubudlelwane bezesondo buya kuba njengesiqhelo kwiibini ezitshatileyo. Yiziphi iimpawu onokuzifumana ukuba umtshato usekupheleni kokuwa? Iingqungquthela - kungekhona uphawu lokuqhawula umtshato
Amandla ezinxulumano zentsapho awaxhomekeke ekubeni kukho ukuxabana kule ntsapho. Kuma-paire akhuselekileyo kunye anamandla, amaqabane ngamaxesha angakwazi ukuxabana aze afumane ngamandla ukulwa. Kutheni iintsapho ezinjalo zihlala ixesha elide kwaye zivuya, ngelixa abanye emva kwexesha bahlukana? Kuya kuphazamiseka ukucinga ukuba xa abafazi baxabana, ngoko ke umtshato ongonwabileyo. Emva koko, ezinye zifana nokutshisa, kwaye izibini ezinjalo zingaphila kunye nobomi obude. Kubalulekile ukuba iimbambano azizukufumana ixesha elide kunye nobunzima, ukwenzela ukuba amaqabane afumane indlela evelisayo kwimpikiswano yawo, angavuma ukukhetha okukhethiweyo, okuqwalasela iinjongo zombini. Enyanisweni, ingxabano yindlela yokuphuma, ukuphazamiseka kwamandla. Kwaye xa le gunya lichithwa, abafazi bathetha kwaye bafika kwinto ethile - kukuhle. Kodwa xa ingquzulwano isisigxina samandla, iyanciphisa ukuxhatshazwa kuphela, kodwa akukho nto ixazululwayo, akuyiyo imveliso, ingxabano embi. Ngethulo kunye nomtshato wonke umntu unombono wakhe wobomi bentsapho obonwabileyo kunye nokulindela okungafanekiyo. Enye yeendlela zokupheka umtshato oqinileyo kwaye uphumelele kukuba umntu akaphoqeleli omnye ukuba ahlambe. Onke amabali malunga nendlela elinye iqabane eliye lagxininisa ngayo, kunye nelinye iyakwamkelwa, lidla ngokugqitywa kunye nokuphuka kobudlelwane.

Sichitha ixesha elifutshane kunye
Uqaphele ukuba usuke uhamba kunye nomnye, wayeka ukuziva unelisekile ngobomi bakho kunye kunye nokuchitha ixesha elincinci kunye ncinane ... Xa ulwalamano lushiya intshutshiso, kwaye oku kwenzeka ngokukhawuleza, oku akusona uphawu lomtshato osondeleyo. Kodwa ukuba ungekho ulwalamano olusondeleyo phakathi kwakho, awuve uvakalelwa ngumsindo, uthembele, uhlonela iqabane lakho - le ngenye yempawu yokuba isibini sakho sisengozini kwaye kufuneka uthathe amanyathelo okukhawuleza ukugcina umtshato.

Sinobudlelane kunye, kwaye sodwa
Uninzi kangakanani ukwazi ukugcina umda weqabane, kwaye yena-lakho? Ngaba unokukhusela isikhundla sakho kwingxabano kunye neqabane lakho? Amandla olwalamano lwethu luxhomekeke kulo mkhono. Xa sitshata, asiyekanga ukuba ngumntu onomdla wakhe. Ngako oko, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba ukwazi ukutshata, ukuhlala ulingane ngokubambisana. Isiphumo salo mitshato apho omnye wabalingani bazincama ngokwabo, balala, bayaziwa. Kule meko, kufuneka silinganise phakathi kwezinto ezithandayo kunye nesidingo sokwakha uluntu kunye nomlingane obizwa ngokuthi "thina."

Ngendlela amaqabane awazi ngayo ukuziva umda womnye. Ngokubhekiselele ekuqondeni kwethu, sisondele kangakanani ukuya kwelinye, sigcina umda wokuhambelana nokuhlukana.

Oku kuthetha ukuba ngamnye wethu ufuna ixesha lakhe, xa unokwenza into oyithandayo ngokuhlukileyo kwiqabane lakho. Ukuba ayithethi, ngokukhawuleza okanye ngokukhawuleza kuza kuqhuma ukuqhuma.

Ukulala ngesondo
Ubomi bakho obusondeleyo buye lwaba nzima kwaye lukhulu, njengangaphambili. Ngaba oku kuthetha ukuba isibini sakho sisesengozini? Oku kuyinyaniso. Emva kwakho konke, ukunyuka komnye ngaphandle kokufumana ubungqina obusondeleyo obushukumisayo, ulahlekelwa ngumdla kwisini kunye nomnye. Kodwa ukuxela ngokungathandabuzekiyo ukuba izihlandlo ezingaqhelekanga zobudlelwane obusondeleyo bubonakaliso obungozi, akunakwenzeka. Kwiidolophu ezinkulu, umzekelo, ezifana neMoscow, izibini ezitshatileyo sele zitshatile, kungekhona ubomi obusondeleyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, izibini ezinjalo ziza kumthandi kwaye zithetha ngokungaboni ngesini okanye ukwenza okungafanekiyo. Kodwa ngethuba le ncokola nabo kuyacaca ukuba amaqabane akanalo ixesha okanye amandla kulo, kuba isigqi sobomi kwisixeko sikhulu siphepha sonke. Ubudlelwane bobulili kwimitshato enjalo buya kuqalwa kuphela kwiholide. Into ebalulekileyo kukuba ukuba ababini abalingani abanalo umnqweno, akukho nto inokukhathazeka ngayo. Kodwa ukuba enye inomnye kwaye enye ingenjalo, ngoko sele sele isisayine sokuba umtshato wakho useyingozi.

Iimpawu kunye neempawu zokuqhawula umtshato kwangaphambili
ULeon Tolstoy wayenobungqina bokubhala: "Yonke intsapho evuyayo, intsapho nganye engonwabileyo ayiyivuyo ngendlela yayo." Iintsapho ze-psychotherapists zikholelwa ukuba umbhali kwinxalenye yesibini yegama elidumile ... wayephosakele. Inye indlela ibangela ukuwa kobomi bentsapho. Isiphetho esifanayo safikelelwe ngumntu waseMelika wezengqondo zengqondo, uprofesa wengqondo kwengqondo uJohn Gottman. Iminyaka eyi-16 ebhokisatri yakhe wayethetha kunye nezibini, wabhala iingxoxo zabo. Ngokusekelwe kwimiqulu eqokelelweyo, wenza izibonakaliso neempawu, esekelwe apho, kunokwenzeka ukuba uchaneke ngokucacileyo - uphumelele kuma-91% ukuqikelela kungekhona nje kuphela ukuba idilesi ethile iya kuqhawula, kodwa nangona kwenzeka ntoni.

I-CRITICISM
Ukuba ingxabano yakho iqala ngokugxeka ngokukhawuleza kwaye akunandaba, iqabane lakho likugxeka okanye uhlasela. Kwimeko apho imbambano ilawulwa ngokuqala kanzima, ngokuqinisekileyo iphela ngokungafanelekanga. Ukuba impikiswano ikhethe phakathi kokugxekwa kunye nesikhalazo, sebenzisa isibini. Le ndlela yokuziphatha ikhethwayo.

UNON-RESPECT
Kwixesha lempikiswano, amaqela asebenzisa amaqhinga kunye neengcamango, ezibonisa ukungahloneli. Oku kumcaphukisa umnxibelelwano kunye nokuphelisa ubuhlobo, kuba elinye iqabane liqonda ukuba elinye liyancibilika naye. Akukhona nje ngamazwi, kodwa ngokubhekiselele kubuso. Nokuba ukukhutshwa komfanekiso kwamehlo kunokukhokelela ekuqiniseni ukuxabana.

UKUFUNEKA
Eyona nto inengqiqo kule meko kukuba ithathe isikhundla sokuzikhusela. Kodwa amaqhinga anjalo ayifuni ukufezekisa umphumo oyifunayo. Umlingani ohlaselayo akahlezi phantsi kwaye akaxolisi. Ngokuxhomekeka, ukukhusela, ngokwenene, indlela yokumangalela iqabane.

WALL
Xa ukunyuka kwembambano kufikelele kwisigxina sawo, ngoko ngezinye iinkalo elinye lamalungu alingabandakanyekanga kwinkqubo, ehleli, ekhangele phantsi kwaye engathethi nto. Umntu ohlala kwiimeko ezizimeleyo uziphatha njengokungathi umceliyo owamxelelayo akamthandayo. Wabuya, wakha udonga lwengqondo, wazivala. Akasafuni ukuthetha nokuxoxisana.

BODY OF BODY
Umzimba wethu uphendule kwimpikiswano. Enye yeempendulo ezibonakalayo ngokubonakalayo yintliziyo enamandla, ngaphezu kwe-100 beats ngomzuzu. Ukuthelekisa, izinga lentliziyo eliqhelekileyo lendoda eneminyaka engama-30 ubudala, lineminyaka engama-76 ubudala, kwaye kwintokazi eneminyaka eyi-82. Ukongeza, iinguqu ze-hormone ziphawulwe, ukukhululwa kwe-adrenaline egazini kubangela ukunyuka kwempikiswano ... Kodwa nangona kubonakala ngathi yonke into iphelile, umtshato ungagcinwa. Isihluthulelo sokuvuselela ubudlelwane akusiyo indlela ulungisa ngayo ukungaboni ngaso, kodwa indlela ohambelana ngayo kwimeko yobomi bemihla ngemihla.