Iingxaki zikhula njengebhola le-snowball: ukukhala kwabo kubazali, kungekhona umnqweno wokuva nokuzalisekisa izicelo zabazali kubantwana. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba umntwana wayeka ukuphulaphula?
Kwaye sithetha ntoni ngegama elithi "thobela"? Ukuzaliseka okungenamlinganiselo komntwana ngabo bonke abazali bathi? Ayikho indawo, umbono wakho ngomntwana? Ukuncitshiswa, naziphi na izinto zokuzimela? Ndicinga ukuba sifuna ukukhulisa abantwana bobabini bathembekileyo kwaye bahloniphekile, kwaye banengqiqo, banemilinganiselo, kwaye bayayiphendula, ukuze singabi neentloni ngabo. Kodwa nantsi indlela yokwenza oku kunye nokwenza ntoni xa umntwana eyeka ukuphulaphula? Le sele sele iindlela zemfundo.
Yintoni oyenzayo xa umntwana wakho eyekile ukuphulaphula? Ukuqala, kufuneka uzibuze imibuzo embalwa:
- Kutheni umntwana engayiphulaphuli?
- Yintoni umntwana ofuna ukuyizuza ngokuziphatha okunjalo?
- Indlela yokusabela ngayo kubazali ngokungathobeli umntwana?
- Ngaba ndifanele ndijezise umntwana wakho?
- Ngaba kungcono ukuba utshintshe umgca womsebenzi kwaye uphazamise umntwana kwizinto ezibangele abahlaziyi kunye na?
- Mhlawumbi sifanele siyihobise loo nkohliso?
Xa uphendula le mibuzo, kufuneka ube ninyanisekile, ngaphezu kwakho konke. Ngoko xa uphendula umbuzo wokuqala, kudla njalo, ukwenzela ukuba abantwana baqale babe ngabangenangqondo kwaye bangabaphulaphuli abazali babo, ukuze bancede, kuba oomama kufuneka bakpheke baze bahlambe, baye emsebenzini, baphume, kwaye baninzi, kwaye ngeli xesha umntwana ushiywe kuye. Kwenzeka ukuba abantwana basithinte, oko kukuthi, sibeka iminqweno yethu ngaphezu kweminqweno yomntwana. Ngoko, endaweni yokufunda incwadi kumntwana okanye ukudlala nayo, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba sikhulume nomhlobo kwifowuni, sihlale kwikhompyutheni, siye kwindawo yokuthenga, ubukele iTV kunye nezinto ezifana.
Xa uphendula umbuzo wesibini, kuyimfuneko ukuqwalasela kwakhona, okokuqala, ukuziphatha kwakho: uyamkhathalela kakhulu umntwana, kwaye ufuna ukuba unobuthathaka umgcini wakho wokugcina; okanye ngenye indlela, ufuna ukuba umnike ingqalelo encinane; Okanye uye wamcaphukisa, umzekelo, abazange bazalise isithembiso esinikwe kuye (bathembisa ukuthenga ithoyiyithi emva kokufumana umvuzo, kodwa bayalibala malunga nayo ngokukhuselekileyo) kwaye ngoku uyanithengela yona; Mhlawumbi umntwana ufuna nje ukuzimela ngokwakhe ngale ndlela aze abonise ukuzimela;
Uninzi lweengqondo zincoma, xa uphendula lo mbuzo, ukusebenzisa iimvakalelo zabo ezijongene nale meko, ngoko:
- Ukuba uyacaphuka, umntwana unganakucingisisa.
- Ukuba uvakalelwa ngumsindo, ngoko umntwana uya kukhanyela ukuthanda kwakho.
- Ukuba ukhutshwe ngumntwana, ngoko kwenzeka ukuba, umntwana uyabuyisela.
- Ukuba uphelelwa yithemba kunye nokuphelelwa lithemba, ngoko, mhlawumbi, umntwana wakho ufumana ukuhluleka kwakhe kunye nokungenanto.
Abazali bangasabela njani ekubonakaleni 'kokungathobeli'? Kukho iindlela eziliqela zokuphendula, eyona nto yintloko:
- Musa ukunyamekela ukuziphatha okunjalo komntwana, okanye ngokukhawuleza, ukungahoywa.
- Shintsha ingqalelo yomntwana, ukumnika, into entsha, inomdla, ngamanye amagama, ukuphazamisa.
- Mhlawulise umntwana. Ukongezelela, izigwebo ekuhambeni kwazo zikwahluke, oku kukwahlukana (ukuma egumbini elimnyama, kwikona, kwindawo yokuhlambela, okanye ukuhlala "kwisihlalo esithile sohlwayo"), kunye nesiluleko somzimba (ukubetha, ukubetha, ukudonsa iinwele, njl.). , kunye nokuhlwaywa ngomlomo (ukusongela, ukubiza, ukuthotywa), kunye nokuhlwaywa ngokunciphisa ukuzonwabisa, nokujeziswa ngomsebenzi.
Kukho naziphi na iindlela zokusabela zikhona imiba yazo, kwaye kufuneka ukuba isetyenziswe kuphela ngokubhekiselele kwiminyaka kunye nezibonakaliso zomntu ngamnye. Ngoko ukuba umntwana uyisifo se-thoracic, akukho babazali abaza kuvela kunye nokusetyenziswa ngendlela enjengokungamthiyo okanye ukumgweba. Ngokuchasene, ukuba umntwana ungumdala, akunakwenzeka ukuba anike ingqalelo kwenye into.
Ndingathanda ukuhlala kwizohlwayo ngeenkcukacha ezininzi, kuba le ngenye yeempendulo eziqhelekileyo. Ndicinga ukuba akukho mzali omnye othe wangakhange aphakamise ilizwi lakhe kumntwana wakhe, okanye wambetha kumpapa, okanye akazange amthiye "u-mediocrity" kunye nezinto ezinjalo. Yintoni ekufuneka uyazi malunga nezohlwayo?
1. Umntwana kufuneka azi ukuba kutheni wajeziswa.
2. Musa ukujezisa ngomsindo.
3. Khumbula ukuba izenzo zakho kufuneka zihambisane.
4. Musa ukujezisa ukuziphatha kakubi kabini.
5. Usohlwayo kufanele kube ngolu hlobo.
6. Usohlwayo kufuneka kube ngumntu ngamnye (kungekhona bonke abantwana abafanelwe ukuhlwaywa okufanayo, ngoko ke abanye banokwanela ukuwayeka umsebenzi wabo ozithandayo kwaye ukuqonda ngokungahambi kakuhle kwesenzo kuya kuza, kwaye abanye bakwanele ukuwabeka ekhoneni.)
7. Umntwana akufanele abone ukuba unokungabaza ukuba uyayifumana okanye ayiyi, ukuba umjezise.
8. Isijeziso akufanele sihlazise umntwana, kodwa kufuneka siphumelele ekuqondeni ukungalunganga kwalolu okanye lo msebenzi.
9. Ukuba oko kwenzeka ukuba ujezise umntwana kwimeko echaphazelayo, kwaye uqaphele ukuba uphosakele, kuya kulungile ukuxolisa kwisigwebo, ngaloo ndlela uza kubonisa ukuba nawe unako ukwenza iimpazamo uze uvume iimpazamo zakho, yilokho ufundisa umntwana wakho.
10. Emva kwesigwebo, musa ukukhumbuza umntwana malunga nento eyenzeka ngayo yonke imihla.
11. Ngayiphi na isohlwayo, umntwana kufuneka azi ukuba uthanda, kwaye awunelisekanga kuphela ngezenzo zakhe, kungekhona nomntwana ngokwakhe.
12. Musa ukuhlwaya umntwana phambi koontanga kunye nabahlobo bakhe.
Kwaye, ekugqibeleni, ndifuna ukuthetha ukuba abazali kufuneka bakhuliswe kunye nabantwana babo. Kwaye isizathu sokungamthobeli umntwana wakho kukujonga okokuqala, kwaye, xa ufumene, kufuneka ulahlekise kanye kanye, ukuze ungaphumeleli nto ebalulekileyo ebomini-uthando nokuqonda komntwana wakho. Sonke siyazi ukuba nayiphi na umntu kufuneka aqondwe kwaye adunyiswe, musa ukukhazimulisa umntwana wakho, kuba ufuna oko. Yaye khumbula ukuba umntwana wakho uyona nto ibhetele kwaye uyintanda, kufuneka uhlale evakalelwa kukuba uyamthanda.