Ngaphambi kokuba siqale ukuxoxa ngesihloko sokuhlukana, ndingathanda ukucacisa ukuba zeziphi iindlela zengqondo ezichaphazelekayo kule nkqubo. Kwaye nangaphambi kokuthetha malunga nokuhlukana, kufuneka uqonde okokuqala. Kwaye kwangaphambi kokuba kube njalo - ukudibanisa, ukudibanisa, ukudibanisa. Abantu ababini abahlukeneyo ngexesha elithile kunye nakwezinga elithile ngexesha lokutshatyalaliswa kunye nobudlelwane obusondeleyo, luba uhlobo lwenkqubo ehlangeneyo.
Kwiengqondo, kukho igama elithi "libido cathexis". Eli gama linokuguqulelwa malunga "nokubeka umphefumlo" kwelinye (ukuba ngumbuzo wobudlelwane babantu, kuba i-libido ingatyaliswa kumsebenzi). Ngoko, kwinkqubo yokwahlukana, into ebaluleke kakhulu kukususa loo nxalenye yomphefumlo otyalwe kumntu othandekayo. Kwindlela le nkqubo iqhubeka ngayo, ukulandelelana okuqhubekayo ekuhlukaneni kuxhomekeke - kuya kuba le nxeba ephoqelekileyo, inqabileyo efanelekileyo okanye inkqubo yokuvuvukala engapheliyo.
Kukho umfanekiso okhangayo - ukusabalalisa ngendlela elungileyo, ushilo-uphumelele. Kwakhona kukho ukhetho "ukuba uhlale ungumhlobo" kunye nokukhetha "iintshaba ngonaphakade". Ngalunye lwezi zikhethi ziba ngumgibe, ukuba awuyiqondi into eqhubayo umntu okhetha ukhetho.
Ukuze inxalenye iphucule.
Oku kubhekisela kulwahlulo olunjalo, apho amabini omabini aziphatha ngokulandelana kunye nokuthintela. Akukho mntu wenza nayiphi na ibango kumntu, "singabantu abadala, sonke siqonde," njl. Akukho gama elinye elibi, kungekho iinyembezi, akukho zityholo. Umfanekiso olingayo ... Uhlobo luni lweengcingo ezinokubakho?
Inkcaso.
Eyona nkulu inkohlakalo eyenzeka ngokungenakwenzeka kwinkqubo yokwahlukana. Kukho umgaqo onjalo, uqinisekiswe ngumsebenzi, - akukho hlukana (ukuphuka) ngaphandle kobugwenxa. Khumbula ixesha elidlulileyo lexesha lexesha. Ukuqulunqa okuqhelekileyo kokuphuhliswa komntwana kuchaza imfazwe yesikhashana nabazali (kwinqanaba elithile). Kubalulekile ukubuyisela emuva ukuba inxalenye ye-libido (amandla angaphakathi) atyaliwe kubazali. Akunakwenzeka ukutshintsha kubazali kwiontanga kunye nothando lokuqala ngendlela efanelekileyo. Nje ngokuba akunakwenzeka ukuba uzalelwe umntu ngaphandle kwegazi kunye nentlungu. Ubumnandi obunzima ngaphakathi kwesibeleko kufuneka phazanyiswe intlungu kunye nokukhathazeka kokuzalwa ngenxa yobomi obengaphandle komama. Ngokufanayo, ukuvuyiswa kobuntwaneni kuphazanyiswa yinkxalabo yentsha ngenxa yobudala. Esi sifaniso sifanelekile isibini sothando. Ngexesha lokudibanisa, abathandi baba yinto enomnye umntu, kwaye akunakwenzeka ukuba aphule lo manyano ngaphandle kwesigaba "semfazwe", esinobudlova.
Ithemba.
Kodwa kunokuba kubekho umzuzu osisigxina ngokuqinileyo, oko kukuthi: "yena (uya) uya kuqonda, uya kuqonda - indlela endikhokele ngayo (ukuziphathelisa) ngokwam imeko kwaye emva koko ...", oko kukuthi, sinokufumana inguqu yemidlalo emibini - bazikhohlise baze bamkhohlise, benethemba lokuba abuye abuyele kunye noxolo lwangaphandle. Naluphi na ukukhohlisa kudinga iinzame ezongezelelweyo, ulawulo olongezelelweyo kunye nokunciphisa iinkqubo zendalo. Kule meko, i-psyche ixhomekeke kuxinzelelo olukhulu. Naluphina, nokuba nethemba elifihlakeleyo, elingazalisekanga, luza kubangela ukuxhatshazwa okongeziweyo.
Isiphelo.
Singaxelela ukuba umntu othi "uphuhlise", uthetha ngomfuziselo, wenqaba ukwenza utyando, ubeka ingozi kwinkqubo engapheliyo. Umphumo wale ngxelo ingaba yinto "bonke abantu (abafazi) banjalo", inzondo ehlabathini lonke, "akukho uthando kunye nobulungisa kulobu bomi" nayo yonke imiphumo yomntu. Ngokuqhelekileyo ukuhlukana okunjalo "okuchanekileyo" kwesi sizathu kukuba ebudlelwaneni obutsha umntu uzama ukujoyina kwakhona, kuba ingxaki leyo ayigxothi, kwaye nangona ixesha elide alinakunceda ukulahla amava.
I ngcebiso.
Ngoko ke, ukusuka kwindawo yokujonga impilo yengqondo, kuyakunceda ukunika ithuba lokuba ulwaphulo lwazo lubonakalise. Kucacile ukuba ukutshaya izitya nokutsala iinwele, ukulwa kunye nezinye iimbonakalo ezigqithiseleyo kukunye okugqithiseleyo. Ngokuphathelele ukubonakalisa ubugwenxa kodwa ngokukhuselekileyo ngokwakho nangomnye uhlobo. Njengezikhetho - ukuveza yonke into ngaphandle kokuxhamla kubani oshiya kuyo, nokuba uxabana, khawula, zenzele umzimba.
Khumbula ibali nge-comma kwibinzana elithi "ayikwazi ukuxolelwa"? Nakuphi na ukuphuka kuhambelana nokunyanzelisa. Enye into enoba iyayifumana okanye ayiyiyo. Umntu unakho unqwenela ukuba uncedo, uphumelele, uphelele okanye uphumelele, onokuyicinezela kakhulu inkohlakalo yakhe. Mhlawumbi akazi nokuba iyakubilisa kuyo. Kule meko, kukho ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo kwixesha elizayo okanye ukuphazamiseka ngokukhawuleza kubudlelwane nabanye abantu.
Ukususela kwimpembelelo yempilo yengqondo, imigaqo yokuziphatha ebalulekileyo kubomi "ngoxolo" ngamanye amaxesha kuyingozi kwi-psyche. Okokuthi, ngexesha leengxaki, ukuziphatha kufanele kutshintshe: into engafanelekanga ukubuza nokuba yintoni ongayenzayo, xa kukho konke okulungileyo, ngexesha lobunzima bezobudlelwane aluzukanga kuphela kodwa luncedo (kwisakhelo somthetho, kunjalo!).
Ikhefu eliqhwithelayo.
Le yimbi enye, inxamnye nokuhlukana "okuphucukileyo". "Isilonda esilumkileyo," esaziwayo ukuba siphulukise kakubi kwaye sishiye isiqhwala esibi. Kwimeko yethu. Kodwa unobundlobongela bubonakaliso bobugwenxa, zonke iintlobo zezenzo ezigqithiseleyo, ezibandakanya iziganeko zokuzibulala, ukulwa kunye nezinye izenzo zempi.
Kucacile ukuba ukufumana ukulinganisela phakathi kokunciphisa ngokugqithiseleyo kobugwenxa kunye nobume obugqithiseleyo kubonakaliso kwaye kunokuba akukho miselo. Wonke umntu uzifumanisa lo mlinganiso ngokuhambelana neempawu zabo. Mhlawumbi into ebaluleke kakhulu ayiyikukhawuleza kule nto okanye eyingozi.
Hlalani nihlobo.
Le khetho mhlawumbi iyona inqabileyo. Abahlobo banokuphinde baphinde emva kokuphuka kunye emva kokuhlukana. Kwaye ngokukhawuleza "ukunyuka" kwinqanaba labathandanayo kwisigaba sabahlobo, akunakwenzeka ngengqondo. Ukuba ngabahlobo kuthetha ukudala umanyano kwiimigaqo emitsha. Kodwa ukuze ufumane uhlobo olutsha lolwalamano, kufuneka uphume kumdala. Iingcali zengqondo zikholelwa ukuba ilahleko ilila malunga nonyaka (ukuba ilila ngexesha elifanayo, elingaqhelekanga, oko kukuthi, ixesha le-subconscious "ukulila" ngokwenza okungaphezulu).
Nangona nganye iqabane elidibeneyo ngokukhawuleza emva kwekhefu lifumana iqabane elitsha kunye nobungqina lixoxisana naye kunye nolwalamano lwawo lwangaphambili - oku kwenzeka ukuba nomdlalo. Ixabiso lomdlalo - ukuba nefuthe elithile kumntu owayengumthandi, mhlawumbi ngokuphindaphindiweyo, ngokuphindaphindiweyo ", ngamanye amazwi, ukubonisa ubundlobongela.
Ubuhlobo bokwenene (kwaye kungabonakali uthando kunye noluthando olubi) phakathi kwabathandekayo bangaphambili emva kokuncinci ngonyaka emva kwekhefu.
Ngaphantsi kwama-pretexts, ubaleke naluphi na uqhagamshelwano nomntu owayengumthandi ubuncinane ngonyaka.
Iintshaba ngonaphakade.
Olu khetho lugqityiwe nezibatha. Kule meko, ingcinezelo ayixhaswanga, kodwa ... uthando. Khumbula, okokuqala sathi xa nje abantu bebumba ibini-inye into epheleleyo, ngaba batyala imali, batyala inxaxheba (ngokuqhelekileyo okulungileyo) komphefumlo wabo kwenye? Kwaye konke okulungileyo akupheli ndawo naphi na, nokuba kuyacaca ukuba lixesha lokuthatha inxenye. Umzamo omkhulu uhamba ukuze ugcine uthando luvalelwe, ezinkumbulo ezilungileyo, ukunciphisa intandane - kwaye oku kunobungozi kwi-psyche, kwakunye nokunciphisa ubundlobongela kumntu owayengumlingani wangaphambili.
Njengokuqala, kwimeko yesine, kukho ukulahla inxalenye yakho (indawo yothando okanye inzondo yomphefumlo). Iingcali zengqondo zithi "ukuzibulala ngokuzikhethela."
Zivume kuwe ukuba nangona ulungele ukubulala "lo mdlalo", yonke into oyithandayo ngokukhawuleza, wahlala naye: izidumbu ezinamandla, umsebenzi ohloniphekileyo ... kunye nomkhwa wokumanga kwindlebe yakho ... awusekho kunye. Yonke into.