Sithetha ngeziganeko zentsapho, iziganeko zobomi - iziganeko zabazali, eziqhelekileyo kwabo bafunda imisebenzi ye-psychologist yaseMerika kunye nesifo sengqondo sika-Eric Bern. "Isimo sobomi-imeko yomzali" - isicwangciso esingenasiphelo sokuphila, apho umntu ebonakalayo ebonakalayo ebuntwini phantsi kolawulo lwabazali, abantu abalulekileyo kunye neziganeko kuye. Ingakumbi "imeko" "inqunywe" ineminyaka eyi-18, kwaye ... izalisekisa bonke ubomi, ngaphandle kokuba umntu akafuni ukuyiqonda kwaye enze utshintsho olunentsingiselo. "Isimo somatriki", esiyi-script esilwayo, siqulethe imilayezo evela kubazali malunga nendlela yokuphila, indlela yokuziphatha kwiimeko ezithile, ziphi na izicatshulwa kunye neemvume, ziphi iipatheni zokuziphatha, imimiselo, ukuziphatha, iimvakalelo, njl. "Aphosakeleyo kwaye ayenqatshelwe," kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, ulwazi malunga nendlela abazali abaziphatha ngayo, into abayenzayo, into abayithethayo, kunye noko bahlala bethule, bafihle. Apha ungakhumbula kunye neemfihlelo zentsapho, ezithe cwaka, kodwa ezivezwa entsimini yentsapho. Kuvela ukuba asizukuzuza ilifa elithile nje, iipatheni (iipatheni) zokuziphatha kwezo zinto okanye kwezinye iimeko, kodwa "zihambisa inyaniso" ngoko kulandelwa amabali kwaye awa.
Isithethe sentsapho , njengezinye iinkalo "zengxaki zobomi-imeko yomzali," zihluke ukuba izizathu ezibonakalayo zokubonakala kwazo ziye zavela kwimvelaphi ebudeni bexesha elidlulileyo, ngokuphindaphindiweyo ngaphezu kwesinye isizukulwana esidlulileyo, kwaye isicwangciso sezenzo sishiye, nangona kungaphandle kubonakala kungenanto. U-Natalia Kravchenko wandixelela umzekeliso, ochaza ngokucacileyo ukuba kuphi na ukuba kutheni iincwadi zeempendulo zivela. Indoda yaqaphela ukuba umfazi wakhe akayikutyha inkukhu yonke, kodwa uhlale uyiqhekeza. Wabuza isizathu sokuba akwenze, kwaye wamkela impendulo: "Le ndlela umama ahlala ekulungele ngayo." Waya kumamazala, wambuza umbuzo ofanayo, waza wamkela impendulo: "Le recipe yavela kumama." Umfana osweleyo waya kumakhulu wakhe, waza wathi kuye: "Ewe, ndihlala ndipheka inkukhu njengaleyo. Kodwa oku kungenxa yokuba ebusheni bam ndiba nesitofu esincinci, kwaye yonke inkukhu kuyo ayifanele. " Wonke umntu uneendlela zakhe zokwenza inkukhu. Kuphela thina, ngokungafani nabazali kunye nogogo kunye noomkhulu, sinokuzikhethela: ukupheka njengoko ufundiswa ukususela ebuntwaneni, okanye uzame enye iresiphi, kuba sinesitya esikhulu! Nangona kunjalo, asisoloko siqaphela okukhethwa kulo mfanekiso wehlabathi.
Ukubonakalisa okulula nangokucacileyo kwimeko yobomi - imeko yomzali - kukuphindaphinda "umgca wobomi" wabazali, kwaye amantombazana aphinda abuyele ekufeni komama, kunye nabafana - uyise okanye abanye abantu abadala, ukuba intsapho yayingaphelelanga okanye abazali babekho ebomini bomntwana. Kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo umzekelo wokuziphatha kwabazali kwiimeko ezintsha kuphazamiseka ngendlela yokuqala. Yithi, unina, enqwenela ukuba intombi yakhe ibe ngumtshato ophumelelayo, umvuselela ukuba ulonwabo lwentsapho luxhomekeke kulona mfazi kwinqanaba lokuba unengqiqo kwaye unako ukulawula ngokuthe ngcembe indoda, kwaye isondo esinamandla ngabafana abangenabulumko. Intombazana ikhula, ifumana imfundo efanelekileyo, yenza umsebenzi wezenzululwazi-kwaye kuvela ukuba ayikwazi ukufumana umngane ofanelekileyo wobomi, ngenxa yokufakela umama-ityala, ukujonga ukuba indoda ibe yindenge ngaphezu kwayo, izama ukukhomba oogxa nabo kunye nabo bonke ithuba ukuphakama kwakhe kwengqondo, kwaye uzama ukuxhaphaza abalandeli bakhe ngokuphumelela. Uya kufuneka afunde ngokwabo okanye ngoncedo lwesazi sengqondo sokuziphatha okungafaniyo nakwimimandla yanamhlanje ephuma kumzekelo wentsapho yobukhohlakeleyo yentsapho, apho "ubulumko bentombi bobufihlayo" buza (xa amandla emphakathini angowamadoda, umfazi uzama ukumthabatha ubuncinci kwisakhelo esincinci sekhaya iindwendwe).
Abantwana bahle ngakumbi ekukhunjuleni oko abazali babo abakwenzayo kunokuba bathetha. Kwaye umama nobaba bavame ukuphikisana okanye baxhathane, kubangele abantwana ukuba baphile ngokulingana no-schizophrenic. Ngokomzekelo, umama ugqugquzela intombi yakhe ukuba ibhinqa ukuze lenzeke kufuneka litshatile kwaye libe nabantwana, kwaye yena ngokwakhe ubhekisela kumyeni wakhe onxilisayo, ukubeka ngokuthobeka, ngaphandle kwentlonelo. Inokwenzeka ukuba, intombi enomnqweno onyanisekileyo wokufezekisa umyalelo kamama uya kukhetha amadoda afana noyise, ngokunjalo ukwakha ubudlelwane nabo abaya kuhlukana rhoqo. Le meko ngokuqinisekileyo iya kuphinda iphindwe kabini kwaye ayikho kabini, iholele loo ntokazi ukuba ibe neengqiqo, njengoko kubonakala kuye, isigqibo malunga nokungabi nantoni kwento yesini. Ngendlela, abaninzi bama-lesbians banesimo esifanayo sobomi-imeko yomzali inqumle into abakhethileyo njengabalingani babasetyhini, abaxhatshazwa ngamadoda.
Olunye uhlobo oluthile olubhekiselele kwimeko yobomi ngumzekelo womzali - umzamo wokuwujika, ukwenza okuchaseneyo, kungekhona njengokufundiswa: ukudibana namadoda angafanani noyise, ukuba afumane umsebenzi ovela kubazali bakhe .... Kodwa imeko ye-antis, njengoko ebhala Bern, yinto efanayo, nje kunye nomqondiso ohlukile. Akukho mntu okanye omnye oya kusenza sivuyiswe, kuba zombini isicatshulwa kunye ne-antis imeko ayinakucinga iminqweno yethu, iyingqayizivele, ayifani nomzali, kaninzi iphikisana nayo.
Nangona imeko ye-antis yindawo eqhelekileyo yokwakhiwa komntu (kwaye kungekhona umzali) wendlela yokuphila. Ngokuqhelekileyo ukulwa nokuziphatha ngokwesondo kubonwa kwintsholongwane.
Inyaniso yokuba lo mzekelo okanye umzekelo wokuziphatha awusiwo kuthi ungabonwa ngethuba lokuba ibali eliphindaphindiweyo lisithintela (njengokungathi unxibe iingubo ukusuka kwelinye icala kunye nokucinezela), okanye sele sele unzima kwiingxaki ezinzulu, ngamanye amaxesha kwinqanaba le-somatic. Ngokudabukisayo, ngokuqhelekileyo, iingxaki ezinjalo zisenza sibone ubomi bethu ngendlela engavamile kwaye sibone iimeko eziphindaphindiweyo okanye abantu abafanayo 'abasityelayo' emva kwexesha. Nangona kunjalo, isimo sengqondo sokunyamekela kwiziganeko kunye nokuqwalaselwa okuphindaphindiweyo kunceda ukulandelela. Kwaye ukuba uqonde ukuba ukuba iimbali ziphinda ziphinda, koko kukho into engalunganga kuyo, kwaye kuyimfuneko ukuqonda oko kukuthi, kwaye ukulungisa, ukuba kuyimfuneko, ngoncedo lwenzululwazi. Emva kwakho konke, ubomi bethu bufutshane kakhulu ukuze singabi nako ukufumana ithuba lokuchitha ixesha kwiiphene ezifanayo.