Phakathi kweempawu zesimo sengqondo somntu kwintsapho engaphelelanga, ndingathanda ukuphawula ukuba namhlanje oobawo bathatha inxaxheba enkulu ekukhulisweni nasekunyamekelweni komntwana, ukususela emncinci. Icala eliphambene neengqekembe kukuba ukuhlukana kobazali kuhlangene nomntwana kunzima. Xa kungekho ntata esondelene naye, umntwana akanalo igunya, akukho mntu oya kumisela umyalelo, ukubeka uqeqesho, iingxaki zivela kunye nokwakhiwa komqobo, ukuzithemba, ukuzimela kunye nentlangano ayilunganga kakuhle, akukho miqathango yokuchongwa kwezesondo ezichanekileyo. Ingongoma ebalulekileyo yimiba yobudlelwane bomama kumyeni wakhe wangaphambili. Kwenzeka ukuba akalokothi akhulume nguyise odla ngokuchasene neenkumbulo zabantwana, kuthiwa akukho ntata. Abanye bazama ukutyhila uyise ngokukhanya kakubi phambi kokuba umntwana, ngamanye amazwi, aphephe onke amaxesha athile avela kumfanekiso kayise owashiya intsapho. Oku kungumonakalo omkhulu, kuba umama uphazamisa ukuzithemba, uyabulala isidima somntwana - kunzima ukuzicingela ngokwesiqhelo, ukholelwa ukuba uzalwe ngenxa yomntu ongafanelekanga. Kumele kuqatshelwe kwaye kudunyiswe ubulumko kunye nendlela eqhelekileyo kwimibandela kulawo oomama abazama ukuhlukanisa iimpawu ezintle kunye neentsilelo kumzali kumntwana. Njengeengcali ezidumileyo, umsunguli weengcebiso zentsapho, uVirginia Satir, uthi, kulula kakhulu ukuba umama akhangele umntwana ukuba uyise "mabi", ngenxa yokokuba abafana bavame ukunikezelwa ngokuphuhliswa kwezinto ezincinci, kwaye kuba nzima ukuba intombazana ikhule ukuba icinge ukuba umntu unokuthandeka.
Ukutshintshela indlela entsha yobomi bentsapho - ubomi kwintsapho engenazo isibini sinenkinga enkulu yengqondo. Kuloo bazali abazitholayo emacaleni ahlukeneyo emigqomo, oku akunjalo nangaphezulu, kodwa ukuvavanya ngokwenene "kubantu abadala." Kodwa imeko enzima ikwenza umntwana akhule kwaye azivumelanise ngokukhawuleza. Kuye, ubomi emva koqhawulo-mtshato lwabazali kukuphazamiseka kobudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, umzuzu onzima uba ngquzulwano phakathi kokunxulunyaniswa noyise nomama. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukunyanga impembelelo yokuqhawulwa kwabantwana beminyaka yobudala. Ngenxa yokuthambekela kwabo kwi-conservatism enxulumene nexesha elide ukugcina iindlela zabo eziqhelekileyo zokuziphatha nokumiselwa komyalelo, abantwana banamkela imimiselo emitsha yale meko. Ugqoke umntwana kungekhona njengesiko, kwaye akayi kuphumla ade afana nokuqala. Akusetyenziso ukuthetha malunga nokuba kunzima kangakanani kuye xa ubomi bakhe buguquka ngokubanzi.
Kwiintsapho ezingaphelelanga, ingakumbi xa esi sisiphumo somtshato somzali, ubudlelwane phakathi komzali osele kunye nomntwana unokuhlakulela endleleni, xa abazali kunye nabantwana badibanisana ngamava aqhelekileyo malunga nokuwa kweentsapho, okubangelwa intlungu, intlungu kunye nentlungu. Ukungabikho koxinzelelo, ukuxhalabisa, ukukhathazeka, ukukhathazeka kwemiqobo - le nto yonke into engeyiyo eyenzekayo kwintsapho kwaye ibonwa ngumntwana. Kwakhona kubi kakhulu xa umzali ephonsa umntwana wakhe ngokomzwelo, njengoko ebhaptizwa ekulahlekeni komlingane ebomini, apho abantwana baqala ukubuthathaka ngomphefumlo nangomzimba, abavalelwa nje ukulahlekelwa nguyise, kodwa nangenxa yoko, unina okanye ngokufanayo.
Idibaniso enkulu yinyaniso yokuba kukho abantwana abaninzi kwiintsapho ezingaphelelanga. Ukuba ummandla omdala uziphatha ngokucokisekileyo, mhlawumbi umntwana omdala uya kuba ngumzekelo kunye nesikhokelo kwintsebenziswano yentlalontle kwabancinci. Kuyaziwa ukuba kwimindeni engumzali oyedwa, odade kunye nabazalwana banamathele emoyeni.
Oomama abangabodwa, ukukhulisa abantwana ngaphandle kokuthatha inxaxheba kukaba, ukuphakamisa inkqubo yemfundo kwiqondo elibi. Oomama banjalo bahlala besaba uloyiko kunye nokwesaba: "kungakhathaliseki ukuba ugijima njani," "ngokukhawuleza i-heredity emibi iya kuqala." Emva koko oomama baqala ukuziphatha ngokungqongqo kumntwana, bezama ukuziphatheka "njengotata oqinileyo" xa bethetha nomntwana, ochaphazela kakubi ukukhuliswa komntwana kunye nokuphuhliswa kobuntu bakhe. Emva koko, abantwana abahambelani ngokulinganayo kunye nolawulo lomama kunye nobazali. Inyaniso kukuba ubaba uyayigxeka le meko, kwaye ukugxeka unina kunokunxulumana nomntwana ngokungafuni ukumthanda. Kulo mzekelo, umntwana uya kuqala ukuqinisa amalungelo akhe kwisidingo sokuziva esithandwa kwaye enentsingiselo, esebenzisa zonke iindlela ezifumanekayo kuye, oko kukuthi, ukukhwabanisa okanye ukungathobeli, okanye, ngokukhawuleza okanye kamva, ayeke ukucinga kwakhe, ekuqapheliseni ukulawula konke okusemandleni kwintombi, kwaye akhule abe ngumntu onentliziyo epholileyo . Okanye, ngokuchaseneyo, umzali ubhekisela kumntwana kwisimo senceba, esithi "inkedama ayiyivuyo," echazwe ngokucacileyo yonke into evunyelwe. Esi sikhundla sikhula kwimisebenzi yobugovu, enqwenelekayo kubantu.
Kwintsapho epheleleyo, uyise uvela phambi koonyana kungekhona nje njengomzali, kodwa nangomntu kunye nobomi bomtshato kunye nomfazi. Ngulo mbandela wobudlelwano bobudlelwane obungabonakaliyo kwimeko yentsapho engaphelelanga. Ngenxa yoko, kudla ngokuphindaphinda ukulungiswa kweendima kumgaqo othi "indawo engcwele ayinanto." Mhlawumbi umntwana uya kuzama ukutshintsha umntu kumalungu entsapho, ajoyine umanyano wentsapho, abe ngumgcini weemfihlelo zentsapho kunye neemfihlelo. Ngasemncinci, eli liva linokuchaphazela kakhulu ingqondo yengqondo yomntwana, kokubili kulungile kwaye kukubi.
Esi sihloko sininzi, kwaye akunakwenzeka ukuchaza zonke iinkalo zobungqina bobuhlobo bobuhlobo phakathi kwendoda kwisakhelo senkcazelo enye, ngokukodwa ukuba yintsapho engaphelelanga, okokuthi, icala ekuqaleni lilukhuni kwaye lusetshenziswe.