Ngamanye amabhinqa, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukulawula ukusinda uthando kunye neemvakalelo kuphela nomntu onentsapho. Masizame ukuqonda ukuba kutheni oku kwenzekayo, kwaye njani ukuba ngumfazi, ukuba umntu otshatileyo uyamnika ubuhlobo.
Ngaba iqhwala okanye ingqondo?
Akumangalisi ukuba amaninzi amabhinqa awahendelwa ukuba abe ngumfazi otshatileyo. Oku kunentsingiselo yayo engcwele. Abasetyhini ngokubanzi bafunde kakuhle iimeko zentsebenziswano kunye naloo mntu. Ngoko abaninzi babo abanakho ukugwenxa malunga neengqondo zesintu ngokumalunga nenkosikazi. Njengoko uphando kwiinkalo zengqondo, uthando lwentantathu, apho kukho indoda, umfazi kunye nenkosikazi, ayizinzile, izele idrama kunye neengxaki zengqondo kuzo zonke ezintathu.
Kukholelwa ukuba indlela enokuthenjelwa yokuphelisa intsebenziswano emithathu kukuba wenze isigqibo ngumntu ophakathi kuyo. Kwimeko apho indoda enye idibana nabasetyhini ababini, nguye kuphela okwazi ukuphula inxantathu yokuthandaza ngendlela engcono. Ukuze wenze oku, kufuneka akhethe ukuba ngubani ohlala naye. Iimeko ezinjalo ebomini bobubomi ziyabonakala. Enyanisweni, inxantathu yothando ithinteka ngenxa yokuba enye yabasetyhini ayikuma kwaye ishiya. Okanye, okwenzekayo kancinci, bobabini banokungathembeki kwintanda, kodwa akukho mntu ulungele ukuhamba. Kule meko, ulwalamano lwabathathu luyakudonsa. Kwaye xa beqhubeka beqhubeka, iziganeko ezingaphezulu kwengqondo zifunyenwe ngabasetyhini kunye nomntu ngokwakhe.
Yingakho abasetyhini abazama ukungazibandakanyi namadoda atshatileyo. Ayaziwa ukuba ngaba kuya kukwazi ukunqoba uthando lwabo, kodwa kunokwenzeka ukuba bafumane iingxaki malunga neepesenti ezingamakhulu ekhulwini.
Kutheni amadoda asetshatileyo ephosakeleyo
I-sexologists kunye neengqondo zeengqondo zikholelwa ukuba zineentsipho, zibaninzi iingxaki zabantu. Ewe, kukho ukungafani, xa umntu oqhelekileyo engenazo iingxaki ezikhethekileyo nengxaki yengqondo, ufumana inkosikazi. Nangona kunjalo, i-psychology yesintu yinto yokuba, ngokusemthethweni, ukuba umntu unomtshato ozinzileyo, onobubele, ofudumeleyo, obushushu kunye nomfazi, akayi kuchitha ixesha kwiindawo eziphathekayo. Xa ubuhlobo buvela ebuhlotsheni, uqala ukucinga ngokunyaniseka. Amadoda angaphantsi kwabesetyhini, alungele ukusebenza kwimibutho. Kwaye ukuba abanokungaqondi kakuhle nomfazi wabo, bangazama ukufumana umntu oqondayo. Bangakwazi ukuhlambalaza nabahlobo bamandulo baze baqale ukuthulula iingxaki zabo ngewayini okanye bazame ukuhamba nabo kwi-hobby njengokuloba okanye ukumba rhoqo kwigaraji. Kodwa banokuya kwiindlela ezigqithiseleyo - ukufumana inkosikazi. Ngokuqhelekileyo, amadoda azimisele ukushiya intsapho. Bakhululekile: kwindawo ehleliweyo ekhaya, abantwana abalungileyo kunye nesinye isiqhelo, ukunyamezela, ukulingana nokuzinza. Yaye umnkosikazi unako ukwenza i-pokorolesit, thabatha intliziyo yakho, ugubungele iintsuku zakudala. Ngoko kuvela ukuba abanenjongo ekhethekileyo ngokuphathelele inkosikazi yabo. Kukhona nje umnqweno wokufumana ebomini into elahlekileyo kwintsapho.
Kutheni abesifazana badibana nabasetyhini?
Njengoko sele siqaphele, kungekhona onke amabhinqa aya kuguqula umtshato kunye nomfazi otshatileyo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, abafazi abanelisekile, bephelelwe yinto ephantsi yokuzithemba. Ngamanye amaxesha ngaba ngabafazi, ngenxa yeemeko, besoyika ubudlelwane obusondeleyo nabantu. Ukuba khona kwintsapho kwinqununu kuyamkhusela ekubeni sisondelane kakhulu nomntu. Uvakalelwa ngeemvakalelo ezingenangqiqo kuye, kwaye ulungelelanise ngeemeko zangaphandle, kwaye kungekhona ukukwazi kwakhe ukuthanda. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ibhinqa lixhamla udibaniso nomntu otshatileyo ukuba aphumelele ulwalamano lomntu okanye ingcamango efunyenwe kubazali ukuba bonke abantu abafanelekanga kuye.
Ingqondo yengqondo malunga nendoda, equka ubudlelwane obungenanto ngaphandle kwembopheleleko, kuyafaneleka. Inhlonipho evakalisiweyo yenkululeko yokukhetha loo mntu, ukwesaba nokungaqiniseki kokuthandwa komntu kungabonakali.
Ndimele ndithi, ukuhamba kwindlela yomnxeba kunye nowatshatileyo, lona wesifazane uyancipha nje iingxaki zakhe. Ukuziphatha okungaqhelekanga kokuthintana, ukuphinda kwintlobo yesimo somntu kubangela ukuzithemba komfazi. Kukho isangqa esichukumisayo: ixesha elide elidibana nomntu otshatileyo, uhlawule ukuzithemba. Yaye isezantsi ukuzithemba, ithuba elingaphantsi lolwalamano oluphumeleleyo kunye nomntu okhululekileyo, onqwenela ukumnika ubuhlobo obuzinzile nolunaphakade.
Konke oku kuhlaziywa ngempendulo yendalo yangaphandle. Akunakwenzeka ukuba akukho mntu ulahla inkosikazi yendoda esatshatileyo. Enyanisweni, ngokuqhelekileyo kwenzeka ukuba ngumntu "ongeyena" kwisangqa sahlobo kunye nezihlobo zakhe. Yaye ukuba loo nto ibambelele emsebenzini, inkosikazi ingaba yinto yokuhlekwa yintlonelo kubalingane abangabonakaliyo ekwakhiweni ngokuphumelelayo komsebenzi.
Yintoni enokuyenza xa ufumana umntu otshatileyo
Nangona ubuhlobo obunzulu bobudlelwane nomntu otshatileyo, umntu akafanele alahlekelwe uthando kuye. Uthando aluyonto yokuba sinokulawula. Ngokuqhelekileyo kuvela emphefumlweni wethu ngokumelene nentando yethu, akuyiyo into yokuba iifane kunye namahlaya athandwa kakhulu "ngothando lobubi ..."
Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba utyhafile ngumntu otshatileyo, okokuqala kufuneka ufunde le meko. Inyani kukuba abantu ngoku sele belula ukuphatha imicimbi yobhaliso kunye nomtshato. Ukuba umtshato wakhe ukhona kuphela ephepheni, unokulibala ngokukhuselekileyo konke oku ngasentla uze ujikeleze kwiveli. Qaphela nje: ungathembeli ngamehlo amazwi omntu ngokwakhe, hlola ulwazi malunga 'nokusemthethweni' komtshato wakhe ngohlobo lwabahlobo, izihlobo kunye nabaqhelana nabo.
Ukuba umtshato wakhe wawomelele kwaye 'awuphefumli kakhulu,' njengoko athi, zama ukwenza konke ukuphepha lo lwalamano. Thatha ixesha lokuthetha, ukuba usebenza kunye, zama ukungahlangabezane nomsebenzi. Thatha iholide uze uchithe inyanga kude nayo. Yibani ekuziphatheni ekukhuseleni inombolo enjalo, kwaye ke uya kuba nethuba lokwakha ubudlelwane obufudumele kunye nokuthembela kunye nabanye, indoda ehloniphekileyo neyithembekileyo.