Kutheni kunzima ngathi ukuthetha ngesondo kunye nomnye?

Ukuze ujabulele ngesondo, kufuneka ukwazi ukuthetha ngesondo kunye neqabane lakho. Ewe, apha igama elithi "isondo" libhalwa ngokuphindwe kabini - lixesha lokuba ufunde ukuthetha ngalo ngokuvulekileyo.

Abaphengululi baseOxford baqinisekisile ukuba: abafazi bathetha abantu abaninzi. Sichaza amagama angamawaka angama-20 ngosuku malunga nomyinge wabo omncinane wee-13 zamawaka. Ndiyazibuza ukuba kutheni nge talente eyaziwayo, kusenzima kuthi "malunga nale" kunye nendoda yethu?
Kungenzeka ukuba, ngethuba lolo suku sinobambiswano oluninzi, siyakwazi ukuxoxa ngobomi bomntu bethu nabahlobo bethu ekudleni kunye nomhlobo, kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo asiyivumeli ukufumana iifowuni ezandleni zethu, ukusombulula i-shaft yemibandela eyahlukeneyo. Akumangalisi ukuba ngokuhlwa, silele embhedeni, asinawo amandla okanye amazwi okuthetha malunga noluntu. Ingcaciso enjalo iza kuba luncedo kakhulu, ukuba kungenjalo "kodwa": nangona xa siphumule, asifumani amagama afanelekileyo okuxoxa ngokuphila obusondeleyo. Ngoko yintoni amagama ofuna ukuthetha ngawo ngesondo?

Iingcamango ezintathu zokuzola
Mhlawumbi, ubuhlakani uLomonosov walinga ngeze, xa edala ifundiso yakhe kwaye wacinga ukuba zeziphi izixhobo zolwimi eza kulungelelaniswa nale nto okanye loo meko. Nangona igalelo lakhe ekuphuculweni kolwimi lwakabaluleka, akazuzanga inkulumo ngomlomo. Ewe, akukho ndlela enjalo kwizinto ezinkulu kunye ezinamandla, ngenxa yokuba sonke siyakwazi ukuxoxa ngokuzinzileyo ubunzima bokuziphatha obusondeleyo.

Nangona kunjalo, iingcali kwintsimi ye-psychotherapy zikholelwa ukuba abantu babengazi kakuhle "ukuzola ezintathu", ngokubonga ukuba ubuncinci sizama ukuvakalisa iimfuno zomnye nomnye. Sinyanzeliswa ukuba sisebenzise imigaqo yonyango, okanye isigama sesigulane, esinobuqhetseba. Ayikho enye indlela efanelekileyo yokukhetha ezi zikhethiweyo - into ebizwa ngokuba yimiqulu yamabhinqa. Kukhohlakisayo ukucinga: nantsi nina babini, ngokuhlwa, ukukhanya okungenangqungquthela, umoya wesithandane. Kwaye uthi: "Hayi, ndixhalabile ukuba izenzo zethu zesondo zithande kakhulu kwaye zingabalulekanga." Kwaye uthi: "Ewe, umqolomba wam ngesizathu esithile awufuni ukuthabatha intonga yakho." Ukuzama ukwenza ubuncinane ngandlela-thile ukunciphisa ukudibanisa kwezi ngxoxo, njengomgaqo, zikhokelela kwisiphumo esifanayo: uqala ukuphulaphula, kwaye le ndlela yokunxibelelana, ukuthetha ngokunyanisekileyo, kungekhona zonke iintsana ezinjengezinto ezithethayo ngabantu abadala.

Kutheni na ?
Akunzima nje kuphela ukufumana igama elifanelekileyo, kukho ezinye izinto ezisithintelayo ukuba singathethi ngesini. Uluntu lwangomhla luthumela iimpawu eziphikisanayo: ezininzi izikrini ezibonakalisa i-erotic ziboniswa kwiTV nakwi-Intanethi, ngelixa kunzima ukufumana ifilimu okanye uluhlu abalinganiswa babo abaza kuxubusha ngobomi obusondeleyo phakathi kwabo. Abalawuli nabavelisi babonakala besasaza umyalezo kuthi: unokwenza, awukwazi ukuthetha.

Isihloko sokwabelana ngesondo sisisigxina, nangona sikwazi ukufumana amagama afanelekileyo, asinakukwazi ukuthetha ngokuzwakalayo. EmaWest, ingqwalasela yoluntu ithandwa kule ngxaki: ukubonakala kwe "Vagina monologue" kungekhona ngengozi. Siya kuhlala sithe cwaka kwaye sithembekile kwizithethe.

Abo bantu banenhlanhla abangakhathalelekanga ngombono woluntu bafumana ubunzima obuhlukeneyo. Ngoko, esinye sezizathu eziphambili zokuthintela isibini esivela ekuqhubeni ingxoxo malunga nokuziphatha ngokwesondo kukuma ekuphuhliseni ubudlelwane. Abanye abathandi ekuqaleni baqaphele ngamazwi, besaba ukukhubekisa. Njengoko uguquko lusondela, uloyiko luya kudlulela, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha imibhangqwana iyanamathela kweli nqanaba. Kwaye, ngamanye amaxesha angabandakanyekanga kuphela kwiinkalo zesini, kodwa nakubomi bemoya bomnye nomnye. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, umanyano onjalo unobungozi wokuba ube sesikweni.

Xoxa ngesondo kwaye uthinte ukuphelela. Ukugula kwezigorha zexesha lethu kwathonya ukuzithemba, uxolo lwengqondo, kwaye ngoku lubeka ulonwabo ngobomi bodwa xa luhlaselwa. Abantu bayesaba ukuba ngokuhlala kwabo, abayi kuba mnandi kakhulu kumlingane. Umzekelo, amadoda ayesaba ukuba ahlale efuna kwaye, ngokufanelekileyo, unokukwazi. Kwaye bahlakulela isifo sexhala lokuxhalabisa ngokwesondo. KwabaseTyhini, nangona kunjalo, umdla wokwehla kwesondo uyancipha, kwaye kunye nexesha, kwanexesha elide liyakhula. Nangona sasingenakunamdla kwiimeko ezinjalo zokuya kwi-monasteri, sicele ngokukhawuleza iingcali: yintoni enokuyenza?

Isichazi somntu siqu
Ingxoxo elula kunzima ukuqhuba kunye nomntu osondeleyo ngokomzwelo. Ngoko ke, into yokuqala abacebisa ngezocansi kukuba bafunde ukuvulelana. Abathandekayo bangasondela, baxelele esinye isiqingatha kungekuphela nje malunga nendlela ohamba ngayo imini, kodwa nokuba nabo babelana ngeemfihlelo. Neemfihlelo ezivela ebuntwaneni ziya kwenza. Njengoko ithemba likhula, ukuxhatshazwa kwimizi, kwiimeko ezininzi, kunciphisa.

Kwaye emva kokufumana ukuzithemba, unokuqala ukudala isichazi sakho sesondo. Ngokuchanekileyo kuba akukho naziphi izixhobo ezinikezwa ngolwimi lwethu ezifanelekileyo ukuxoxa ngobomi obusondeleyo, elowo mabini kufuneka afumane amagama alungileyo ngetyala kunye nephutha. Ukufunda ulwimi lothando ngumsebenzi wokudala. Kubalulekile kungekudala ukudala izichaso zakho, kodwa nokuzizalisa ngeentsingiselo kunye nemvakalelo enokuziqonda ezimbini kuphela. Ngakolunye uhlangothi - kunomdla, kwenye - kunzima ukwenza, kuba akukho-algorithm ebonakalisiwe. Kodwa makungesabi ukoyika. Njengakweliphi na iqela elincinci, i-slang ethile isakhiwe ngokuzenzekelayo, kwaye "i-memes" yakho yesini iya kubonakala kwiqela lakho kwixesha. Into ephambili ayikukuphepha ingxaki, ungayigcini nje ngokuba kunzima ukufumana amagama. Yaye ukuba kunokwenzeka, bhekise iingxoxo zesondo ngokulula njengoko kunokwenzeka. Emva koko, ngababugcisa kuphela ababandakanyeka kakhulu kwi shishini labo - banomsebenzi olungeleyo, itemplate, abayilandelayo. Sifanele sibe njengevulekile ngokusemandleni, ukuqonda, ukunyamekela ngokuthandana nomntu othandekayo, ukuze sikwazi ukufunda ngokukhawuleza ukuthetha ngesondo, uze uqale ukuqonda ngokujonga. Ngendlela, oku kufuthi kwenzeka, izazinzulu zaseYunivesithi yaseMissouri zifumene: abantu abatshatileyo bangatsho ngaphandle kwemagama malunga neminqweno kunye neenjongo zabo.