Utsho uDavid Lieberman, ongobuchule bokwenene kwengqondo yokuziphatha kwabantu. Kwaye ulungile. Uphando oluqhutyelwe lufaka ubungqina bokuthi isinamathiselo kwinqanaba lomzwelo lingabizwa malunga nantoni na (mhlawumbi, ukuba omnye umntu uzwelana nawe). Ngoko ke, ngokukhawuleza ukuba uqhelane nomntu onomdla kuwe, kwenzeke ngokukhawuleza ukhangele iimeko eziphumelelayo ukuba uchithe ixesha elincinane kunye naye, ukwenzela ukuba ufunde. Yaye njani ukuwa nothando nawuphi na umntu?
Kwaye emva koko, qalisa ukwenza ngokuzenzekelayo! Kuphela uqinisekile ukuba uyaba novelwano kunye nawe kwaye uya kuhlakulela ubudlelwane, kufuneka uqale ukudlala ufihle kwaye ufune ... kwaye uhlale ufihla ngokufihlakeleyo ade ayeke ukuva nokukubona. Sonke siyayazi lo lawulo lokudala: abantu bathambekele ekubeni banezinto abanako.
Yaye inyaniso yokuba uya kuhlala ufikelela kumntu uya kunciphisa ixabiso lakho kuye. Ukuba yonke imini endleleni yakho kwakukho inqwaba yeadayimane okufuneka uhlale uhamba kuyo, unganakuyicinga ukuba idayimane ibe nayiphi na ixabiso. Kuphela amathuba okulahlekelwa yinto inika "eli" lixabiso. Sondela, uze ubaleke, kwaye abantu baya kuba novelwano kunye nawe banqwenele.
Kutheni sifanele sifumane izipho ezivela kubantu?
Ukuba wenza into enhle kumntu, kuya kukubuyisela kabini ukuzonwabisa. Okokuqala, unelisekile ngokupheleleyo ngenxa yokuba wenza into emnandi kumntu, kwaye okwesibini, wandisa inceba yakho. Ukuze sithethelele imizamo yethu, sisetyenziswe ngokwenza into elungileyo, sisoloko sinomkhuba wokugqithisa umntu kakhulu. Kwaye ekugqibeleni, lowo senza okumnandi, simthanda ngakumbi!
Kwaye ukufumana izipho kunye "nemihlali" eyahlukahlukeneyo kuthi kuya kuzisa. Nangona kunjalo, ngaphandle kokunandipha, sisenokuba nezinye iimvakalelo ezininzi, kwaye akuzona zonke ezilungileyo. Maxa wambi siziva sisicindezelekile. Kutheni kunjalo? Ngenxa yokuba siqala ukuziva ngathi sinembopheleleko yokuba umntu usibona ngathi uyasifanele isipho, kwaye kufuneka siqhubeke sihlangabezana nalo mqathango, kwaye oku akuthethi ukuba umntu onika isipho naye ufuna iimfuno ezithile kunye nokubuya kwizinto asenzele zona.
Kuvele iingxaki xa sithola isipho esivela kumntu esimthandayo, kodwa kube ngoku asiqinisekanga malunga nomfundi. Ngaba uyayiqonda intsingiselo? Xa simthanda kakhulu umntu, siyaqonda ukuba ufuna ukumenza ube mnandi kuye. Kodwa kuya kuba bhetele xa umnika ithuba lokwenza okokuqala, ngoko unokuthandana lula nantoni na.
Mkhangele kakuhle.
I-Harvard yengqondo yengqondo i-Zik Rubin izame ukubala ngezesayensi ithetha ukuba isantya esinokwenzeka sokuthandana nomnye umntu, kodwa ke wakwazi ukufunda ezinye iimbali ezithakazelisayo: kubonakala ukuba inqanaba lothando linokuqikelelwa ngethuba lexesha xa umthandi ekhangele into enomdla wakhe. Wathi izibini ezithandanayo zikhangelana malunga neepesenti ezingama-75 zexesha xa uthetha!
Ukongezelela, abathandi abancinci abasuka kwinkqubo yokucamngca, xa umntu wesithathu ejoyina ingxoxo yakhe. Ngethuba lentetho elula abantu bajonga i-interlocutor kwindawo ethile e-50 ekhulwini yexesha. Le ndlela yokulinganisa uthando ibizwa ngokuba yimpumelelo yeRubin: ubuncinci malunga nexesha apho bajonge khona ngethuba lencoko, kwaye ke unokuvavanya umgangatho wenzala. Abafundi bezengqondo ngabanye basebenzisa udidi lweRubin ukuze baqonde ukuba ngaba isi sibini sihambelana, kwaye ingaba sithandana nabo. Nangona kunjalo, le ndlela ingakunceda ukuba ufuna ukuthanda umntu. Kodwa kutheni: zama ukujonga umntu omthandayo, malunga neepesenti ezingama-75 zexesha. Ingqondo yomntu izakuphendula ngokukhawuleza ukuba uthanda naye.
Inyaniso kukuba ubuchopho bomntu bunomgangatho wokusabela kumntu onomdla wobulili obuhlukile, yingakho siqala ukukholelwa ukuba sithandana, kwaye ingqondo iqala ukunika i-enzyme penyletilamin.
I-Penyletilamine, i-chemical amphetamines idibeneyo, idityaniswa yinkqubo yesantya xa sithinteka kakhulu komnye umntu. Le enzyme iqhubezela intliziyo yethu ukulwa, ukuphazamiseka nokukhathazeka, kwimeko yayo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, awukwazi ukunomdla umntu ngoncedo lokugqweswa kukaRubin, ukuba uqaphela ukuba awuthandi nonke, kodwa ungasebenzisa lobu buchule xa ufuna ukuthanda umntu. Hlola ngokwakho! Iziphumo ziya kukukholisa kakhulu. Nika umntu unomuva wokuthi uyamthanda, ngokuqhelekileyo umkhangele, kwaye kuya kuba lula kuye ukuba avume neqiniso lokuba naye udibana nawe!
Ukujonga ngaphandle? Akukho.
Ukongezelela, kukho esinye isiphetho esivela kuphando lukaMnu Rubin: izibini ezithandwayo musa ukukhawuleza zithathe amehlo abo komnye umntu ogqibe ukujoyina ingxoxo. Kwakhona, ukuba usebenzisa isicatshulwa kumntu ongathandanga nawe, ingqondo yakhe iqalisa ngokukhawuleza ukunika i-penyletilamine, kwaye ngokukhawuleza uyaqonda ukuba uyayithanda! Uhlala uqhubeka, ngokukhawuleza ukuba ukhange amehlo kweso qabane, nokuba u-toga, xa begqibile incoko okanye ujoyine umntu wesithathu.
Yaye ujonge ngaphandle ngokukhathala kwaye ngokukhawuleza. Ukuba unentloni ukubheka ngokuvulekileyo emehlweni akho, ngoko ungasebenzisa ukujonga. Umzekelo, unokubona omnye umdibaniselwano, kodwa emva kwesigwebo ngasinye, jongana nomntu othanda wena, makumqaphele. Oku kufana nesenzo sokulawula - uhlola impendulo yomlingane kwinto eyenziwa ngumntu wesithathu othetha naye-kwaye ngoku ukwenza kucace ukuba unomdla kuye. Yaye ukuba uyayiva, ke ukuthanda umntu kuya kuba lula kunokulula.
Abafundi besuka kwinqanaba lezesayensi.
Sonke siyazi kakuhle kakuhle indlela abajonga ngayo xa beziva bekhwele. Kule nto, yodwa imfuneko efunekayo: abafundi kufuneka bandiswe. Awukwazi ukulawula ngokucacileyo abafundi (esi sizathu sokuba bathetha ukuba amehlo awayakhohlisi nanini). Nangona kunjalo, unokwenza iimeko ezifanelekileyo ukuba abafundi banwebe.
Okokuqala, kufuneka unciphise izinga lokukhanyisa kwigumbi . Abafundi banweba ngokukhawuleza xa ukukhanya kungaphantsi. Yingakho kwiindawo zokutyela apho izibini zidibana kunye nesidlo sothando, kaninzi kukho ikhandlela okanye izibane ezingakhange zikhanyise ukukhanya. Oku akugcini nje ukwenza ubuso bukhangele ngakumbi, kodwa abafundi babanzi.
Iingcali zenzululwazi zazama kwaye zagqiba ekubeni zibonise amaqela amabini ezithombe zeentombazana ezithandekayo kubantu. Iifoto zifana nanye, kodwa abafundi beli ntombazana kwelinye iqela bakhuliswa ngeenkqubo zokuhlela. Ewe, amadoda athi kwaye loo ntokazi kwiqela lesibini lezithombe lalikhangeleka ngakumbi. Uvavanyo olunjalo luphindaphindiwe neefoto zomntu owabonisa abafazi. Iziphumo zovavanyo zazifana.
Abafundi bethu bakwandisa ngokuzenzekelayo xa sibona into okanye umntu esithandayo, ngoko unokuyisebenzisa xa ufuna ukuthanda umntu. Kwakhona, oku kungabonakaliswa ngoncedo lweefoto. Kwaye kulo mzekelo, izazinzulu zanikezela iqela labafana beefoto ezahlukeneyo, kwaye omnye wabo wadibana, apho kuboniswe khona umfazi obunqunu. Kuwo wonke amadoda ngaphandle kokungafani nakwabanye onobuhlobo babenwezelwa. Njalo, xa umntu esithandayo, xa sibheke kuye, abafundi bethu bahlaziya.