Ingaba kukho isidingo sokuphuka kulwalamano? Ewe, ukuba uyayisingatha ingxaki nayo yonke ingxaki, unokukhawuleza ukuba uqaphele ukuba isigqibo somlingane wakho ukuba uthathe "ixesha eliphumayo" linokutshatyalaliswa kwaye kuyisiganeko esinoyikisayo. Omnye akufanele acinge ukuba isigqibo esinjalo siya kuba buhlungu kakhulu kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kubonakale kungenwaxinzelelo kuphela ukusuka kwicala labesifazane. Ukuzingca kwamadoda kunye nokuzikhukhumeza kuya kuba buhlungu kakhulu kangangokuba ummeli wesondo oqinileyo unokude udimazeke kwaye udandatheke.
Nangona kunjalo, isigqibo sokuthatha ikhefu senziwa ngokuqhelekileyo, zombini ngokubambisana kunye ne-unilaterally, kwaye sinokwenza uvavanyo, uvavanyo, isibonakaliso, ngamanye amaxesha kunye nokuqakambisa ubudlelwane bakho.
Okokuqala, xa ingxaki exhomekeke emoyeni, ngaba siqala ukuzibuza ukuba yintoni eyabangela imbangela? Ngayiphi na isizathu esinokuthi imilinganiselo enesiqingatha njengento yokuphumla kwesikhashana?
Ngokutsho kweengqondo zengqondo kunye neentlobano zesini, isiseko sobudlelwane obuqinileyo kunye obuhlala njalo ngokuthe ngqo kuluntu oluthile kwiqondo lengqondo kunye namaxesha angenalwazi. Ngamanye amazwi, yilolu hlobo lwezinto eziqhelekileyo, iimbono zokuthanda kunye nezinye izinto zentlalo-yengqondo ezenza isithintelo esinamandla nesigxininisayo esenza abantu bahlangane iminyaka. Kwinqanaba lokuqala lolwalamano, oluya kufikelela kwiminyaka emibini okanye emithathu, abantu banokukwazi ukukhanga kunye nokukhangela omnye komnye, kodwa xa kuthiwa, i-physiology iya kuncipha, yintoni eyohlala ibambe iqhosha labantu? Ukuba isilwanyana sinqwenela kwaye sithetha, ubulili obukhulu kwakuyisiseko sobudlelwane, ngoko emva kwexesha elithile iingxaki ezinzulu ziya kuqala kwaye isibini sinokugqitywa kunye nekhefu. Okanye kukho indlela yokuvavanya iimvakalelo zakho kunye nenyaniso yokwenene nolwalamano lwakho, ukulungiswa kwekhefu kulwalamano.
Okokuqala, kufuneka ucinge malunga nesizathu salo siqingatha-silinganiselo, thatha ikhefu, kwaye ungaphuli ubuhlobo ngokupheleleyo. Mhlawumbi, kungabikho kwesi sixhumano sangaphakathi esi sizathu? Esinye isizathu esisikhathazayo sinokungenelela kwintsapho yesithathu, kwimeko apho isigxina sakho sesibini sifumene "ukhetho olufanelekileyo" kuye. Nayi, isisombululo esisodwa nesona sisisigxina sisona sithuba, ekubeni ngokwenza ngeli xesha, unokulindela ngokukhuselekileyo kwaye uphinde wenze izenzo kunye nokungaqiniseki malunga nokuhambelana kwakho. Ukuthetha ngokuhambelana. Kungenzeka ukuba uninzi lweengxaki zakho zibangelwa iimfuno ezingaphezulu. Inyani kukuba abantu abaninzi ebomini babo banamava olwalamano oludibeneyo abangabikho abantu aba-3-4. Kwaye, ngokuncinci, unomsebenzi ongezantsi, iimfuneko ezingaphezu kwexesha ngokuphathelele kumlingane. Ngenxa yoko, ukuphoxeka kubangelwa ngenxa yokungabi nento yokuhambelana nomntu. Ukugqibelela ukuba "kukufanele" kuwe, iqabane lakho kunye nolwalamano lwakho, ngokuqinisekileyo uya kuzifihla ekufeni, njengoko, njengokuba uyazi, akukho nto iphelelekileyo ebomini. Kungenxa yoko, kulo mzekelo, ukuphuka kulwalamano aluyi kusombulula nantoni na iingxaki ngokubhekiselele kulo mbandela, ziya kuhlala. Ngaloo ndlela, sibona ukuba ukuhlukana kobudlelwane kubaluleke kakhulu kwisiqingatha-mali, kwaye akusoloko kusinokwenzeka ukuyixazulula, kwaye ngokubhekiselele kwimiqathango elula "ulungelelanise" iingxaki zakho, kwaye nangona kunjalo, ukuba uzivelele ngakumbi.
Ukuba, nangona kunjalo, kwakukho isidingo sokuphuka kubudlelwane, ngoko umbuzo uvela: "Kufuneka kube nini ukuma kwexesha elide, kwaye kufuneka lide ixesha elingakanani? ". Kule ngongoma, ibinzana likaFrederick Begbeder liyakhumbula, elivakala ngathi: - Emva kwentsuku yonke awuzange ube neqatha ngehafu yakho yesibili, ngoko awuyithandani, kuba mhlawumbi unokuba neminitha emibili ukuphuma iphosa malunga nobukhulu bokuhlukana. " Ngokuqinisekileyo, ubunzima beli bhengezo abusebenzi nento ebomini bokwenene, ngokukodwa ekubeni sithetha ngesigaba esibalulekileyo nesiphazamisayo sobudlelwane bakho, esichazwe ngokungaqiniseki nokungaqiniseki. Ngokuqinisekileyo, ixesha lokuhlukana kwesikhashana kufuneka linike unika ithuba lokuba ucinge ngokucophelela, ulinganise kwaye, ngoko uthetha, ukuqonda okokuqala, ukujonga emva. Esinye seziganeko eziyimfihlelo yeengqondo zesintu kukuba siyixabisa kakhulu into esilahlekileyo. Kule meko, ikhefu lesigxina lihlobo lokulahleka, okukuthi xa uthando lwakho luphelile ekuhlaseleni ubomi bemihla ngemihla, luza kukunika isizathu sokuba ubujonge kwakhona, njengasekuqaleni kobudlelwane bakho. Kwaye ukuze uqaphele ngokupheleleyo ukulahleka akukwaneli omnye okanye iintsuku ezimbini. Kodwa ngakolunye uhlangothi, ikhefu elide ngokwexesha elide linokubangela ukuhlukana, xa isantya esiphezulu sezinto eziphilayo sithatha ukuba siye kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo. Kungenxa yezi zizathu ukuba iingcali zeengqondo ziqulunqa kwaye zicebisa ubudlelwane beengxaki zombini zicebise ithuba elifanelekileyo leenyanga enye. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, eli gama lininzi ngokwaneleyo ukucamngca kwaye uqaphele ezinye izinto ozilibaleyo ukuba unothando oluqhotyoshelweyo kunye nothando ekuxhumeni kwakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kuya kukunceda uvuselele ngokomzwelo, kwaye ukhangele umphefumlo wakho omtsha ngendlela entsha, ukubona ezo zinto kunye neempawu ezintle ozibonayo ngenxa yesiso sosipho. Kwaye, ke, uphinde uphefumule kwaye uzive ngamandla aloo xhumo lwamazwi ukuba izibongo zaso lonke libizwa ngokuthi uthando. Yingakho ngaphambi kokuba uthathe isigqibo malunga nomlinganiselo onobungozi njengokwahlukana kolwalamano lwenyanga, bobabili kufuneka ucinge ngenyameko. Ngaba ixabiso?
Kwimeko nayiphi na imeko, ngenxa yeli thuba elifanelekileyo, kukho iimeko ezintathu. Kwimeko yokuqala, ukwahlukana kuya kukuvumela ukuba uqonde kwaye uyayixabisa into ongayiboni kwaye uyayixabisa ngaphambili, kwaye wabuyela ekuthandeni into owake wamthanda ngayo kanye. Kwimeko yesibini, ubudlelwane buya kugqitywa ngokuhlukana, xa ukulahlekelwa kwexesha elifutshane kunika bobabini ukuba baqonde kwaye baqonde imfuno yokulahlekelwa ngonaphakade. Kwimeko yesithathu, umlinganiselo onjengekhefu lesigxina uza kuba yintlinker, kwaye kwakhona uza kuziva iingxaki ezifanayo nangaphambi kokuhlukana. Kule meko, kufuneka ukuba uzicabange wena okanye uqhagamshelane nolwalamano lobuchule ukuze ufumene kwaye ubone izizathu eziphula i-idyll kwinqanawa yakho yothando.
Ngaba sifuna ukuphuka ngobudlelwane kwinyanga ukuze sithandane kwakhona, okanye siphume ngothando? Kulo mbandela, umcebisi omhle uya kuba yintliziyo yakho.