Ndihlala ndisela ubisi kunye nabahlobo bam xa siya kuma-movie okanye nje siphume. Yaye yintoni ephosakeleyo na? "- UDenis, oneminyaka engu-15, uthetha ngomngeni, esiye sadibana kunye ne-shopping center e-Sokolniki. "Ngaphandle kwendoda yokutya okanye ubhiya akukho nto enokuyenza," kwandisa umngane wakhe uSonya iminyaka eyi-14. UDanila ujoyina incoko yethu, phantse u-15: "Siphuza ukuba sihlaziye, siphumule ... Akukho nto yokukhathazeka ngayo, asibabinxila naliphi na ..." Ukuthenga utywala kwisitorethi, kwaye nangakumbi kwi-stall ekwikona , akunzima, nangona imithetho iyalela ukuthengiswa kotywala kubantwana, ngokukodwa kufuphi nesikolo *. Enyanisweni, yonke into ibonakala ehlukileyo: kuba utshintsho lwesikolo, abantwana balawula ngokulula ukugijima emva kwebheriya okanye into enamandla. Abazali banentshwankqiswa yizilingo zabantwana abanxilisayo. Asikhathaleli kuphela impilo yabo, ukuqonda oko kunokubangela ukusetyenziswa kakubi kotywala. Ngamanye amaxesha asikwazi nje ukuba sihlawule njani kwisihloko sotywala, nokuba kulungile ukuba sisebenzise kumanyathelo angqongqo kwaye kufuneka senze ntoni xa umntwana ebuyela ekhaya ngokucacileyo.
Kutheni benza njalo
Abathathu abantwaba baseRashiya abaneminyaka engama-13 no-16 basela utywala rhoqo, kodwa abaninzi baqhelana newayini kunye nobhiya ukususela kwiminyaka elishumi. Abantwana kule minyaka bahlala becinga ukuba abadala ababananto ngokwaneleyo, bahlawule ingqalelo, banomvakalelo wokungabi nalutho kunye nelo lonwabo, abaxhamla ngoncedo lotywala. Iintsholongwane ziyakuvuyela ukukhululeka kunye nenkululeko ezayo ngokuxiliswa. Emva koko, utywala luyindlela ekhuselekileyo yokuphucula. Kunceda ekunciphiseni ukukhathazeka ngokomzwelo, ukulahla iintloni, ubunzima, izithintelo zokunxibelelana. " Ukongezelela, utywala kunye nogwayi ziphela kuphela ezifikelelekayo kwaye ngoko ke iimpawu ezikhangayo zehlabathi elidala. Iintsholongwane zicinga ukuba utshwala benza ukuba bakhulile, ngoko banqwenela ukusela iilazi kunye neziglasi. Ngokuxhuma, ngoko ke, ukuba babe ngabantu abadala, baphoqa abazali ukuba baqaphele ukuba sele beyekile ukuba babe ngabantwana. Enyanisweni, akubona bonke abatsha abafana nentliziyo yotywala, abaninzi abantu bayazihlaziya. Kodwa nangona loo nto iphela kwisifo sotywala, utywala uthatha indawo ebalulekileyo kwiingcamango zabo malunga nokukhula, kuba kunzima ukuba bayeke kwaye bangenakusela ngexesha elizayo. Musa ukunceda nokuthetha ngeengozi zotywala: kwiminyaka eyi-14 yempilo ibonakala ingenamkhawulo. Abaselula abasakholelwa kuthi, abayithathi ingqalelo kwiingxabano zethu, ngoko ke nawaphi amagama abantu abadala abadibana naloo nto: "Kutheni na mna andinako?" Enye into ebalulekileyo kukuba "i-collectivism". Intombazana idinga uluntu olulinganayo, apho ibonwa njengomntu. Iminyaka yokugqibela yesikolo yodwa yodwa ebomini bethu, xa umqondo wokuba yiqela, imilinganiselo ejwayelekile yokuziphatha, uluvo lwabaontanga alubalulekanga nje, kodwa luyimfuneko ebalulekileyo yokuphuhliswa komntu ngamnye. Yingakho, xa uzama utywala, ulutsha luyesaba ukubonakala lungenakulungeleka emehlweni abahlobo kwaye alukwazi ukuyeka. Baphuza kakhulu kunye nayo yonke into elandeleleneyo, udibanise utywala ezahlukeneyo kwinqaba, obangela ukuxhatshazwa kaninzi. Xa kuhlolwa umshini wokusebenza, oqhutywe liqela leengcali zeengqondo ezikhokelwa yiNjingalwazi yeYunivesithi yaseYudan (USA), uLaurence Steinberg (uLaurence Steinberg), abadlali banikwa ithuba lokukhetha: bayeke ukukhanya kwesiganeko sombane okanye umqhubi wengozi. Ukudlala yedwa, abantu abadala kunye nabaselula bakhetha ukhetho olukhuselekileyo. Kwimidlalo yeqela, abantwana abaselula bafaka umngcipheko kabini, kwaye ukuziphatha kwabantu abadala akuzange kutshintshe. Ubungqina bontanga buchaphazela imvakalelo enamandla kangangokuba abantwana benza ngokungazenzisiyo, kwaye umnqweno wokufumanisa ukhulu kangangokuthi ubavimbela ekuhloleni ngokwaneleyo ingozi.
Ukuphendula okokuqala
"Sinabantwana ababini, ophezulu ufunda kwiziko, umncinci usele bakala le-10," kusho uMarina, oneminyaka engu-46, - Mina nomyeni wam sagqiba isigqibo sokuba ixesha elide siza kuhlala sinyaniseka ngokubhekiselele kotywala: ukuba ufuna ukuzama, zama. Ekhaya, ngamanye amaxesha banokusela isilazi yobhiya kunye nathi, maxesha amaninzi umdala wabuza ukuba athenge ibhotile yewayini xa wayesemakhwenkwe aqhelekileyo ngokuzalwa kwakhe. Kakade, asizange sibanike i-vodka, kodwa abazange banomdla wokuzama into enamandla. Ngenxa yoko, unyana oyena mkhulu akaphuzi nonke, ngaphandle koko, uhlala esemva kwesondo, kodwa omncinci wade wasinika isimangalo ... Umbukiso, kufuneka ndithi, wawungekho mnandi kakhulu. Kodwa saphendula ngokulile, akazange amgxeke, wambeka nje ukuba alele ... Ewe, yena ngokwakhe wayesaba kukuba ixesha elide, ndicinga ukuba, ndiyikhumbula eli thuba. " Wonke umntu omdala weshumi akazi ukuba umntwana wakhe wayedla utywala. Kuphela i-17% ecinga malunga nokuba babeza kwenza ntoni xa umntwana wabo eqala ukuba neengxaki zokusela utywala, kodwa abazali abangama-80% baya kuthatha isenzo xa kuvela iingxaki. Abanye bethu banquma imida kwangaphambili, cacisa indlela yokuphepha ingxaki: "Kakade, ndiyaqonda ukuba uphuze ubhiya epaki. Kodwa andikucebisi ukuba uphazamise newayini okanye nantoni na enye-intloko kunye nesisongululo sinikezelwa "; "Kulungile ukuza kubhiyozela ukuphela kwekota ukuya kwikhaya lethu - kwiredi yesikolo kunethuba lokudibana ne-precinct"; "Xa uhamba emanqubeni, ungayikhohlwa kwisitokethi phezulu kwiisanti. Emoyeni ulambile, kwaye kuya kuthuka xa kuvela ukuba ucinge ngewayini, kodwa malunga ne-snack-no. " Kodwa ukuba, emva kwakho konke, umntwana wakho wayenxile kakhulu kwaye kule fomu okokuqala kwakubonakala ngathi emehlweni akho, ungesabi. Ugqibe ukukubonisa ubutyebi bakhe - oko kuthetha ukuba uthembele kwaye ubale ngokuqonda kwakho kunye ncediso. Uninzi lwethu kwiimeko ezibuhlungu zilahlekelwa iintloko kwaye ziwele kumntu osemtsha kunye nokuhlambalaza. Kule nto sinyanzeliswa ngoloyiko, umsindo, inceba, amava enzima kwintsapho, umthwalo woxanduva lwabazali kunye nesimo sokungabi namandla. Enyanisweni, ukuqala kokuphendula kwabazali kukumemeza ("Uyakwenza njani!"), Qala ukufunda okanye udibanise. Eminye ingqungquthela isijwili ("Masibi kangakanani"), ingxabano emntwaneni ("Masiphuze, sidle, senze kube lula"), ihlazo, amahlaya, azama ukunyamezela. Kwaye kunye nezinye izinto eziyingozi ziyingozi. Kwimeko yokuqala, siqinisa intloni kunye netyala lomntwana, obesele evakalelwa kukuba wenza kakubi. Kwaye okwesibini, ngokuchaseneyo, sibonisa intombazana ukuba indlela yakhe yokuziphatha iyamkeleka kuthi, akukho nto eyenzekayo-akukho nto, ishishini lansuku zonke. Zama ukugwema nayiphi na imibono, yenza ngokucacileyo, ngokuzithoba, ngendlela endala. Ukunikela ukuba uhlambe, vula ifestile, ulale. Ukuba umntwana wakho wayenxila kakhulu nabahlobo abaneminyaka eyi-14, oku akuthethi ukuba waqala ukusela. Kuphela nje ukuba uneminyaka yobudala bokufunda iindima ezintsha kunye nolwalamano olutsha.
Ukuba abazali baneendlela ezithile zokuziphatha nabantwana, kuya kunceda nayiphi na imeko -kuba yi-vodka, iziyobisi, nantoni na. Ndicinga ukuba andinanto yokwesaba kwiindaba zokunxila, kuba abantwana bam abanalo i-heredity enzima, kwaye le nto iyigqibo. Ewe, ukuba omnye wabo ebuyela ekhaya emva kokusela, ndiza kubuzela ukuba wayethanda ukuba wayedla, apho kwaye kunye naye. Xa ndandineminyaka eli-9 ubudala, abazali bahlala beshiya indlu kusihlwa-kwi-cinema, kwiindawo zokutyela, kwiindawo zokutyela. Kwaye ndahlala ndedwa. Sasihlala ngoko kwiCzechoslovakia. Kwinqanaba lekhaya kwakukho iibhotile ezininzi ezithakazelisayo: i-whiskey, i-vermouth, iwayini eqinile, i-cognac. Ndiyifumene le bar kwaye ndazilungiselela ngokuhlwa ngobunxila kwabantwana abancinci. Ndazitshisa i-whisky okanye i-vermouth. Isiqingatha somatshini, ngaphezulu ndandingakwazi ukusela. Ndiphulaphule umculo kwaye ndayilondoloza. Kubonakala ngathi ndandinamathuba onke okuba ngumnxila. Kodwa ayinayo nayiphi na imiphumo kum. Mhlawumbi abazali baqaphela ukuba inani lezonxila liyancipha, kodwa ingqalelo ayizange ihlawulwe kuyo, kuba iibhotile kwi-bar zavuleka ixesha elide. Ndicinga ukuba ngenjongo yokufundisa iyakwazi ukunikezela ngotywala kumntwana ngolunye usuku. Ubaba wayenjenjalo xa ndandineminyaka elishumi elinanye. Ikhefu lakhe lalisenyuka. Kwakushushu usuku lwehlobo. Sakhuphukela esiqongweni sentaba, kwaye kwakukho ivenkile yokutyela. Kwaye, sithukuthele, sinovuyo, sasihlala phantsi sidle. Ngomso ubaba wandinika ibhiya. Ndathi, "Woza!" Wasela umgudu omkhulu. Sasidla ngokumnandi, sahlala kwaye saqhubeka sihamba. "
Ukubambisana kunye neTrust
Ukuba umntwana osemtsha sele ephuzile ekhaya, kuyimfuneko ukuthetha naye, kwaye abazali bafanele bakwenze kunye, bebevumelene ngaphambili. Incoko ayifanele iqale ngosuku olufanayo, kodwa kamva kamva umntwana engenangqondo. Kuyinto engenangqiqo ukuthetha ngentetho kunye nomntwana onxilisayo: nangona amazwi angenakuvakalayo kwaye anengqiqo akanakwenzeka. Kodwa kwakhona ukuyiyeka le ngxoxo ixesha elide akudingekile. Xa sithatha ixesha, singenanga ukuthetha ngento eyenzekayo okanye singayazi indlela yokuziphatha emva koko, kukho umngcipheko wokuthi ukusabela kwethu kuya kuphelela kwelinye ilanga-ngenxa yesigqubuthelo esifana nejacket edibeneyo, umzekelo. Qala ngento ephambili - ukusuka kwinto ozive ngayo xa ubona unyana wakho okanye intombi: bonisa ukuyikeka kwakho, intlungu, ukumangaliswa, ukuthukuthela ("Xa ndakubona emnyango wangethuba, ndatshwenyeka, kuba okokuqala ngethuba ebomini bam ndiziva nyelisa "). Ngelo xesha, gwema ukugweba amagama kunye nokuvavanya ("Udidekile"), uthetha ngowe kuphela. Emva koko unokubuza malunga nento eyenzeka ngomhla ozayo: "Wathini na uphuze kangakanani?"; "Ngubani na obenayo izolo, baziva njani?"; "Ngaba uthanda into enokuphuza?"; "Kwenzeke njani ukuba awukwazi ukuyeka ngexesha?" Ukuba umntwana akafuni ukuphendula imibuzo yakho, ungagxininisi, ukuba uyaphendule. Ngokomzekelo, zithi yonke into eyenzekayo nayiphi na imeko amava. Kodwa kubonakala ngathi kuthi xa sineminyaka eyi-13, kusenokwenzeka ukuba uqale ukusela: umzimba awukakatshintshi kumthwalo onjalo. Ngethuba elifanayo, ukuthetha nabaselula kuphela malunga nobungozi bokusela utywala, ukuxhalabisa, ukugxeka kunye nokwesaba, akunakwenzeka. Utywala luyinxalenye yenkcubeko yethu, kwaye abantwana babona kakuhle kungekuphela nje ukubandezeleka kokuba umntu ophuzayo azincoma ngokwawo okanye kwabanye. Bayazi (ukusuka kumava abo nakwabanye) ukuba utshwala buzisa umonakalo: kuphucula imvakalelo, kubangela ukuvakalelwa okungaqhelekanga, kunika isibindi, kuququzelele ukunxibelelana. Kunzima kakhulu ukukhetha umgca wokuziphatha xa umntu esebenzisa kakubi utshwala kwintsapho. Kule meko, akulula ukufumana iingxabano eziza kuvakala, ngaphandle koko, abazali abathanda ukusela rhoqo abavumi ukuba banelungelo lokunciphisa umntwana. Kodwa kusekho imithetho emininzi. Musa ukuvumela umntwana osemtsha ukuba asele nomntu omdala. Gwema ukuziphatha okufana nokuthi "Musa ukuthatha umzekelo kubawo!" Cacisa indlela yokubona utywala obuncinci, ufunde ukuvavanya ukunambitha kwewayini, uchaze ukuba iziphuzo ezahlukileyo zisebenza njani emzimbeni. " Ngamanye amaxesha kubonakala ngathi isigqibo esona sichanekileyo sinqatshelwe. Le nqubo ayisebenzanga, kwaye ininzi iya kubangela ukuba umntwana atshayele iimvavanyo ezitsha, apho uya kuzifihla ngokucokisekileyo. Kodwa ukuqonda indlela kwaye kutheni kwenzeka ntoni ukuba umntwana wayedakiwe, kwaye nokuba uya kuphinda aphinda eli liva, kuyimfuneko. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba usapho luba nolwalamano oluhle, ukuvinjelwa kunokusebenza: ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa yithemba kunye nothando lwabazali, mhlawumbi, luya kumenza acinge ngokuziphatha kwakhe. Ukuba le nto intsha ayinanto yokulahlekelwa, kuba abazali bakhe abazange basondele kuye, ukuvinjelwa kuya kuqinisa kuphela udonga lokungaqondi kakuhle. Ngokudlulileyo, mhlawumbi ngeli thuba umntu kufuneka acinge ngento yokuba ulwalamano lwethu nomntwana ludinga ukulungiswa ngenxa yesizathu esilula sokuba sikhule. Kodwa nantoni na eyenzekayo ebomini bakho, kubalulekile ukugcina isiseko sobuhlobo bakho - ukuhlonipha, ukuthembeka okanye ubuncinci oqhagamshelwano. Kule meko le ntombazana iya kukuva nakwixesha lezenzo ezingenangqiqo kunye nesibindi esikhulu.