Umtshato womtshato: okulungileyo okanye okubi

Uhlala kunye kakuhle. Kodwa indlela ezibuhlungu ngayo imibuzo yezihlobo kunye nabahlobo abanomdla, nini na ekugqibeleni usayine. Luhlobo luni lobuzenzisi! Kwaye, mhlawumbi, ekudeni komphefumlo wakho, ngaba wena ngokwakho uvakalelwa kukuba akayi kukukwenza? Kwiminyaka emininzi edlulileyo, indoda kunye nomfazi ohlala ndawonye ngaphandle kokubhalisa ubudlelwane babizwa ngokuthi igama elithi "ama-cohabitants" alinakuxhatshazwa kwaye babethathwe ngokukhawuleza kuluntu. Phakathi kwekhulu lama-20, ngaseNtshona, kwaye ekupheleni kwekhulu leminyaka naseRashiya, imeko yaqala ukutshintsha: abantu bayeka ukunaka isitampu esaziwayo kwipasipoti kunye nomnqweno wobudlelwane bamadoda nabasetyhini ukuhlala kunye baba ngumlinganiselo wobudlelwane. Kwakukho izizathu ezininzi zokutshintsha.

• Ukuguquka ngokwesondo. Abantu abazange bafune ukutshata ukuze benze ngokwesondo ngokusemthethweni.
• Emancipation. Abaphangi bokulingana kwezesondo bahlasele umtshato wendabuko, bawutyala ngenxa yokuziphatha okuzingcwalisayo kunye nesimo esihlazo ngokumthoba somfazi onyanzelekile ukuba abe nomyeni wakhe.
• Izizathu zoqoqosho. Basebenzisa impembelelo yabo ebubudlelwaneni babantu ngaphambili, banamhlanje. Abantu abakhawuleza ukungena kumtshato osemthethweni ngenxa yesifo sokuphila - ukungabikho kwezindlu, imali engenayo. Ngenxa yoko, inani leemanyano zabasebenzi likhula njengoluhlobo olungaphantsi koxanduva lokuhlalisana.
  

Namhlanje kwilizwe lethu kukho iintsapho ezimbalwa ezihlala ngaphandle kwesitampu kwiipasipoti zazo. Kodwa kude kube ngoku abaninzi abantu, ikakhulukazi abasetyhini, bacinga ukuba lo mtshato ungaphantsi kwaye ukulungele ukunyamezela nje kuphela nje ngeyona nto yenzekile. Makhe sibone isizathu sokuba abanye bakhethe umtshato womtshato, ngelixa abanye bengayamkeli.

Ezininzi
Abantu bakhetha ukuhlala emtshatweni womtshato, kuba:

• Bafuna nje ukuhlala kunye kunye nothando, bengacingi malunga nobude obu buhlobo buya kuhlala bude.
• Ufuna ukuqikelela ukudala kwintsapho: zama okokuqala ukuhlala kunye kunye nokuqonda ukuba zifanelekile, kwaye xa kunjalo, ngoko sele usayine.
• Umtshato womtshato awukhululekile kwiintlalo zentlalo yexesha lokwakha indlu, abatshatileyo bakha ubudlelwane obukhululekile kubo.
• kumtshato womtshato, ngamnye umntu athatha inxaxheba ngokwakhe, kwaye akayiyo impahla yomnye umlingane.
• bakholelwa ukuba ngokubonakala kwitampu kwipasipoti, uthando kunye nobulili bashiya ubuhlobo.
• ufuna ukuphepha ugunyaziwe, kunye neenkqubo ezisemthethweni zomtshato.
• bayesaba iimpazamo ekukhetheni iqabane kwaye abayi kubeka umnqamlezo kwisilungiselelo esinobomi bobuqu babo, besishiya inkululeko yokukhulula.
  

Kodwa kukho nabo bachasayo
Abantu abaninzi abawamukeli olu hlobo lolwalamano, kuba:

• xa abantwana bezalwa, iingxaki zivela: omnye uya kufuneka athathe umntwana wakhe.
• Inkululeko yokuziphatha ngokwesondo iyingozi kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo iya kubangela ukunyaniseka.
• ukuba "ziphangi" kunye nobudlelwane baseburhulumenteni, ngoko emva kokusemthethweni umtshato uya kulahla, awukwazi ukulwa nokuchasene.
• kumtshato onjalo kunesifo sengqondo sokutshatyalaliswa, ukutshatyalaliswa kwesikhundla, kunye neenkomfa zolu hlobo "ukuba akayi kuyenza kum nikezelo, kuthetha, andifanele"
• Iingxaki zokubakho ngombono woluntu, ubandlululo.
• olu hlobo lolwalamano alisoloko lukhuthaza ukukhula komsebenzi.
• "ngokuqhawula umtshato" baya kuhlala bengenalo inxalenye emiselweyo ngokomthetho yepropati edibeneyo.
• Ngokuqhelekileyo umqalisi wobudlelwane obunjalo ngumntu, kwaye umfazi uyayithobela ngokukhawuleza kwaye oku kuyamkhathaza kakhulu.
• Abaninzi abafazi bafuna ukubeka ubomi babo kwixesha elivuyayo: imoto yomtshato, igqoko elimhlophe ngesigqubuthelo ...
  

Umtshato ongavumelaniyo
Ngomxholo othi "umtshato womtshato", iintlobo ezahlukeneyo zokuhlala ngokubambisana kwamadoda nabasetyhini zihlala ndawonye. Kukho into enye edibanisa: ukungabikho kokubhaliswa ngokomthetho.

• Umtshato wothando. Phantse kufanayo nomtshato oseburhulumenteni: indoda kunye nomfazi kuthiwa ngumyeni nomfazi kwaye bahlala emthandweni nokuvisisana, banokuba nabantwana, kodwa ubudlelwane ngesizathu esithile aluyilo.
• Vula umtshato. Ngaloo nto, ngamnye umfazi ulahla imali yakhe, unelungelo lokuqala ngokuthandwayo (nakuba kunjalo, ukuhlukahluka okunjalo kufumaneka kwiintsapho zemveli).
• Umtshato wovavanyo. Le yifomu yabangenamava kunye namanje abantu abangaphumelelanga ngemali, oko kukuthi, kubantu abatsha abanomnqweno wokuba nesondo ngokuqhelekileyo kunye nomnqweno wokufumana ithuba lokuhlala kunye kunye nokudala indalo yentsapho ngokwenene.
• Umtshato wexeshana. EmaNtla, oku kubizwa ngokuba "nekhwenkwe." Ubudlelwane obunjalo abuyikunyanzelisa nayiphi na into ekhethekileyo, yindlela yokulungiselela ixesha elithile lobomi bomntu - ngexesha lokufunda, uhambo lwezoshishino.
• Umtshato wezoqoqosho. Eli cwangciso lisetyenziswe ngabantu abesele besitshisa kwisahlulo sepropati ngexesha lomtshato kwaye ngoku abafuni ukubhalisa ubudlelwane, besaba "ukufumana imali."
  

Hlala ngokuvisisana
Impumelelo yomtshato womtshato kuxhomekeke kukuphi uhlobo lolwalamano olukhoyo phakathi kwabantu kwaye sizathu sokuba bengabhalisi umanyano wabo. Ukuba ngaba nobudlelwane obufudumele kunye nokuthembela kwaye banqume ukuhlala emtshatweni womtshato ndawonye, ​​ngoko kutheni? Kwintsapho enjalo, amaqabane ayaqonda ukuba ulonwabo aluxhomekeke kwisitampu esithile. Kwaye ukuba imanyano ibonisa uvavanyo lwexesha, kungekudala okanye kamva (ngokuqhelekileyo ekuzalweni komntwana) umtshato ubhalisiwe.

Ukwenza ulwalamano okanye akunjalo lakho ishishini. Ukuba isimo somfazi womntu siyakuthandana kwaye ujabule emtshatweni, ngoko iimvo zabanye abantu abacinga ukuba kuphosakeleyo ukuba baphile ngale ndlela, akufuneki ukukhathazeka. Ukuba ukungabikho kwesitampu kwipasipoti yakho kukukhathaza, ngokokuqala zama ukuqonda isizathu salo. Uvakalelwa kukuba awuyena umfazi wenene, kodwa umlingane ococekileyo, ufuna ukuba nomntwana, kodwa uyayika ukuba oku kuya kuphelisa ulwalamano lwakho kwaye uya kuba ngumama ongatshatanga? Emva koko uzame ukutshintsha imeko: xubusha konke oku kunye nomyeni wakho, uzama ukuba nengqiqo kunokwenzeka kwaye ungayifaki ingcinezelo kuye (khumbula: amadoda akafuneki ukuqhuba phantsi kwesithsaba). Ukuba unendaba malunga neengxelo zezihlobo kunye nabahlobo, utshintshe isimo sakho sengqondo: yeka ukucinga ukuba isiqinisekiso somtshato siya kuqinisekisa uxolo lwakho nolonwabo - akunjalo.

Umbuzo wabafazi: ukutshintshwa kweziphakamiso.
Bambalwa abesifazana baya kuvela ngcamango yokwenza indoda. Kwaye akunakwenzeka ukuba athathe ngokuqhelekileyo. Umgaqo we "nyathelo lokuqala" kusengcono ukuwugcina. Ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukuhlala kunye (nangomtshato womtshato), kungcono ukulinda ukunikezelwa kwesandla kumntu. Ngokufanelekileyo, indoda kufuneka inikeze umfazi ukuba amtshatile, kwaye, xa ebonise ubulumko, unokunikela ukuba aqale ukuzama ukuhlala kunye. Ukuba umntu uthi akafuni ukutshata naye, kodwa uya kulungela ukuba ahlale nawe ixesha elithile, cinga: mhlawumbi kungcono ukunqaba? Musa ukucinga ukuba uya kutshintsha isimo sakhe sengqondo kuwe.

Umbuzo wabantwana: into ephambili kukuthanda.
Abanye bakholelwa ukuba umtshato womtshato ungathintela kakubi abantwana. Ubudlelwane obubi kuphela (obungenqumekanga kwiintsapho eziqhelekileyo) lunokuchaphazela ngengqondo abantwana. Ngamanye amaxesha abantwana ababazi nokuba umama nobaba abapende. Phakathi kweentsapho ezinokwenza kakuhle, apho abantwana beziva bekhululekile kwaye bafumana amava okuphila kwintsapho, inani elikhulu lomtshato womtshato.

Umthetho wezomthetho: asazi amalungelo ethu
Umanyano womntu kunye nomfazi uthathwa njengomtshato womtshato ukuba le mbini ihlala kunye kwaye iholele indlu eqhelekileyo inyanga. Umtshato womtshato unamandla okwenene esemthethweni. Kodwa ukwenzela ukubonisa ubungqina bomthetho wabasetyhini, kubalulekile ukubhala ubungqina bommelwane kunye nabaziwayo: kufuneka baqinisekise ukuba isibini sasiholele ipulazi ehlangeneyo. Abaqabane bomtshato banamalungelo afanayo njengabalingani abasemthethweni: ilungelo lelifa, ukufumana isahlulo sepropati edibeneyo, njl njl.

Digest
Ukuphanda abantu abangaphezu kwe-4,000, izazinzulu zesiNgesi ziye zatshengisa ukuba iingcamango "zolonwabo" kunye nomtshato wengqondo yesintu azihambelani. Ngokweziganeko zabo, kunye nexesha, intsapho yendabuko kufuneka ithathelwe indawo yento ebizwa ngokuba yi-single-monogamy-serial-xa indoda, ingatshatanga, ihlala kuqala nomfazi omnye, ibe enye, yesithathu, njalo njalo.

Ngokwezibalo, i-18% yabasetyhini baseRashiya bakholelwa ukuba umtshato oseburhulumenteni awunyanzelwanga - "kuya kuba mnandi ukuba sisondele", i-27% iyaqaphela ukuba umtshato usinikela umfazi othembekileyo, kwaye i-29% iyaqiniseka ukuba umtshato uyimfuneko kuphela kwimfundo epheleleyo yabantwana.

Ngokwekubalo lokugqibela, kwezibini ezitshatileyo ezingama-34, izigidi ezi-3 zitshatile. Ukuba khona kwesitampu kwipasipoti kwenza ama-69% wabasetyhini abonwabileyo. Yaye phakathi kwabasetyhini abahlala emtshatweni womtshato, aba-40% kuphela bajonga ukuba bayavuya.